by Calia Read
There’s this amazing second where I’m so blissfully numb. I scream out his name.
My body drops to the mattress. I stare up at the ceiling in a complete daze. I’m panting, relishing in the aftermath. Pure bliss. That’s the only way to describe it.
Lachlan lifts his head and gives me a come hither smile. His hands move up my thighs and back down. I watch him with heavy lidded eyes.
He sits up and reaches for a condom. I prop myself on my elbows and watch as he puts it on. His hands are quick. He meets my gaze. His hair is mussed from my hands. His eyes are wide and shining with lust. Chest heaving. He has this wicked grin on his face as he looks over my body.
He doesn’t ask or wait. His elbows fall on either side of my head, knees touching mine, and he surges into me.
“God, you feel good,” he whispers hoarsely.
Those first few seconds my body stretches and I can barely breathe. It’s delicious agony. His hand wraps around my neck gently and when he’s fully inside me his forehead rests against my own.
His hips start to move in a semi-circle. The entire time his gaze remains fixed on mine.
He pushes deeper. My legs lift. My shins brush against the sides of his ribs as I tighten my grip around him, pushing him deeper inside of me. My eyes almost roll into the back of my head.
“Who’s with you right now?” he demands.
“You are,” I pant.
“Good. Remember that,” he says gruffly before he switches our positions. He’s beneath me, and I’m above him. My palms lay flat against the hard wall of his chest.
“Who’s in control right now?”
I look down at our bodies.
“Me.”
“Yes, you.” His hands curl around my hips, gripping me tightly. “You have me where you want me.”
His words are thrilling and send a quick jolt of lust throughout my body.
I move slowly at first, watching his face. Just like he had watched mine.
His fingers dig into my skin. But he doesn’t guide. He lets me have all the control.
I feel myself tighten around him, and he groans.
I start to move faster and my muscles start to ache. My pulse feels like it’s vibrating against my skin.
His large hand travels from my neck to the back of my head, bringing me down to his face. His hips are thrusting frantically.
The bed squeaks.
The two of us are panting.
Sweat coats our skin.
The sheets rustle beneath us.
All these sounds are amplified until Lachlan gives one final thrust and calls out my name.
“Naomi!”
I will always remember the way he said my name. His voice was so raw. His feelings were exposed and out for the entire world to see. This is a man that will take all my pain, gather it up, and take it as his own.
I collapse on top of him. My forehead rests against his shoulder. His chest heaves. We stay like that until our heartbeats slow down.
I don’t know what to say. I’m speechless. So I move off him. Lachlan is lying there, with his forearm draped across his eyes, but when I move he lifts his arm and blinks rapidly.
He takes the condom off, tossing it aside and reaches for me. “Come here,” he growls.
I love the deep timbre of his voice, raw from shouting. It makes my lips split into a lazy, satisfied grin. He wraps his arms around me, holding me so tightly against him.
Sex.
Love.
Fucking.
Call it what you want but they are all the same. Each one requires you to give a piece of yourself that you can never get back.
But with the right person, everything will align perfectly. The world stops turning on its axis, time slows and you realize that while you’re losing a piece of yourself, you’re also gaining something in return. What they give you fits you just right.
That’s how I will always feel with Lachlan.
He holds me and I know I’m safe.
I’ve decided that love is a sickness.
But not at first.
At first it’s delicious. Just like a dessert. Nothing compares to that first bite. And you don’t savor, but you become ravenous. You know this could be the best thing you’ve ever had, so you keep tasting, you keep taking. Your greed clouds reason and by the time you realize you’ve gone too far, it’s too late. The love is gone and you’re left with nothing but pain.
If I knew all this, why was I setting myself up for the pain?
Twigs snapped underneath my shoes as I paced. The moon was out, chasing away the heat. In the distance I could hear crickets. I didn’t stop to appreciate the sounds or the peacefulness of this moment. I was too angry at myself. Angry that I had answered Lachlan’s call last night. Angry that I had agreed to meet him here.
He said that he’d be flying in today and staying for a week. Once upon a time, Lachlan coming back home would’ve made my entire year. But after that kiss everything had changed. I thought things would remain the same, but I was wrong. The summer I turned eighteen, I waited and waited for him, but he never came home. He’d said that it was a busy summer with his internship and he said that with his carefree voice, like he knew that I would always be in McLean, waiting for him. But could I blame him?
If the past showed us anything, it was that I was standing there, always waiting for him. But all of that was about to change. Maybe he knew I would be leaving here. Maybe that’s what made him come home.
He still e-mailed me and I got calls from him daily. Technically, I knew more about him than ever before. I wanted to see him face to face. I needed his physical presence just as bad as his words.
I heard the sound of footsteps and turned. Lachlan was walking this way. His gaze was on the ground and his hands were pushing branches away from his face. He finally glanced up and stopped in his tracks.
We took each other in.
He was wearing jeans, and a gray t-shirt that was loose around his stomach and stretched tight around the shoulders.
I wiped my palms on my shorts as he came closer. My heart was drumming in my chest. The sun tinted his hair a golden brown. It was longer than normal, with strands brushing against his forehead. There was stubble on his cheeks and jaw. And those eyes that drove me crazy were less playful and more serious.
I skipped formalities, just like I always did with him. “Did you just get in?”
He nodded and took a step forward. “Landed an hour ago.”
I looked around. “How was your flight?”
He looked at me carefully and took a step forward. “It was boring. I planned on getting some paperwork done, but I was seated next to a guy who talked to me the whole time,” he said conversationally.
I smirked. Right about now would be the time I would ask for the entire story. But right now I had too much I needed to get off my chest.
“Have you been waiting long?” he asked.
I walked around slowly, kicking an acorn back and forth. “I haven’t been here too long.”
“Good. I was—”
I didn’t want to stand here and pretend that everything was the same. I stopped short and quickly turned around.
“I’m getting out of here, Lach,” I said in a rush.
Not a sound was made. It was as though my words sucked the air around us.
Lachlan stood perfectly still. “What?”
“I got accepted to Millikin University.” I smiled, but Lachlan didn’t return my smile. “It’s a private college in central Illinois. I-I’ve always wanted to apply there, and I finally got the courage.”
I waited for him to say something, but he never did. He tucked his hands into his pockets, rocked back on his heels. His eyes became fixated on the trees behind me.
“When are you leaving?” he finally asked.
I watched him carefully. “In a few weeks.”
He looked at me and I saw the misery in his eyes. “That’s great.”
“Is it?”
Lac
hlan nods.
I stepped forward. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m happy for you, Naomi.” He smiled, but it never reached his eyes.
“Are you?”
“Of course.” He crossed his arms and looked back at the trail.
I placed my hand on his arm. “You always told me to dream and to want something outside of McLean. So I did. And now I’m getting out of here and you look…”
His chin lifted. He looked me square in the eye. “I look what?”
“You look angry,” I said very quietly.
“I’m… frustrated. Just when I’m coming back home for good, you’re up and leaving.”
If this wasn’t happening to me I would’ve laughed at the irony, but all I could do was breathe through the pain of knowing that the world was against us. The thought occurred to me then that we would probably never have the perfect opportunity to be together.
“I knew someday you were going to get the hell out of this place. I just didn’t expect it to be now.”
Before he came here I’d had every intention of letting him know just how angry I was. I planned on yelling at him. So where was that anger now?
“I’ve been here the entire time. What stopped you from coming home?”
“You were seventeen!”
“So?”
He tilted his head to the side. “You’re just a—”
I backed away. “I swear to God if you say kid I will lose it!” I yelled. “You’ve known for a long time that the years have caught up with us. The age gap isn’t so wide anymore. You knew it last year and you knew it a few years ago when you kissed me!”
His shoulders straightened defiantly. His lips were in a tight line. He wanted to deny my words so much. Instead of shouting and letting the truth free he took a step back, and then another.
“I’m not going to stand here and fight with you,” he finally said.
“So you’re going to leave?” I said to his retreating figure.
“It’s better than this!” he shouted over his shoulder.
“I told you a long time ago that I love you. I still do.”
He stopped and turned. I licked my lips nervously.
“Are you leaving because you’re angry with me or because what you’re feeling scares you?”
His hands were on his hips and his jaw ticked. His eyes swept over everything but me. “Naomi…”
“Are you?” I persisted.
I stood there, my hands clenched at my sides, waiting for him to answer my question. I told him the truth long ago. I deserved the same. I deserved to have him look me in the eye when he finally did.
Seconds ticked by. It felt like years. And then his hazel eyes locked with mine.
“Do you love me?” I asked.
Lachlan was rigid, not saying a word. My heart pounded in my chest with fear.
He took that step forward. A step I had been waiting on for years. He ate the distance between us, and when he reached me, he gripped my face with both hands. His lips touched mine.
You know that one of a kind kiss? The one that takes all your pain, fear, insecurities, sadness and destroys it within seconds? The kiss that brings you back to life?
That was this kiss.
I stood on my tiptoes. I gripped his shirt with one hand and wrapped the other around his neck.
He backed me up until my shoulders touched the tree. I forgot about the world around us. Everything was put on pause and it was just the two of us.
Our hands reached for each other’s clothes at the same time with quick and impatient jerks. He fumbled with the buttons on my dress. He worked down my stomach, the material loosening around my body. His finger grazed my stomach as the last button popped free. My dress parted, exposing my pale, pink bra. My nerves were tingling. I wanted him to touch me, but I took this chance to grab the hem of his shirt. His arms lifted. Up and over his shirt went.
We didn’t reach for each other. We stood there, taking each other in. I had waited years for this moment and it was finally here. My eyes traveled down his body. The smooth skin of his chest. His abs tightened, becoming ridged with each heavy breath he took. My hands curled into tight fists when I looked at the muscle above his hips, the one that forms a V and makes my brain go haywire.
My hands were shaking as I reached for the clasp in between my breasts. It unhooked and the material of my bra parted, grazing against my ribs.
I stayed in place, wanting him to have time and look at me. Just like I did with him.
I looked at him and my heart started to frantically beat. His eyes were more than intense. They were almost desperate and showed me that maybe I hadn’t been the only one waiting for this to happen.
Lachlan swore before he crashed into me. The skin-to-skin contact made me gasp. His mouth moved over mine. I tilted my head back, my fingers digging into his biceps.
His hands drifted across my skin and his lips followed. I felt his warm breath on my breast, felt his tongue flick against my nipple.
“Keep going,” I urged.
I’d never felt so much heat in my body. It felt like I was seconds away from bursting into flames. I didn’t want it to stop.
He curled one hand into my hair. The other gathered the material of my dress, bunching it around my waist before he cupped my ass. He held me against him and I could feel just how hard he was.
I breathed through my nose and traced the taut muscles of his stomach.
Lachlan hissed through his teeth. He rested his forehead against mine as I unbuttoned his pants. My thumbs slipped past the material of his boxers. My hands were shaking and I started to breathe hard. I was ready to see and feel him.
That’s when Lachlan jerked away, as if a bucket of cold water had been poured over his head.
He stood there panting with his pants dangerously close to falling off his hips. I knew I didn’t look any better. My hair was messy from his hands and my lips were bruised from his kisses. I held my dress together with one hand.
“I’m not going to do this here.” His voice was raw.
“Why not?” I breathed.
His eyes were still white-hot, but they softened as he looked me up and down. “You’re Naomi,” he said, like it explained everything.
“I don’t care where we do this.” I meant that.
On the floor, in a bed, or even against a tree. It didn’t matter where, I just needed him and I needed my arms around him. I was back to square one with love. Where I was oblivious to the pain and completely starving.
“Touch me right now,” I whispered and let go of my dress. The material slid down my arms. Nipples hardened. Goose bumps covered my skin.
His mouth opened, but not a sound came out.
He came back to me before the last word had slipped from my mouth. His hands gripped the back of my thighs, lifting me up.
“Wrap yourself around me,” he said.
I eagerly hooked my legs around him.
“But my underwear,” I protested.
I grabbed the waistband, intent on pulling them down but he beat me to it. Material ripped and fluttered to the ground. I watched, breathlessly, as he reached for his wallet from his back pocket, and grabbed a square foil packet. The wallet dropped to the grass. He lowered his boxers. He was stiff, inches away from my thighs. I watched, my body shaking and he put the condom on.
His movements were slow and I swear he did it on purpose, letting me take a good look at him. I wanted to wrap my hands around him, the skin looked so soft. I reached out. Lachlan intercepted my hand, holding my wrist gently. He looked at me, his lips curved in a wicked smile.
I lifted my hips. His dick brushed against my thigh.
That wicked smile faded.
He pushed himself inside me slowly. Making me feel every single inch. My mouth parted. My eyelids fluttered shut. This felt too good.
I waited for him to move, but he stopped. His hand curved around my jaw, forcing me to look at him. And I realized he wanted to watch me. He wa
nted to watch my reaction as he moved inside me for the first time.
“Move,” I panted. “You have to move.”
I thought he was going to make me beg. And, honestly, I knew I would. Lachlan could get me to do just about anything.
“Lachlan,” I gasped. “Move.”
He finally gave me what I wanted. I felt relief, only for a second. He started to slide in and out of me faster. Just when I would start to find his rhythm, he would move his hips and my mind would black out.
He kissed me hard on the mouth in a kiss that wasn’t meant to be sweet, but a kiss that was meant to brand me forever.
I was his.
The tree bark dug into my skin and it fueled me to arch my back, and tighten my legs.
My head turned. I saw our shadows slanted across the grass. I blinked a few times, finding it impossible to accept that this was us. The man’s hands were above her head, leaning against the tree for leverage. His knees were slightly bent as he rocked into her. They found a rhythm. Her head tipped back and she tightened her body around him like a second skin. Her hand curved around his neck before they drifted over broad shoulders and to his back. Her fingers sank into his soft skin and when he withdrew she dragged them across his skin, knowing that there would be claw marks left behind. Their bodies never broke contact.
The scent of sweat lingered in the air. That didn’t stop them. Nothing would stop them. They would keep moving, keep finding new places to touch each other just as long as this feeling never faded away. “God, I love you,” he said in a low voice.
His words slipped past my skin, ran through my veins and went straight to my heart.
My skin started to tingle, until it felt alive. Tears welled up in my eyes. Stay, stay, stay, I thought to myself frantically. I didn’t want this feeling to leave me. I tried to pace myself, but it was futile. I was past that mark. My muscles tightened and my eyes shot open and above me the sky blurred into a gray mist. My body felt incredible, almost weightless.
The sensations started to ebb, making me feel boneless.
My head dropped to his shoulders and I held on as Lachlan moved inside me with frantic thrusts before the heels of his feet lifted off the ground and held his body in place for a second. His head was back, giving me a view of his jaw and neck. He shouted incoherently, his body shuddered. I smiled faintly and kissed his shoulder.