Run the Risk

by Allison van Diepen

“Awww man,” I said, echoing the lines from Dora.

  There were giggles all around.

  Kylie wasn’t laughing. “I’m a realist. You’re doing what you have to do. If you think Mateo can help your little bro, then make him—especially if Alex is running with the Locos.” She continued in a whisper. “They’re the worst gang he could’ve got with. They have the neighborhood practically on lockdown. You look at one of their guys the wrong way and they come after you. Or worse, they target your family.”

  I nodded, not wanting her to say more. “I know all about them.”

  “What I’m saying is, if Mateo’s the key to getting Alex out of this, don’t go having a crisis of conscience. Make him help you.”

  “That’s exactly what I’m doing.” I knew Kylie would understand my situation. I wished I could say the same for Feenix. If I dared tell her about Mateo’s attempt to steal from Luke, she’d probably march right up to Luke and tell him. She had a pretty strict moral code. I loved her for it, but I couldn’t take the risk.

  A popping sound rang out, startling us.

  Kylie looked at me. “What the h—”

  Another one. Was it a gunshot?

  There was no time to think. When in doubt, treat it like an emergency.

  “Time for popsicles!” I shouted. “Everybody inside! Let’s go!” I hoped I didn’t sound as panicked as I felt. Kylie and I hustled the kids toward the back door, pushing the stragglers along. Some of them paid no attention, and we scooped them up and carried them. Yolanda was at the door, grabbing kids and pulling them inside.

  Another explosion of sound, closer this time. I ducked instinctively.

  I spotted two kids across the yard making sand castles along the wooden fence that bordered the street. Adrenaline shot through me.

  I ran to them. “Popsicle time! We have to hurry!” I lifted a kid with each arm and hauled them back toward the door.

  I released them inside, and Kylie dead bolted the door behind me. We gasped for breath. While Kylie dealt with the kids, I ran to the front room to find that Yolanda had already drawn the curtains. “There’s a situation on Flagler,” Yolanda said. “We have to keep the kids at the back of the building, away from the windows.”

  I hurried to tell Kylie. Keeping sixteen kids in the mudroom wasn’t going to be easy.

  “You wanna be the one to tell them there are no popsicles?” Kylie asked me.

  Gang-related shooting. A twenty-three-year-old guy was dead. That was all we got from the news that afternoon.

  It had happened a block from the day care.

  As I rode the bus to Cinema 1, I felt jittery. Of course, it might be the coffee I was drinking, but not entirely. Images kept going through my head of what could have happened. What if the shooting had been closer? What if bullets had flown our way?

  Screaming. Blood. Carnage. I didn’t want to think about it.

  I looked out the window, trying to focus on the fact that it had all turned out okay. For us, anyway. Not for the dead guy. We’d only been stuck in the mudroom for half an hour before we got the all clear from the police department. I should be grateful for that. The kids hadn’t even realized anything was wrong except for the lack of popsicles. Thankfully we’d had bear-shaped graham cookies to give them instead.

  When I got to work, I spotted Mateo near the entrance, standing below the huge Cinema 1 sign. He looked impressive and intimidating. Something fluttered in my chest. He’s a thief and you’re blackmailing him, I reminded myself. I’d be smart to cut off all residual feelings for him.

  “Grace.” He intercepted me before I could walk in. “I heard somebody got shot near the day care.”

  There was genuine concern in his eyes, and I had the ridiculous urge to burrow myself in his arms, to know the strength and warmth of his embrace again. Shaking it off, I said, “It was scary. We were outside when it happened. We managed to get the kids inside in probably thirty seconds. The news said a guy got killed.”

  “Yeah, I knew him.”

  “Was he a friend of yours?”

  “No. He was a friend of Mig’s.”

  I wanted to question him more, but Luke was walking toward us, and I didn’t want to look like I was socializing when my shift had started two minutes ago.

  “Tonight,” I said. “You could come see Alex again.”

  Damn, it sounded like a request, but it wasn’t meant to be optional.

  “It’s Friday night,” Mateo said. “Think he’ll be home?”

  “With any luck, he will be.” I didn’t mention that my luck had been in short supply these days. “He’s just as likely to stay out all night on a Monday as a Friday.”

  “All right, then.”

  I hurried toward the booth, surprised to see that Feenix wasn’t already there. But Luke came up to me a minute later. “Feenix is going to be late. Got everything you need?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

  “Good.” He smiled. “Are you coming out tomorrow night? It’s a special occasion, you know.”

  “Of course I’ll be there. It’s your birthday. Twenty-eight candles?”

  “Yeah. You must think I’m old.”

  I shook my head. “You don’t look old to me.”

  “That calls for a raise.” He leaned on the counter, displaying a very pumped bicep. “So, did you give your dad hell?”

  It took me a second to remember what he was talking about. “No. I’m just glad he paid the bill. Thanks again for helping me out. Sorry to be a pain.”

  “You’re never that.”

  His hazel eyes were gentle. Under the big, buff exterior, Luke had a good heart, which just made me feel more horrible for not telling him about Mateo. But Luke was also a former biker and an ex-con—no amount of charm could hide that.

  I glanced over at Mateo, who looked all strong and stoic in front of the glass doors. I knew I could never throw him to the wolf.

  I just hoped he wouldn’t figure that out.

  Four hours later, Mateo took off his security vest and threw it in the backseat of his car. Sweat painted his navy T-shirt to his body. I swallowed and pretended not to notice.

  “Let’s hope Alex is home,” I said as he pulled onto the road. “I think you made progress with him last night.”

  “You were right. The kid likes me.”

  “How late did you stay?”

  “One thirty.”

  I should probably say sorry for that. But I wasn’t sorry at all.

  “Did he tell you anything about the Locos?”

  “Yeah. He’s hoping to become a full member soon.”

  “Oh God.” I’d suspected that was the case, but hearing him say it made it all too real. “How soon?”

  “I don’t know.”

  I inhaled, letting my breath out slowly. Meditation breathing: we taught it to the kids to calm them down. Too bad it never worked for me.

  “I can’t believe that he hasn’t seen you in years, and he just told you! He never tells me anything.”

  “Of course he doesn’t. He knows you’d freak.” There was a flicker of compassion in his gaze. “He’s proud of himself. He thinks being a Loco is a big accomplishment.”

  “How can he be so dumb?”

  “If it makes any difference, it gave me an opening to tell him what I went through with Los Reyes.”

  “That’s good. You joined when you were about his age. You two can relate on that.”

  “There’s a difference, though. I wasn’t given a choice.”

  “What do you mean? I know Mig pressured you, but—”

  “If you weren’t with them, you were against them,” he said grimly. “That was their policy and they enforced it.”

  “You never told me that. You should’ve told me.”

  “I know. But I didn’t want to scare you.”

  I stared at him. He’d let me believe that he’d wanted to join the Reyes—that Mig had made it sound like the coolest bunch of badasses ever. “Are you serious? I always wondered why
you’d joined. Why you’d . . .” thrown your life away.

  “I was trying to protect you.” He looked at me. “I couldn’t let you know the situation I was in. You’d been through enough already.”

  I wanted to reject what he was saying, but I recognized the ring of truth when I heard it. He’d always been protective of me.

  “How long were you in the gang?”

  “A year and a half. I went to juvie three months after I joined. Toro sent me on a sketchy deal. Turned out it was an undercover cop. I was lucky, though, getting put away.”

  I blinked. “Are you being sarcastic?”

  “No. Two of the new recruits died in the six months I was in juvie. Fucking city murder rate was a lot higher when the Reyes were around. Toro didn’t care that his recruits were dying. We were nothing but cannon fodder for him.”

  “You told me it was impossible to get out once they jumped you in.” I’d begged him so many times. “So how’d you get out?”

  “I stood up to Toro.” His face turned bleak. “I had no choice. He was sending me on a job in cartel territory. I was sure it would get me killed. So I said no.”

  I was afraid to ask what happened next.

  “They showed me what happens when you disrespect Toro.”

  He didn’t give any more details, but my mind filled in the blanks. “Is that how you got the scar?”

  “Yeah.”

  His own gang had done that to him—because he’d stuck up for himself and refused to be sent on a suicide mission. I swallowed the lump in my throat. God, I’d been too buried in my own pain to see the situation he’d been in.

  “Once I got out of the hospital, they left me alone. So I was lucky there too.”

  “Do you think it was because of Mig?”

  He scoffed. “Fuck no. Mig was there that night. Think he told them to go easy on his little brother?” His hands went white-knuckled on the wheel. “I guess Toro decided I’d earned my way out even though it almost killed me. He had a weird sense of justice that way.”

  “Had? Is he dead?”

  “Yeah, he’s dead. Most of the important Reyes are dead or locked up. First the Destinos went after them. Then a Mexican cartel finished them off.”

  “Did Mig ever try to get out of the gang?”

  “Why would he? He was a lifer in the gang. Now he’s a lifer in prison.” He slowed the car, braking at a stop light. “He writes to me and Mom every week, going on about prison and how shitty it is. Was he stupid enough to think he’d end up anyplace else?”

  He didn’t seem to be expecting an answer because he went on, “Mom keeps bugging me to write him back. But I’ve got nothing to say to him.”

  When he pulled into my driveway, the lights in my house were out. Damn it. I needed Alex to be home tonight. I needed him safe. This morning’s gunshots rang in my ears.

  Cutting the engine, Mateo took out his phone.

  I saw him type: At your place. Where are you?

  “He gave you his number?”

  “Sure. I sent him a link to a Grand Theft Auto fan site this morning.”

  “Did he answer you?”

  “Yeah. He thanked me.”

  Alex’s response came up. Chillin with my bros.

  “Offer to pick him up,” I said.

  Mateo shook his head. “Too obvious.”

  I looked over Mateo’s shoulder as he typed: Have fun. Better knock before you come in ’cause I hope to be hitting it with your sis.

  He sent the message before I could stop him. I smacked his arm. “What the hell?”

  Mateo turned to me, and our faces were too close. His eyes drifted over my face and came to rest on my mouth.

  There’d been a time when I’d have yanked his head over to mine, tangled my hands in his hair, and teased him with my tongue. His breath would catch, and I’d sense how turned on he was.

  “I gotta play it real,” he said softly. “He’s not dumb enough to think we’d be friends. He wouldn’t even respect me if he thought I wasn’t trying to get with you.” He broke off, shifting in his seat, avoiding my eyes.

  “Fine.” I took off my seat belt but didn’t move. “Just promise me one thing. Promise me you’ll keep him from becoming a full member of the gang.”

  “I’ll try. That’s all I can tell you.”

  I didn’t want him to try. I wanted him to come through for me. I wanted him to make up for walking out of Alex’s life—and mine—when he could’ve made a difference.

  “Don’t just try. Do whatever you have to.”

  He slanted me a look. “You sure about that?”

  “I’m sure. You’re gonna have to think of something. Because if he joins—” I broke off. I had to let Mateo know exactly how serious I was. “If he joins, I’ll tell Luke everything.”

  I started to open the door, but in a split second, Mateo reached across the car and grabbed my arm. An electric current shot through me.

  “Don’t do that, Grace. Don’t threaten me.”

  “But—”

  “Believe it or not, I give a fuck about your brother. I don’t want him to go through what I did. I don’t want him to end up like Mig.”

  I smiled tightly. “Good. Then prove it.” I got out of the car and slammed the door.

  RECON

  AT ELEVEN O’CLOCK THE NEXT night, I swayed on the dance floor, drink in hand. The lights of the club dipped and intersected. Hard beats pumped through my blood as I moved. Next to me, Feenix danced like her life depended on it. That girl could work it like an NFL cheerleader.

  I didn’t know how I’d gotten in here, except that when Luke strolled in with us, the doorman didn’t check our IDs. Luke must’ve known him, because even with ID, it wasn’t an easy club to get into.

  Luke was in the center of the dance floor, sort of dancing as guys did, with a bunch of us dancing around him. A dozen other friends of his had shown up, mostly hot girls, all of them vying for his attention. Must be nice, I thought, picturing what it would be like to have a bunch of hot guys all over me.

  In what universe?

  Anyway, I was happy to enjoy my drink and dance. When I was dancing, nothing could touch me.

  Well, almost nothing. Mateo was leaning on the bar, carelessly sexy in jeans and a black button-down shirt. A gold chain glittered on his neck. I couldn’t help tracking his movements. He was standing with Eddie, who was talking and waving his arms, no doubt going on about the evils of pop music. Mateo didn’t seem to be paying him much attention.

  I was surprised that he’d come out to the club. It seemed a little hypocritical to try to steal from someone, then attend his birthday party.

  A Miley Cyrus song came on, and suddenly there was a lot of twerking going on around me. Nina and Nyla were into it. There was something so wrong about two sisters putting on a twerking show. Feenix stopped dancing, looking around in disgust at what she called PP—prehistoric posturing. As a joke, some of the guys started twerking too. I figured I’d join in. Everybody was either twerking or laughing at that point. Even Feenix gave up and laughed.

  Mateo was watching all of this. He wasn’t amused.

  Why are you even here? I wanted to ask him.

  Was he keeping an eye on me? Was he worried I’d get drunk and tell Luke about his stealing attempt?

  Of course he was worried. I’d made sure of it.

  Oh well. I turned my back to him and kept dancing.

  It’s a known fact that you have to jump up and down when your favorite artist comes on. For me, that was Pitbull. Our love of Pitbull was one of the few nonbiological things Alex and I had in common.

  “Woohoo!” Feenix and I yelled.

  I felt hands on my hips, and looked over my shoulder to see Luke dancing behind me. He leaned down to my ear. “Always think of you when Pitbull comes on.”

  My Pitbull obsession was sort of a joke at work. I played it up by blowing kisses at his picture when I walked by.

  “I told you I was gonna marry him, didn’t I?” I s
aid over my shoulder, feeling his fingers digging into my hips. I was very aware that I was extremely close to him. That if I shook my ass a little too much, I’d be rubbing into him. That felt dangerous.

  But it was nothing compared to the look on Mateo’s face as he watched us from across the dance floor.

  What did he care?

  As the dance ended, I eased away, then felt Luke’s arms go around me in a hug. My boobs pressed against his chest, and I admit that I felt tingly all over. I couldn’t help it. The guy wore sex on his sleeve.

  “Thanks for coming tonight,” Luke said, and before I could reply, he was grabbed back by his ladies.

  I made a quick pee stop. When I walked out of the bathroom, Mateo was there.

  “Hey,” I said, startled.

  He didn’t say anything. He gently pulled me out of the way so a couple of girls could get by.

  “Do you have an update for me?” I asked. “Alex never came home last night.”

  “I know. We’ve been in touch, but I don’t know exactly where he is.”

  Mateo was looking down at me, and I realized his hands were still gripping my arms—not too tight, but not easy to slip out of either. Not that I wanted to move away. He had me up against the wall. The pull between us was so strong that I couldn’t meet his eyes—because he’d know what I was feeling.

  “Did he say when he’ll be coming home?”

  “No. I’m working on it.”

  I glanced up. He looked sort of angry. I wasn’t surprised, considering the way I’d threatened him last night.

  “Getting close to Luke is a bad idea,” he said.

  The change of topic startled me. “Come on. Do you honestly think I want Luke? I mean, he’s, um, kind of hot, but . . .”

  “I think he wants you.”

  “Whatever. Luke’s a good guy, but I know what he is.”

  He didn’t look reassured. “I hope so.”

  “What do you have against him, anyway?”

  He frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “You don’t steal from just anyone, right? I figure it’s only people you don’t like. Or maybe I’m wrong.”

  “You’re wrong. And I don’t have a secret drug problem, and I don’t owe anybody money, in case you’re wondering. You can put it down to a crime of opportunity.”