Level Up

by Craig Anderson

  I roll up my sleeves. Carlos places his hand on my shoulder. “Are you sure about this? There are five of them.”

  I smile. “Then it’s a fair fight.”

  “What can I do to help?”

  “Get me some food. I’m going to need it.”

  An open top bus pulls up out of nowhere with a full orchestra on the top deck. They frantically start playing a rousing number that gets my blood pumping.

  I run over and smack the first guy in the face. It catches both of us by surprise. I have never hit anyone unprovoked before. He loses a chunk of health and staggers around as his friends all turn to face me. I’ve played enough games to know how to manage a mob. Don’t leave anyone at half health, because an enemy with a sliver of health is just as dangerous as a healthy one. We trade punches, but I’m doing a lot more damage than he is and a couple of well timed blocks on my part help to mitigate most of the harm. After a few hits he collapses, unconscious, just as his friend reaches me. I ignore the EXP notification, now is not the time for distractions.

  The new guy swings at me and I combat roll out the way. As I am standing up another one reaches me, so I roll a few more times until I have created some space. To anyone watching this must look absolutely ridiculous. I get enough distance from them that I should be able to dart in and out and chip away at them. I try flinging a few fireballs their way, but nothing happens.

  I’m still staring at my left hand wondering if there is an on switch when I realise I have made a critical mistake. I turned my back on the mob leader. The first I learn of it is 50% of my health disappearing. I turn to see him flailing nunchucks around like a ninja. Mob management 101, never take your eye off the primary threat. He swings at me again, but this time I get the disarm prompt. I catch the nunchuck in mid air and pull the leader towards me. He staggers and I spin and flip him over my shoulder. He lands with a thud and I am still holding the nunchucks.

  What. The. Hell. I’m a badass.

  A new prompt pops up.

  New Weapon acquired. Nunchucks.

  Oh yeah. I flip them effortlessly around. I have no idea how I am doing this, it is as if I have been training my entire life. Usually I’m barely coordinated enough to carry two drinks, let alone wield deadly weapons.

  The muggers are unperturbed by my new found mastery and charge me one at a time. It’s much easier to manage them now that I’m armed, the nunchucks do a lot more damage than my fists. It only takes a few hits to take down each guy, until only the leader remains. I don’t know how hard he hits without his nunchucks, but I don’t have the health to find out. I can’t afford any mistakes.

  He’s smarter than his friends. He hangs back warily as I twirl the nunchucks around. We circle each other a couple of times, until my back is up against a bus shelter. Then without warning he lunges at me. My back is pinned against the wall, I can’t dodge. I block the hit and roundhouse kick him into the bus shelter. It’s the first time in my life my foot has been above my head. He slides down the wall with a squeak.

  + 50 EXP. Level 5: Angry Toddler

  As abruptly as it began the orchestra music stops and the open top bus drives away. I guess the fight is over.

  I pop the nunchucks in my pocket, they may come in handy later. Then I scoop up the handbag and return it to the young lady with a smile. “Excuse me, I think you dropped this.”

  She swoons. “My hero. How can I ever repay you?”

  “Your smile is thanks enough.”

  Level up - Charisma level 2, Awkward teenager.

  She plays with her hair. “Are you sure there is nothing else I can do for you?”

  Carlos appears by my side, clutching an armful of snacks. He whistles through his teeth at the pile of unconscious teenagers. “I could only find Doritos and Mountain Dew, I hope that’s ok.”

  The moment is lost and the young lady turns and walks away. A stat flashes up.

  Number of missed opportunities for sex: 13,457

  I turn to chase after her, but she has already vanished. I resist the new urge to punch Carlos. “Your timing is impeccable as always.”

  “So what did I miss?”

  “I know Kung Fu!”

  He deepens his voice, “Show me.”

  I throw a few punches. He doesn’t look too impressed, so I try to show off with a roundhouse kick, but Carlos steps forwards at the last second. I kick him in the head. The pop and crisps fly everywhere as he falls to the ground. Carlos scrambles back to his feet, rubbing his temple. “Bloody hell, what are you playing at? I was just trying to do that cool scene from the movie. If you want to kick the crap out of someone I am sure we can find you more teenagers.”

  “Sorry, my bad. Obviously I’m still working out the kinks.”

  “Yeah, well so is my chiropractor after that little episode. I’ll be sending you the bill.”

  I scoop up a packet of Doritos and set to work on getting my HP back to 100%.

  I’m still busy stuffing crisps in my mouth when Sarah comes running over. “What happened here?”

  “Combat training.” I sprinkle her with crisps as I talk.

  “I left you alone for five minutes! You can’t just go around beating up kids.”

  “They started it!”

  She gives me a glance that looks eerily like something my Mum would fire my way. She nudges the pile of groaning bodies. “It looks like you finished it. I assume you got some hands on exposure to the combat system?”

  “Kind of. One of them pulled a weapon on me, but I got it off him. As soon as I held it in my hands I knew what to do.”

  Sarah nods. “Yeah, the more you use a weapon, the more moves you will learn with it. Just be aware that weapons can suffer damage and will break with enough use. Also, I have no idea what will happen if you use a sword on a person in the real world. I suspect we don’t want to find out.”

  “There’s something else. I tried to use magic, but nothing happened.”

  “What level are you currently?”

  I do some quick checks. “I levelled up from all the exp I got schooling those thugs. I’m now a level 5.”

  “Unless you are a magic class, magic doesn’t unlock until you’re at least level 10. We wanted to make sure players were comfortable with the weapons first before we let them start chucking around balls of fire.”

  “Do you think magic will work in the real world? Won’t it break physics?” asks Carlos.

  “Well if this is a simulation then physics are simply a set of programming rules, which we have already shown can be rewritten. There is an easy way to test though. Try jumping.”

  I instinctively stare at my feet. “I’m sorry, what?”

  “Jump. As high as you can.”

  I crouch and launch myself into the air. To my surprise I leap several feet. I land in a heap to the sound of Carlos saying, “That was awesome!”

  “It appears the simulation is favouring the physics of the game world for you, at least as far as certain actions are concerned.” Says Sarah.

  I get back to my feet and dust myself off. “Ok, I’ll have to keep that in mind. I wonder what other rules are temporarily re-written? For example, are we sure that I will die if I run out of health? Maybe I would respawn?”

  “It’s unlikely. The game is a rogue like, when you die it is game over.” She thinks for a moment and says, “Actually, that’s not entirely true. One of the programmers snuck in an easter egg where if you complete special challenges you can earn an extra life.”

  “That sounds very useful right about now. What kind of challenges?”

  “Mini games.”

  Carlos and I both groan. Mini games are the worst.

  “Where are we going to find a bunch of annoying, impossible skill games?”

  Carlos smiles, “I know just the place.”

  LEVEL 8: 1UP

  As we climb out of the stolen Mustang I hesitate. “This feels like a waste of time. We should be focusing on the main quest.”

  “Do you want t
o be caught off guard by a mid-level boss and be dead forever? Cause if so we can carry on picking up coffees and tampons, or whatever random crap the next NPC wants.”

  He has a point. I see the looming, rickety Ferris wheel up ahead and my legs lock up. “I hate the fair.”

  Sarah gives me a look. “Who hates the fair?”

  “Oh god, please not the story…” groans Carlos.

  I ignore him. “I was only a little boy when my parents first brought me to the fair. We went on the bumper cars and ate candy floss, all the usual things. Then they tried to get me to go on the ferris wheel. I’m scared of heights, so I wasn’t thrilled at the idea, but they convinced me we would be up and down in no time at all. As the wind picked up and the clouds rolled in…”

  Carlos interrupts. “They got stuck. They were up there for a long time. He wet his pants. Massive childhood trauma. The end.”

  I glare at him and he says, “Sorry mate, but we don’t have time for your Shakespearean rendition.”

  “I was going to leave out the pant wetting part!”

  “That’s the best bit. Who cares, you were like five or something.”

  Twelve is almost five.

  I don’t want to go anywhere near this place, but Carlos is right, it is too big of a risk to be wandering around without any extra lives. I’m just going to have to man up and get over it.

  I take a step towards the fair and walk right into an invisible wall. Carlos and Sarah both keep walking, I have to shout after them. “Guys. I can’t come in.”

  “Seriously mate, get over it, everyone pisses themselves every now and again.” Says Carlos.

  “No, I mean I physically can’t go in there. Look!” I press my hands up against the invisible wall. That’s what I notice the message:

  You must be level 6 or higher to enter this area.

  I relay the message to my companions and assume that is the end of it. Carlos has other ideas. He shouts across the road at two very large bikers who are quietly minding their own business. “Oy, you two. My mate here just told me both your wives were lousy in bed. He said he’s sticking with your Mums from now on, because of all the experience they have. With dicks.”

  I glare at him and he shrugs. “You need the levels. Have fun!”

  ***

  “That was not fun. You are a total arsehole.” I’m holding a handful of teeth. I’m not sure how many of them are mine. Carlos hands me a Mountain Dew to help me heal up. Can teeth grow back?

  “You seem to be getting the hang of the combat, but you shouldn’t have let them punch you in the face so many times.”

  “Thank you sensei, I shall heed your words of wisdom passed down from the ancient times.”

  “Hey, at least you made it to level 6. Have you figured out what you’re going to spend your skill points on?”

  Actually I haven’t. It is too hard to choose. There are so many cool sounding skill trees with even cooler abilities. I take a quick look at the strength tree. Each new skill point adds 10% to my damage output, with the first special ability being a flaming uppercut. That sounds pretty epic!

  On the other hand I really could use more life at the moment. My health bar is dangerously short and I’m still pretty rubbish at combat, as demonstrated by my fistful of molars. Each new level will give me 10% more health. The first ability doubles the effectiveness of food items. It is the sensible option, playing it safe.

  I simply can’t decide, so I do what comes naturally, I pick a bit of everything. A couple of points in health, a couple in strength, and I leave two spare, just in case. I don’t get any cool abilities, but it should make me a better fighter. Slow and steady wins the race.

  I try walking into the fair again, and this time there is no invisible wall. A part of me is disappointed, I was hoping for an excuse to go somewhere else. Anywhere else.

  We head straight to the nearest game. It is knife throwing. The man running the stall looks like the kind of guy that you would cross the road to avoid. He smiles, revealing a gappy grin. “Roll up, roll up and show off your skills. It’s easy to win. Simply get the knife to stay in the centre of the target, like this.”

  He whips a knife at the target and it sticks there with a satisfying thud. He makes it look easy, no doubt from a lifetime of practice. He picks up three knives and holds them towards me. “Only a quid, boy. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.”

  Carlos throws a fiver at him. “Here you go, that should cover a few practice throws.”

  I take the knives and a new status immediately flashes up.

  New Weapon acquired. Throwing Knives.

  I can tell just by feeling them that they are weighted awfully. I balance one on my fingertip and can feel the centre of gravity is all the way at the back of the handle. These aren’t designed with accuracy in mind. I’m going to have to compensate.

  As soon as I stare at the target a reticle appears. It swerves around like a drunk uncle at a wedding. I try to ignore it and throw the knife by sight, but my arm is having none of it. A bar fills a blip and then the knife topples out of my hand onto the floor. The carnie grins even more. Apparently the bar is the strength of the throw.

  I try again, concentrating hard to fill the power bar. The moment it reaches the top the knife flies out of my hand, but the reticule is nowhere near the target. The knife gets embedded in the abdomen of one of the prize teddies and the carnie scowls. “You’re paying for that teddy boy!”

  Ok, so it’s all about timing. I flip the last knife in my hand absentmindedly and wait until the perfect moment as the reticule swings back towards the middle of the target. I power up my throw and release it right as it is over the centre. The knife flies out of my hand with enough force to embed into the target up to the hilt.

  + 10 EXP

  1UP 20% complete

  Not bad for a newbie. The guy looks less impressed. He tugs on the knife, trying to pull it out of the target. Eventually he gives up and grabs the bear that I eviscerated with my previous throw. He tosses it to me and says, “One prize per person per day.”

  He turns back around and tugs on the knife and I spot an opportunity. I reach over the counter and grab a handful of throwing knives, which I put in my pockets. There is no way they should fit, but they slip in without a fuss. I tentatively try walking. Success, I don’t get stabbed in the thigh. Interesting. I check and I can see them on my inventory.

  We hit up several more booths with similar results. Ring toss, basketball throw, even hook a duck has its own mini game. I’m almost there, but I still need one more to get my extra life.

  We round the corner and there it is. The darn ferris wheel. I don’t want to go near it, but the last game is nestled in its shadow. The test your strength machine. For obvious reasons I have never used one of these before. I swallow my fear and walk towards it. Carlos pays and the guy hands me the hammer. He is a big bear of a man and he is straining to hold it out with two hands. He drops it into my hands, clearly expecting me to topple over.

  New Weapon acquired. Battle Hammer.

  There is almost no weight to it. I can easily brandish it with one hand. The guy stares at me wide eyed, enough that I have to feign struggling to hold it. I stare at the metal pad I am supposed to hit and a Quick time event starts. I hate quick time events. My reactions just aren’t what they used to be. I get the first two prompts, but I miss the third one and the hammer comes crashing down on the carnies foot. He lets out a howl and hops on the spot, and then a life bar appears above his head.

  Level 9 Carnie.

  Uh oh. I shout, “Run!” Carlos and Sarah are smart enough to dart in the opposite direction to me. The Carnie reaches out to grab me and I combat roll out of the way, his bear hug narrowly missing me. I swing the hammer at him out of pure instinct, but he grabs it in mid-air and tugs it away from me.

  Dis-armed.

  No fair! That’s my trick. He hefts the hammer up over his head and I roll left as it turns the ground where I was just standing into a crater. I don’t
need to check the stats to know that one hit from that hammer is going to be enough to finish me off. Time for a tactical retreat.

  I try to run through the nearby crowd, but people are getting in the way. They seem nonplussed about the large angry man chasing after me. If only I could get above them. That’s when I remember my new jumping ability. I tense my legs and leap on top of the nearest booth.

  Now we’re talking! I hop from booth to booth with ease. I even throw in a flip for good measure. Mr. Hammer Time is having none of it though, he storms through the crowd, shoulder barging everyone out of the way. I’m having so much fun I don’t notice that I’ve reached the last booth. I turn back and there he is, ready to swing. As he crashes the hammer into the flimsy wooden poles I leap to the only thing close enough, a swinging basket on the Ferris wheel. It hauls me up into the air as the booth collapses below.

  The Carnie is not happy about my narrow escape. He grabs on to the next carriage. With some creaking and protesting from the ancient machinery his feet leave the ground. He is right behind me and we are going in a circle. I pull myself up on top of my carriage and wait. When we circle back around towards the ground I will jump down and get a head start on him. That’s when the Ferris wheel grinds to a halt, leaving my carriage swinging precariously at the pinnacle. I make the terrible mistake of looking down and my knees wobble in response. I’m too busy trying not to throw up to read the message that flashes up.

  Flying High - 1 of 4 Fears conquered. 25% complete.

  + 100 EXP

  Level 7: Tenderfoot

  I scan around, looking for a way out, but there isn’t one. The carriage suddenly lurches to the left and I turn to find the Carnie pulling himself up. It’s at this moment that I notice the wagon of hay on the ground. It looks a couple of inches deep, certainly not enough to break my fall. I don’t know if there is fall damage in this game. I guess I’m about to find out. The Carnie looms over me, ready to shove me off the edge. I reach into my pocket and grab the first thing I can find. As I leap off the carriage I spin in the air and toss the throwing knife, catching him right in the shoulder. A sliver of his health disappears, but I wasn’t looking for damage, I wanted the stagger. He wobbles, tries to regain his balance, and then topples backwards off the ferris wheel and lands with a crunch on the Test your strength machine. The small metal ball flies up the tower and rings the bell at the top just as I land in the cart.