by SF Benson
“You look tired, plus you tossed around all night.”
“Every time I closed my eyes, I remembered my nightmare.”
He hugged me. “I promise you no one will hurt you. I won’t let them. And nobody’s giving you the vaccine.”
I rested my head on his chest, inhaling the heavenly scent of sandalwood lingering on his shirt. “Nice words, Z. They don’t alter reality though.” If we couldn’t expose the government, my ass would be in trouble.
He dropped his arms. “You still don’t think I can stop it?”
“This is my life on the line right now, Z. Understand?”
“I get it. But I’ve already put my life on the line for you. Understand?”
“I do.” Right now, I wanted an end to the nightmares.
“No, you don’t. You doubt me right now.”
My mouth dropped.
“I’m pretty good at reading people. I’m risking a lot keeping you safe. It’s why I couldn’t contact you. I have people watching me, too. I’ve been warned about spending so much time with you.”
I tilted my head. “And yet you’re here?”
“Yes, I’m here.” His eyes flashed and he moved closer.
He cupped my chin and kissed me. His tongue brushed my lips before entering my mouth. Our tongues dipped and dived, creating our own personal roller coaster. Zared’s hand caressed my neck. I shuddered beneath his touch. My mind reminded me Mom would be up any minute. I broke off the kiss.
“If that was my birthday present, I plan to finish unwrapping it later.”
“Good to know.” He gave me a sexy half-smile. I almost resumed the kiss. “So did you spend the whole night staring at me?”
My cheeks grew hot. I slid out of bed before embarrassing myself further. "Hey, my mom will be up soon. You can use the bathroom first.” I pointed to the door near the window. “Clean towels are under the sink.”
When he closed the door, I exchanged my street clothes for a pair of faded sweat pants and a T-shirt. I gathered my dirty things and walked out the room. Mom entered the kitchen just as I shut my door.
“Good morning, minha filha! Happy birthday,” Mom exclaimed.
I smiled half-heartedly. Did she think I’d be happy about my birthday? I wished everyone would just forget it. Like I said, no big deal. “Thanks. Can you do laundry today?”
“Not today, Tru. I have something I must do this morning.”
When I walked into the kitchen, I noticed Mom wore a charcoal-colored suit. I hadn’t seen her in a suit since she lost her job. Dad rushed into the room before I said a word.
“Ready?” He carried a briefcase and a large brown travel thermos. Dad kissed my cheek and announced, “¡Feliz cumpleaños!”
“Thanks.” If one more person wished me happy birthday, I’d scream.
“I'll meet you at the elevator.” Mom waited for Dad to close the door, and then, she spoke. “We need you to stay here today.”
“But I—”
“You can work from home. You can use my tablet.”
“Your tablet?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Your dad doesn't know about it.” Mom opened a cabinet, reached behind some pans, and removed a translucent device. “Put it back when you're done. I'll be back around noon.”
Mom left the apartment.
I stood there with my mouth open. My technophobic mother had been hiding a friggin’ tablet this entire time.
“Hey.” Zared stood in the doorway, his hair wet. With Mom gone, I guess he could use a blow dryer.
“Hey yourself.”
“I, uh, guess we don't need my friend.”
“I guess not.” The tablet was evidence of more secrets. My life felt like one of those ancient reality shows. Could someone yell, “Cut”? No such luck. I carried the tablet back to my room and retrieved the SIM card from my bag. We sat side by side on the floor. I remembered Cris’ words, but I wouldn’t ask Zared to leave.
He placed his hand over mine before I inserted the card.
“That card is like Pandora's Box.”
“What are you talking about?” My stomach clenched.
“You remember the story? A goddess was curious and opened a box containing all the evils in the world.”
“And?”
“I’m just saying,” he cleared his throat, “once you learn what’s on the card, you can't unlearn it.”
“I don't care. What if it leads us to Intrepid? Didn’t you say you needed it?”
“I did, but—”
“No buts. Let’s uncover some answers.” I inserted the card. Once again, I needed a password.
“Any ideas?” he asked.
“Yes. Remember the phrase from the notebook?”
“About ‘the library of the truth’?”
“Yes. If I’m the truth, my birthdate might unlock it.” I inputted 1 0 1 0 0 8. Nothing happened.
Zared rubbed his temples. “Try your AR code.”
I inputted T S S 0 0 8 4 3 2. Access Granted.
I glanced at him.
He looked away.
I had a feeling I knew where this was leading. I scanned the files and found one labeled ‘Harriet Shepard’. I clicked on it:
Gabriela Pereira alias Harriet Shepard.
Classification Adnan.
Previous classification Dezye.
Previously a computer programmer, chemist.
Developed Operation Intrepid. Security risk.
Mother of one child, an illegitimate girl, Truly Shara Shepard.
Father is Frederick Shepard. Parents never married.
What the hell just happened? My life was normal, mundane even. Then, someone ripped the bandage off my existence revealing a large oozing lie named Gabriela Pereira. Of course, the person had to dump salt in the situation. My parents weren’t married, and I didn’t have a brother. The lie festered. My mother, an imposter and security risk, developed Operation Intrepid.
My body shook again. He rubbed my shoulder, and I tensed up. “Did you know any of this?”
“Not the part about your dad,” he said thickly.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Zared scrutinized my face for a moment. He cocked his head and asked, “Would you have believed me?”
My eyes flooded with tears. I choked back a sob.
“You weren’t supposed to find out like this.”
“How should I’ve found out? From my law-abiding, so honest mother?”
He helped me to my feet.
“Is my mother a spy?”
“Honestly? I don’t know. I was told she was a concerned citizen.”
I wiped at the tears cascading down my face. Many citizens developed a variety of surveillance systems before the New Order. Once the government changed hands, the surveillance stopped.
“Why would a concerned citizen have an alias? You saw her profile. She wasn’t just a programmer.”
He led me to the bed. “I can’t answer that. I know Intrepid learned secrets. Big ones. Your mom went to the media. She talked to some reporter. Then someone killed him. Authorities told her to surrender the program in exchange for your life.”
“My life?” I swallowed the bile working its way up my throat.
“Well, not just yours. Your entire family.”
I lay back. “So we’ve all been in hiding?”
Zared leaned over me. “Yes. But—”
“My mother kept a copy of Intrepid.” I bolted upright. “Didn’t she?”
He grimaced. I moved so fast I almost knocked him out. “If she did, it may be on the card.”
I retrieved the tablet from the floor, removed the card, and shut down the device. “We’ll check it later. Right now, we have a room to search.”
“You should recognize your right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you. You will be questioned. You can decide at any time to not answer any questions nor make any statements. You should realize cooperation will not afford you a lenient penalty.”
In less than a week’s time, I rifled through Eden and Cris’ belongings again. It was rude, not reckless, disregarding their private property. Who had I become? Who deserved the blame for changing me? Zared? The New Order and its policies? Maybe transformation couldn’t be avoided. Press a pebble too hard for too long, and eventually, it changes. There’s no guarantee you’ll like what you end up with.
“Any idea what we’re looking for?” I knelt beside a box.
“I’m guessing files.” Zared removed the lid, exposing Eden’s unmentionables. He replaced the top and pushed it aside.
I dug into the bottom of a large box of sweaters. Along the bottom, I felt something hard and flat. I pulled out a small, rectangular red piece of plastic with a picture of Eden. “How about identification?”
He held his hand out. “Uh, can I see?”
CHA-Riza Level 3 New Belle Isle Division emblazoned the front of it. My stomach twisted. “So he told the truth. Now I know why she was there.”
He folded his arms. “What are you talking about?”
I toyed with a lock of my hair. “Don’t get bent. Remember the day I went to RMA?”
“Yeah.” He raised an eyebrow.
“I saw Eden at RMA.”
He seized my wrist. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I shrugged out of his grip. “Slipped my mind?”
“You expect me to buy that?”
“I’m sorry. I should have told you.” I sighed. “Cris told me last night Eden worked with the government.”
“Not good, Tru. You can’t keep this kind of shit from me.”
“I said I’m sorry.”
Zared hung his head, burying his hands in his hair. “I know you said you didn’t learn anything at the learning center. But—”
He would bring up my little detour. “I wasn’t completely honest. I know a girl who translates Farsi.”
Zared tipped his head to one side and looked me in the eye.
“Don’t say it, okay?” I twisted my ponytail. “I didn’t learn too much. Some crap about ‘purveyors of logic holding the key.’ Nothing we didn’t find out today.”
He nodded, fingered Eden’s identification, and then slipped it into his back pocket. “Anything else you should tell me?”
“I don’t think so.” I rubbed my forehead. “I guess Eden was using Cris.”
“What do you mean?”
“You said both Riza and CHA want the card.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m thinking Eden hooked up with Cris because of it. She was carrying out a job. A mission—” I covered my mouth. “I didn’t mean—”
He chewed on his bottom lip.
“Say something, Z.”
He looked at me with such unbearable sadness my heart hurt. “You still doubt me.”
The lump in my throat wouldn’t budge no matter how hard I swallowed. “I didn’t mean you.” I reached for his hand.
He waved it away. “Don’t compare me to other people. I told you before you’re not a job.”
“Okay.” His words felt like a knife in the gut. Sometimes my edit button got stuck before I spoke. “What do we do now?”
“It’s not a ‘we’ problem. If Eden is planning something, I’ll find out.” He rubbed his chin. “Looks like I’m going to New Belle Isle.”
“Like hell you are!” Now who was being reckless? I wouldn’t let him risk his neck without me.
“We’re not discussing it. You can’t go there. Remember your Inoculation Day order?”
My stomach tensed. He was right of course. “But Z, it’s too dangerous, even for you. New Belle Isle is restricted access.”
“I know.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’ll figure something out.”
“We could use my pass to get on the island, though.” I’d rather not go on New Belle Isle. But if it would get us closer to answers, I’d make the sacrifice.
“No! Not an option!” Zared clenched and unclenched his jaw. He exhaled. “I’ll figure out something.”
Oh, thank God! “I thought—”
“Come here.” He pulled me into his side.
His touch made me feel safe, like he was able to chase away all my fears. I wished I could close my eyes and let my emotions and thoughts fade away like the early morning fog. Thanks to my mother, any chance of normalcy disintegrated. My stomach twisted, and my head ached.
He kissed the top of my head. “Hey, I better get out of here before your mom returns. Are you okay?”
No, but I’d survive. “I’ll be fine. Meet up later at the factory?”
“No. There's a place I need you to see.”
I pulled away from him. Hadn’t I had enough surprises today? “What place?”
“Later.” He stroked my hair. “You can take the rail. I'll text you the address.” Zared stood and strolled to the door.
“Z?”
He glanced over his shoulder. “Yeah?”
I crossed the room and took his hand. “Thanks.”
“For?”
“Being here.”
Zared flashed his heartwarming sexy smile. “Meet me at four.”
Thou shall remember not to question authority.
—10 Commandments of Personal Conduct, Thaxton Bible, 2021
After Zared left, I straightened my parents’ bedroom and returned to the tablet. My mother owed me an explanation. Parents don’t lie to their kids. Didn’t the Parenting 101 manual have a rule or something about lying? Children were expected to cover up the truth from time to time, as long as no one got hurt. It was part of growing up. But parents? They were supposed to keep us safe without lies.
My mother betrayed me. No, it went deeper. It signified her lack of faith in me. She should have told me our lives were in danger. Not telling me about Cris meant she didn’t trust me. I wondered about everything else in my life. Had she lied about my father? Perhaps they were partners in deception.
My life was so screwed up. Who told me the truth? Who lied to me? Let’s not forget the biggest question…why?
Cris promised the card would give me answers. Not true. I had more questions. My mother’s actions turned our lives upside down. Zared said our relocation was punishment. No. Keeping me in the dark all this time was the real punishment. Why the hell did she deceive me? We never kept secrets. Never, never, never! My mother’s stupid little spy game destroyed my world. I gave up my friends and my home so she could live out her duplicitous life. We might have been together sooner if we hadn’t moved.
I slammed my bedroom door and headed straight for the tablet. Proof of Intrepid had to be somewhere on the card. Damn, the file was coded, and I had no idea how to open encrypted files. Too late to figure it out. The front door closed. My mother was home. I switched off the tablet.
I rushed into the living room ready to confront my mother. The disheveled, stooped over woman standing in the center of the room glued my feet to the floor. Smudged mascara framed her red, puffy eyes. She twisted Cris’ brown leather jacket in her hands. The large dark stain caught my eyes at the same time I picked up the rusty smell. The room tilted. My hand caught the doorframe.
“What happened?” The pressure on my chest wouldn’t let up.
“It's Cris,” she murmured.
I stumbled to the sofa. “Wh-what happened?”
My mother collapsed near me. She placed her trembling hands inside the jacket. “Tru, your dad and I went to…” Tears rolled down her cheek. “The police found his body on the riverfront early this morning. They said it was a robbery.”
No, no, no, no! Somebody ripped my heart out, shredded it, and tossed it in the trash. It left a hole in my chest so deep nothing would ever fill it again. Tears ran down my cheeks. My lower lip quivered. Pain strangled my throat cutting off the words. My brain took over. More lies. They were wicked and, my God, so palpable.
“Tru?” The stranger on the sofa reached out to touch me. “Tru, say something.”
I
avoided her hand. “You’re lying! Cris isn’t—”
“He is, sweetheart. It’s not a lie.” The woman next to me wiped away her own tears. “I was at the morgue.”
“No,” my voice wobbled. Why was she still talking?
My mother tried to put her arms around me. I shrank from her. She couldn’t comfort me. Her lies might rub off, and I’d believe them.
“I know it's hard to believe, but—”
“No! Don’t say anything else!” I jumped to my feet backpedaling from the stranger. “How do I know you're not lying right now, Gabriela?”
My mother stood with her arms at her sides. “Tru—”
“Stay away from me!” I wiped my eyes.
Listening to any more of her lies would make my head explode. I picked up my purse and jacket and headed for the rail station. Lucky for me, a railcar approached the stop. Despite the stares and comments around me, I pulled my knees to my chest and cried.
My head said to be logical. The last time I saw Cris, he warned me about danger. He knew what was coming. The remnants of my heart screamed it didn’t matter. Cris shouldn’t have covered her lies. The tears kept flowing like a faucet without a washer.
The car stopped. I lifted my head and looked around, wiping my face. When I hopped the railcar, I had no plan and no direction. Instinct carried my broken spirit to the one person who made me feel safe.
I sidestepped the trash and rubble inside the factory. The stench and my pain kicked the crap out of me. I spewed my guts in a corner. Digging around in my purse, I found a tissue and then popped a stick of gum in my mouth. Slowly, I made my way back to the office.
“Z! Are you here?” My voice came out brittle, like it didn’t belong to me.
He rushed out of the office. “What—”
The tears started falling again.
“What happened?”
“Cris, he’s…he’s d-dead.”
The last thing I remembered was the warmth of Zared’s embrace.
“I am aware my patients have no privacy. Their problems will be disclosed to our esteemed leadership as necessary.”
—Hippocratic Oath, 2020
I woke up with my head on Zared’s lap. I rolled onto my back and noticed his wet, dull eyes. What did I tell him?