Watch Over My Child: Book Three in the Michal's Destiny Series

by Roberta Kagan

  Against her better judgement, Babs married Elias on November 1, 1944 in a public ceremony. A few of their mutual friends attended. They left the courthouse and walked to a local pub to have a drink to celebrate. A wicked chill was in the air, foreshadowing a cold winter.

  After a few drinks Elias was flirting with the waitress. Babs watched him. Maybe part of the attraction, she thought, is that he is so elusive. Just like this damn career I’ve chosen.

  But as she watched him, she began to feel a bitterness burning like bile inside of her.

  CHAPTER 61

  Gilde

  Archie was released from the hospital and went home to Yorkshire. He called every Sunday morning and Gilde received letters twice a week. In his correspondence, he told her that he had settled in with his family and was doing better with his crutches. But he never mentioned her pregnancy.

  She was hoping he would tell her that he’d told his parents about her and that he would propose marriage. But he said nothing.

  Gilde’s breasts were swollen. She was sick to her stomach most of the day and she hadn’t had her period for over six weeks. She was pretty sure that she was going to have a baby. She hated to do it, but she had to talk to Archie about it again. That Sunday Archie called.

  “I’m sure you remember what we talked about before you left the hospital.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Archie”—the receiver was shaking in her hand—“I’m pregnant.”

  “Are you sure now?”

  “Yes, I have all of the symptoms.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll be there next weekend. We’ll work this thing out.”

  “I’m scared, Archie.”

  “I told you not to worry. I’ll see you next Sunday.”

  Work it out? What did that mean? He hadn’t mentioned marriage. Work it out?

  The entire week, Gilde was on edge. She avoided Alden, not wanting to tell him anything about the pregnancy and afraid he would see in her eyes that something was wrong.

  No letters arrived from Archie that week, and Sunday came and went without any trace of him Gilde waited another week, but when she didn’t hear from Archie, she looked up his home phone number in the hospital records. Part of her wanted to believe that he was ill or something had happened that kept him from coming to Birmingham. But deep inside she knew that he was running away and she prayed that she was wrong.

  Gilde dialed the phone number. It rang, it rang again.

  “This is the Notman residence,” a woman’s voice said with a Cockney accent.

  “May I speak to Archie, please?” Gilde’s voice was shaking.

  “I’m sorry, he’s not here.”

  “Is this his mother?”

  “No, love, this is the housekeeper. His mother isn’t here either. They went to stay at Archibald’s fiancée’s house to plan the wedding.”

  “Wedding?”

  “Oh yes, love. Archibald is getting married. He and his fiancée went to boarding school together. Did you go to school with them?”

  Gilde was tongue-tied. She lied because she didn’t know what else to say. “Yes.”

  “Then you’ll probably remember Corrine Hildabard? They are going to get married, Archibald and Corrine. The families have been friends for as long as I can remember and that’s a long time.” The housekeeper laughed.

  “Who can I tell him called?”

  “Oh…” Gilde stammered. Think quickly. She made up a name. “Mary Smyth. Tell him that…” Gilde said and hung up the phone.

  Gilde leaned against the wall, trying to catch her breath. What was she going to do? The only thing she could do. Ask, no, beg, Alden to put his license at risk and perform an illegal abortion for her.

  CHAPTER 62

  “How’s your schedule look this week?” Gilde asked Alden when she telephoned him that night.

  “I’m off on Thursday if all goes according to plan. But of course, as you know that’s always subject to change.”

  He was colder than he’d ever been to her, and she knew it was because she’d been avoiding him.

  “I’m working Thursday. Let me see if I can switch and get the day off. If I can get off work, would you let me buy you lunch?”

  “To what do I owe such an enticing invitation?” he said. There was the old Alden. She could hear the smile in his voice.

  “I just haven’t seen you in a while and I missed you.”

  “Well then of course. I wouldn’t miss a lunch date with you for the world. But hey … it’s my treat,” he said.

  She couldn’t help but adore him. He was so kind, and even though she’d been unavailable and not answered his calls for a while he’d already forgiven her.

  “You are too sweet, Alden.”

  They hung up and Gilde called Ruth, who was one of the nurses she worked with.

  “Ruth, can we switch days off? I’m off on Saturday. Can you work my Thursday and I’ll work your Saturday?”

  “Yeah sure. A Thursday for a Saturday? Sounds good to me,” Ruth said.

  “Thanks so much. I’ll call the nursing supervisor and have the schedule changed.”

  CHAPTER 63

  Gilde met Alden at a café down the street from the hospital. Alden was waiting when Gilde arrived. He got up and gave her a hug.

  “It’s really good to see you, Gilde. I felt like you had abandoned me,” he said.

  “No, I’ve just been so busy.”

  “I’m glad you’re here now,” he said, smiling.

  They ordered.

  “How have you been?” she asked.

  “Good, busy too,” he said and she saw that he was studying her. “Gilde? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” she stammered. “Why do you ask.”

  “Because I can see that something isn’t right. I see it in your eyes. Talk to me, come on, Gil.”

  She could hardly swallow her tea. Her throat closed and she felt the tears well up in her eyes. Gilde was so ashamed. How could she tell Alden what she’d done? It was so shameful to admit that Archie had made a fool of her, had used her. And besides that how could she ask Alden, the kindest, most wonderful friend in the world, not to mention the best doctor, to put his medical license in jeopardy? If the abortion somehow went wrong as they often did and she died, well, everyone knew she and Alden were good friends. So, Alden would be suspected as the doctor who’d performed the surgery.

  “Gilde?” he said again.

  Her hand was trembling as she lifted the teacup. But she couldn’t speak. She sat staring down at the table for several minutes. Then in a very soft voice she said, “I’m pregnant. It’s Archie’s and he wants nothing to do with me … or the baby.”

  Alden leaned back in his chair. Just then, the waitress brought the food and put it down on the table.

  Alden waited until the waitress had gone and then in a very quiet voice he said, “Let’s take a walk. We’ll pack this food up and go somewhere we can talk privately.”

  “Let me pay. I asked you to meet me. You shouldn’t have to pay for lunch too.”

  “You silly girl. Meeting you is the highlight of my week. Now don’t insult me. I’m the man here, and a man always picks up the tab when he takes a lady out for a meal.” He smiled at her and touched her hand.

  “It’s too cold outside to sit in the park. Let’s go to my flat,” Alden said.

  “Don’t you have a roommate?”

  “I did. He got married and moved out two months ago. I would have told you but we haven’t talked. See, it’s been that long since you and I had a nice long chat.”

  Everything in Alden’s apartment was warm and welcoming like Alden. The sofa was overstuffed and comfortable with an old teddy bear holding a book propped up on a sofa pillow.

  “What’s this?” Gilde said when she saw the stuffed animal.

  “Oh, that’s my teddy from when I was a kid. I’ve taken it all over the place with me. We’re old buddies.”

  “That’s so sweet. I can’t belie
ve you still have your old teddy bear.”

  “His name is Goliath.”

  Gilde laughed. “Like David and Goliath?”

  “Yes, I guess so. When I got him as a very young child, my father said his name was Goliath and he was a giant who could defend me from any monsters who might come and get me while I was sleeping.”

  “I had a teddy bear when I was young.”

  “Do you still have it?”

  “No, I didn’t have room to bring it with me when I left Germany.”

  “You can have mine if you want him. He’s very powerful against monsters and bad dreams.”

  She smiled. “I think I might have outgrown teddy bears.”

  He sat down beside her and took her hand in his.

  One entire wall was a bookcase filled with books that Alden had accumulated over the years, many of them medical journals. Then off the main room was a small kitchen with just enough space to fit a wooden table and two chairs.

  “Do you like the place?” he asked.

  “It’s nice and homey.”

  “Right down the hallway is the bathroom. And then a little further down are the two bedrooms.”

  “It must cost you a fortune to rent this place without a roommate.”

  “Yes, it’s expensive. I’m looking for something smaller, Let’s have our lunch,” Alden said.

  Gilde sat on the sofa while Alden put the sandwiches on plates. Then he put a pot of water on the gas burner to make tea. Once it was ready he poured two cups and sat back down beside Gilde on the sofa.

  “Thank you,” she said as he handed her the cup of hot tea. The weather was chilly and she wasn’t feeling well, so sipping the hot liquid was comforting. Gilde drank the tea but couldn’t bring herself to eat. Her stomach was in knots.

  “Now that we’re alone we can talk freely about your problem,” Alden finally said. “What do you want to do, and how can I help?”

  She could tell that he already knew what she wanted him to say. “I don’t know how to ask you this. I mean, of course I’ll pay you. I guess I could probably go to another doctor. That would probably be the best thing for you. I would have to ask around and see who was doing this. But, it’s so damn dangerous.”

  “Gilde, you’re rambling. I am assuming you want me to perform an abortion for you.”

  “Yes.” She looked away. “You’re the only doctor I really trust.”

  “I don’t want your money. And I wouldn’t let you go to anyone else. Your life means too much to me. If this is what you want I’ll do it.”

  She bit her lower lip and the tears began flowing down her cheeks. “I’m so scared, Alden. I am sick with guilt about what I did with Archie. I should never have slept with him without being married. There was just something about him, I don’t know what it was. I don’t know what made me do it. I have no excuse, I only know that I am really terrified and I can’t believe he abandoned me. I feel so alone….”

  “Don’t be afraid. I’m here. Nothing will happen to you. You’ll be fine. You’re not alone, Gilde, you have me. You’ve never been alone. At least not since the first day I met you.”

  He gently put his hand under her chin and lifted her face so he could see her eyes.

  “Why did Archie do this to me, Alden? He said he loved me. I don’t understand. When I called his house the housekeeper said he and his mother were away visiting his fiancée. She told me her name … Corrine Hildabard. It keeps going through my mind like a freight train. Apparently they have known each other for years. I don’t know why he did this to me. I was so kind to him.”

  “Well”—he took both of her hands in both of his—“the Hildabard family is an old wealthy family. They are well known in Britain. They own a lot of real estate. Corrine and Archie were born into the same circle. I’d bet that they probably met when they were kids, and I wouldn’t doubt it if they were betrothed at a young age.”

  “You mean, you think he knew he was going to marry her even while he was seeing me?”

  “I’m sorry to say it, but yes. Most of the people in that class, the upper class, stick together. They might have a romance with someone outside of their little world. But, they’re expected to marry one of their own.”

  “So you really think Archie knew? He was just playing with me?”

  “I don’t want to put it that way, but I’d say yes. Can I ask you something?”

  “Of course.” She said

  “ I mean, it’s none of my business, but did he know you are Jewish?”

  “I can’t remember if I ever told him. I’ve kept it a secret for so long.”

  “That’s a big problem with the upper, upper class. There is a lot of anti-Semitism. Now, Archie probably cared for you, but I am sure he knew that his family would never have allowed him to marry you.”

  “Because I am Jewish?”

  “That’s part of it, but you don’t have their kind of money. You’re not one of them. They don’t let outsiders in. If Archie wanted you, he would have had to fight them and it would have been a tough fight. Believe me, I know. This was just the easy way out. For all of his ranting and raving old Archie is nothing but a coward.”

  “I’m so ashamed. I feel like a fallen woman for what I did with Archie. And now this….”

  “Shhh. Gilde, we all make mistakes. I’ve made plenty in my lifetime and I’m sure I‘ll make more. But I’ll tell you something that I know is not a mistake.”

  She cocked her head. “What?”

  “I’m in love with you, Gilde. I’ve been in love with you for a long time now. And even when I thought Archie might be a man and stand up to his family and marry you, I still never felt like my love for you was a mistake.”

  She gasped. “And now, now that I’ve made a mess of my life. What do you think of me now, Alden?”

  “Now? Now, I know that loving you is what I was meant to do. And I am going to be here to help you through this. You don’t have to love me too. Just being here for you is enough for me.”

  She had never kissed Alden. But at that moment, she wanted to kiss him, to feel even closer to him. His kindness lit the darkness of her uncertainty. She looked into his eyes and leaned forward. But before she had the opportunity to kiss him, he had already gotten up to pour her another cup of tea.

  “Gilde, I don’t want your love out of guilt or need. If you are ever to really love me, it has to be without conditions. It has to be the way you loved Archie, or William.”

  He smiled as he handed her the cup.

  CHAPTER 64

  Alden arranged to do the abortion at his flat on the following Friday. That was the next day that they were both off of work together.

  Every minute of every day, Gilde thought about the baby she was carrying. Was it a boy or girl? She even began to think of names. All of her life, she’d wanted to be a mother. Now she was pregnant. If she went through with the abortion, she would be free of the pregnancy by the end of next week. And after all, wouldn’t that be for the best? It would, she thought, and yet, she couldn’t stop thinking about her unborn child. If she didn’t have the abortion, she would be thrown out of nursing school as soon as she began to show any visible signs of pregnancy. Then, she would be in the worst position of all, an unwed mother, without a job or a home to raise her child. The only place to go then would be a home for unwed mothers, and they had a terrible reputation of being brutal. She was so angry with Archie that she could have killed him, and yet at the same time she missed him terribly.

  As she walked back to her dormitory one night after work she saw two young women with babies in carriages. Then the following day on the way to the bakery, she saw a pregnant woman walking arm in arm with a man. Had she seen so many things having to do with babies before this? Perhaps they were always there; she just didn’t notice them until now. On the Thursday night before the day that Gilde and Alden had planned to terminate her pregnancy, Gilde had a nightmare. A frightening dream so real she couldn’t catch her breath. The following day, the day
she was to terminate her pregnancy, was a Friday, the day of the Sabbath. In the nightmare she had visions of demons shouting curses at her and telling her that she was committing the sin of murder. She sat up in bed covered in shivering and covered in sweat Her stomach turned and she ran down the hall to the bathroom and vomited. When she got back to her room, one of her roommates was awake.

  “Gilde, are you alright”

  “Oh yes, I’m fine. Just sick to my stomach. It must have been something I ate,” she said. But she began to wonder if the other nursing students on her floor might be noticing that she was vomiting often.

  She lay in bed trying to catch her breath and looked at the wall, not wanting to fall back to sleep in case the nightmare returned. Was she making a mistake having this abortion? An irreparable mistake? If she went to the home for unwed mothers, she could give the baby up for adoption. Gilde had to talk to someone. There was only one public phone in the dorm and it was downstairs in the main living area. She had never telephoned Alden in the middle of the night before, but he was her closest friend and right now the only person she felt she could trust. She listened until her roommates’ breathing slowed and she was sure the other girl was asleep. Then as quietly as she could she slipped downstairs and went to the phone.

  “Alden, it’s Gilde.”

  “Are you alright” he asked, his voice full of sleep and concern.

  “I don’t know if I can do it. I had a nightmare and I’m so afraid. Alden, I don’t know what to do.” She was whispering but hysterical.

  “Listen to me. Try to relax. I have an idea. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

  “I can’t believe I am such a nervous wreck.”

  “It’s understandable, your hormones are changing with the pregnancy and you’re frightened and confused. Just put your trust in me. You know I’ve never let you down. We’ll talk tomorrow. Everything will be fine. You’ll see. Do you believe me?”