My Only Regret (Twisted Fate Book 1)

by James, Rhonda

  My resolve finally broke and I turned the knob to let him in. I stared into his tear filled eyes and then it hit me, he'd told me that he loved only me. "You love me?" I'd been so afraid when I heard Amber professing her love. I thought for sure he would hear that and realize that he had never really loved me at all.

  "With everything I am." He knelt beside me and I broke down and cried, big wet sobs, against his chest. “Honey, I know it’s hard, but I need for you to trust me. I didn’t want her touching me and you just happened to walk in when she grabbed me.” He held me, running a hand repeatedly over my back.

  “I’m a mess Jesse. I’m scared that I won’t be able to give you what you need, what you deserve,” my lips trembled against my fingertips.

  Soft lips pressed against my temple as he pulled me into his lap. “You’ve already given me what I needed most, you gave me your heart and your hand in marriage. I’m going to do everything I can to prove to you that you can trust me. I love you so much.” He held me close, rocking me against him. I silently prayed that we could make this work.

  We had only been married for one day and already had our first fight and angry sex. I didn’t have a whole lot of experience with love, but it didn’t take an expert to figure out that wasn’t a good way to start off a marriage.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  You’re married?” Mel shrieked, effectively drawing the attention of every customer in the coffee shop. I narrowed my eyes at her, encouraging her to lower her voice a few notches. She leaned in closer, “I’m sorry but how the hell did that happen? How could you do that to me?” she pouted.

  “I’m sorry,” I shrugged. “We were caught up in the moment, not to mention a bit drunk. If it makes you feel any better no one else was there to witness it.” I was hoping to try and soften the blow by pointing out that little nugget, maybe then she would calm down.

  I had known this was going to come as a shock to her. Hell, I was there and it was still a bit of a shock to me. Looking back, I suppose that after our initial night together I had fantasized about what it would be like to be in his arms night after night, not just for the amazing sex, but to know what it felt like to be held by him, and to be someone that he truly adored. Accepting someone's love for me hasn't been easy since my father left when I was only eight years old. He walked away and never looked back. Over the years my mom made sure to point out the flaws of every man she dated, and being young and impressionable I picked up on her inability to trust another man. I, too, found myself unable to place my complete trust in someone that could destroy you by giving up. I wasn't lying when I told Jesse I was broken. When it came to love I had fears that ran deep, but somehow those fears hadn't kept me from falling for him. I think, in some small way, they are what made me want him even more. I'd known that he was a player from the moment we met, but don't all women desire a challenge? Before Jesse came into my life my answer to that question would have been a resounding no, but now… Now I know that playing it safe is an option I no longer have.

  “Really?” she huffed. “Well, that does help just a little.” She broke off a small piece of her blueberry muffin. “So, Mrs. Jesse Montgomery, how do you feel? Any different?”

  “Other than sore?” I giggled, shaking my head at the smug look on her face. Mel had always told me that a great night of sex could change your outlook on everything. For once, I have to agree with her. “Not really, it's almost surreal, you know? I mean, we went from casual sex to one week of dating and then marriage all within the same month. Who does that?” My fingers tore at the paper napkin. “I love him, and he loves me, but trust is still a big piece of the puzzle I'm struggling to make fit. Right after we got married, they were performing and he called me up on stage and sang to me in front of thousands of people. Then, right after, utter chaos took place and before I knew it, I was rolling around on the floor wailing on some psycho fan that was attacking me. We go from that scene to a wedding party backstage and then I walk out to find him locked in a kiss with his ex-girlfriend. The whole thing was crazy.”

  “No shit. What the hell did you do when you found him in that skanks arms?” Mel had been a fan of Twisted Fate long before I started working for Jesse. After Jesse had told me about his first love, Mel had been the one to fill me in on stories of their relationship, based on information she had read online. I made it a point not to search out anything about him on online. I know it sounds naïve but I think I was afraid it would destroy the image I had built for him in my own mind.

  “I confronted her of course, told her I would kick her ass if I caught with my husband again,” I retorted.

  “Damn straight!” she snapped. “Then what?”

  “I was pissed. He tried to explain things to me but I stalked off and went back to the hotel room. He came in and we tried to talk, but I couldn’t calm down, so we fought.”

  “Verbally?” Mel cut me off.

  “No, physically,” her mouth gaped open but I continued. “Well, I tried to hit him but he deflected it and pinned me to the wall, trying to calm me down. I was pissed at him for allowing her to touch him, and he was pissed at me for not letting him explain and not trusting him. Anyway, one thing led to another and we had some pretty physical sex. Afterwards, we were still too angry to see straight, and when we finally calmed down we talked and worked everything out. Needless to say it wasn’t a pretty honeymoon.”

  “Sounds like you haven’t had a honeymoon at all,” Mel mumbled.

  “Well, I wouldn’t say that,” I smirked. “We’ve definitely made up for it in the sex department.”

  “So, everything’s okay now?”

  “I still have trust issues, I’m afraid I always will, but we are definitely compatible sexually. We've never had an issue in that department.” We collapsed into a fit of girlish giggles, attracting the attention of customers once again. After I composed myself I wiped my eyes and grabbed one of Mel’s hands between mine. “I’m really sorry you weren’t there with me when I got married. If I could do it all over again I would have waited.”

  “Don’t say that Rhy,” she brushed me off.

  “Seriously, having you there would have only made it better. I love you so much,” I patted her hand before pulling her in for a warm embrace. She cried, telling me that she loved me too and we sat back in our chairs.

  “So,” she grinned mischievously, “tell me more about the sex…”

  The next few weeks passed by in a blur. Once we returned home, and news had gotten out of our marriage, the media took up residence outside our home. Various fans had also gathered, holding up signs both supporting and opposing our recent nuptials. Our photos had been plastered all over the Internet and gossip rags, forcing us to become hermits in our own home. We took advantage of the time ordering in meals, talking, and attempting to build trust. As we talked, I learned that over the years Amber had made a point of trying to work her way back into Jesse’s life. The problem was that they had tried to remain friends after their nasty break-up, thus effectively giving her a revolving door to his heart. He promised me that he had cut off all ties with her after that night in Vegas, and because I wanted our marriage to work, I chose to trust him, at least as much as my damaged heart would allow.

  One morning Charlie stopped by and snuck Jesse off to a meeting at their record label. I had just stepped out of the shower when I heard the doorbell ring. Dressing quickly, I ran to answer it, making sure to check the peephole before opening the door.

  “Are you Rhyann Michaels?” asked a middle-aged woman dressed in a killer business suit and expensive shoes.

  I nodded, and then caught myself. “I am, but my name is no longer Michaels, it’s Montgomery. I recently married.”

  “My name is Jennifer Wilson and I represent the law firm of Williams, Weston, and Wilson. I have some questions for you about your former employer, Steve Nelson.” I blanched at the mention of his name.

  “Sure, come in,” I offered nervously. “Please, have a seat.” I sat at the k
itchen table knowing I couldn’t have this conversation standing up.

  “Thank you. I won’t take up too much of your time but we have had a lawsuit filed against Mr. Nelson by his personal assistant. She claimed that he sexually assaulted her on more than one occasion and, upon investigation, your name was listed as his previous assistant. I did some digging into your personnel file and noted that you were fired after six years with the company and two years of that time was spent as Mr. Nelson’s assistant. My questions have to do with your time as his assistant.”

  “Okay,” I agreed, feeling nauseated almost instantly.

  “Can you please share with me what it was like to work for Mr. Nelson and why it was that you were so abruptly fired? There wasn’t anything negative in your record before that day.” I started at the beginning and shared all of the details I had kept so closely guarded for a long time. By the time I’m finished talking my hands are clenched into tight fists.

  “I’m really sorry you had to go through this again. This is a very serious accusation against Mr. Nelson and I intend to move forward with the abuse charges. I will be in touch with you and may need to talk with you again. Here is my card. I am available if you have any questions. Thank you Mrs. Montgomery.” I placed the card in my pocket, trying to decide if I should even mention this to Jesse.

  Now that we had settled in at home, Jesse decided that we needed another party to help us celebrate our marriage. Mel came through the door in a flurry trying to dodge the sudden downpour outside. I hugged her and took her around the room, introducing her to everyone that had already arrived, including Jesse's parents, Bill and Cheryl. Cassie was there with Sam, but David was solo this evening. When I introduced him to Mel her whole demeanor instantly changed, I had never seen her so shy around a man. David seemed to be equally affected. They sat with the rest of the group making small talk before heading off to another part of the living room to chat. I watched in amusement for a short while before sneaking off to find Jesse.

  “Hey,” I approached him from behind and tapped him on the shoulder. “I think something is happening between David and Mel,” I whispered.

  “Oh yeah? Well, that doesn’t surprise me given the fact that they’re both single and attractive,” he craned his head around to see where they were. “That’s cool, right? David’s a great guy.” David and Jesse had been best friends for years. I could see that the idea of his friend hooking up with my best friend was something he wouldn't discourage.

  “Yeah, I know. I’ve just never seen her act this way around a man. She is usually so confident and aggressive. A minute ago I witnessed a man eater turn into a kitten.”

  “It’s the bulk, it scares ‘em off sometimes,” he said. “He’s harmless. She’ll find that out in an hour or two. Although, now you’ve got me worried that she’ll eat him alive. I know her track record with men,” he smirked. I punched him lightly in the arm and turned to head back to the kitchen. As I stepped away he swatted my ass sharply, making me squeal with delight. While dinner finished in the oven we hung out in the large living room while the guys played video games and the women chatted.

  “So, you two look pretty friendly,” Stefani nudged my shoulder. “I take it marriage is treating you well.” She smiled and spread artichoke dip on a cracker. “Yum, this is fantastic,” she said, licking dip from her thumb.

  “Thanks. Yeah, things seem to be going really well,” I replied quietly. “It was rough there for a moment, but we’ve had some time to get to know each other better.”

  “He’s very lucky to have you.”

  “Oh, I don’t know about that,” I looked over and made eye contact with Jesse. “I think I may be the lucky one.” Stefani just shook her head, laughing.

  “Girl, you have definitely got it bad. I can’t blame you though, the Montgomery men sure know their way around the bedroom.” She let out a loud sigh.

  “And quite a few other rooms too,” I retorted, fanning myself dramatically as we burst into a fit of giggles.

  “You two must be talking about sex,” Cheryl’s voice purred behind me, startling me and making me jump. “Oh honey, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you. I just saw your heads together and once you reach my age you learn to read lips if you want to know what is going on.” Her laughter was contagious as Stefani and I both burst into another round of giggles.

  “So, tell me sweetie, how are you and my handsome son enjoying marriage? I hope you are taking time to appreciate each other, it’s easy to forget that when you are young and busy.”

  “Well, we are trying,” I smiled shyly, sneaking another glance at my husband. “It all happened so fast.”

  “We’ve always told him that when you see what you want you go after it. He obviously saw what he wanted in you and he didn’t want to let it get away. Bill and I married quickly, although back in my day you didn’t get the opportunity to consummate your relationship before marriage so I always tease Bill and tell him that he only married me because he was horny,” she laughed and placed a hand lovingly over my arm. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you dear, it’s plain to see that he loves you.”

  “I hope so,” I whispered quietly, patting her hand.

  We gathered around the table and I happily observed multiple conversations going on around me. I watched as Mel had an animated chat going on with David, he laughed at everything she was saying. Sam and Cassie were playfully teasing one another; she had obviously stolen his heart. Tyler and Stefani were cozy at the opposite end of the table, and Jesse had his head thrown back in laughter at whatever story Charlie was sharing. These people had become my family. I loved each and every one of them. The thought of being apart from this made my heart ache. When I thought about how Amber kept trying to take away what was mine it made my blood boil. That bitch had her chance with Jesse and wouldn’t give him the time of day until she knew he belonged to someone else. I vowed then and there to never let her come between us ever again.

  Jesse looked over at me, instantly detecting that something was wrong. I guess the expression on my face was reflecting my sudden fears. He furrowed his brow and mouthed, “You okay?” I kept my lips pursed and nodded in response. He wasn’t convinced and leaned forward, touching my arm.

  “Rhyann? Baby what’s wrong? Talk to me.”

  “Nothing’s wrong sweetie. Just thinking. Can I talk with you a moment in private?” I stood and excused myself. Everyone stopped to watch our interaction. Jesse got up, a puzzled look crossing his face, and followed me out of the room. I walked all the way back to our master bathroom before turning in. He followed behind me as I shut the door.

  “What is it?” he asked, concerned.

  I grabbed his face and pressed my lips to his, claiming him as mine. His mouth opened in response and I teased my tongue over his. He moaned against me as I dragged my hand down his body and stopped at his rapidly growing erection. I pressed against him with the flat of my palm, gripping him as I pulled forward. His breathing quickened as I moved my mouth down his jaw and over his neck.

  “Rhyann,” he moaned. “What is this about?”

  “I have to feel you, Jesse. I need to prove that you own me,” I growled softly, moving my hands to fumble with his zipper as I fell to my knees. "I need to know that you belong only to me."

  He placed a strong hand over mine, “Baby, you don’t need to prove anything. I love you so much.” His warm hands cupped my face.

  “You don’t want my mouth on you?” I asked, surprised.

  “Of course I want that, but not like this, not on the bathroom floor. You mean more to me than that, Rhyann,” He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me. “You are my wife and I love you. I promise you that I am most definitely yours. There will never be another woman for me.” He placed a finger under my chin, lifting my eyes to meet his. “Now tell me baby, what is this really about?”

  I sighed and snuggled into the crook of his neck, I felt so safe there. “I was just sitting there thinking how your family is my famil
y now. I’ve never had a family like that, you know. It just made me realize how I don’t want to lose that. I can’t stand the thought of another woman trying to come and take that away from me.”