Did she have the courage to do that? Sure, she’d gotten angry before, which meant that she couldn’t talk things out in a meaningful way, but confrontation wasn’t her strong suit. “What if this is a pattern with Rory? What if he can’t change how he does things? I can’t be with someone who doesn’t share what’s going in his life. He should have told me about Grant’s request before he made his decision, not after.”
Gayle nodded. “That’s true. It’s also true that you love this man. Are you willing to let go of him, of the happiness you might find with him in your life, without setting the record straight?”
Peggy couldn’t answer. Why couldn’t she let go of her anger toward her mother?
Meeting Rory had changed her. His love had changed her. Yet she hadn’t been honest with him about her feelings. “If I’d told Rory I loved him, do you think he would have talked to me first about Haiti before he made his decision?”
“You’ll never know. But don’t go back over what happened. Look ahead to what you want. If Rory’s what you want, tell him.”
“I may not see him anytime soon.”
“I’m betting you will.”
Gayle’s cell phone rang and she answered it. When she finished, she turned to Peggy. “I’m needed at home. Adam needs me.”
“So glad you two are close again,” Peggy said.
“Me, too. Being the parent of a teenage boy can be challenging.” Gayle gave Peggy a quick hug. “Gotta go. See you at work tomorrow.”
Peggy spent a restless night mulling over what Gayle had said. She finally got up and spent extra time with Zeus and Suzie before going to work early. Being in before the phlebotomy clinic opened meant she could go to the cafeteria for breakfast, but all she managed to have was a coffee.
She worked her shift, her heart pounding every time any man who even slightly resembled Rory came near her desk. She had to really focus on labeling the blood specimens so as not to make a mistake. When it came time for her lunch break, she was relieved. All along she believed she loved Rory, but she didn’t know that love could be this painful. She’d never felt this sort of hollow feeling whenever she thought about him, whenever she remembered his smile, the way he made her laugh.
All she really wanted to do was talk to him, to see if, as Gayle said, he felt sorry for what he’d done. He said he was sorry when he left her last evening. Did he mean it? Feeling this way was worse than anything she could have ever imagined.
Finally her day was finished. She made her way out to her car. The drive home seemed so dreary and hopeless under the dark sky of an impending rainstorm. She stopped at her mailbox before pulling up her driveway. Thankfully, she’d been inside when the rain started. She’d wait until the rain shower passed and change her clothes before going to the barn.
An hour later her phone was ringing when she got in the door. She scooped it up. “Hello,” she said, shrugging off her jacket.
“Hi. It’s me,” Rory said, his voice a soft caress in her ear. “I wondered if I might come over this evening to talk with you. I have something I need to say.”
“I don’t...”
“Please. I need to explain.”
The urgency in his voice, the sincerity in his words left her wanting him with all her heart. “Okay.”
“I’m on my way home from a job, and I’m not far from your place. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“Sure.” Her heart was beating hard as she hung up. A few minutes. She glanced around, uncertain what to do. Feelings of excitement chased the panic rushing through her. She should comb her hair and brush her teeth. All the while, her mind wrestled with what would happen when Rory got here. She wanted to understand him, to have him convince her that he had made a mistake, that he was sorry. Most of all she wanted him to change his mind about going to Haiti.
He had to see things her way. She couldn’t go with him. Her life and her career were here.
The doorbell rang. She brushed her teeth with her fingers. She grabbed a lip balm out of the wire basket on the kitchen counter, rubbing the color into her lips on her way to the door. When she opened it, Rory stood there with a contrite expression. “Come in,” she said as she stood back, her hand shaking on the doorknob, her heart racing.
* * *
RORY COULDN’T BELIEVE what a screwed-up mess he’d made of things. As he stood looking down into Peggy’s beautiful brown eyes, he wished that somehow he could change his decision. He wanted Peggy in his life. But he needed to go to Haiti. There didn’t seem to be any way to manage both. He put his hands gently on her shoulders. “I came to apologize.”
Her gaze met his; uncertainty clouded her expression. “There’s a lot we need to talk about.”
He followed her into the living room, choosing to sit on the sofa, hoping she’d join him. She sat in the armchair next to the sofa, crossing her legs as she watched him. Her sleek gold top and tight jeans made his body sizzle. He’d never wanted any woman the way he wanted Peggy.
“I’m not sure where to start, how to explain.” He rubbed his hands together. “I... When Grant called asking for my help, all I could think about were the children. There are no facilities... I could make a difference, a very real difference.” He glanced at her to find her still, watching him. It made him feel exposed and uneasy. What was she thinking? How long would she keep him in suspense? He cleared his throat to force back the anxiety messing with his concentration. “You can understand that, can’t you?”
“Yes. I can. What I don’t understand is why you didn’t explain to Grant that you had to talk to me before you made your decision.”
He would regret that dumb move for a very long time. His decisions had always been his to make, and he never doubted his ability to make sound choices. Being so near Peggy, seeing the hurt in her expression, told him that as of now all of that would change.
“You’re right. I should have. I didn’t do it, and I’m sorry. I’m not very good at this. What I mean is there’s never been anyone I’ve loved like I love you. My life before you was about me. About what I needed.”
She drew in a deep breath and pressed her hands into the arms of the chair. “I find it really difficult when people don’t consider my feelings.” Her eyes met his. The air stilled between them.
What was he going to say next? How could he convince her to see that he needed her in his life; that he never meant to exclude her? “I won’t make that mistake again. From now on we’ll talk things out between us.”
“From now on? You’re talking about future decisions, not this one? That means you’re leaving for Haiti soon. What about me? Where do I fit in?”
“I want to marry you. If I had my way, we’d be going to Haiti together. You’d love it.”
“But we’re not married. You haven’t proposed. I haven’t accepted. We don’t even have a real relationship, and this whole thing about Haiti is proof that we have a long way to go before we can really be a couple.”
Why hadn’t he used his head and told Grant he’d get back to him about going to Haiti? That he needed to include Peggy in the decision? “You’re right.”
She shifted in her chair, her hand going to her throat, her voice thick. “I don’t want to be right.”
He had to start over with Peggy, make her see how much he loved her. He needed to take things slow, to include her. How could he have been so self-centered? “You mean the world to me. I’ve hurt you by moving too fast. What can I do to fix this?” he asked, feeling in way over his head.
She folded her hands in her lap and looked into his eyes. “You could call Grant back and tell him that you’ve got to rethink your decision. That you acted quickly without considering my feelings.”
He may have rushed his decision, moved too fast. Yet deep in his heart he knew whether he waited, talked to her before giving Grant his answer, he wouldn’t change his mind. “Can we come to some sort of compromise?”
“What do you mean?”
“Would you consider coming with me?”<
br />
“Just like that? I’m to give up my life here, the life I love, to go with you because you made a decision without talking it over with me? Is this your idea of a compromise?”
He had to fix this. His thoughts tumbling around his mind, he said, “I gave Grant my word. I can’t go back on that.”
She slumped in her chair. Her eyes glistened with tears. She looked away. “Then I guess we don’t have anything more to say to each other.”
“That’s not true! I love you. I believe you love me. Are you willing to throw all that away because I made a mistake?”
“A mistake that can’t be fixed if you won’t consider my feelings.”
* * *
THROUGH HER TEARS she could see the hurt look in Rory’s eyes. How could things have gone so wrong? A few weeks ago she wouldn’t have imagined that this could be possible. Now she realized that there was little chance that they could work out their differences. Rory’s gaze held hers. “Can we talk about this a little more?”
She didn’t want to talk about any of it. She needed to be alone. She felt so hurt. She didn’t care that Gayle thought that her feelings were all about her issues with her mother. She didn’t care about any of it. Anger stung her throat, but she forced it back.
“Rory, I really care about you.” She couldn’t say the word love when he’d thrown marriage around like a tennis ball.
She gazed at him, the eagerness of his expression, the way his eyes searched hers. She felt exposed to him, an odd feeling of being contained by his love and caring. She couldn’t feel this way, not when she had no hope of a life with him. “Do you know the meaning of love?”
“Yes, I do. And I’m a very patient man when it comes to getting what I want,” he said, his smile so engaging, so intimate she was forced to look away.
He reached for her.
She pulled back. She couldn’t be drawn in by his charm. There was too much at stake. “Loving someone means commitment to that person, to their feelings, their plans and aspirations. I can’t go to Haiti with you. I love my life here. I left Seattle and came here uncertain as to how it would all work out. I’d never taken such a crazy chance in my life before and was terrified. But I did it. I have friends here. A good job. My own horses.”
She drew in a deep breath. “I found my father. Someone I didn’t know existed until two years ago. I want to get to know Bill Cassidy, spend time with him. There’s so much I need to learn about him. To do that I need my life just as it is. This is important to me.”
He pulled back away from her. “I see that.”
“Then you can also see that I can’t possibly go away to a totally new country.”
“You’ve done it before. You did it with your father.”
“That was different.”
“Only because it was your father.”
Why was he being so stubborn about this? If he knew anything about her at all, he’d know that going to Haiti was out of the question. “I had both my parents. We were a family.”
“And in Haiti you’d have me. We’d be together, doing wonderful important work for those who truly need us.”
“Important work for you, maybe. For me, it would be a strange country, no friends...”
Rory reached once more for her hand, and she let him. Despite how she was feeling, she needed his touch, his closeness, but holding hands was as far as she could go. As far as her hurt would allow.
“Peggy, I came home to the United States completely stressed out by what I’d seen in Haiti. I couldn’t take it any longer. I admit that. I’d been naive when I first joined Grant’s team, but I learned pretty quickly how difficult and heartbreaking the work was. Yet something kept me there, kept me focused on helping. I came home, knowing I’d go back as soon as I could.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that when we met? Why didn’t you say that you were heading back as soon as you felt rested and well enough to go?”
“I hadn’t decided yet. But I should have been more up front about struggling with it.”
“Yes, you should have. I knew there was something you weren’t telling me. When you first talked about Haiti, I thought the collapse of the house was what you were hiding. But that wasn’t the whole story, was it?”
“No. Haiti is a part of my life. The Hilario children are...special to me. I didn’t know when I left that I would fall in love with you. That you would come to mean so much to me. I had no idea I could fall so quickly and easily for you,” he said, his voice hoarse with emotion.
His touch on her hand, the play of his skin over hers as he stroked the inner side of her wrist was almost more than she could bear. She wanted to pull away from him, but she couldn’t. She needed this. “I don’t know what to say.”
“We have so much, you and I. We’re good together. We could make a real difference in people’s lives.” His fingers continued to draw circles on the inside of her wrist, driving her crazy. “What do you want out of life?” he asked.
“I want to live my life as if every minute counts. I love people. Children. It feels so great to help them.”
“Yes. That’s it. That feeling that you’ve helped someone in a very real way. That’s what Haiti does for me.”
She looked into his eyes...his beautiful blue eyes. “You could do that here.”
“But what you and I could accomplish in Haiti would be nothing short of a miracle. All you have to do is take a chance on me, on us.”
“That’s the point. I’m not good at taking chances. I’m not a risk taker like you. I need to feel safe and secure. As for seeing another country, I’ve done that all my life. I’m finally settled here. I’m comfortable here.”
His sad smile made her want to cry. Instead, she concentrated on his touch, on making him see that maybe there was another solution. “Would you consider staying here for a little while longer?” He didn’t respond, and it was as if her life stopped.
Finally, still holding her hand, he stood and pulled her to her feet, wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning down to look directly into her eyes. “Peggy, I love you. Just this once, take a chance. Go with your heart. This is our big chance.”
* * *
RORY HELD HER CLOSE, breathing in the scent of her hair, her skin and all he wanted to do was make love to her. Yet he’d never been more aware of the distance between them than at this moment. She wouldn’t look at him, and her arms hadn’t moved from her sides.
What if he had lost her? What if his impetuousness and lack of concern as she saw it put an end to their relationship? He struggled to remain calm as he looked back over the weeks since he met her. “I will never forget the day we met in the clinic. I never believed in love at first sight. Until you.” He kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger on her soft skin, storing up the memory of her, of how she felt in his arms. “I was beginning to believe that love wasn’t in the cards for me.”
She drew in a quick breath. “That’s part of my problem, too. I don’t believe that people fall in love that way. Love like that is really just heightened awareness and the excitement of meeting someone special for the first time.”
“I’m proof that love at first sight can happen. When I saw you that day working with that child, it was as if nothing else existed. You were the focus of my universe.” He gave a quick laugh of embarrassment. “I’m making a complete fool of myself, aren’t I?”
“No. It’s kind of flattering to know that I could have that effect on you unknowingly.” Her smile entered his heart, making it rise in his chest.
He couldn’t leave this woman behind. She had to come with him. But how could he convince her? “So you’ll understand when I say that I can’t be without you. In my dream we’re married when we go to Haiti.”
Her expression was the picture of skepticism.
“There I go again, right?”
She nodded, but she didn’t pull away.
“Okay. I might as well tell you everything I dream about. I dream that I’ll ask you to marry me
and we’ll go to Haiti together. Then we’ll come home to your farm, if that’s all right with you, and we’ll start a family. There, that’s my plan. Now, feel free to tell me I’m an impulsive, impossible person.”
“You are an impulsive, impossible person,” she said, but there was a hint of a smile on her face.
“And I don’t want to go to Haiti without you. If you’ll agree to go with me, and you don’t like it and want to come back, we’ll return home to Eden Harbor.”
He held his breath, anxious and fearful that she would turn him down for good. If she did, he didn’t know what he’d do. He’d never felt this way, this feeling of indecision. His life, his decisions, had been easy until now.
Her eyes met his. She pursed her lips. “I’m not like you. In fact, we’re very different.”
“I’d noticed,” he said, waiting to hear more.
“I need time to think this all over.”
Could he postpone going with Grant? He needed to get to Haiti as soon as possible, but he also couldn’t leave Peggy. Why did everything have to happen at once? “That makes sense. It’s a huge decision for you.” He mentally crossed his fingers.
Leaning down, he kissed her lips, savoring the taste of her, drawing her into his arms, holding her close to shield him from the real possibility that she might decide not to go with him. “I won’t make the same mistake again. I want you to understand that no matter what decision you make, I love you. I will always love you.”
With that, he kissed her. Maybe for the last time.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THE NEXT MORNING Rory took the steps up to the entrance of the high school two at a time. It was only eight, but he was pretty certain Bill Cassidy would be there, mostly because he’d looked his address up on the internet and went by his house earlier and there was no vehicle in his driveway. When he got to the school receptionist’s desk, he stopped and asked directions to Bill’s office.
He got to the door and stopped. What was he going to say? What if Bill Cassidy called his daughter and told him Rory had been to see him? How would Peggy react when she learned that he’d gone to her father for support?
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