She blushed as Nicholas peeked over his shoulder and smiled at the two women. At her side, Lucinda felt Jane become lighter, as if just her husband’s smile could lift her.
“You two should walk together,” Lucinda said as she released Jane.
Ronan nodded in silent agreement and he fell back to Lucinda’s side. The couple did not argue, but Jane took Nicholas’s hand with a soft smile and they fell into step before Ronan and Lucinda. Lucinda let out what she hoped was an imperceptible sigh and gave him a side glance. His hand stirred at his side, almost as if he wanted to mimic the couple in front of them, but instead he motioned for her to walk and shortened his stride to match hers.
For a while, they were quiet, but despite the awkwardness of the situation, the quiet was anything but uncomfortable. After a few moments, Lucinda settled into the walk and began to appreciate the green of the rolling hills, the sound of the birds in the trees around them.
Ronan cleared his throat gently. “Have you enjoyed your time here?”
She shot him a side glance to see if he was being serious or not. After all, they shared a daring secret about her ‘time here’. But he looked perfectly sincere, though not exactly comfortable.
She nodded. “I admit, I resisted the idea of coming to the country, but it has been exactly what I needed. In many ways.”
He looked at her and a spark of desire lit in his stare. Lucinda stifled a wicked little smile. She actually liked the idea that she could cause such a strong and experienced man to want her. It made her feel womanly and desirable in a way she hadn’t for a long time.
Nicholas and Jane turned back to look at them and Lucinda’s cheeks heated with embarrassed color. Luckily neither of them seemed to notice the emotion snapping between Ronan and herself.
“Here is a good spot,” Nicholas said, motioning to a lake that now spread out before them at the bottom of the hill. A few tall trees shaded areas of the grass and once they had moved down the hill together, Nicholas and Ronan spread the blanket out beneath one of them.
Jane sank down on her knees on the blanket and Lucinda joined her, helping her remove the items of food and drink from the basket Jane and Nicholas’s cook had prepared for them. There were a variety of sandwiches, cold chicken, biscuits and a carafe of tea, as well as a bottle of wine and glasses.
“A feast, indeed,” Nicholas said as she took a place beside Jane on the blanket.
Ronan hesitated, then knelt beside Lucinda. She felt his presence next to her even as she tried not to stare at him like a besotted girl in her debut year.
Plates were filled, wine was poured and after the group had settled into their lunch, Jane smiled at Lucinda.
“I saw you had a letter from our mother-in-law this morning. How are the girls?”
Lucinda’s discomfort at sitting beside her lover faded with the mention of her children.
“I think very well. Marianne writes of many activities. Margaret even wrote a few words and someone gave Georgiana a pencil and let her scribble all over the paper.” She laughed. “I do miss them terribly. I have never been away from them since-”
She brought her words to a sudden halt, for everyone in the small group knew exactly the event of which she spoke. Nicholas’s smile faltered slightly but he nodded.
“I’m pleased to hear they are doing well. I think taking care of them is as good for my mother as it is for them and for you.”
She laughed. “They are being utterly spoiled by toys and cakes, though. Surely I’ll never hear the end of it.”
Ronan glanced at her. “They are only eighteen months and four years old, yes?”
Lucinda blinked and couldn’t help but stare at Ronan. She had no idea he had kept such track of her life. It was rather thrilling to know that her girls, who were the most important things in her life, meant enough to him that he knew their ages.
“Y-yes, that is correct.”
He smiled, a very gentle expression. “Don’t worry, Lucinda, I don’t believe they can be spoiled so young.”
Lucinda nodded, knowing they were both thinking about the troubled childhood Ronan had suffered. The very idea of her girls being treated so callously made her heart break.
“You are right, and if anyone deserves to be spoiled it is those girls,” she said with a gentle smile.
He leaned a fraction closer. “As does their mother.”
Lucinda felt the blush pinken her cheeks and a thrill moved through her body.
Until she remembered that Nicholas and Jane were sitting inches away and had just seen that intimate exchange. She slowly let her gaze move to them and found they were both staring, concern and perhaps a touch of confusion in their eyes.
She slid away from Ronan and fidgeted with the food that was left on her plate. He stiffened at her reaction and pushed to his feet in one smooth motion.
“I think I’ll take a walk around the lake,” he said.
His voice was tight and rough. Lucinda wished she didn’t hear the touch of hurt and anger in the tone, but she knew him well enough by now to recognize both. He nodded to the very quiet group and started off toward the water’s edge. His shoulders were stiff and his gait was not as smooth and comfortable as usual.
Lucinda wanted to fling herself from the blanket, run to him, hold him and try to fix whatever pain she’d caused by flinching away. But Jane was staring at her. Focused and intense and with far too much knowledge in her eyes. And Nicholas was giving a very similar look in Ronan’s direction.
Yes, this was trouble.
Lucinda cleared her throat and searched desperately for a new topic of conversation. Something, anything that would distract her friends from the embarrassing exchange they’d just witnessed. Of course, nothing would come to her mind. All she could think of was Ronan, Ronan, Ronan.
She glanced in his direction again. He was walking along the water’s edge and now his body revealed no hint of any distress. She wasn’t certain whether to be pleased with that or not.
“Lucinda-” Nicholas began.
She pivoted her head back to her brother-in-law. His lips were a thin line of displeasure and his eyes were narrowed. She held her breath as she waited for his questions and judgments to come, but Jane prevented that by interrupting him.
“Lucinda, do you think you might want to go to the village tomorrow to shop for a new hat? There’s a very nice milliner with lovely things.”
Lucinda gave a grateful smile to Jane. “Yes, I would like that very much.”
“But-” Nicholas began.
Jane reached out and gently touched his arm. “Dearest, you know you do not want to interrupt a woman when she’s discussing something as important as a hat. Why don’t you follow Rage’s lead and take a walk?”
His lips pursed and he gave Lucinda one more intense look before he got to his feet and strolled to the lake with his friend. Lucinda shuddered to think of the conversation they were about to have, but when he caught up with Ronan, they did not exchange any words.
She turned her attention back to Jane. Her sister-in-law was watching her and unlike Nicholas, who had been very grave, she only looked concerned.
“Should I ask you anything?” Jane asked softly.
Lucinda shook her head. “I wish you wouldn’t.”
“Then I won’t.” Jane glanced down to the lake. “But perhaps you’d walk with me back to the house.”
“You think they should be left alone?” Lucinda bit her lip as she stared at the two men. They still weren’t talking.
Jane arched a brow. “What do you think they’ll do?”
“I shudder to think of what they could do. They boxed in the underground.”
“If they were going to kill each other, I think they would have done so already.” Jane got to her feet and offered a hand to Lucinda. She took it and stood up. With a final look toward the two men, she followed Jane up the hill and back toward the house.
And hoped that her brother-in-law and her lover would both survive whate
ver conversation would eventually happen between them.
~~~
“They’re gone,” Rage said without even looking over his shoulder or at his friend. “So what is it you want to say?”
Stone folded his arms and Rage almost laughed. He knew that look well. It was his friend’s motion of intimidation and it worked on most men.
“Do you want to tell me what that comment was about?” Stone asked. He was clenching his teeth.
Rage did the same. “Comment?”
Stone glared at him. “What you said to Lucinda. About her needing to be spoiled. It was very… intimate.”
Rage stared across the water as he tried to control his emotions. “Perhaps,” he finally growled.
“And inappropriate,” Stone added, as if somehow Rage didn’t understand that. Like he was a child who needed training by some kind of older brother.
“You know that, do you?”
“Of course!” Stone shook his head.
“You know what she needs. What she wants.”
Now his friend fisted his hands at his sides and the gesture was threatening.
“Rage-”
“No.” He spun on Stone. “It isn’t your place to be her watchdog.”
“Like hell it isn’t.” His friend stepped closer. “She is my brother’s wife.”
“His widow,” Rage said as calmly as he could muster. “She is his widow and a grown woman who can make her own decisions.”
He expected Stone to swing on him at that point. He welcomed it, actually, for at least with the physical pain would come some peace from these other unwelcome feelings.
Instead, his friend stepped back a long step and stared at him. With disbelief. With shock. With pity.
“You… you have a tendre for her.”
Rage stared at him. “No. No, of course not.”
But his friend’s headshake told Rage that he hadn’t been convincing enough. “You do. Why didn’t I see it before? Is this why you left in such a rush last week?”
Rage folded his arms. What his friend was saying was crazy. He desired Lucinda, he even liked her… but a tendre? That was pure madness. He refused to give it any weight by arguing it.
“My life is my affair,” he snapped. “You own my time as estate manager, no more.”
Stone rubbed his eyes and for a long time he was quiet. “You know that under any other circumstances, I would agree with your statement. But Lucinda is my family. Her girls are my family. If you have some kind of interest in her, I have a right to an opinion on that matter.”
Rage’s teeth had begun to hurt from clenching his jaw so tightly. “Because I’m so utterly beneath her?”
Stone glared at him. “No. I couldn’t judge the world you come from. I lived there, too, for many years.”
Rage stared at his friend in disbelief. Surely Stone could not be so naïve as his statement implied. “You weren’t from my world. You visited there, but you could have gone home any time you liked. Jesus, Stone, you combed your hair, curbed your language and everyone wanted to invite you to every party again.”
His friend pursed his lips. “That isn’t true. I had to change on a far deeper level to have even the smallest type of acceptance. Even now, there are many who won’t even speak to me and who cut my wife because of who I am and what I did. And I have a family of influence.”
Rage flinched. “Unlike me.”
Stone didn’t respond, but the flicker in his stare told Rage that was exactly what he meant.
“Lucinda is a genteel lady. She comes from a very important family and has never faced the kind of censure that might come if you had feelings for her and she returned them. She might not be happy-”
“In a secondhand life with me,” Rage said softly. He had heard enough. “Yes. I know you are correct, my friend. I’m not about to ruin anything for you or for your family. I know my place. I always have.”
Stone opened his mouth, but Rage lifted a hand to silence him. “Go back to the house, Stone. I think I’ll walk a while.”
He turned on his heel and walked away from his friend, away from the house that was just over the hill in the distance. He felt Stone watching him as he moved. He even heard his best friend say his name.
But he didn’t turn back.
Chapter Ten
Lucinda paced the length of the parlor, pausing each time she was about to turn as she listened for Ronan’s footfalls. It had been nearly two hours since the picnic, which had been such a lovely idea, had broken up. Nicholas had returned just a quarter of an hour after she and Jane arrived home… but Ronan…
Well, he was still gone. And she wanted to speak to him about what had happened, not Jane, not her brother-in-law.
In the hallway, she heard the front door close and rushed out into the foyer. She caught her breath as she saw Ronan standing in the open space. His face was hard. So hard that she saw a glimpse of what he must have been like as a jaded boy, as a rage-filled boxer who took his pain to the boxing ring and spent it with his fists.
That hardness on his face made tears come to her eyes and the desire to speak to him, comfort him, was stronger than ever.
“Ronan,” she said softly.
He froze and slowly his stare came to her face. “What are you doing?”
She flinched at the icy tone. “Waiting for you.”
He laughed, but there was no humor or lightness in his tone. “That is a waste of your time, my lady.”
She swallowed at his reversion to the proper address. “I want to talk to you.”
He shook his head. “Not now.”
She stared at him and realized that there was only now. It was clear by his expression that if she waited until some undefined “later” that he would push her away for once and for all. He would be lost to her. And she wasn’t prepared for that. Not without at least discussing it.
“Please,” she said, taking a few steps toward him and reaching for him. She settled her hand on his arm. The muscles contracted beneath her palm and his jaw tightened even further. “Please, I’m asking you to come to the parlor with me and talk to me. Nothing else.”
“Very well,” he said, then pulled his arm away and motioned to the parlor she had come from. “Lead the way.”
Lucinda hesitated. Part of her wanted to take his arm and force him to escort her, but there was something so… fragile about his acquiescence that she feared she would lose it, and him, if she pushed. So she turned and walked into the room, feeling his stare on her with every step.
Inside the parlor, he walked past her and directly to the window where he stared out across the lawn with a flat, emotionless expression on his face. Lucinda glanced behind her to be certain no one had seen them enter the room together, then gently closed the door to give them some privacy.
The sound of the door shutting had Ronan stiffening, though he didn’t turn away from his view.
Lucinda stared at him, waiting for him to look at her. To say something, anything to her, even just her name. But he stayed where he was.
So it was to be left to her.
“Ronan,” she said softly.
His shoulders tensed and finally he turned toward her and looked at her evenly.
“I’m sorry about what happened today,” she said and moved toward him a few steps. “I feel as though I hurt you and I never wanted to do such a thing.”
His brow arched. “You didn’t hurt me.”
She blushed at the dismissive words. “Oh. Good.”
Another long silence parted them, stretching out like a cavern she couldn’t dare cross. Except she did, pushing even closer to him. His eyes widened slightly, but he didn’t back away.
“Ronan, you may say I didn’t hurt you, but clearly you are upset or angry. I want to talk to you about this. Please, don’t push me away.”
Those words were the first that showed any visible affect on him. His expression softened slightly and he looked at her face for the first time. “Lucinda,” he whispered and her eye
s fluttered shut when he said her name instead of addressing her formally. “Look at me.”
She opened her eyes and did as he had asked. He reached for her, touching her upper arms gently. “You should let me push you away. To protect you.”
Her lips parted. “You don’t mean that,” she breathed when she managed to find her voice.
He stared at her for a long time and then released her arms and backed away. Terror sluiced through her, fear of loss, fear of never feeling again the way she felt when she was with him. Out of instinct, she caught his hands before he could escape her reach. He sucked in a breath at the touch of her skin and she took the opportunity. She lifted to her tiptoes and pressed her mouth to his.
He was tense beneath her lips for a fraction of a second, but then his arms came around her, his mouth slanted and parted. She tasted his desire, his need and her body grew heavy and wet with anticipation of joining her body with his. And perhaps that was the only way she could bring back the man who smiled more easily, who looked at her with eyes filled with warmth. The man who had trusted her with his secrets and his past, even though she knew that trust wasn’t easily given.
He moved as if he was planning to pull away, but Lucinda clung to him, desperate to tell him with her body what she couldn’t fully say with words, and what she feared he did not wish to hear even if she found those elusive words and the bravery to say them.
She tugged at his buttons, freeing them until her fingers found the warmth of his skin instead of cotton and linen. He growled low in his chest, a sound of possession and pleasure and made her body tingle. It also emboldened her. He might try to resist, but she could force his hand with her body, with her touch. She slid her hand lower, down his stomach and found him hard and ready when her hand closed around the thrust of his erection.
“Lucinda,” he gasped, his mouth jerking from hers.
“Shhh,” she soothed as she fumbled with his trousers. She parted the buttons and freed him into her palm. He was hot and smooth and she wanted him inside of her. Somehow, some way. She wanted to weaken him with pleasure the way he had done to her so many times since they’d begun this affair.
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