Brody (Default Distraction Book 1)

by A. S. Roberts

  ‘I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Need me, use me and I’ll get you through this… I promise.’

  ‘Twenty-one.’ I placed down my cards, with a pleased smirk on my face.

  ‘I like a man who can play cards, Amy. You can hold on to this one.’ I watched as Vera smiled at the woman I was quickly falling for.

  Who was I fucking joking? I’d already fallen for.

  Amy grimaced at her words and they shared a look between them that had probably been invented by them years ago. I found myself smiling as I witnessed their connection.

  She was a wonderful woman, the lady we were spending time with this afternoon. Over the TV in her room at the care home, she had the day, date and month hooked into a frame to help her memory. For the first twenty minutes, she had asked the same questions. Amy had patiently answered the same thing over and over.

  It was December.

  It was Friday.

  It was the day before Christmas Eve and yes, they’d had some snow.

  Each time, Vera had walked over to the window and clarified her answers. The first hour had been painful. I’d been introduced to her several times over and then she’d look up again, regarding me like it was the first time we’d met and again she would ask who I was.

  Around and around we went.

  At one point, I’d seriously wondered if it had been a good idea, as me being in her room was causing her agitation and upset. That was hurting Amy, and it was the last thing I fucking wanted.

  But for the last hour we had been playing Black Jack and she knew every move, her smiles and laughter filled the room around us as she beat our asses time after time. Her happiness was just what Amy needed right now and I was goddamn pleased to share it with them both

  I heard my cell as it began to vibrate in my shirt pocket. The room was so warm that I’d removed as many layers as possible, just so I could cope with the heat. Much to Vera’s amusement I was now in a thin T-shirt. While we had been playing cards she’d casually touch my forearms and trace her worn, soft fingertips on my tattoos, remarking as she did so on how I was making an old lady very happy. Every time, I’d grin at Amy and share her amusement and equally her embarrassment.

  Standing up, I made my way to where the shirt had been thrown onto Vera’s bed. I heard them put their cards down on the table and listened to their voices as they disclosed their card total and confirmed what I already knew, I’d won the hand. I pulled out my cell and looked down at the caller Id.

  Fuck.

  I closed my eyes. My hand that held the cell fell loosely back down, as my arm refused to lift it up to me anymore. With my back to Amy and as silently as possible I exhaled. Without even hearing her voice, darkness, guilt and pain began to burn the edges of my mind, exposing once again just how fragile I was. Instinctively, I licked around my lips, and tasted the alcohol that had been there many times before. I switched the ringer to silent and plastering a smile to my face I turned to the ladies behind me.

  ‘I need to take this outside.’ I walked back over to Amy who luckily had been looking down and hadn’t witnessed my false smile. I placed a quick kiss down on top of her head as she nodded, and then I turned towards the door.

  ‘Okay, don’t be long handsome.’ I heard Vera whisper to Amy, ‘Who is he?’

  ‘Daniel, Nan.’

  ‘Don’t be long now, Daniel. I’ll miss the eye candy.’

  ‘NAN!’ I heard Amy shout as she jokingly reprimanded her.

  ‘What? That’s what you call good looking men these days, isn’t it?’

  I swung a last look over my shoulder. ‘It’s fine, beautiful. I’ll take “eye candy,”’ I reassured an embarrassed looking Amy.

  I opened the door and as the cooler air from the corridor hit me, I drew in a deep reviving breath. Just before I closed the door behind me, I heard Vera semi whisper.

  ‘I like him, Amy… I think he could be the one for you... and well the chemistry between the two of you… well, phew.’

  I couldn’t see them, but I heard the two of them giggle together like schoolgirls and even though the person on my cell only called when she wanted more fucking money or had a problem I had to sort out for her, a real smile swept over my face.

  The cell rang off and then, just as I knew it would, it started again instantaneously.

  The door clicked shut and I made my way a few steps over to a small seating alcove at the end of the corridor. My finger ready, I took a deep fucking breath before I swiped to take the call. I hated that even all these thousands of miles away from each other, she could always sense when I was happy, she knew almost fucking instinctively just when she should call to ruin it.

  I still loved her, even after all these years. But with everything that had gone down between us, it was hard to see around it. I loved her, it appeared, almost as much as she hated me. Fuck knows what she wanted now?

  Taking one more deep breath, I finally answered the ring that was becoming more irate with every second. ‘Barbara.’

  It took me more than thirty minutes to finish the call with her and then another ten fucking minutes to calm the fuck down. There was no way in hell I could deal with all the shit she had just piled on me, here. I needed to get back to The Manor.

  At last I was pushing open the door to the room that contained the woman that centred me. I went in quietly and leant against the door, closing it with a quiet click. They had moved over towards the window and were sitting next to each other on a small couch. I watched as they turned the pages of an album and discussed the family pictures. I could see Amy knew I had returned, her body reacted to my presence and she gave me a little wave while she concentrated on her conversation with her nan.

  ‘Ooooo, what’s that gorgeous smell?’ Vera looked up from the table and straight over to me. ‘Oh, Amy, eye candy has returned.’

  ‘Ladies.’ I two-finger saluted them both.

  ‘Nan… his name is Daniel.’ She turned again and smiled at me, shaking her head a little at her nan’s lack of filter, but I could see by the look on her face she was pleased her nan had remembered me from nearly an hour ago.

  ‘Amy, can I have a word please?’

  ‘Yes sure… Nan, I’ll be back shortly.’

  ‘That’s fine, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.’ Vera burst out laughing and I smiled over at her.

  I reopened the door and held out my hand, waiting for Amy to walk the few steps over to me. I was desperate to feel her small hand in mine. She eagerly skipped the last step and willingly gave me her hand. I relaxed straight away and took her out into the corridor behind me.

  ‘Sorry, Amy, something has come up. Something I need to deal with.’ As I spoke I pushed her up against the wall next to the door. With one forearm and hand flat against the wall, I trapped her within the confines of my body. I lifted her chin with the thumb and forefinger of my other hand and bent my head down to hers. I needed to taste her, selfishly I needed to rid myself of the taste of imaginary alcohol on my mouth. After kissing her lips, I placed my mouth gently down to her neck and sucked in a couple of places until she began to squirm and giggle in my hold. Just by kissing me back in return and with those few simple sounds she’d pulled me out of the hole that had once again threatened to engulf me. ‘I know I said about us spending the night together tonight, but I need to make a few phone calls and fix some stuff.’ I placed my mouth back to her neck again and felt her arms come tightly around me as her legs began to quiver. I removed my mouth and spoke to her, making my breath connect with the wet area on her neck. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘It’s fine… we’ll have other nights, won’t we?’ She said the right words, but I could hear the disappointment and question in her voice.

  ‘Yeah, tomorrow will be the first night of forever.’ I lifted my head to look at her. Her beauty hit me every fucking time. ‘I promise.’

  ‘I’ll hold you to that…’

  The bus had dropped me off as a request stop, at the end of the lane that led to The M
anor. I needed to get back, to get myself sorted out for the lunchtime shift I was due to work today. We were then closing early to get to Jack and Lily’s wedding reception. But I was enjoying the cold walk in the fresh air. I was attempting to clear my heart and mind of everything that had happened to me over the last week and I was in no hurry. I also knew that today I would be seeing Lauren and Winter, and after avoiding them for days I was bracing myself as I knew they would be full of questions.

  Daniel leaving late yesterday afternoon had given me the opportunity to spend the evening with my nan, and I knew in my heart of hearts that it would probably be the last night we would spend together under one roof.

  We’d had dinner together at Tina’s insistence and then as the snow began to fall again outside of her window, I’d been convinced to spend the night with her in her room. It had been like old times. Each of us in a twin bed covered with a matching old-fashioned candlewick bedspread from our home. Nan had demanded that the beds were pushed together, and she’d held my hand as we had fallen asleep. She’d held my hand in hers, just as she had done for the first few months after I’d moved in with her all those years ago. I knew I would always remember her touch, and just how comforted and reassured I felt with my hand contained within her soft, loving one. She had tenderly rubbed her fingertips over my skin as we had wordlessly said our goodbyes.

  Another chapter closed on both of our lives.

  This morning I felt stronger, as emotional as ever, but stronger.

  The tearooms were already lit up and offering me their welcome as I turned the corner of the Victorian wall and into the yard. Although I was still in yesterday’s clothes, I went with my first compulsion and pushed open the door, even though the sign said closed. I stepped over the threshold and banged the snow off my leather boots and onto the bristled mat beneath my feet.

  ‘Hi, anyone home?’ I shouted into the warm, empty space.

  ‘Back here.’ I heard Lauren’s voice coming from the office.

  I hung my jacket up on the coat stand and moved towards her voice. I pushed the door open a little wider and smiled a small smile as she looked up to find me. She leant back on her creaking office chair and rolled a pen around between the fingers of both hands as her gaze swept up and down me.

  ‘Well, I’m pleased you’re still alive.’ I heard the cross tone in her voice and grimaced at her.

  ‘I know… sorry. I’ve, well I’ve…’

  ‘Been avoiding us… I know. I’m sorry we left you on the settee by yourself, but we had only been gone for a few minutes, we’d been keeping an eye on you and then you just disappeared… for a while Winter and I were worried. Raff worked out what he thought had happened, knocked on his door and confirmed you were safe.’

  ‘I know.’ I didn’t remember any of that and looked down at the floor just to compose myself. ‘To be honest, I used the fact that you two left me there as an excuse to be angry with you… when really all I was angry at, was life. I just needed some space, with no questions coming my way, while I came to terms with everything that was happening.’

  I watched her lean her head towards the kettle that was boiling in the corner of the office, in turn I nodded back and she stood up to make us a cup of tea.

  ‘The only thing that’s stopped us coming to find you to confront you, was that we knew you’d been doing your shifts here, as I saw you fleetingly before you deliberately avoided me. That and the fact your bed’s still been slept in, occasionally.’ She turned to me and waggled the silver teaspoon she was holding at me. ‘I knew I could have forced you to talk, but knowing you as I do, I could see you needed some time. I take it that your former non-existent love life is suddenly alive and kicking? And you’re still seeing him?’ I heard the clink of the metal spoon on the ceramic mug as she turned back and began to stir our tea over zealously and then again as it was dropped on the tray.

  ‘Yes, he’s really helped me this week. In fact, I don’t know what I’d have done without him.’ I smiled at her, as she moved the few steps over to me and hugged me to her.

  ‘I’m pleased for you, you deserve someone to take care of you. Mum and Dad rang this morning to tell me about Nan… they asked how you were taking the news, I couldn’t tell them as I hadn’t seen you to talk to. For the first time in all our years as cousins, I felt like I hadn’t been around to help you when you needed me the most and I’m so sorry.’

  Oh, dear God, I was crying again.

  Holding each other close, I began to sob on her shoulder. I heard her sniff a few times and knew she was doing the same. For a while we stood close as we consoled one another.

  ‘We know that Nan’s will have to be put up for sale. Mum and Dad are going to ask you to move in with them, but you have a home here, don’t you? My spare room is yours for as long as you need it to be. And you’ve remembered that The Manor is still looking for two deputy managers, haven’t you? So, maybe it’s finally time to put that degree of yours to good use?’

  ‘Thanks, I’d love to stay here, thank you.’ Firstly, I felt relief at her words, then I thought about the job possibility. ‘God, how stupid am I? They are, aren’t they? I’d completely forgotten about that.’ I felt my heartrate quicken at the possibility that fate was showing me a path. ‘I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last week, you would have thought that I would have remembered that? Lots of things are changing, Lauren. I know that some are heart breaking and extremely scary, but others I know are well overdue.’ I peeled myself away from her and holding her by the tops of her arms, I looked at the woman who was almost like my mirror image, and just like Daniel had done for me several times over in the last few days, I wiped her cheeks dry with my fingers. ‘I know that you, Winter and I need to start making some changes in our lives.’

  With her eyes opening wider in question, she pulled out of my hold and went back to her tea making. Silence enveloped the room for a few minutes, a few minutes that felt so very much longer.

  Lauren sighed before she began her answer. ‘I agree, that sometimes we could all do with taking a few more chances, instead of staying in the comfort zone. But, you, Amy are the biggest culprit out of all of us and you know it!’ She had agreed and accused me all at the same time. Her back was once again towards me as she started to stir our tea again, in over defensive swirls. The metal hit the ceramic mugs with such vehemence I was worried it would crack the sides.

  ‘Maybe. I’ve realised that all of us need to start asking ourselves just how long we can go on blanking out the parts of our lives that have hurt us. We don’t talk about it very often, but you know what I mean. This week I have been forced to question everything I ever thought I was doing to protect myself. I’ve tried to run away so many times, it’s ridiculous and it doesn’t work, the hurt and pain just follows. Having sort of accepted that, I’m worried that the three of us have been so busy being strong, independent women, showing everyone that we need nothing from the men that enter our lives… Well, let’s say, I’m worried that we’re so busy turning our backs on anything and everything, that we might miss what could possibly make us happy in the long run.’

  She’d finished making our tea, but Lauren still had her back to me while she mulled over what I was saying. Her hands had come to rest on the side as she appeared to be casually looking at her painted nails.

  ‘I one hundred percent agree with you,’ she finally replied.

  ‘You do?’ I asked with a happy feeling beginning to bubble up inside me.

  ‘Yes. But you need to make sure that you take in what you’re saying and remember it. You’re without a doubt the biggest offender of the three of us. You need to jump at the chances that come your way. You need to stop pushing away the chances of happiness, even if they’re not quite what you first thought. Also, please for once remember not to tar everyone with the same brush… because they’re not all the same as your mum.’

  I nodded at her, but felt my forehead crinkle as I questioned her words. I knew I didn’t agree with
her, as I felt her and Winter were just as bad as me. But, I’d just lectured, so knew I had to let her do the same.

  She carried on, ‘I won’t need to though, because I’ve stopped pushing, I’m taking my opportunity and I’m not running anymore.’ Her voice gained strength as she suddenly turned and thrust her left hand out in front of me. As her fingers began to wiggle in front of me, I caught the sparkle of a tiny diamond on her ring finger.

  ‘Oh my God! Rafferty?’ My heart began to swell with happiness for her, until her hand was snatched back from mine, as if I’d burnt her with all the fires of hell with the words I’d used.

  ‘NO… Toby proposed and I accepted. Another thing you missed this week.’

  I felt around behind me for the seat I knew was there. Once I found it I sat down quickly.

  She wasn’t running, she was bloody sprinting.

  ‘Oh.’ I tried desperately to lift the tone of my voice and to put some sound of joy in there, but I knew it was in vain. I knew the smile I had quickly forced to my face, had become almost a grimace.

  ‘You could at least be pleased for me,’ she accused.

  ‘Lauren, I love you… I am pleased, if you’re happy then so am I.’ I was in shock, he was so not right for her. But I had to remember that it wasn’t my choice, I didn’t have to marry the guy.

  At that moment, the bell of the front door sounded as Winter burst into the tearooms.