Fear And Honor: A Time Travel Romance (The Lightwood Affair Book 2)

by M. S. Parker

  “Don't mind Leslie. She basically says the first thing that pops into her head, whether she should or not.” Carrie tossed a sugar packet at Leslie.

  Leslie caught it and tossed it back. “Somebody has to say it.”

  I laughed. I hadn't had any close friends growing up, but this was how I'd always imagined it would be. Easy camaraderie, being able to say whatever I wanted without fear of judgment.

  “Behave yourself,” Carrie said. “Gavin'll be pissed if you guys scare Bryne away.”

  I gave her a startled look. While Gavin was nice and we'd talked, I hadn't gotten the impression that he felt that strongly about me. After all, he hadn't even known of my existence a week ago.

  “Gavin's not always the best at showing how he really feels, but he feels deeply,” Carrie murmured, her hand stroking my arm.

  “She's right,” Leslie said, turning to me with that bright smile.

  It suddenly clicked where I'd seen her before. “You're engaged to Paxton Gorham.”

  As soon as I said it, I wanted to take it back. I was sure she got a lot of crazies wanting to talk to her because she was engaged to one of the hottest rock musicians out there. I'd never been one of those kinds of people who fawned all over celebrities, and I didn't intend to be mistaken for one now.

  “Damn straight I am.” She held out her left hand so that the diamond caught the light. “Man's all mine.”

  Dena and Carrie rolled their eyes, but I leaned down to look more closely at the ring.

  “It's beautiful,” I offered. “You're a lucky woman.”

  “I am.” Her smile softened as she looked down at the ring. “Paxton's amazing, and so's Carter.” She looked up at me, her expression serious. “I never thought I'd settle down and get married, much less be a stepmom, but I wouldn't trade my family for anything.”

  “Carter's a great kid,” Carrie agreed. Her hand moved over her stomach. “Skylar's been asking when they can play together again.”

  “Gavin and Paxton are going to have their hands full with those two,” Dena said.

  Leslie nodded. “Paxton's already figuring out he can't pull any of that alpha male shit with Carter, and I'll bet Gavin knows it too.” She looked at Dena. “You just wait. Arik'll find out pretty quick that his whole Dom thing won't work on a kid who wraps him around her little finger.”

  “Leslie,” Carrie hissed. Her cheeks flushed as she shot a glance my way.

  “Come on, Carrie,” Leslie said. “You guys run a sex club. I'm sure Bryne's figured out that...” Her voice trailed off for a moment. “Shit. Oops.”

  Alpha male.

  Dom.

  Sex club.

  Shit.

  Heat flooded my face. I may have been a virgin before coming to New York, but I hadn't been a nun. I knew what all those things added up to.

  “Are you guys telling me...” I looked at each of the women who were all blushing various shades of pink and red. “Well, damn.”

  Carrie pointed a finger at Leslie. “This is your fault, and don't think I won't throw your ass to the wolves the second Gavin finds out you're the one who told his niece about our sex lives.”

  I stared at them as they laughed. It was one thing to read about stuff like this in magazines and books, or to have theoretical discussions. It was something else entirely to be talking with three professional women who were actually living the life. These women were lawyers with established careers, and based on what I was hearing, their significant others were something out of a romance novel.

  The really dirty kind that included whips and ball-gags.

  Something clicked, and I turned toward Carrie. “You winced when you sat down. Was that from...” I couldn't figure out the best way to finish the question, so I let it dangle in the air.

  Dena chuckled. “Punishment or play?”

  Carrie glared at her friend. “None of your damn business.”

  Leslie's laugh was loud, but not obnoxious. “That means it was punishment. What'd you do?”

  I couldn't believe the conversation going on around me. They were teasing each other, but it was clear there was no shame or humiliation in it. I had no idea how they'd gotten into this lifestyle, but they apparently loved it.

  And I wanted to know more.

  So for the next couple hours, we talked about sex more matter-of-factly than I ever had before. They told me how each of them had come to be involved in BDSM, how they'd decided what their own preferences were. They talked about terms like Dom and Sub and Switch, and what they really meant. The true nature of those sorts of relationships. I almost felt like I was back in school, trying to memorize terms and definitions, except the subject matter was nothing like what I'd learned in school. Sex Ed had made most of my classmates giggle and blush, but it wasn't even comparable to the conversation I was a part of. Even without alcohol, by the time we were done, my head was spinning.

  “So,” Carrie began as we headed for the door, “did we completely freak you out?”

  “No, but it was definitely different.” I zipped up my coat and followed her outside.

  There'd been a question hovering in the back of my mind, refusing to leave, no matter how much noise everything else was causing. A part of me wanted to say that it didn't matter what answer Carrie gave, that it wouldn't change anything, but I still couldn't stop thinking about it.

  So I gave in and asked, “Does everyone who works at Club Privé...are they all into the whole BDSM thing?”

  Carrie gave me a sideways glance as a town car pulled up to the curb. “This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with a certain club employee whose wallet I returned earlier this week, would it?”

  My cheeks burned. “Maybe.”

  She grinned and climbed into the back. The driver was different than the one who'd taken us to the club, but he still greeted Carrie by name. Apparently, Gavin wasn't just a club owner, but a successful entrepreneur in a variety of ways, including running a car service. He'd offered me the use of it free of charge, something I'd forgotten on my way to the audition. Nana and Papa had employed a couple drivers, but I'd only used them for special events. I'd always preferred to drive myself.

  Not that I intended to do much of that here. Aside from the fact that I was pretty sure my car was about to give up the ghost, until I knew the city better, I didn't intend to experiment with navigating myself.

  “Is the whole S&M thing the reason Gavin told me to stay away from Dax?” I blurted out the question, then glanced toward the front of the car, wishing I'd been a little more discreet.

  “Don't worry about him,” Carrie said. “The window between us is soundproof. Once he rolls it up, we have to use the intercom to talk.”

  I relaxed a little bit more into the seat and looked expectantly at Carrie as I waited for an answer to my question.

  “That's part of it,” she finally said.

  “Seems a bit hypocritical,” I pointed out.

  One side of her mouth tipped up in a partial smile. “Have you ever noticed, that when it comes to members of their family, men are often that way?”

  I shrugged. “I wouldn't know. I never really had the chance to learn.”

  She reached over and squeezed my hand. “Gavin really is trying to look out for you.”

  “So you think Dax is a bad guy too?”

  She paused, clearly thinking about what she was going to say. Finally, she shook her head. “Not exactly. Gavin was right in that some of the people Dax spends time with aren't exactly the nicest people.”

  I nodded, remembering the other guys who'd been in the shop that first night. I wasn't one to judge by appearance, but my gut told me those guys had earned any reputation that followed them.

  Still, there was something about Dax.

  “And the women?” I tried to keep my tone casual, but the look in Carrie's eyes told me that I wasn't fooling her.

  “He does have a bit of a reputation as the kind of man who isn't interested in the long-term.” She squeezed my han
d again. “But there's more to him than that. Without going into details, I can say that Dax will do anything for the people he cares about, and I think, for the right woman, he'd change his ways.”

  I nodded but didn't say anything. I didn't have anything to say. My brain felt like it was on overload trying to sort out everything that'd happened in the past few days. I knew I shouldn't even be considering having anything more to do with Dax, and not only because of the warnings Gavin had given me. The career path I'd chosen wasn't an easy one, and I should focus on it. Get myself into a couple shows and find a place of my own. Once I was solid, then I could think about romance.

  Besides, Dax said he didn't want a relationship.

  A little voice in the back of my head said that maybe that was a good thing. Maybe I didn't have to worry about all those questions. Dax hadn't said he didn't want to see me again. He said he'd enjoyed himself, and that he'd see me around. Maybe the answer to everything was a happy medium. I enjoyed spending time with Carrie and Gavin, but it'd be nice to have someone else to hang out with, to go do things with.

  Friendship wasn't a relationship. Not like the one Dax had said he didn't want. Hell, maybe we could throw in some benefits and get the advantage of having sex without the headache that came with having a boyfriend.

  I wanted to sleep on the idea, but maybe I'd feel the same way in the morning. If I did, then I’d have a little trip to make after Gavin and Carrie went to work.

  Chapter 7

  The weather hadn't gotten any warmer, though we hadn't had another snowstorm since the night I'd first arrived, but the sun was bright enough to hurt my eyes as I got out of my car and stood in front of DeMarco's & Sons. Idly, I wondered about the grammatical correctness of the sign but knew I was only stalling.

  I wanted to see Dax again, more than I truly felt comfortable admitting, even to myself. I'd reminded myself repeatedly that I'd had plenty of male friends back home, and this was no different. True, none of them were close friends, and I hadn't wanted to sleep with any of them, but I was determined to make this work. Carrie seemed to think Dax was a decent guy, so I'd take her word for it.

  I took a slow, steady breath, rubbed my sweating palms on my jeans, and stepped inside.

  Like the first night I'd been here, the noise hit me before anything else. It was louder than before, with more people working and moving about. No one was behind the desk, so I took a moment to look around. The table where Dax and his friends had sat was empty, but I spotted one of the guys working on a massive motorcycle. Pretty much everyone was working on motorcycles, and since I couldn't tell one from another, it all pretty much looked the same.

  “Can I help you?”

  I recognized the voice before I turned. Dax had called him Georgie, and I'd hoped to avoid seeing him again. I refused to let him chase me away though, so I steeled my nerves and turned back toward the desk.

  “Good morning.” I kept my voice as even as possible.

  His dark eyes narrowed, then lit up with a recognition I didn't like. “I know you, sweetheart.” He winked at me. “Decided you liked what you saw after all?”

  I refused to take the bait. “I'm looking for Dax.”

  He grinned, not taking his eyes off me as he called out, “Yo, Dax. Girl here wants you. Guess you're better with your dick than I thought you were.”

  My mouth flattened into a tight line. Gavin hadn't been wrong about Dax's friends being assholes.

  “What are you yelling...?” Dax stopped talking the moment his eyes met mine.

  For a split second, I thought I saw a flash of something – lust or longing, I wasn’t sure – but then it was gone. Dax's gaze hardened, his expression morphing into something I didn't recognize.

  “Hey, babe.” The same sort of smarmy grin Georgie was wearing curved Dax's mouth. “You need something?” His eyes took a slow journey down my body.

  I should've left. Everything in me was telling me to leave. But I'd never been one to take the easy way out.

  “I wanted to talk to you.” I kept my eyes on Dax, waiting for the man who'd stuck up for me the last time I'd been in here.

  He shrugged and leaned on the counter. “So talk.”

  I hadn't expected an audience, so I blurted out the first thing that popped into my mind. “Did you get your wallet back?”

  He laughed, but it wasn't a nice sound. “Yeah, I got it. How'd you manage to get it to the boss?”

  “He's my uncle.”

  That got a reaction. “No fucking way.” He laughed again. “I guess if I couldn't fuck the boss's daughter, the niece is the next best thing.”

  My face burned as Georgie laughed too. I could feel the eyes of the men behind us as their attention shifted toward me.

  “So you did get a piece of that ass.” Georgie didn't stop leering at me while he spoke to Dax. “Damn.”

  I ignored Georgie and glared at Dax. He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, almost like he was daring me to say something.

  “How good was she?”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Georgie take a step toward me.

  “Maybe I should take her for a spin.”

  A muscle in Dax's jaw clenched, another small bit of genuine reaction. “Don't bother.” He looked away from me. “It's not worth the hassle.”

  I felt sick to my stomach, but beyond any of the hurt I felt was anger. Anger that burned deeper than anything I'd felt since my mother told me that my father was dead.

  “You're a miserable son of a bitch, you know that?” I was proud to hear that my voice didn't waver.

  “Hey, I told you that I didn't do relationships.” He shrugged. “Not my fault you came looking for seconds.”

  “That's not why I'm here, asshole,” I snapped. “Carrie told me you were a decent guy, and I thought that she might be right. Apparently, she's not as good of a judge of character as she thought. You're a fucking bastard.”

  “She talk like that in bed?” Georgie asked. “I don't like them mouthy bitches.”

  I finally turned toward him. “I don't give a damn what you like because I'll never touch you.” I looked back at Dax and jabbed a finger at him. “And I'm sorry I ever let you touch me. A mistake I don't intend to ever make again.”

  I walked away before I could give in to my urge to punch him in the nose. My hands were still clenched into fists as I walked outside. I was glad I'd driven rather than taking a cab or a town car. I wouldn't have wanted to wait around. At some point, I was sure I'd cry, if only because I was pissed, but I wasn't there yet. No, if I'd had to wait for a ride, I probably would've been tempted to throw something heavy.

  Probably at his crotch.

  The concentration it took to drive in Manhattan traffic was good for one thing. It forced me to focus on what I was doing, and not on how much I hoped the next woman who slept with Dax gave him syphilis.

  By the time I let myself into the loft, however, the anger at Dax was starting to turn into anger at myself. I'd wanted so much to be my own person that I'd rushed into a decision that I should've thought through. If it'd only been Dax leaving right after sex, that would have been one thing, but the way Dax had just behaved...Carrie wasn't the only one who'd misjudged him.

  “Bryne?”

  Carrie's voice drew me out of my head.

  “Are you okay?”

  I wanted to smile and say that everything was fine, but the kindness in her voice after how rude Dax had been was too much. I shook my head and felt the first pricking of tears against my eyelids.

  “Come here.” She put her arm around my shoulders and led me over to the kitchen table. “Now, you tell me what's wrong and whose ass I have to kick.”

  Chapter 8

  After talking to Carrie and taking a hot shower, I felt better. As much as I sometimes complained about her, my mother and I didn't have a bad relationship, but we also didn't have the sort of close mother-daughter bond that allowed us to talk easily about personal things, especially now. Even though I'd only
known Carrie for less than a week, I felt much more comfortable talking to her than I would have to my mother. I supposed her having shared about her own sexual preferences made it easier to talk to her about what happened with Dax. That and the fact that she didn't act like I'd done something wrong helped me come to terms with the whole thing.

  By the time Carrie left to meet Gavin at the club, I was already moving on to the things that really mattered, the things that I should have been focusing on instead of Dax. I needed to decide whether or not I wanted to buy a new car, and what to do with the old one if I did. I also had to decide if I wanted to find a place of my own before I found a job or after. While I still hoped that I'd get a call tomorrow saying that I was wanted for a callback, I knew I couldn't count on it. The odds were better than if I were trying to get on Broadway, but they were still low.

  I knew that, technically, I had enough money to live comfortably without needing to work, even if I continued to pay for my mother to live her life in Washington. I was sure most people in my situation would be happy pursuing their dreams without having to worry about making money, and I didn't necessarily think there was anything wrong with that, but it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to use as little of my inheritance as possible so that it would be there if I ever really needed it. Like if or when I had a family.

  Not that I was thinking about having a family anytime soon. I clearly needed to work on my taste in men quite a bit more before I even considered anything serious. I could only imagine what would've happened if I'd been careless when I slept with Dax. The last thing I wanted was to have a baby with an asshole like that. I planned on being much smarter when it came to sexual partners in the future. No way would I make the same mistake twice.

  In fact, I decided, I’d swear off men completely until I had a solid plan and was at least a few weeks into it. I didn't need distractions. With that in mind, I pulled out my favorite notepad and got to work. A bit of spontaneity wasn't bad, but if I was going to succeed, I couldn't just wait for things to fall in my lap.