KILLALOT

by Cindy Brown

  “Yeah, but he was so miserable. Like me. I think listening to him helped me see what life might be like...without you.” Matt didn’t say anything. Just watched me, listening. “When I was talking to him, I realized that I didn’t have to choose, either, that you’d always supported my career.” And what I’d realized in talking with William was that I needed to choose Matt’s love. To be open to it. And worthy of it. “But I really thought I was doing the right thing, that I was saving you from me, because I was so messed up that we could never work. That you’d be stuck with a self-absorbed actor who was never going to be happy.”

  “And now?”

  “Well...” I’d saved William even though I was terrified. That seemed pretty unselfish. And those moments of happiness I’d experienced in the last few hours felt like a window into possibility. “I think we can work out the rest.”

  “I do too,” Matt said. “That’s what I drove out here to tell you. That I wasn’t letting you go without a fight. But...”

  My heart constricted. “Yeah?”

  “Ivy, you can’t keep shutting down. You can’t keep running away. You have to be open with me, to tell me what’s going on with you, whether it’s a paper cut or a chance to go to Broadway.”

  “You really want me to tell you about a paper cut?”

  “And you have to stop deflecting me like that,” Matt said. “At least when we’re having a serious conversation. I’m not saying I don’t love your sense of humor—I do—but sometimes you use it to keep me at a distance. You don’t have to be afraid of getting close. I’m not going to abandon you like your parents. You have to believe that or it won’t work. You have to believe you’re loved. That I love you and you love me and that it’s a good thing.”

  I felt elated and scared at the same time. My palms began to sweat. Could I do this? Did I really believe that this was love, and that it could be good? I thought about Matt—how he supported me in my acting and talked me through my PI cases. How he helped me to really see my brother. How he encouraged me to open up, not to just to him, but to life in general, and like I’d told William, to understand that I was worthy of love and life. Yes. Matt made me a better person. “It is good, and it is love,” I finally said. “Cody was right.”

  “I’m so glad.” Matt took my face in his hands and kissed me tenderly. “Now what’s this about Cody?”

  We called my brother on speakerphone, using Matt’s cell. I was afraid he might not come to the phone if he knew it was me. “Hi Cody,” said Matt. “I wanted to let you know I’m back in town.”

  “I know. I mean, thank you.”

  “And I wanted to let you know something else.”

  “I think I know.” Cody sounded depressed.

  “No,” I said. “This is good news.”

  “Olive-y? Is that you? Are you with Matt?”

  “Yes and yes.”

  “Does this mean you’re back together?”

  “Yes again.”

  “Ohhhh...” Cody groaned with relief. “I’m so glad,” he said. “I knew you weren’t dumb.”

  It was getting late, so we said goodbye to Cody pretty quickly, promising to see him in the next few days. Then I decided to try out my new straight-talking persona. “When do you want to start looking at apartments?”

  “I think we have one more thing to talk through first.”

  Uh oh.

  “I know you’re not going to Broadway—at least not with Kennelot—but you need to know that I don’t want you to give up your acting career.”

  “A career is wonderful, but you can’t curl up with it on a cold night.” A Marilyn quote. Matt frowned at me. “Sorry, deflecting again.”

  “Yeah. I don’t feel like you’ve ever completely believed me about that, but it’s true. You wouldn’t be Ivy if you weren’t an actor.”

  “I’d be Olive Ziegwart.”

  “You’re that, too. You’re Olive Ziegwart the detective, and Olive-y the sister of Cody, and Ivy Meadows the actress. And here’s the thing: I love all of them.”

  “Wow. This straight-talking thing isn’t so bad if it means I get to hear things like that.” I leaned in closer to him.

  “I don’t know how it’s going to work,” Matt said. “All I can say is that we’ll make it work.”

  “I may have an idea about that.”

  “You do?”

  “Have you ever thought about Dolly Parton’s husband?”

  Chapter 65

  I stayed the night with Matt. Even got up and had breakfast with him the next morning at seven o’clock. It was definitely love.

  Freshly brewed coffee was waiting for Uncle Bob when he got in the office at nine. “What’s this?” he said. “I smelled the coffee when I was coming up the stairs. Nearly went across the street to the jail to get a cop, but then I realized I’d never actually heard of a coffee-brewing burglar.” He poured himself a cup. “I’d ask what we’re celebrating, but I think I know.”

  “You do? Did Matt call you?”

  “That too?”

  “Too?”

  Uncle Bob grinned. “Guess you haven’t listened to yesterday’s messages.”

  “I may be awake, but I still can’t claim to be a morning person.” I dialed Duda Detective’s voicemail number and listened to a message from our law firm clients. Franko, Hricko, and Maionchi; one from an insurance company offering us a fraud job and...

  “Omigod!” I hung up the phone so I could dial using the office landline. My cellphone was drowned. “When did this come in?”

  “Last night,” said Uncle Bob. “I was working late. She called here when she couldn’t reach you. I guess you didn’t have your cellphone on, even though you promised—”

  I waved at him to be quiet. “Vicki,” I said when she picked up. “I just got your message. You’re not teasing me, right?”

  She wasn’t. “So I’ll need to fly to LA on Friday for the screen-test,” I said to Uncle Bob after I’d peeled myself off the ceiling. “I still can’t believe it. I mean, the part isn’t big, just two scenes, but it’s Marilyn.”

  “And Andre,” said Uncle Bob. “Even I know who he is.”

  I called John Robert and thanked him and then I called Hayden and thanked him. “It was especially nice since I sort of suspected you,” I said.

  “No problem. I was sort of suspicious.”

  “That traveling you do—it’s with the Winged Army?”

  “The who?” Hayden said, but the smile in his voice confirmed my suspicions.

  “So did you recommend Jackie for the film too?”

  “No,” he said. “She’s a great actor, but there’s something not quite right about her.”

  Dang. Jackie had looked so devastated yesterday. I hung up the phone and stood there a minute. Yes, I was standing. I was still way too excited to sit.

  “Hey, we need to talk about that message you left me at home last night,” said Uncle Bob. “About the whole thing with William. And maybe you want tell me why you called me from Matt’s phone?”

  “I think you know why I called you from Matt’s phone, since you told him where I was, and I’ll tell you about William in just a sec. I have something I need to do first.”

  “What?”

  “We are all of us stars, and we deserve to twinkle.”

  Uncle Bob frowned. “Is that Shakespeare? It doesn’t sound like Shakespeare. Who said that?” It was Marilyn, of course, but I’d let him figure it out. I dialed the phone again. “Timothy? I know it’s way too early, but—” I told him the news about Andre. Mostly to wake him up. It worked.

  “Aaaaaah! You are going be a star! A star, baby!”

  “Maybe. Isn’t it cool!? And speaking of cool—” now for the real reason I called. “I have a great idea for Boys Will Be Girls. You said you’re still figuring out a season, right?”

&n
bsp; “Yeah...”

  “Remember when we were shopping at Re-Dud you said something about being Henry Higgins?”

  “Yeah...Omigod, My Fair Lady. That would be fab—those costumes!”

  I thought this might work. Timothy loved costumes. “And I know the perfect actor to play Eliza Doolittle.”

  Once I was sure Timothy would pitch My Fair Lady with Benjamin as Eliza, I hung up the phone and sat down. “Okay,” I said to Uncle Bob. “Here’s what happened last night...”

  “I can’t believe you could do that,” he said.

  “I know. William must’ve weighed a ton with his chainmail on and everything.”

  “No, I meant that you were able to jump into that tank of water.” Uncle Bob knew about my water phobia, had even been on the receiving end of a few freak-outs when I was younger. “That’s really something, Olive.”

  “I...uh...thanks. I just...had to do it. Though I still don’t know how I lifted him. Adrenaline, I guess.”

  “That, and...” My uncle tapped a few keys on his computer keyboard. “Water displaces weight, so...” He read from his computer screen, “If you had a hundred-pound person, he’d displace eighty-nine point two-eight pounds, so his effective weight in water would be...ten point seven-one pounds.” Oh. I’d kind of liked thinking I had super human strength. Uncle Bob must have noticed my crestfallen face. “But I’m sure William weighed more than a hundred pounds,” he said.

  “Plus there was the chain mail.”

  “Exactly. And I meant what I said about you saving him from drowning, Olive. I’m proud of you.” Uncle Bob blushed a little. None of us in my family were used to straight-talking. “I’m still not sure I get all of this, though,” he said. “So William was the mysterious jouster. But what did he have to do with John Robert or his gardener?”

  “Nothing. When William was planning the prank, he looked at Google Earth to find the nearest water to the jousting arena.”

  “The pool at John Robert’s ranch.”

  “Exactly. William rode out of the arena, dumped the armor, rode Thunder to the ranch, walked a ways, and then hitched his way back to the faire. It was only when he got back that he realized how seriously he’d hurt Angus.”

  “When he OD’d earlier—was that a suicide attempt?”

  I shook my head. “No. He said he just got some bad stuff. The OD did give him the idea to kill himself, but he kept that to himself. He said if anyone at the faire had even suspected they would have put a watch on him, wouldn’t have let him out of their sight.”

  “Protected him, like they tried to do by getting you to drop the case.”

  “Yeah. Even the fortuneteller was in on it—kept giving me red herrings. I guess they really do treat each other like family.”

  “Egads,” said my uncle. “I love the Renaissance faire.”

  Chapter 66

  The rest of the day was a blur. I talked to the police. I talked to Vicki again. I talked to Cody and Candy and called a bunch of my other friends too. I talked to Doug, who was ponying up the cash for one of Phoenix’s best criminal defense lawyers for William. I must have sounded surprised when he told me, because he said, “What can I say? This lawyer thinks he can get the charges reduced enough that William will only be...away from us for a couple of years. We need our wizard. Wouldn’t be the same without him.” I think that was Doug’s way of saying he loved William too.

  And of course I called Matt. Even better, I met him at his apartment after work. I took a change of clothes and my toothbrush. After kisses and beer and take-out Chinese, he sat down on the couch and I flopped down beside him, laying my head in his lap. Finally, a chance to think, to process everything that had happened in the last few days.

  I guess I was uncharacteristically quiet, because Matt said, “What are you thinking about?”

  “Hamlet.”

  “Really?”

  “You know, the famous scene where he’s thinking of killing himself.”

  “To be or not to be.”

  “Yeah. That one.”

  “Because of William?”

  “That and...” I nodded slowly, trying to get my thoughts in order. I wanted to say it right. “I realized that in thinking about us, I’ve been thinking a lot about life, about what it’s meant for, if it’s worth it.”

  Matt’s thighs tensed underneath me.

  “No, don’t worry, I wasn’t anywhere as despondent as William was. I was just...lost. I was looking for something and I didn’t know exactly what it was.”

  “You’re not alone,” Matt said.

  “And what I realized is that for me, Hamlet’s question isn’t quite right—when he asks if it’s nobler to stay alive and suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. I don’t know about “nobler,” but I do know that’s it’s worth it. After all, life is outrageous fortune, with all its messiness and quick turns and heartaches and love. But we—I—have to be open to it, to be willing to experience those things—even to suffer...” I turned to look at Matt and his beautiful, beautiful face. I couldn’t believe I’d almost given him up. “Marilyn said, ‘We should all start to live before we get too old.’ I’m ready now. I want to face all those slings and arrows, and I want to face them with you. After all, to love and be loved is the greatest gift life can offer.”

  “Shakespeare again?”

  I shook my head.

  “Marilyn?”

  “No.” I kissed him. “Ivy Meadows.

  Reader’s Discussion Guide

  I rewrote this book three times (!). I always write several drafts of each book and rewrite each of those several times, but this book changed more than any of the others since Macdeath (a first book almost always needs lots of drafts). I’d wanted to set a book at a Renaissance faire for years, ever since the opening jousting scene planted itself in my head, and Camelot seemed like the obvious choice for a play that would fit into the world of the book. In each of Ivy’s books, I like to make part of the plot parallel the theme of the original play. How to do that with Camelot?

  In my first draft, I concentrated on the play’s love-versus-romance theme (after all, Guinevere does love Arthur even as she betrays him with Lancelot). I think it’s not uncommon for us to mistake romance for love, and the problem certainly adds conflict, but when I tried to use it, I ended up with a love triangle between Ivy, Matt, and Hayden. Ugh.

  I took out the love triangle and moved on to the play’s theme of the death of a dream (the destruction of the “brief shining moment” that was Camelot). I used that theme as Ivy’s conflict—in choosing one of her dreams (love or an acting career), she’d have to destroy the other (or so she thought.) Then I made the threat to the Ren faire part of the killer’s motive. Better.

  But something was still missing, and one day it came to me. It was Cody. Ivy had always thought she’d destroyed his dream (a “normal life”), and she needed to deal with that. So, another draft. And finally, the book you have in your hands. I hope you like this insight into how it came to be and enjoy Ivy’s Camelot adventure.

  - Cindy Brown

  Topics & Questions for Discussion

  Have you ever had to choose between dreams? What were they? How did you make your decision?

  If you could dress up to go to a Renaissance faire, what would you wear? Traditional garb, or something more fantastical?

  Ivy nearly gives up on her investigation. Have you ever been about to throw in the towel only to have something change your mind?

  What communities do you voluntarily belong to (neighborhood groups, religious organizations, social groups)? How far would you go to defend them?

  The Kennedy era has often been referred to as America’s Camelot. What do you think would have happened if he hadn’t been assassinated?

  Enhance Your Book Club or Class Discussion

  Visit a Renaissance faire!
You can find one near you by going to therenlist.com (and not all of them are as expensive as the fictional Phoenix Ren Faire).

  Listen to Camelot. I think the Broadway version definitely outshines the film in terms of music—after all Broadway had Julie Andrews singing the role of Guinevere.

  Watch the film. It’s a little outdated, but it was filmed at a Spanish castle, and you can watch Vanessa Redgrave (Guinevere) and Franco Nero (Lancelot) fall in love. After meeting on the set in 1967, they had a son together, broke up, and then reunited and married in 2006, when they were in their 70’s.

  Read books about the legend of King Arthur. You can choose from The Once and Future King, which inspired the musical; The Mists of Avalon, which tells the legend from women’s perspectives; or if you’re up for a challenge, you can check out the earliest written account of King Arthur by reading Le Morte D’Arthur (1485) by Sir Thomas Malory.

  Watch Some Like It Hot, or other Marilyn Monroe films. Google the famous “Happy Birthday Mr. President” scene and watch it too.

  Try the food! You can go with a Medieval feast (Renaissance faires typically straddle Medieval and Renaissance themes) of fish or poultry, fresh bread, honey mustard, eggs (like deviled eggs, but with yep, honey and mustard), chilled strawberry soup—and no forks (they weren’t invented yet). Spoons and knives are okay. If you’d like to use all of your silverware, you could try an Italian Renaissance meal of melon, roast chicken, mushrooms, and a stuffed pasta (like ravioli).

  According to The Smithsonian Magazine, “Wildlife trafficking is thought to be the third most valuable illicit commerce in the world, after drugs and weapons.” You can help by:

  • Educating yourself and others. Eighty percent of Americans are unaware of the wildlife trafficking happening in the U.S. Learn more at www.stopwildlifetrafficking.org.