What It Takes (A Dirt Road Love Story)

by Sonya Loveday

  “Thanks.” Half the bottle went down in two long swallows.

  Randy gave a grunted response, tipping his own bottle up and taking a swig.

  The silence, while nice, grated on me. Randy hadn’t actively sought me out any other time. Never shared a beer with me or tried to make small talk.

  “I need to get the horses in. Thanks again for the beer.”

  Randy propped his bottle against his bent knee, boot heel resting on a slatted board of the stall behind his back. “Hold up a minute, I have something to say to you.”

  I tensed. “And what’s that?”

  He smiled. “I’ve worked with Gibs for a long time. I know him like I know myself. But what I want you to know is Gibs doesn’t hand out chores. I do.” He paused for a second, squinted his eyes, and then said, “Tomorrow, instead of taking care of the stalls, you’re coming with me.”

  My eyebrows tugged together as I searched Randy’s deeply grooved, sun-toasted face. “What time?”

  “First thing tomorrow morning—be at the south pasture.” He pushed off the stall and held out his hand for my empty bottle. I handed it over, and he walked away without another word.

  Part of me wanted to be happy Randy saw what Gibs pulled. The other part of me knew Gibs would think I’d complained about him and further ostracize me from the rest of the hands. I hadn’t had much of a welcome to begin with, and with each passing day, I felt a little more out of my element where I normally thrived.

  It was like my own heavy dose of karma for walking away without talking to Gracen first. I had to fix it somehow. I had to call her and at least talk to her.

  But what the hell was I supposed to say?

  After I put away my tools, I made a quick supper and then took a shower, stalling as I tried to drum up enough courage to call her. To figure out what to say. How to explain why it’d had taken me so long to reach out to her.

  My finger hovered over the send button, my heart hammering in my chest.

  I tipped my head back, closing my eyes.

  Give me a sign. Give me something that tells me I’m doing the right thing. That calling her is the right choice.

  The sound of water dripping from the shower—plunk, plunk, plunk—filled the silence. I’d tried everything to fix it. Nothing worked. And only in the quiet times did it bother me the most. I sucked in a long breath and blew it out on a quick burst. There was no reason, nothing other than my own cowardice, keeping me from reaching out to her.

  Before I could push the send button, there was a hard knock on my door.

  I tossed my phone on the table before walking over and opening the door.

  “Randy needs you.” The kid lifted his hand, thumb jerking behind him. He was newly hired, a fresh-out-of-high-school kid.

  I pulled my boots on, gave one last look at my cell phone, and then headed out the door. I’d asked for a sign.

  Chapter 13

  Gracen: October

  “Oh, my word, Gracen! What happened to your lip?” Mavis asked as she came out from behind the counter. Concern dug deep grooves between her eyes.

  I tentatively touched the corner of my lip with my finger and winced. There had been no way to hide it. The only thing I could do was lie. Lie my ass off—because if I told the truth about it, everyone would assume Clint had done it on purpose.

  Hadn’t he, though? I shoved the thought away. It had been an accident. A mistake. He’d apologized, and I’d accepted his apology.

  I waved Mavis’s question away. “I was trying to walk around in the dark and tripped over a pair of shoes I left in the middle of the floor.”

  “The middle of the floor doesn’t bust your lip up like that.” She squinted harder at me as she reached for my face.

  I moved back a step. “It does when your face smacks into the footboard of the bed.”

  A flicker of doubt crossed her face before setting firmly on her lips. “Well, be sure you start picking up after yourself. Or I’ll come do it for you.”

  Her tone was a warning. She didn’t buy my story no matter how cleverly I’d crafted it.

  A handful of customers kept me busy during the day, and Mavis, thankfully, kept mostly to herself in her office.

  “Have you heard from him?” Mavis asked, coming up to stand in front of me on the other side of the counter.

  “Who?”

  Mavis huffed. “Who, she asks. Who? Slade, that’s who.”

  “You sound like an owl.” I laughed, shaking a shirt out and putting it on a hanger.

  She swatted my hand. “Have you heard from him?”

  I shook my head. “No. He hasn’t called since he left.”

  It hurt. I didn’t want to talk about it. About him.

  “Is your phone broken?” She crossed her arms, pinning me with a questioning glance.

  “You know it’s not.”

  “So why haven’t you called him? Seems to me with him being such a good friend and all, you’d try to call him if you didn’t hear from him. It’s been how long now?”

  “Four months.” I sighed. “I wanted to, but now I’m not so sure. I mean, if he wanted to talk to me, he would have called first, but he hasn’t. So…”

  Mavis cocked her head slightly, her lips pursed. “This isn’t just about your friendship. Something happened between you two. Something you’re still running from.”

  My heart triple-timed it in my chest. “I’m not running from anything.”

  “Honey, I’ve been on this earth a long time. There ain’t much can get past me. I saw how you were after he left, but I thought you were just moping. But now, I see it. Now, I understand. You don’t want to call him because of Clint.” She uncrossed her arms, settling her hands on the counter. Her bright red fingernail tapped against the polished wood as she watched me closely.

  I fought the urge to fidget under her heavy scrutiny. “Clint has nothing to do with it.”

  She laughed. “He has everything to do with it, and you know it.”

  I felt verbally slapped. Clint had nothing to do with Slade and vice-versa. However, Clint had everything to do with me and who I talked to or saw. More and more, he pulled the strings tighter around me. To the point I’d thought about packing everything up and moving off the ranch. I knew I was in a no-win situation with Clint. Knew he wasn’t what he’d tried to portray himself as in the beginning. He’d fooled everyone. Even Lex.

  “What am I supposed to do? Call Slade behind Clint’s back and hope Slade doesn’t call me when Clint is around? Slade left. He took off and didn’t look back, Mavis. There’s nothing but heartache and memories there. I don’t want to stir it all back up again for nothing.” The words left me in a rush.

  Mavis grabbed a handful of shirts and walked over to the rack I’d started to fill, hanging them up one by one. “Stir it all up?”

  I sighed. “You know what I mean.”

  “No, I don’t know. See here’s the thing… you and Slade were two peas in a pod. You practically lived in each other’s back pocket for years. Clint? He’s just a cowboy who rode in to do a job. He doesn’t know you… not the real you like Slade does. He hasn’t been around long enough to be more than just a passing fancy. One you can turn out any ‘ole time you want. So what’s really holding you back from calling Slade to see how he’s doing?”

  My ponytail swung over my shoulder, tickling my neck as I lowered my head. Fear. Fear held me back. Fear kept me from calling him, because I didn’t want to hear a different tone in his voice when he spoke to me. I didn’t want to feel like I’d been shifted somewhere to the back of his thoughts. If I didn’t call him, and he didn’t call me, I wouldn’t have to accept that things were so drastically different that he had to put three states between us to get away from me.

  Numbly, I fed another hanger through a shirt and stacked it on the counter. Mavis brushed past me and grabbed my purse. Her hand disappeared inside it, and she pulled out my phone. “Go call him.”

  I took my phone and clutched it against my c
hest. Mavis put her hands on my shoulders, pushing me to the back of the store.

  It took me five minutes to get up enough nerve to make the call… and about thirty seconds to realize he wasn’t going to answer. And worse, his voice mail had never been set up, so I couldn’t even leave him a message. I should have known better. Should have just let it be. Either way, he’d see my name on his phone and it would be up to him to call me back. Hopefully before I left the boutique, because I didn’t want to have to explain to Clint why Slade was calling me.

  Throughout the rest of the afternoon, my anxiety climbed through the roof—to the point of shattering every single tightly strung muscle. I’d worked myself up so bad that by the time I made it home, I was on the verge of some sort of mental breakdown.

  I have to turn my phone off. If Slade calls and Clint knows it’s him, I’ll never hear the end of it. I don’t want to have to deal with Clint being a complete asshole tonight. I turned my phone off and then shoved it in my purse, burying it at the bottom like a dirty little secret.

  By the time Clint strolled into the house, dinner was underway and I’d somewhat calmed down. That was until he asked me, “How was your day?”

  He never asked me that. I turned from the stove, giving him a weary smile. “Good. Had a lot of inventory to put out. And I decorated the store for Halloween, so it’s ready for the fall festival.”

  He nodded, crossed the kitchen, and pulled me into his arms, giving me a brief kiss on the lips. “Smells good. I’m gonna go grab a shower.”

  I turned back to the pot of beans on the stove and grabbed the spoon, stirring them to hide the tremor that ran through me. Guilt seared its way up my backbone, leaving anger in its place. I shouldn’t have to tiptoe around Clint. Slade was a part of my life I couldn’t erase. Didn’t want to erase. Talking to him wasn’t a damn crime, and I shouldn’t feel like I had to hide the fact I’d called to check on him. But I did feel that way. I felt guilty and sneaky about it.

  I slammed the spoon against the side of the pot with a heavy sigh.

  “Hey Gracen. Clint,” Lex called out as he strolled into the barn.

  Even on Sundays, I was up early, but not of my own choice. Clint had decided since I wasn’t working, I could help him. That way he’d get done early, so we could go fishing or head into town to do something.

  I missed the way it used to be. Missed getting up when my body told me it was time to. I missed having my bed to myself and Lucy. Lucy missed it, too. Ever since Clint moved himself right on in, he’d kicked Lucy out of the bed and wouldn’t allow her up there. Even on my side. But what I really missed was the groggy-eyed walk to the coffee pot and making two cups to carry down to the barn. The way Slade would joke with me until I woke up enough to banter back. I missed it. I missed him.

  “Hey, Lex,” I answered from Buxby’s stall.

  “Mornin’, boss,” Clint said, stepping around Ghost. He ignored Ghost’s bobbing head and stretched neck as the horse looked for a scratch between his ears.

  It frustrated me to see him ignore the animals for everything but maintenance. Food, clean stalls, and water. Those were his only concerns. I’d even caught him cursing them a time or two because they bumped him when they wanted attention.

  “Gracen, you got a few minutes?” Lex asked, passing by Clint.

  Clint’s eyes narrowed on me.

  “Sure. What’s up?” I asked, leaning my shovel outside of Buxby’s stall.

  Buxby brought his head up from the feed bucket Clint had fashioned outside of each horse’s stall. He claimed it was easier to do that than have to go back and feed them after all the stalls were mucked. I couldn’t help but feel like it was his way of keeping the horses occupied so he didn’t have to talk to them or, God forbid, show them any sort of kindness. Buxby’s jaws worked side to side as he blinked his big brown eyes at me. I ran my hand down his sleek chestnut neck, his body quivering under my touch as he leaned closer for more attention.

  “I’m having some issues with the computer. Can you come look at it for me?” he asked.

  “I can help you, boss,” Clint said, handing me his shovel.

  Lex looked from Clint to me. “That’s all right. Gracen won’t be too long. Should be done by the time you finish cleaning out the stalls.”

  I wasn’t sure what it was, but I felt it in the air. Some kind of shift. The horses did, too. Ghost sidestepped, bumping into me as I passed by him. I put my hand out, patting his flank to let him know I was there and then speaking softly to him as he turned his head to me. Horses were very perceptual beings. They could sense things, feelings and the like. Whatever it was that passed through the air wasn’t settling well with Ghost, and I couldn’t tell if it was Clint or Lex who caused it. Maybe both.

  We got halfway across the yard when Lex spoke. “What’s going on?”

  My thoughts had already skipped ahead to his computer problems. I didn’t know very much about them, but I’d try my best to figure it out. “Huh? I can’t tell you until I look at it.”

  Lex snorted, leaving the rest of what he had to say until we were inside the big house, front door closed firmly behind us.

  “Want coffee?” he asked as I made my way to his office.

  “That would be great. Haven’t had one yet this morning,” I answered, leaving him in the kitchen.

  I sank into the chair behind the desk to find the computer screen black. It wasn’t even on. Lex didn’t have computer problems. He wanted to talk to me. I swallowed nervously and moved to get up.

  “Sit down, Gracen, and drink your coffee,” he said, setting a steaming cup in front of me on the large calendar blotter.

  When I lifted the cup, Slade’s name appeared. It was circled in a series of blue ink swirls. His birthday was coming up. I pointed at his name. “Heard from him?”

  Lex set his own cup down and lowered himself into the chair on the other side of his desk with a deep sigh. “Not lately. That’s why I asked you to come up here. Well, one of the reasons.”

  I put my hands around the mug, allowing the heat to absorb into my palms. They were red and chapped from the exposure of hard work and the cooler weather. I’d need to pick up some more lotion before the skin split and left my hands a mess.

  Lex reached for his coffee, propped his booted foot up on his knee, and then took a drink from his mug as I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth.

  “Why are you mucking out the stalls?” he asked, catching me off guard.

  I shrugged my shoulders, realizing I’d become accustomed to doing that more often than not. It was easier than opening my mouth and saying what I really felt. I wasn’t Lex’s concern. No matter how much I wanted to tell him how trapped I felt. How I wanted to leave the ranch. Leave the only home I’d ever known just so I could feel like I was in charge of my own life again.

  “What happened to your lip?” he asked, digging further into my personal bubble.

  I felt my cheeks heat under his heavy stare. “What’s with all the questions, Lex?”

  “Your lip. What happened?” He sounded angry.

  I pushed from the comfort of his chair, wanting so badly to just fall back down into it and spill my guts to him. Let him sort it out while I cowered like everything inside me shouted to do. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t allow myself to fall into that pit. Wouldn’t allow myself to. I’d made my own mess, and I’d clean it up. No matter how hard it was, or what actions I needed to take. I was a grown woman, and I needed to start acting like one.

  The lie I’d told Mavis about tripping over my shoe hung in the air between us. Lex chewed it over for a minute before shaking his head. “Are you and Clint together? Like together… together?”

  The truth burned the back of my throat, and I was forced to swallow it as I answered, “He moved into my house about two months ago.”

  The reaction I’d hoped for never came. I wanted him to get mad—to raise hell and tell me he wouldn’t allow Clint to live with me. That it would breach some sort of contract o
r something. But he didn’t say any of that. He didn’t really even bat an eye about it.

  The coffee I’d managed to drink sat in my stomach like a stone. “What’s wrong with your computer?” I asked, switching topics.

  “Nothing. I just used it as an excuse to talk to you without Clint around,” Lex answered, pushing from his seat. “If you hear from Slade, will you tell him to call me?”

  “I think you’ll probably hear from him first, but sure, if he calls, I’ll tell him.”

  We set our mugs in the sink before he walked me back to the barn.

  Clint was nowhere near finished. In fact, it looked like he hadn’t done anything since I’d left to talk to Lex.

  “Get the computer issue handled?” he asked, reaching for a shovel and handing it to me.

  Lex scowled. “Yeah, turns out it just needed a few updates. Catch ya later, Gracen.” He turned on his heel and left the barn.

  “Updates, huh?” Clint skewered me with a heated look.

  “Yep. Once I shut it down, it updated itself and fixed whatever problem he was having,” I said, disappearing inside Buxby’s stall.

  “Grab a shower with me. After that, we’ll head into town for dinner,” Clint said as we walked up the porch steps.

  Every muscle in my body protested doing anything other than sinking into a tub filled with hot water. “I think I’d rather throw some sandwiches together and stay in.”

  “Nice try. You owe me dinner,” Clint said, slapping me on the backside.

  I spun on him. “I owe you dinner? How do you figure?” I cooked for him every damn night with groceries I bought with my own money. I didn’t owe him a damn thing.

  He rounded on me, forcing me to take a step back that put me up against the wall. “You left me to muck out the stalls by myself.” His finger shot out, jabbing me in the chest with each word. “You. Owe. Me. Dinner.”

  I slapped his hand away, rubbing where his finger had poked. His forearm shot up against my neck as he leaned in close. “You don’t get to walk away from your chores to take off with another man.”