Last and Forever (The Forever Duet Book 2)

by Rebecca Brooke

  Mom smiled. “You already are a good dad.”

  “You’re biased.” I smirked, pushing the emotions down and grabbing onto the rope Mom handed me to pull myself out.

  She leaned back. “What do you say we finish this party planning?”

  “Let’s do it.”

  Party planning gave me something else to focus on besides the thoughts now trying to swirl around my head. The idea of falling in love again scared the shit out of me.

  I honestly wasn’t sure I could ever put myself through that again, but that was a problem for another day.

  22

  Lexi

  “Dr. Watson, there’s a phone call from you from Jackson Hadden.”

  I made the final notes in the chart and handed it back to the vet tech. Most people would be tongue-tied to have Jackson Hadden on the phone, but not Charlotte. For her it was just another day on the job. “I’ll take it in my office.”

  “Great, he’s on line one.”

  “Got it.” I walked past the examination rooms to my office at the end of the hall.

  Why would Jackson be calling me on my work line and not on my cell? The minute I shut the door behind me and walked over to my desk, I found my phone lying on my desk. Figured. I glanced at the screen and saw only one missed call from Jackson. At least I hadn’t missed anything else important. My brain just didn’t work right lately.

  I sat behind my desk and relaxed back in the chair before picking up the phone, convincing myself to sound happy when I answered.

  “Hey, Jackson. What’s up? You usually don’t call and when you do, it’s definitely not on my work line.”

  “I wanted to make sure I caught you when you weren’t with Aiden.”

  I sighed, unable to hold onto the forced excitement. “You make it sound like I spend every night of my life with Aiden.”

  “Well, you spend most of them with him.”

  I picked up the pen on my desk and began to twirl it through my fingers. “Not lately.”

  “Did he start acting like an asshole again?”

  “No, actually he’s doing pretty well. Most of the time anyway. He still has moments that are hard for him, especially anything that has to do with music.”

  “I know. That’s why I called you instead of him.”

  “What happened?”

  “Miles called me this morning.”

  I’d never met Miles, but I knew enough about him from all the stories Aiden had told me. He was the band’s keyboard player.

  “Why was he calling you?”

  “’Cause Aiden hasn’t talked to him since he left.”

  I tapped the pen on the desk. “Since he left? He made it sound like he talked to them a few months ago.” I tucked a piece of loose hair behind my ear. “But that shouldn’t surprise me. He has no problem telling me about all the ridiculous things they did, but the moment you mention any of their music he clams up and shuts down.”

  “Well, he may not need to worry about it much longer, but I’m not sure he’s in a place where he’s ready to find this out.”

  I stopped moving, my stomach sinking. “Find out what?”

  “Violet Obsession is parting ways.”

  “Parting ways?” My heart began to race. This kind of news would kill Aiden.

  “They’re breaking up. Miles said they spent the last six months trying to find a new lead singer with no success.”

  I dropped the pen onto the desk and leaned forward to drop my head in my hands. “Shit. Why only look for six months?”

  “I think they were hoping that Aiden would change his mind eventually and come back.”

  “So I take it you want me to break the bad news.” I dug my nails into the palm of my hand, afraid of the answer to my question. I didn’t know if I could do that to him.

  “No,” he snapped. I pulled the phone back and looked at the receiver.

  “Excuse me?” My hand slowly unclenched.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to jump down your throat, but I don’t know that telling him is the right thing to do.”

  “We can’t keep this from him.” In other words, I wanted Jackson to call and tell him the truth.

  “We have to for now. What will happen when he finds out they broke up because they couldn’t find a lead singer?”

  I knew the answer as soon as I heard the question. What I didn’t know was what he would do about that.

  “He’ll blame himself.”

  “Yeah, he’ll blame himself and either he’ll come back and play because he feels like he has to, ruining every ounce of progress you’ve made. Or he’ll feel the guilt like a weight every day of his life. He’ll never forgive himself. You have to promise me you won’t say anything.”

  I stared at the ceiling in my office as if it would give me the guidance I needed. “And what happens when he finds out we knew and didn’t tell him?”

  “We deal with that when the time comes. Promise me you won’t say anything.”

  My heart warred with my head over what the right decision might be. He might hate us both in the end, but my head won out. Jackson was right. I sighed. “I promise. I won’t tell him.”

  My stomach tightened at the thought of keeping something like this for him, but I’d been keeping something much bigger than that from him for years.

  “Now, you want to tell me why you’ve been spending less time with him lately?”

  My throat tightened. “Not really.”

  “Too bad. Tell me what happened?”

  I pulled the phone away from my ear and glared at it for a moment, before bringing it back up. “Do you talk to Megan like this?”

  “Only when she’s being unreasonable and I can help.”

  If only that could be the case. “This is nothing you can help with.”

  “Try me.”

  Did I really want to go there with Jackson? The best friend he would someday make amends with, who then laid my secret down at Aiden’s feet. Rejection had been hard when we were kids. I didn’t think I could handle it again as an adult. On the other hand, I needed to talk to someone other than my own mother. Someone who knew me and might understand.

  “I feel like a teenager again following him around and yet he never sees me. Not really.”

  “How does he not see you?” The confusion was clear in his voice.

  I rolled my eyes. Men could be such dense idiots sometimes. “Of course he can physically see me, but that’s it. All he sees is his best friend, nothing more.”

  “Is that what you meant at Megan’s coming home party when you mentioned second chances?”

  My heart thundered in my chest. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I better go—”

  “Don’t you dare hang up that phone, Alexandra.”

  My hand froze in place. Not many people called me Alexandra. My parents only used it when they were upset. The only other times people called me by my full name was when they really wanted to get my attention but I wasn’t listening.

  “You’ve never called me Alexandra.”

  “’Cause I’ve never had to until now. We’re going to talk about this.”

  The room blurred in front of me. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

  “Tough. We’re going to talk about it.”

  Anger at his tone pulsed through me. “And now I’m supposed to open up and tell you all about my lifelong crush on Aiden?” Realization at what I admitted stopped me in my tracks and I dropped my head into my hands. “God, now I sound like a twelve-year-old.”

  “No.” His voice had grown softer. “You sound like a woman who has harbored feelings for a man who loved someone else for a long time.”

  I closed my eyes. “A long time is an understatement.”

  “That’s why you were always willing to do all of that stuff for us? Schedule our shows, help with papers and homework even when you could barely get your own stuff done.”

  I sighed. Was I really ready to bare my soul to Jackson? The man who stood beside him the first tim
e he got married. The man who watched as Christine walked down the aisle to him while I sat at home, convincing myself I’d moved on. That I’d been happy for him.

  “Yes. I guess I always hoped that someday he’d see me as more than the girl from down the street. The one who cared about him, about him making it.”

  “How long?” His questions were direct and to the point, leaving me very little room to get out of answering besides hanging up the phone. And that would only lead him to call me back until I picked up.

  “That’s not an easy answer. It started when we were fourteen and he asked out Erin…no, that’s a lie. I think I knew before that, but that was the moment it really hit me in the face and the ugly, green monster came rushing to the surface. I thought I’d gotten over it when we went to college, but having him here, around all the time, I fell for this new Aiden. ”

  “Why didn’t you say anything before now?”

  “What was I supposed to say? Hey, Aiden, I know we’ve known each other since we were kids, but I’m head over heels in love with you. Can you forget about every embarrassing secret I ever told you and fall for me too? That’s ridiculous.”

  “You know I have to say I’m having a severe case of déjà vu here. Monty and Heath had to have a similar conversation with me not that long ago. I’ve been in your shoes, well, kind of.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means I thought Megan and I could just be friends and neither of us would get hurt, but it was taking little pieces of both of us. And I know it’s doing the same thing to you.”

  Jackson was right to a point. In the beginning, I thought I’d outgrown my childhood crush. I was dating Mitch and had a few relationships before that. Maybe I should have known the moment I’d been willing to leave Mitch at the bar to take care of Aiden. Or when I ignored all his calls to spend time with Aiden. I’d never stopped caring about Aiden, even though I knew he was emotionally unavailable.

  Then again, it wasn’t all the same. Megan and Jackson had broken up over circumstances out of their control. Aiden lost his wife and had barely survived. He learned to be happy again, and at first I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that. Except, now here I was jeopardizing my own happiness to keep him in the friend zone where he preferred to be.

  “Not completely the same.” I had to find a way to protect myself. “If you’ve been in my shoes before then how do I protect myself without causing him any more pain? That is the last thing I want to do, but I know he’ll never want me the way I want him.”

  “Honesty, in this case, I’m not sure you can. But I also have a feeling you’ve become more than a friend to him even though he doesn’t want to label it.”

  A humorless laugh left my lips. “I highly doubt that. Besides time, not much has changed since we were younger.”

  “Let me ask you a question, and be completely honest about your answer. When we were growing up, did you spend all your free time together?”

  My eyes practically hit the back of my head with how hard I rolled them. “Um…yeah. Don’t you remember you were there, too?”

  “Exactly.” Jackson rushed out before I had even finished my thought. “He’s only spending time with you now.”

  “’Cause you’re not here and he doesn’t really know anyone in town anymore. Besides, how do you know how much time we’ve been spending together?”

  “Let’s just say he called to apologize a few months ago.” I could hear the smirk in his voice.

  My mouth fell open. “He what?”

  Jackson chuckled. “Okay, that was my reaction at the time, too.”

  “He never apologizes.” I let out a heavy breath.

  “This I know, which is why I made him explain what the turn of events had been.”

  I sat back in the chair, trying to figure out what was happening. “And he said it was spending time with me.”

  “Now you’re starting to see.” Except I really didn’t see. It all sounded insane to me.

  “Not really.” I shook my head even if he couldn’t see me.

  “He said you made him feel alive again. That he didn’t need to spend all his time drowning in a well of self-pity and alcohol as long as you were around.”

  My heart skipped a beat in my chest. Could Aiden really see me that way? There had been that moment a few weeks ago where I thought he had been ready to kiss me in the kitchen. I pushed it aside. More likely I read more into the moment than had really been there. That couldn’t be right. He’d worked the room that night at the bar like a pro. He’d treated everyone else with the same friendly smile as he gave me.

  “No, that can’t be true. Otherwise he would have said something to me. He’s had time to think about moving on if he really wanted to.”

  “You know as well as I do that time does not heal all wounds.”

  Still didn’t mean he’d want to move on with me, even if he were ready.

  “I know, but—”

  “Stop selling yourself short, Lex. He’s just afraid to put his heart out there again.”

  “He told you that?”

  “No, but he doesn’t have to. Hell, I don’t even think he realizes it himself.”

  “I think you’re reading more into your conversation with him than what’s really there. He’s probably always going to be afraid to lose the person he’s with.”

  “Which is why, if you want him, you’re going to have to show him the risk is worth it.”

  Could I really ask him to take that risk with me? Me who was about to keep one hell of a secret from him? A secret that could destroy any amount of trust he had in me?

  “Sure, all on top of lying to him about the loss of his band.”

  Jackson sighed. “Nothing good can come of you telling him, unless he’s ready to pick up a guitar again. If not, he’ll only hurt everyone more, including himself in the process.”

  Memories from last week came floating to the surface. The white knuckles and rapid, shallow breathing from simply the sound of his own voice.

  “He’s not ready. I’m not sure he ever will be.”

  “Which is exactly why there’s no reason to tell him.”

  The phone went silent again. He couldn’t handle his own music, something he had long before Christine. How could I ever think he’d be ready to fall in love again?

  “I know what you’re thinking.” His voice soft, reassuring. “And it’s not the same. He’s already cared about you for a long time.”

  “As a friend. Nothing more.”

  “That’s not true and you know it.”

  I balled my hand into a fist on my leg. “No. I really don’t. All we’ll ever be is friends.” I had to convince myself of that. Just the slightest bit of hope for something different meant getting my own heart shattered when it turned out not to be true.

  Jackson sighed. “You’re right as long as you keep your feelings to yourself. But, I’m not going to let you fall into the same trap Megan and I almost did. I’m giving you until Chloe’s birthday party to tell him or I will. Before this destroys both of you.”

  “You wouldn’t,” I snapped, grasping at the frayed edges of my anger, trying to keep it contained. “Who do you think you are?”

  “A friend who wants to see his friends happy. I’m just hoping I can see that at the birthday party.”

  “I’m not going,” I argued like a cornered animal. I couldn’t let Jackson do this to me. It hadn’t been a decision I thought much about since I’d made it about after the conversation with my mom.

  “What do you mean you’re not going?” His voice rose.

  Little pieces of anger were riding me, making my tone a bit harsher than necessary. “Exactly what I said, I’m not going. You say this is destroying us both and I couldn’t agree more.”

  “So now you’re not going, all because of what I said?”

  I thought about saying yes, only to get under his skin, especially since he thought he should have a say in my life. In the end, I firmly grabbed hold
of the anger, pushing it down and taking deep breaths until the throbbing in my temple eased. “No. I made the decision days ago. He’ll be surrounded by people who know and love him. He doesn’t need me.”

  “Oh, Lex, he doesn’t need anyone else that’s going to be there the way he needs you. If you really want to hurt him, not going will do it.”

  The room shimmered before me. Damn roller coaster of emotions. “I’m trying not to hurt myself anymore. And standing there amongst his family and friends while they sing happy birthday to Chloe, a little girl I’ve come to love, makes me feel like a fraud, like someone who’s trying to step into shoes that aren’t mine.”

  “No one thinks that. Everyone who knows Aiden, knows exactly what you’ve done for him. Don’t turn your back on him now.”

  “I don’t know, Jackson.” The computer alert sounded and I knew my next patient had thankfully arrived. “Look, I’ve got to go. My next patient is here.”

  “Okay, just promise me you’ll think about what I said.”

  “I’ll think about it, but I make no promises about what I decide.”

  “All right. I’ll see you next week.”

  The phone disconnected before I could yell at the presumptuous bastard, even if he had a point. I knew I’d never be able to hold to my decision. Aiden would need everyone to get through the day. One of the happiest of his life that led to one of the saddest.

  I knew that was why he agreed to hold her birthday party the week before her birthday. In his mind, he was keeping the two events separate.

  And I needed to do the same. I had to keep my own heart separated from what my head needed to do that day.

  23

  Lexi

  A glutton for punishment.

  That had to be the answer and the only reason I’d forced myself out of the house today to head to Aiden’s.

  No. That wasn’t true at all. Even if I didn’t want to admit it, I couldn’t let him face this day alone. No matter how much it hurt me to do it.