Chasing Memories

by Adriana Law

  From that moment on she found herself constantly secretly watching Chase. She would lie in her bed late at night listening for the sound of his footsteps or movement in the room next to hers. She would lay awake, breathing heavy, imaging what it would be like to be his, completely and totally his. It became all she really wanted—an obsession.

  Until that night at the fair when everything changed from an obsession to something very real.

  “You ready to take your stuff to your room?” Brandon asked elbowing her side starling her out of her trance. She blinked. The rain still fell outside and Chase was in the other room. She could feel him—the tension coming from the kitchen as he continued to make it very clear he wasn’t too excited about her being back.

  “Forget him. He’s in one of his moods,” her brother said.

  She followed Brandon to her old bedroom, keeping her gaze locked on the door to the kitchen thinking Chase would follow them. He didn’t.

  Just like the rest of the house, nothing had changed in her room. Her ratty stuffed animals were neatly placed on her perfectly made bed. Her softball and soccer ribbons hung from a pin board by the desk. It was a room for a much younger girl: fuchsia pink and white—candy land and Chutes and ladders. There were white lace curtains with ruffles and shag carpet. Virginia sank on a corner of the mattress with a sigh, her knees pressed together. Her hands settled on top her lap. She was soaked and freezing.

  “So…what happened between you and Chase?” she asked.

  Brandon settled a hip on her dresser and picked up a figurine, eyeing it with interest. “Where did you get this?”

  “It’s cupid and please don’t touch my things.” Virginia hadn’t seen the figurine in two years.

  Brandon’s gaze connected with hers. He made a face. “Did Chase give you this?”

  “A long time ago. I think it was meant to be a joke.”

  “I’ll say. It’s ugly.”

  “What happened between you and Chase?”

  “First tell me what happened between you and Chase?” Brandon returned in a sarcastic tone.

  “Never mind. I didn’t come home to fight with you.”

  Brandon sat the figurine on the dresser with a clunk. “It’s creepy how he kind of moved in and took over. He’s always playing like he’s this perfect guy around everybody else, but when no one is around he’s trying to convince … he is a total dick. Dad believes Chase is some kind of saint because he sticks around to help. I say he’s a bum with no place to go. I know it sounds like I’m jealous, but …”

  “But what, Brandon?” When it seemed like he was unwilling to say more, she added, “Please tell me?”

  His gaze narrowed on her. “Why did you come back, really? Tell me it’s not to finish what you started with him.”

  “No! I came home because of mom’s accident! I can’t believe you’d even think it has anything to do with Chase Davenport!”

  “Look at the history between you two. How can I not wonder? Neither one of you have ever been completely honest about what happened before you left. ”

  “Hey honey,” her father’s voice startled both of them, their heads turned toward the doorway. He was ready for bed wearing navy sweat pants and a white T-shirt. His dark hair was damp, sprinkled with gray, and he appeared on edge, almost as if he was tip-toeing into a conversation with her. She hated she made him feel so uncomfortable.

  “I’m out,” Brandon announced leaving the room.

  Virginia picked up her favorite stuffed bear and hugged it close to her chest. Her father was quiet, awkwardly so. It had been forever since she’d been alone with him. He watched her with an intense gaze that rivaled Chase’s earlier one.

  “Are you okay?” he finally asked. “Chase said you were soaked coming in. Maybe you should get out of those wet clothes and take a nice hot bath. ”

  “I’ll survive.”

  Her father took a step closer, then another until he was standing in touching range. He tilted her face up with the tip of his finger. His blue eyes fixed on hers. He searched her face for something, but she didn’t know what.

  “Virginia…”

  She pulled free. “I’m tired. Would it be okay if I get some sleep? I’ll see mom in the morning.”

  His hand dropped back to his side. “Of course. There’s no rush.” He stopped in the doorway and glanced back. “I’m happy you’re here.”

  Later in the darkness, Virginia watched shadows that seemed to scratch along her walls: snarled limbs making jerky movements outside her window, catching the wind and moonlight. She could feel the soft down comforter between her fingertips and drew the cover up to her chin, clasping it snug there. Her old twin bed was comfortable enough, but she wasn’t. Inside she was trembling. It was like watching a horror film and expecting the unexpected at any moment, always on guard. She exhaled a breath and her rigid form relaxed.

  You’re being silly.

  Close your eyes and go to sleep, Virginia told herself.

  Red numbers on the clock by the bed flipped over: 12:30. 12:45. 1 a.m. Virginia’s eyes became so heavy she could no longer fight sleep and she began to doze off, nestling deeper into the covers. Her eyes fluttered as she slipped in to a heavy sleep, dreaming.

  1:30 am. She felt the mattress dip behind her. Her eyes opened. Arms captured her waist. His chin dug into the tender muscle along her shoulder causing her to draw up. She could hear his excited breaths coming more rapid as he molded his body against her backside.

  He whispered, “Shh, I just want to be near you.”

  Virginia sat straight up in the bed. She was alone. Her heart sped, the only sound in the room. She pressed palms to her cheeks slick with perspiration. Her white cotton gown clung to her flesh.

  The door knob to her room rattled. She held her breath and clasped the covers to her chest. She listened. One beat. Two beats. The door knob rattled again. Pressure was applied to wood from the other side, but the lock held. There was a shake. A shove against wood.

  “Honey, are you okay? I heard you scream,” her father called from the other side of the door.

  “I’m okay.” Virginia’s words came out broken. “See you in the morning.”

  Three

  Virginia had never seen her mother appear so vulnerable and broken. The left side of her face was bruised and swollen until her left eye was hardly visible in the folds of flesh. Her lips were chapped and peeling, dried blood in the thin lacerations. A hissing sound came from her mother’s mouth with every labored breath.

  The reality of her mother’s condition came rushing in like arctic air slicing deep and painfully to the marrow of Virginia’s bones. She squirmed in the chair by the bed, clasping her mother’s hand tight, taking in the sight of her still body under the layers of blankets. The room smelled of rubbing alcohol and roses.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t been home. I just couldn’t—” Virginia streaked tears from her cheeks and tried again. Her voice was barely a whisper, “I just couldn’t face … I know. I’m a horrible daughter. Will you ever forgive me?” Her mother moaned and her head lolled to the opposite side. Her mumbled words were incoherent—possibly a bad dream. She appeared feverish. Her flesh was clammy.

  Virginia heard movement. She turned in the chair to see her father pause in the doorway. She immediately dropped of her mother’s hand and abruptly stood. A vein in her forehead throbbed matching the beat of her speeding heart. She sniffed and forced back the tears, refusing to let him see her cry.

  “Does she ever say anything? I don’t even think she knows I’m here,” she said.

  He looked tortured and stepped forward, trying to hug her. “Oh honey, I know you’re here. Isn’t that good enough? We can finally be a family again.”

  “Dad, please don’t.” Virginia stepped back until her legs bumping the bed. She touched her forehead with trembling fingers. The room was closing in on her. She felt an overwhelming since of pressure, like a ton of bricks stacked on her chest. “I can’t breathe!” She g
asped. “Shit. I can’t breathe!” Red blotches broke out all over her chest as she bent clutching her knees. Inhale. Exhale. Her heart raced. It had to be a heart attack. That’s what it was, a heart attack. Nobody’s heart beat that frantically without them falling over dead. Her father advanced toward her again with a hand out.

  “Let me help you,” his voice cracked.

  “I said don’t touch me!”

  Chase suddenly appeared in the doorway. He immediately went to Virginia. The expression on his face was hard, determined. There was no trace of a smile. Gone was the young boy whose infectious humor used make others laugh. Gone was Chase Davenport—the young boy she’d shared so many secrets with. All that was left was a stranger who’d let her slip away.

  Smack! The flat of Virginia’s hand met Chase’s cheek. He stood there stunned for a moment, his mouth agape, and then he grabbed her wrist stopping a repeat of the action. She shoved against his chest.

  “Everything was fine before you got here,” she screamed. “It’s your fault!”

  “Virginia! There’s no sense in that!” Her father warned.

  Chase didn’t shy away as she continued to take her anger out on him. Instead he scooped her up in his arms. He was stronger than she was and refused to set her down, so she surrendered, giving in, curling into his chest and inhaling the familiar scent of him, closing her eyes.

  “Shhh, it’s okay. Fresh air will make you feel better. I promise.” He shoulder his way through the screen door to the outside and gently placed her in the porch swing.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” she muttered, drawing her legs up snug to her chest, hugging them tight with her arms. “You’re looking at me as if I’m insane.”

  “A little lost,” he shook his head, “but not insane.” He sank down next her stopping the easy glide of the swing. “Gin, you’ve had a rough time. It’s understandable for you to be frightened. But you’re going to have to let us help you though it.”

  “Us?”

  “Yes. Your family,” he returned.

  Naturally Chase included himself as part of her family. They had kind of made him a part of it, hadn’t they? The lonely boy with no real home. But what Virginia felt for him was something completely different from family. Tears came softly. Occasionally she dragged stray ones away with a palm. Maybe if he’d never come to live with them things would be different. Maybe they would’ve had a chance.

  “I was a wild mischievous child,” Virginia said.

  A corner of Chase’s mouth quirked up. “I can see that.”

  Virginia shot him a just-be-quiet-and-listen look. “My mother had a time with me. I never wanted to listen. I used to have a pet turtle, when I was five, I think. I warned my mother one day I was going to disassemble the damn thing. She laughed. I don’t think she believed I could do something so cruel. About a week later when she was in the kitchen getting dinner ready I did exactly what I warned her I would do. I tore the turtle’s shell from his body. I took him apart piece by piece. Not because I curious … I had no reason for doing it. When my mother found the mess scattered across the living room floor…” Virginia sniffed and cut her eyes away. “She said it wasn’t my fault it was hers, because she should have been watching me. I can’t lose her, Chase.”

  “I know.” He squeezed one of her knee caps, a corner of his mouth rising. Chase had a great smile. It was one of the first things she’d ever noticed about him. “Come here.” He draped an arm over her shoulders and pulled her into the nook of his arm. He kissed her hair and then they were swinging, a comfortable silence settling in around them. The last thing she wanted was to get comfortable with Chase Davenport.

  Again.

  Four

  Virginia poured steaming coffee into her mug. She inhaled deep. French roast. Her favorite. It was a beautiful morning. There wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. The temperature was perfect and so was the coffee. He’d made it just right. She smiled, pressing the rim of the mug to her lips.

  “Is there fresh coffee?” Her father’s footsteps approached her from behind.

  She blew as she sipped careful not to burn the tip of her tongue. “Yeah, Chase made a fresh pot. I think I’ll go enjoy it on the front porch.”

  “I’ll join you? We can catch up. ”

  Virginia hesitated. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I’m still a little shaken from earlier. I was hoping for some time alone. You know, just to clear my head.”

  “Of course, I’m sure....” he paused and shook his head. “You’re right. We’ll have plenty of time to talk. You are going to stay for while I hope?”

  She nodded and made her way to the front door. Her bare feet padded over the wood floor in the foyer. She opted for a simple cotton sundress that fell mid-thigh. Her hair was swept up in a messy bun.

  The screen door squealed on its hinges. The first thing Virginia saw was tan flesh, slick and wet, gleaming in the bright sun. She squinted out at the black pickup truck. Chase was bent over a bucket, wringing water from a rag. The cords of muscles along his side flexed as he came back up with a sudsy rag, which he sloshed up on the hood of the truck smearing grime and dust in large circles. An image of him standing in the shower plunging a sudsy wash cloth over his naked body brought a sudden rush of heat to her flesh. She peered over the railing.

  “Hey beautiful, how are you feeling?” he smiled wickedly up at her.

  “Great, what are you doing?” she asked taking a sip from the coffee mug.

  “What does it look like I’m doing?” he returned.

  “I know, but in the middle of the yard? You’re making a muddy mess.”

  Virginia couldn’t help but notice how fit Chase was. He had matured nicely. He wasn’t wearing anything but a pair of faded jeans that rode low on his narrow waist. His abs were well defined. Something about seeing him walk around barefoot in the mud, and the way he crouched around the trucks wheels, scrubbing chrome with a wire brush had Virginia’s head spinning. She fanned herself without even realizing she was doing it. With lazy unsure movements she went to sit on the porch swing.

  “No way.” Chase shook his head. “You’re not going to watch me work. Get your ass down here and help.”

  “No.”

  He stopped, stood and leaned against the truck. One of his brows went up. “Why not? You have something better to do?”

  “I thought about going shopping.”

  “Liar. You hate shopping. You’d much rather help me. Admit it.” His grin was smug, like the rest of him. Arrogant and full of himself. That is what Chase Davenport had become.

  “You’ll get me wet.” She gestured at her cotton summer dress, which was wrinkle free and spotless at the moment.

  He winced as if she’d wounded his pride for expecting the worse of him. “I promise I won’t soak you.”

  “You expect me to believe you?”

  “Come on, stop being a big baby and get down here.” The smile he offered reminded her of the silly boy. Any reservation she had disappeared. What harm could it really do? Virginia sat the coffee mug on the railing. She walked to the edge of the concrete. Two steps in to the mushy yard and, “Oh gross, the mud is squishing up between my toes. How can you stand it? It’s feels horrible.”

  He folded his arms across his chest, a lazy smile on his face. He watched her awkward progression towards him. “You are such a wimp.” He took her wrist, turned her hand up and dropped the wet rag into her palm. “Do know how to wash a truck or do you need instructions?”

  “I probably know how to wash a truck better than you. I have a brother. ” She went to work on the opposite side. Occasionally their gazes met across the hood.

  “So, how are you?” he asked.

  “Do you mean … am I better than earlier when I lost it and slapped you, or am I better in general?”

  “Both?”

  Virginia shrugged a shoulder as she continued to wash. “I’m alright. How have you been? I expected you to be gone by now. Off at college, married
or something.”

  He flashed his sexy grin. “Come on, you know you can’t get rid of me that easily. Besides, I’m perfectly happy here. What about you? Are you happy here?”

  Her cloth stilled. She stared at him over the hood, not knowing whether he genuinely cared or if he was being a smart ass. Her sudsy hands went to her waist, damp spread across the cotton fabric of her dress. “What do you mean… am I happy? I’m here, aren’t I?” Her eyes narrowed as she noticed the shiny nozzle visible in the midst of his clutches. “You wouldn’t dare—”

  She quickly turned her face as streams of cold water pulverized her left shoulder. The freezing water soaked the front of her dress and sent icy trickles down her bare legs. The ends of her hair was wet and clumping together. First she gasped from the shock and then screamed. In the process of attempting to make it to the steps leading to the porch before he sprayed her again, Virginia’s feet flew out from underneath her. She landed on her bottom in the mud. Not far behind her, the hose snapped when Chase reached as far as it would stretch. He dropped it and went for Virginia with a hand full of mud, laughing so hard he could barely breathe. It clumped on the top of her head; the mushy sludge crawling down the strands of her hair to her shoulders. She was horrified. Pissed beyond belief and did the only logical thing left to do, she retaliated. Clawing into the soupy ground she got her own hand full. Chase took a step backwards for every step she took forward.

  “Now Virginia, you don’t want to—”

  “Oh yes, I do,” she replied, slinging a handful of the mud.

  Chase’s hips shot to the side as he dodged her first attempt. “Come on, you can throw better than that.”

  Her second attempt splattered him in the face, wiping the smirk off of it. He tackled her and they both went down, resembling two muddy pigs in a syrupy pen. Chase blocked any attempt she made of escape, pinning her to the ground with his weight. Laughter erupted out of her, partially because he was tickling her sides but it was also how the mud was clinging to his eye lashes as he smiled down at her.