Borgon the Axeboy and the Whispering Temple

by Kjartan, Poskitt

  Rattle rattle rattle!

  ‘Oh no!’ said Hunjah, pulling his hand back sharply. ‘The snake’s down there. I’ll never get it now.’

  ‘Let me do it,’ said Borgon. He took Hunjah’s place and stuck his arm down into the darkness.

  Rattle rattle rattle!

  Borgon felt the faintest movement of air on the back of his hand as the snake struck, but once again the barbarian was too fast. He pushed the creature out of the way, grabbed the hat and pulled it up.

  ‘There you go, Hunjah,’ said Borgon.

  ‘Thanks!’ said Hunjah. He was just about to put it on his head when something fell out.

  ‘It’s a gold coin,’ said Borgon.

  ‘Then you better keep it,’ said Hunjah. ‘After all, you found it.’

  ‘I wonder if there are any more down there?’ said Grizzy.

  She took the burning branch from Mungoid then stuck it down through the hole as far as she could. Two beady eyes glinted back at her.

  Rattle rattle rattle!

  Suddenly the flame flared up Grizzy’s arm.

  ‘Ouch!’ she yelped and dropped the branch. The flame fell and exploded in a shower of sparks, then splashed into a puddle of water far below them. Everything went black, but not before they’d seen a flash of what was down there.

  ‘It’s like a huge room,’ said Mungoid. ‘With strange shapes on the walls!’

  ‘And I saw something else,’ said Grizzy.

  ‘What?’ asked the others.

  ‘The other side of the arch,’ said Grizzy. ‘This tunnel we’ve just come down must be a secret back way into the temple.’

  ‘Then I know exactly where we are!’ said Hunjah excitedly. ‘We are inside the nose of the Great Conk.’

  ‘What?’ snapped Grizzy.

  ‘If you walk in through the temple door, you can see a giant head of the Conk at the far end,’ said Hunjah. ‘But this tunnel has brought us into the back of the head. These two holes in the wall are the eyeholes and …’

  ‘Don’t tell me,’ snapped Grizzy. ‘These holes in the floor are the nose holes.’

  ‘Oh!’ said Borgon. ‘That’s why his nose drips! It’s from this little stream coming down the tunnel.’

  ‘So you mean to say I’m standing in the dark inside a giant dripping nose?’ asked Grizzy.

  ‘Yes!’ said Hunjah excitedly.

  ‘Oh gross!’ said Grizzy.

  Who Nibbled A Whole Hippopotamus?

  It had been a long morning, and exploring tunnels was hungry work. By the time Borgon got home to Golgarth Basin, he was glad to see his dad was getting lunch ready. Fulgut was a huge old barbarian, and there was only one thing he liked more than lunch. It was more lunch. He was chopping up a big wobbly hippopotamus liver. ‘Is that all we’ve got, Dad?’ said Borgon. ‘I’m starving.’

  ‘Don’t moan,’ said Fulgut. ‘You like hippo liver.’

  ‘I know, but where’s the rest of the hippo?’ asked Borgon. ‘We only caught it yesterday.’

  ‘Ah, well, er …’ said Fulgut, looking sheepish. ‘I had a little nibble at it this morning.’

  ‘What?’ said Borgon. ‘Do you mean to say you nibbled away a WHOLE HIPPOPOTAMUS?’

  Just then Borgon’s mum came through from the back of the cave. Fulma was tall with spiky hair and long pin-pointed teeth.

  ‘How’s that hippopotamus coming along?’ she asked.

  ‘We’ve only got the liver,’ said Borgon. ‘Dad ate the rest.’

  ‘Oh, not AGAIN!’ Fulma hissed angrily. Her hair stuck out and her eyes narrowed. No wonder she was known as the scariest savage in the Lost Desert!

  ‘Don’t you want this liver?’ asked Fulgut nervously.

  ‘No I do NOT,’ said Fulma. She waved a long bony finger in Fulgut’s face. ‘Why would I want some SMELLY OLD LIVER that EVEN YOU couldn’t be bothered to eat?’

  ‘Please, dear, don’t be upset!’ said Fulgut. ‘If you like, we’ll just pop out and hunt you something even better than hippo, won’t we, Borgon?’

  ‘Good idea, Dad!’ said Borgon. ‘How about a nice juicy giraffe, Mum? Or a big beefy bear? Or there’s even some monster tortoises in the jungle with crunchy shells. They’re yummy!’

  ‘Just tell us what you want,’ said Fulgut. ‘We’ll get anything you like.’

  ‘Anything at all?’ said Fulma. She scratched her chin with her long bony finger and had a little think. ‘Well, there IS one thing I would like, but I know I won’t get it.’

  ‘Yes you will,’ said Fulgut.

  ‘And that’s a promise,’ said Borgon. ‘Whatever it is, however big, however nasty. So what do you want, Mum?’

  ‘Peaches.’

  ‘Peaches?’ asked Borgon. ‘What are peaches?’

  ‘They’re like squishy balls with wooden bits in the middle,’ said Fulma. ‘The middle’s nice and crunchy but the squishy bits are horrible.’

  ‘They sound great!’ said Borgon. ‘Come on, Dad, let’s go and hunt for peaches. I hope they’re dangerous. YARGHHHH!’

  Borgon was already on his feet with his axe ready.

  ‘Don’t get excited, son,’ sighed Fulgut. ‘Peaches grow on trees.’

  ‘Trees?’ said Borgon. ‘How are we supposed to hunt trees?’

  ‘You don’t need to hunt anything,’ said Fulma. ‘They have baskets full of peaches in the market. I could buy some.’

  ‘But you need money for the market,’ said Fulgut. ‘And we don’t have any.’

  ‘See?’ snapped Fulma. ‘I told you I wouldn’t get what I want.’

  ‘You might do, Mum!’ said Borgon. ‘Is this thing any good?’

  He pulled the gold coin from his pocket and passed it to his mum.

  ‘Goodness!’ exclaimed Fulma. ‘It’s very pretty. I’m sure that’s all I’ll need. Thank you!’

  ‘Not so fast,’ said Fulgut. ‘Borgon, where did you get that?’

  ‘Hunjah gave it to me for saving his hat,’ said Borgon.

  ‘Then give it back right now,’ demanded Fulgut, and he banged the table with his big fist. ‘We’re supposed to be barbarians, the wildest savages in the desert! We go hunting. We don’t go shopping like little soft people. Everyone will laugh at us.’

  ‘So how is Mum going to get her peaches then?’ asked Borgon.

  ‘I don’t know and I don’t care,’ said Fulgut. The old savage went and stood in the entrance of the cave so nobody could get past. He put on his biggest and toughest voice.

  ‘Fulma, that coin will only bring us trouble. I FORBID you to spend it in the market.’

  ‘Oh, do you?’ said Fulma. ‘You should have thought of that before you scoffed that hippo. So are you going to get out of my way, or do I have to do this …?’

  She stuck her long bony finger out again and wiggled it in the air.

  ‘No, Fulma!’ begged Fulgut. ‘Be reasonable. Please don’t …’

  Borgon quickly looked away. He knew what was going to happen and he couldn’t bear to watch. He even tried to block his ears, but it didn’t stop him hearing the screams from his father as Fulma jabbed her finger deep into Fulgut’s tummy.

  ‘Wah ha ha!’ yelped Fulgut. ‘No, stoppit, get OFF!’

  Borgon shuddered. Even though Fulgut could stand up to the nastiest weapons or the fiercest creatures, he was absolutely helpless when Fulma tickled him to death.

  ‘Ha ha ha!’ shrieked the big barbarian. ‘No really, I mean it, ha ha, I SURRENDER!’

  But Fulma wasn’t in the mood to show mercy. She kept tickling until the mighty savage collapsed on to the floor with tears streaming down his face. Fulma stepped over him and set off out of the cave.

  ‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you!’ gasped Fulgut, as she went. ‘Money always brings trouble. You wait and see.’

  The Sun Lock

  Borgon went out to help Fulma on to her horse, then waved goodbye as she galloped off to the market. Hunjah and Mungoid came over to watch her go.

  ‘She’s in a rush!’
said Mungoid.

  ‘I gave her that gold coin,’ said Borgon. ‘She’s gone to spend it before my dad can stop her!’

  Just then Grizzy came running over. She was waving her Book of All Things.

  ‘Hey, you lot, look at this!’ she said.

  She was pointing at one of the pages. It had a picture of the sun, with a small black hole drawn in the middle.

  ‘It’s the same sun picture that we saw by the temple door,’ said Grizzy.

  ‘So what?’ said Borgon.

  ‘The book says it’s a sun lock,’ said Grizzy. ‘When sunlight shines into the hole, the door opens.’

  ‘But the sun passes right over the top of the temple,’ said Borgon. ‘If the lock needs sunlight, it should have been facing upwards. It’ll never get any light where it is.’

  ‘It’s a bit of a mystery,’ said Mungoid.

  ‘Hey, Hunjah,’ said Grizzy. ‘Why did the clots who built your temple put a sun lock in the wrong place?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Hunjah, peering into Grizzy’s book. ‘But that’s what the statue outside used to look like.’

  Hunjah was pointing at the next page. There was a picture of an old soldier holding a shield in the air at arm’s length.

  ‘He’s called the Doorguard,’ said Grizzy.

  ‘He was twice the size of a normal person,’ said Hunjah proudly.

  ‘If he’s supposed to be guarding a door, he’s useless,’ said Borgon. ‘Why is he holding his shield up like that?’

  ‘It’s another mystery!’ said Mungoid.

  ‘I’ve got an idea,’ said Borgon. ‘Remember all those bits of statue lying in the sand? We could try putting them together and see if that tells us anything.’

  And so later that afternoon, they were back by the temple door, digging around in the sand.

  ‘Here’s the flat bit of stone that the Doorguard used to stand on,’ said Hunjah.

  ‘It’s a long way back from the door,’ said Grizzy.

  HISSSSSS!

  Just then the blue snake came darting across towards them. The other three dashed off but Borgon went to stand in its way.

  ‘Hello, mate!’ said the axeboy. ‘What do you want? Ready to be turned into bootlaces?’

  The snake stopped and eyed Borgon warily.

  Rattle rattle rattle! went its tail.

  ‘Oh, behave!’ said Borgon. ‘I don’t really want to turn you into bootlaces! I’ll just call you Bootlace, how about that? Now keep out of the way and you’ll be fine.’

  The snake slithered past Borgon, then hurried over to wrap itself round a devil’s thorn plant.

  ‘Be careful, Bootlace!’ said Borgon. ‘Those thorns are nasty.’

  The snake wrapped itself even tighter and stared back at the axeboy crossly.

  ‘Please yourself!’ laughed Borgon, then he called out to the others. ‘Come on, you lot. He only wants to watch us.’

  They dug up all the pieces of the statue that they could find. The main body was so heavy they couldn’t even roll it. All they could do was drag the other bits over and put the stone soldier together, lying on his back.

  Grizzy checked the picture in her book. ‘He’s just about all there,’ she said. ‘Apart from one thing.’

  ‘His shield!’ they all said.

  Rattle rattle rattle!

  The snake was twitching angrily.

  ‘I bet I know where that shield is!’ said Borgon. ‘Do you mind if I look under your plant, Bootlace?’

  The snake hissed at him.

  ‘Hey, Borgon,’ said Grizzy nervously. ‘You’re called the Axeboy. I wish you’d just chop that snake up!’

  ‘I couldn’t,’ said Borgon. ‘Can’t you see? He’s doing his best to guard something. He’s a good lad, doing a good job.’

  He grabbed the snake by the neck and tried to unwrap it from the plant, but the snake refused to let go. Finally Borgon pulled on the snake as hard as he could. The whole plant popped out of the ground, and down at the bottom of the hole, something glinted in the light.

  ‘Found it!’ said Borgon.

  The snake gave up the struggle. Borgon carried the beast over to a rock by the temple wall and gently laid it out. The blue skin was peppered with devil’s thorns, so Borgon carefully started pulling them out.

  ‘This lot must really sting,’ said Borgon to the snake. ‘Why were you so desperate to stop us getting that shield?’ Mungoid held the shield up. It was like a shiny silver dinner plate with a handle on the back.

  ‘This shield doesn’t make sense!’ said Mungoid. ‘It’s an odd shape and too heavy for fighting.’

  ‘The statue was holding it in the air,’ said Grizzy.

  ‘You mean like this?’ asked Mungoid.

  He went to stand on the flat stone then held up the shield.

  ‘YOWWWWW!’ screamed Borgon.

  The chubby little savage was hopping about clutching the seat of his trousers with smoke pouring out between his fingers.

  ‘His bottom’s on fire!’ said Mungoid.

  ‘How did that happen?’ asked Hunjah.

  ‘Who cares?’ laughed Grizzy. ‘I hope it happens again.’

  ‘Look!’ said Hunjah.

  A blinding white dot of light was flickering on the temple wall where Borgon had been standing. Hunjah put his hand in it.

  ‘Ow!’ he said, quickly pulling his hand back again. ‘That’s hot! It’s sunlight, and it’s shining off the shield.’

  By this time, Borgon had cooled down and was getting his breath back. ‘That’s not a shield,’ he groaned. ‘It’s a weapon!’

  ‘You’re both wrong,’ said Grizzy.

  ‘It’s not a shield or a weapon. It’s the key to the temple! Hey, Mungoid, try aiming the light at the sun lock.’

  Mungoid tipped the shield so the white dot slid up the wall.

  ‘I’m not as tall as the statue,’ said Mungoid. ‘I can’t get it to shine right into the hole.’

  Grizzy pointed over to a pile of big rocks glowing in the sunlight.

  ‘Go and climb up there,’ she said. ‘Then see if you can do it.’

  Mungoid scrambled up with the shield while Grizzy studied her book again.

  ‘You need to be in exactly the right place,’ said Grizzy. ‘Move along a bit, and then just a little bit higher …’

  The white dot wiggled and wobbled over the temple wall, then settled in place on the little hole.

  ‘That’s it, Mungoid,’ shouted Grizzy. ‘Hold it steady.’

  ‘It doesn’t look as bright,’ said Hunjah.

  ‘That’s because it’s getting late,’ said Borgon, looking up at the sky. ‘The sun is going down.’

  Just then the snake appeared, crawling along the top of the arch. It reached the little hole, then tucked itself in.

  ‘It’s blocked the lock!’ said Borgon. ‘That snake does NOT want us to do this.’

  ‘But surely it knows how hot that ray of sunlight can be,’ said Grizzy. ‘That snake will get burnt to bits.’

  They all waited for the smell of burning snake, but it didn’t happen.

  ‘It’s already too dark,’ said Mungoid.

  ‘It looks like the snake has won after all,’ chuckled Borgon.

  ‘No it has not!’ said Grizzy crossly.

  She snatched up a stone and threw it at the sun lock. The stone shot into the hole, and the snake tumbled out with an angry hiss.

  ‘Too late,’ said Borgon. ‘The light’s almost gone.’

  ‘I told you it wouldn’t work,’ said Hunjah.

  But then …

  CREEEE–AKKKK!

  A deep heavy rumble came from inside the temple, and the great slab of stone twitched … just a tiny bit.

  ‘YES!’ shouted Grizzy. ‘YES YES YES! I did it! I’m so CLEVER! Go on, Borgon, you have to admit it. Say I’m clever!’

  Borgon sighed. Of course Grizzy was clever, but she could also be incredibly irritating.

  ‘Why have I got to say you’re clever?’ as
ked Borgon.

  ‘Oh, come on!’ said Grizzy, tugging his sleeve. ‘I made the door move.’

  ‘Yes, but it didn’t exactly fly wide open did it?’ said Borgon.

  ‘That’s because the sun’s gone down,’ said Grizzy. ‘But you still have to say I’m clever.’

  ‘No I don’t,’ said Borgon. ‘The sun always goes down. If you were clever, you would have thought of that.’

  ‘Ha ha ha!’ laughed the boys.

  ‘Come on,’ said Borgon. ‘It’s not worth staying out here in the dark. Maybe we’ll come back and try it again tomorrow.’

  And so it was that the four of them set off home with the three boys still giggling like tickled chimps, and Grizzy sulking like a wet cat.

  Hunting Peaches

  Next morning, as the sun rose above the Lost Desert, there were strange noises coming from the barbarians’ cave.

  KRONCH! KRUMP! KRAKK!

  Borgon and Fulma were munching their way through a giant basket of peaches.

  ‘You’re right, Mum,’ said Borgon. ‘The squishy bit is horrible but the middle bits are YUM!’

  ‘Eat up,’ said Fulma. ‘There’s lots more. I had no idea that little coin would be worth so much.’

  Fulgut was sitting at the end of the cave being grumpy.

  ‘Come on, Dad,’ said Borgon. ‘They’re really nice.’

  ‘I’m having nothing to do with them,’ said Fulgut. ‘Barbarians should HUNT their food, not buy it. Money just brings trouble.’

  Then they heard voices coming from outside.

  A grand sedan chair had pulled up near their cave. It was being carried by two big slaves, both armed with a long curved sword. Hunjah was talking to a tall thin man sitting on the seat. The man had a shiny head and long white robes and had huge gold rings dangling from his ears. He held out something small in his hand. Hunjah nodded, then pointed over to the barbarian’s cave.