Regress (The Alliance Chronicles Book 1)

by SF Benson

Oh hell, here we go again. Before she assured me he was my father. Now, she said he wasn’t. The woman told so many lies she couldn’t keep them straight.

  “Please, don’t tell me Dr. Kat—”

  “Puxa não, gosh no!” Mom scrunched up her face. “Your father died before you were born. His name was Tomás. He was Frederico’s brother.”

  “Wait a minute,” I rubbed my brow. “The man I called dad was my uncle?”

  “Yes. He promised he would take care of us when your father died so, I wouldn’t have to raise you alone. Frederico loved you. He raised you as if you were his flesh and blood.”

  I put my face back into the towel. “I’ve had a little too much for one day.”

  Mom rubbed my shoulders. “I agree.”

  I removed the towel and noticed something was missing. On the monitor, she had a black eye and wore restraints. “Did you have a black eye earlier?”

  “No. Why would you think that?”

  “No reason.” How did I see something on a video monitor that didn’t exist? My mind must be playing tricks on me.

  She pointed at my arm. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

  “Eden caught me off guard. We had a strange conversation. She said that this was about payback.”

  “I have no idea what she’s talking about.” Mom fingered her necklace.

  I pretended to study the floor. She still hid things from me. “Tell me about Zared’s father. The man used to love you?”

  “He thought he did.”

  “How did you meet?” I studied her face, searching for any sign of honesty.

  She dropped her hand. “I was pregnant with you. Just a few months along. Kat had an office in the same building as another doctor. I ran into him in the parking lot. He made a pass at me. The next time I saw him was at my workplace with his wife, my co-worker. He flirted with me behind her back.”

  “He sounds sleazy.”

  “He wasn’t so bad.” Her eyes brightened as she spoke. “We were both married. He had a toddler at home. You were on the way. He would have cheated on Taa. I wouldn’t allow it. In the end, he did the right thing and stayed with his family.”

  The dreamy look in her eyes told me there was a lot more to this story. I choked back the bile climbing up my throat. “But you remained friends?”

  “Kat promised to never reveal his feelings for me.”

  I glanced sideways. “He still loves you?”

  “I think so.” Mom rubbed a hand against her chest. “Otherwise, we’d both be dead.”

  “And he knew about Intrepid?” I wanted confirmation of what I already knew.

  “Yes, it was created because of him.”

  “What?” My mouth opened and closed. She didn’t say anything about Katsuo Aoki before. Zared told me about his mother creating Intrepid. I didn’t know what to think, especially when she played with that damned necklace. I wondered if she even knew the truth.

  “Kat’s research troubled Taa. She wanted a way to know what he was doing. Kat found out about Intrepid and begged her to destroy the program.”

  “But it still exists.”

  “You found the card?”

  “Right where you left it. Don’t worry it’s safe. Zared’s dad will have to fight for it.” I wouldn’t tell her anything about the card’s whereabouts.

  “About Zared—”

  I wouldn’t discuss him with her, but maybe she’d tell me why she hated Zared. “Why don’t you want us together?”

  “I don’t trust Kat.” Her fingers tugged at the necklace. “I don’t want him using his son against you.”

  “If that’s true, then you knew his father lived.”

  “I tried to tell you that.”

  She did, but I didn’t believe her. I still didn’t. “It has to be something more.”

  “Nothing more than a mom wanting to protect her baby.” Mom dropped her hand and smiled. “Too late for that, though.”

  “What?” My pulse quickened. Had something happened to him?

  Mom faced me. “You love him.”

  Awkward moment. Did insanity join the conversation? I wouldn’t discuss my feelings about Zared with her. We never agreed on any guy that interested me. I didn’t see this time being any different. And love? No. We were definitely not discussing that.

  “Mom, don’t you think that’s personal?”

  She ignored me. “First love can be exciting and—”

  “Mom!”

  She put up her hands. “Okay, okay. I get it. You don’t want to talk about it.”

  “No, and I don’t want to be here. I should be with him.”

  “I know.” The corners of her mouth turned up.

  I angled my body away from her. “You know what?”

  “Believe it or not, I’ve been in your shoes. Loving someone makes you vulnerable. You’re prone to making the wrong decisions because of your heart.”

  Well, if that was being in love, it was too late for me. All of the decisions I made involving Zared were made with my heart. If I didn’t love him, I guess I wouldn’t be on the island. But when you love someone, you don’t hurt them, right?

  “Zared is not a wrong decision.” For once, my heart, what was left out of it, and my head agreed. He was the best decision I’d ever made.

  “I didn’t say he was. Being with him right now is wrong. He needs to sort things out with his father.”

  “What things? The man lied to him. Zared’s been alone all these years. The man didn’t care enough to find him.”

  “Kat thought he was protecting his son. Whatever you may think of the man, he does love his son.”

  “He has a funky way of showing it.” I balled my hands.

  Mom placed her hand on my fists. “Hey, parents aren’t perfect.”

  Now, that had to be the understatement of the year.

  Perhaps I could take advantage of this mother-daughter moment. Get a little more information. “What about those experiments you mentioned?”

  She lifted her hands up and then let them fall. “I can’t tell you anything about them.”

  Good. She didn’t touch the necklace. “We found proof at the Academy.”

  “That’s not good.” Mom fingering the necklace angered me to the point I felt like snatching it off her neck.

  I couldn’t bear another moment with my mother and her lies. I needed to see Zared. He was my sounding board.

  “Can I see Zared?”

  My mother pressed her lips together. “Tru—”

  “Mom, I refuse to sit cooped up like a prisoner and not see him.”

  “That’s not—”

  “Help me, or I’ll get to him on my own. I don’t care how.”

  She nodded. “I’ll need to talk to Kat.”

  “I don’t care who you have to talk to. I want to see Zared. Now.” I stood and opened the bathroom door.

  “Fine.” She turned off the faucet and brushed past me. She stepped into the hall and spoke with the guards.

  I wandered into the sitting room. Mom said parents aren’t perfect. Was her imperfection an excuse for her lies? I just might be overthinking the situation. Her lies may have been to protect us. I doubted it.

  If it weren’t for the necklace, I would have fallen for everything she said. Mom said she didn’t trust Katsuo. Well, that made two of us. If the man lied to his son before, he’d do it again. Just look at my mother.

  The man probably duped us about sparing our lives. If Eden had a say in it, we would all be dead soon. Just like Cris and Dad. I refused to sit around and wait for my execution.

  I curled up on the plush burgundy sofa. Tears fell from my eyes. My chest ached. Despite what Mom said, I still felt responsible for Dad’s death. I shouldn’t have called him for help. Eden was right when she said this was about payback. Somehow, I would have mine.

  I shifted my position. The sling prevented me from getting comfortable so I removed it. Valuable time was passing by while we did nothing. We were close to the bridge, bu
t the guards wouldn’t let us just walk out of here. My thoughts were unclear. Once I checked on Zared, I’d be able to think.

  The door opened.

  “Did you talk to him? When can I see Zared?”

  “Come on.” Mom waved me to the door. “I’ll take you to him.”

  Part of me wanted to be still and let her words sink in, but I was afraid Katsuo would change his mind. I willed my wobbly legs to move and followed Mom down the hall. A Riza guard, standing outside his door, moved aside and allowed me to enter the room.

  “Furthermore, misuse would jeopardize humanity and advance the interests of a select few.”

  —UN Worldwide Genetic Engineering Advisory Board, 2020

  Zared stood in front of the window with his back to me. I eased the door closed. My mouth fell open as I surveyed the messy room. A desk chair lay on its side next to a busted drawer. A lamp lay on the floor, its shade dented and a crack in the base. Anything that could be uprooted was destroyed. I was there to alleviate his pain, but how could I help with this?

  Why did his father have to be such an ass? He knew Zared was still alive. Why didn’t he try to reach out to his son?

  I cleared my throat. “Hey, it’s me.”

  “I know.” A distant voice greeted me. “Why are you here?”

  An icy chill worked its way to my core. I wasn’t prepared for his rejection. “I came to see about—”

  “I’m fine. I would appreciate it if you left me alone.”

  My brain said, Run away, now. I wasn’t dismayed. His anger toward his father didn’t include me. I reached for Zared’s hand, but he jerked it away. I walked around to face him. His fists were tight, and his jaw worked overtime. He refused to look at me.

  “Zared Aoki, you don’t get to do this to me. Not now!”

  He pushed past me and stepped into a corner away from the camera. He slammed his fist against the wall. “What do you want from me? Can’t you see it’s over?”

  “Wh-what?” It had been a long day. I must have heard wrong. “Are you saying we’re over?”

  His eyes lacked the cockiness I’d grown to love leaving behind sadness. Zared leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. “I’m no good for you, Tru. You deserve much better than me.”

  I blinked back the tears teasing my eyes. This was not happening. “You don’t get to decide who I need in my life.”

  He ran his hand through his hair. “I’ve hurt you, and I’ll keep doing it. You shouldn’t have to put up with my crap.”

  My body trembled uncontrollably. Thankfully, my heart had already been crushed. If it hadn’t, I’m sure it would be lying at my feet. No. It wouldn’t end like this. If he wanted a fight, damn it, I’d give him one. I crossed the room and stood before him.

  “Answer me one question. If your answer is no, I’ll go away for good.”

  “What?” he mumbled.

  “Do you love me?”

  Zared closed his eyes, drew in his breath, and exhaled. He opened his eyes. His hard, cold face transformed into a much softer, calmer expression.

  “I wish I could lie and tell you I didn’t. I love you with every fiber of my body. But my feelings don’t change the fact I’m not right for you.”

  My body calmed itself. My heart beat again. There was hope for us. I put my arms around his waist. He trembled when we connected.

  “Let me decide if you’re right for me. I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I don’t—” He stood with his arms at his sides.

  “If you mention that damned mission, I’ll scream. This is about you.”

  He pushed me away and rushed to the bathroom. I ran behind him and slammed the door. Why was he desperately trying to shut me out? “Z, talk to me.”

  He sat on top of the toilet. “I had gotten used to being on my own. I learned to depend on myself. My father was dead. I grew to accept that. Today was too damned much.”

  I knelt before him, placing my hand on his knee. “I get it. You’re angry. You have every right to be.”

  “Do I?”

  “Of course you do,” I stammered.

  “Do I have the right to be pissed at everyone just because of him? Is it okay for me to harm you because I’m angry?”

  Being pissed at his father didn’t give him the right to take it out on everyone else. But I got it. He’d been through a lot. I’d been through a lot. We were two misplaced souls in a screwed up world. “With every—”

  “No. There’s no excuse, Tru. I can’t be around you with this kind of anger.”

  “You didn’t do anything to me. If you weren’t angry, I’d be worried about you. You have every reason to be pissed off at that man. You thought he loved you. He abandoned you. So, be pissed at him. Hate him if you want. Yes, your anger scared the crap out of me. But you don’t get rid of me so easily. We’re in this together.”

  He dropped his head. “Why, Tru? How could he just leave me alone? Parents are supposed to love their kids, not desert them.”

  Listening to him tore me up inside. My throat ached. His pain took on a shape, which weighed on me and drained me. I smoothed his damp hair away from his forehead.

  “I can’t answer that for you. Maybe one day, he’ll tell you.”

  I couldn’t explain someone’s parents. I had issues with my own. Well, with my mom.

  Zared sniffed. I stroked his arm. “Hey…”

  “I’m fine.” His voice wobbled.

  “I’m always here for you no matter what.”

  He nodded.

  I stood. “When we need to talk, we do it in here. No cameras.”

  Zared stood, scrubbed his face with his hand, and cleared his throat. “We’ve been in here too long. They’ll be suspicious.”

  No one banged on the door demanding we come out. My little voice agreed with him. I’ve never listened to it before, so why start now. “I don’t care.”

  He gazed at me with wet eyes. “Did your mom tell you about your dad?”

  My chin trembled. I bobbed my head up and down.

  Zared squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry.”

  I choked down a sob. “Thanks.”

  “Eden will pay for this.”

  I leaned against the sink. “First, we’ve got to find a way out of here.”

  “None of that matters right now.” He pulled me to him. Hoover Dam breached. I clung to Zared and just let the tears flow. Pain squeezed my throat. I’d lost my brother and my father. I thought I was incapable of handling much more.

  He rubbed my back and kissed my cheek. “We’re putting an end to all this. I promise you.”

  “How?” I said into his warm, muscular chest.

  “We’ll figure it out.”

  “But how?” I wanted answers. No, I needed answers.

  “Can we think about it later?” He lifted my chin and kissed me softly.

  After the day I had, I welcomed his lips on mine. Our kisses deepened. My back arched, and he pressed me into the sink. His strong hands roamed my body stopping at my waist. He lifted my shirt exposing my skin to the cool air. His hot hands traced my curves wandering to my breasts. He fondled me, and I moaned into his mouth. My longing for Zared overwhelmed me, leaving me panting. Thank God there were no cameras in the bathroom. He rained kisses down my neck. The intensity in his kisses melted me. I needed to forget all of my pain, my losses. My hands caressed his tight butt pulling him closer.

  Zared broke off the kiss and stepped back. “We can’t.”

  My body ached. “Why?”

  He touched my forehead with his. “No protection.”

  “But—”

  He panted. “I’m sorry. I want you badly, but we’ve got to do this right.”

  I nodded. My body, already missing his touch, didn’t want to wait.

  Zared clasped my hand and led me to the bedroom. We sat on the bed. “There’ll be another time.”

  “You don’t know that.” I stared at the floor. “We—”

  “I’m not givi
ng up.” He let go of my hand, curled an arm around my waist, and tugged me closer. “Are you?”

  “No.” I smiled. His anger passed.

  “Should we clean this mess up?”

  He looked around the room. “Later. When was the last time you slept?”

  I shrugged.

  “Thought so. Let’s get some sleep. I promise to behave as long as you do.” He winked.

  I woke up in Zared’s arms. It was the first decent sleep I’d had in quite a while. No dreams at all, not even nightmares. Physically, I was rested. Emotionally, I was a shattered mess.

  “Hey.” He kissed my cheek. “Did you sleep?”

  “Finally.”

  “Good.” He lowered his voice. “Getting out of this place requires us both to be fully aware.”

  I sat up. It was tempting to stay in bed, but we were on borrowed time. “Z, let’s talk. Come on.” I led him back to the bathroom and motioned for him to close the door.

  “What’s up?”

  I turned the water on in the sink. “My mother has this habit of playing with the necklace around her neck whenever she’s nervous or hiding something. She did that four different times today.”

  Zared crossed his arms and leaned toward me. “What were you talking about?”

  “First, I told her what Eden said about payback. My mother claimed to know nothing about it. Lie. Second, I asked her why she created Intrepid. She told me before it was to expose government secrets.”

  “What did she say this time?”

  “That your mother was nervous about your father’s research. They created Intrepid to keep an eye on him.”

  He rubbed a hand over his chin. “Well, that’s a lie. Dad didn’t work at home, and he hid his journals and notes. I found them in the wall when he left.”

  “Why would Mom lie about Intrepid’s creation?” I tugged on my shirt. “Are you sure you know who developed it?”

  “Why?”

  “What if our mothers didn’t create it?” I tipped my head to the side. “What if someone else created it?”

  “I never thought about it.” His brow wrinkled. “I haven’t run across anything about any other developers.”

  I shook my head. More unanswered questions. “Okay. Last thing. I asked her why we were kept apart. She said it was because your dad would use me against you.”