She kissed his throat, then dragged her mouth downward, tasting his skin as she dipped lower. He had pleasured her with his mouth numerous times and now she wanted to do the same to him. She dropped to her knees and stroked her hand over him once, twice.
His back arched and he hissed out a breath. A breath that turned to a low grunt when she darted out her tongue to lick just the tip of his erection.
“Lucinda-” he began again, but she didn’t respond with words.
Instead she took him into her mouth.
“Christ,” he cried out and his hands came into her hair as she began to slowly glide him in and out of her mouth, sucking and tasting, swirling her tongue around him.
The feeling of him in her mouth, hard and at her mercy made her feel powerful, womanly, ripe and passionate. Her troubles and worries faded, replaced by focus on Ronan his pleasure.
“Lucinda-” This time his voice was a gasp. “I can’t wait-”
She knew what he meant, but she didn’t want to stop. She wanted to bring him to that ultimate pleasure, to feel him lose control inside her for once in their time together. Such an idea was foreign to her, but not unpleasant.
She continued to suck him, stroking his shaft with her fist as she swirled her tongue around him.
His release came with a guttural cry and then the hot splash of his seed filled her mouth. She swallowed and was surprised that the salty flavor did not bother her, in fact she liked the power she derived from it and the pleasure she had given even more.
She pulled away from him and looked up his body with a tiny wicked smile. But it fell the moment she saw his face. Though he was panting from his release, he did not look happy. He caught her elbows and pulled her to her feet, but then he immediately released her and turned away.
“Why did you do that?” he asked as he closed his trousers and buttoned his shirt.
Lucinda stared at his tense back. “Because I wanted you. And I wanted to show you that I do care for you. That I-”
He spun toward her and lifted his hand. “Stop,” he snapped. “Don’t say it. Don’t.”
She closed her mouth and stepped back.
He shook his head. “We can’t do this anymore. I never should have…”
He stopped and turned away again. Lucinda sucked in a breath. “You shouldn’t have made love to me? You shouldn’t have touched me or told me you wanted me? I’m glad you did. I don’t know why-”
“You don’t know why?” he asked in disbelief. “Damn it, Lucinda, that should be obvious. We are not the same kind of people. We never were. This was an affair, one I thought would help you. But it was nothing more and it never could be.”
Lucinda blinked as all those words settled into her mind. An affair, nothing more. And worse, one he thought would help her. As if he pitied her, as so many other people in her life did.
“You can’t mean that,” she whispered.
He faced her squarely and she saw no emotion or warmth in his face or his eyes. “I mean every word.”
She blinked. Now the hurt was washing over her. The anger followed closely behind.
With as much dignity as she could muster, she straightened her shoulders and stepped away from him. “Well, thank you for that honesty. And thank you, apparently, for taking pity on me and gifting me with your-your-”
She waved in the general direction of his body. She knew what his member was called, but she had never used such a frank, vulgar word before. But then, that proved exactly what Ronan said.
“Your cock,” she finished and wished she didn’t blush when she said it. “Goodbye.”
Without waiting for his response, she turned on her heel and exited the room. She didn’t see anything around her as she staggered up the stairs, down the hallway and found her room somehow. She slammed the door behind her and locked it, then she sank to her knees and began to sob as she hadn’t allowed herself to do in at least a year.
It was in that moment that she recognized what a loss she had just suffered. Perhaps not of a death as when Anthony had been snatched from her. But a loss of love nonetheless. She loved Ronan Riley… but he had made it more than clear that he did not feel the same. Nor would he ever.
So she would have her cry and then she had to find a way to pick up the pieces. But not here. Not with him.
~~~
Lucinda drew a deep breath before she stepped out on the drive and watched her driver pull her carriage around. Behind her Nicholas and Jane joined her and she felt their eyes on her. Felt their pity and their worry and their questions.
She drew a deep breath before she faced them.
“Thank you again for this opportunity to join you here,” she said. Her voice cracked and she swallowed hard before she continued. “I’m sorry to be such a rude guest and depart before the appointed time.”
“Are you certain we cannot convince you to stay?” Nicholas asked softly, his sharp eyes never leaving her face.
“No,” she said with a shake of her head. “I miss my girls.”
Which was true, but not why she was leaving.
Jane slipped her hand into her husband’s arm and smiled at Lucinda gently. “We would be happy to have them join us if we could change your mind. Marianne and Hugh could be here with them in just a few days.”
Lucinda shut her eyes. The girls would love to see their uncle and aunt, she knew that to be true. But she couldn’t pretend not to care about Ronan. They would see, Jane and Nicholas would see. Her humiliation would know no bounds at that point. And neither would her heartbreak.
The last of the bags were loaded and the footman took his place beside the door to allow her access when she was ready.
“You are too kind,” she managed past dry lips. “But I must decline. My life in London awaits. But I’ll see you both there in just a short time.”
Nicholas nodded. “Yes, we’ll be back in just a week.”
“Good.”
She breathed a sigh of relief that the attempt at convincing her to stay seemed to have passed and she hadn’t burst into tears or confessed her feelings for Ronan. Now she just had to get into the vehicle with her dignity intact and then she could cry all the way to the first inn she would stay in for the night if she desired.
Jane stepped forward and her arms came around Lucinda for a tight hug. Lucinda clung to her friend, blinking at those tears she did not want to shed and whispered, “Thank you.”
Jane nodded against her shoulder. “I fear we might not have done you much of a service by bringing you here. At least not as much as we wished. But I do love you, Lucinda. And when we return to London, perhaps we can take that trip to a milliner there and talk.”
Lucinda pulled away and nodded. Jane would want to press her on whatever she thought was happening with Ronan. And perhaps by that time the sting would have faded and she could have some kind of reasonable discussion.
Perhaps not.
Nicholas moved toward her and took both her hands in his. He rarely instigated any kind of contact with her, out of respect for her pain over Anthony, but she welcomed the warm comfort of his rough hands.
“Give my nieces my love,” he said softly.
She nodded.
He hesitated and for a moment she feared he would ask or say something else. But then he shook his head. “We’ll see you soon.”
He motioned to her footman and the young man opened the door to her carriage. She gave them each a final smile, then stepped into her vehicle. The door closed behind her and she stared out the window as they began to roll toward the gate.
And Ronan never came out. She never saw him in a window watching her leave. She had to give him respect… he had told her this was over, and obviously he meant it. So instead of crying, she settled back against the leather seat and contemplated how to carry on with her “normal” life now that everything had changed.
Chapter Eleven
Rage flung open the door to Stone’s study and let it hit the wall with a bang. “I want to fight.”
Slowly, Stone looked up from the paperwork on a stack on his desk and stared at his friend. “I beg your pardon.”
“You heard me,” he snapped. “I want to fight.”
Stone rose to his feet and gave Rage a contemplative stare. Rage shifted because the expression on his friend’s face was one of pity, not anger. Were his raw emotions so obvious? Lucinda had been gone for three days. He hadn’t seen her off, hadn’t even watched her go, no matter how much he wanted to. He’d hoped his desire for her would fade as the days passed, that he’d think of her less.
It wasn’t to be. Every moment of every day was an exercise in self-torture as thoughts of her taunted him. And the nights were filled with dreams that shattered when he woke alone and frustrated.
There was only one way he knew to expel that frustration.
“So you think punching me… or more likely allowing me to punch you will help you?” Stone asked softly.
Rage clenched his teeth. Stone was certainly making the idea of hitting him a more and more attractive one. “Are we going to do this?”
He stepped around the desk and shrugged out of his coat. “Very well.”
Rage shed his own jacket and threw it on the floor without a care as to where it landed. He tore the first three buttons from his shirt and yanked it over his head. Normally the two of them would wrap their hands, but he didn’t want to take the time. Bare knuckled brawling was what he desired.
Stone sighed and took his own shirt off, but unlike Rage, he folded the item carefully and laid it across his desk. Then he lifted his hands and the two men began to circle in the large, empty section of the room.
“I assume this is about Lucinda,” Stone said.
Rage threw a wild, swiping shot that Stone evaded without any effort.
“Fuck,” he grunted.
Stone shook his head. “I see. Do you want to know what her demeanor was the day she left? I have waited for you to ask, but you have been very silent on the matter.”
Rage swung again and Stone sidestepped the shot as easily as the first. He remained silent.
A silence his friend took as agreement. “We were sorry to see her go so suddenly and so prematurely.”
This time Stone threw a punch and Rage couldn’t quite dodge it. It swiped his ribs, not hard enough to cause any real pain, but to be a warning that he should be aware of the skill his friend still possessed.
“She was out of sorts, clearly suffering from a great deal of upset.”
Rage grunted and swung. This time he hit, but only Stone’s arm.
“As are you, apparently,” his friend said. He circled slowly. “Jane has a theory.”
“Oh yes?” Rage asked, his tone as hard as the looping punch he threw. Finally he connected against Stone’s ribs and he let out a gasp of air.
“She thinks something happened between you,” he choked.
Rage hesitated long enough that Stone saw an opening and swung. Rage barely stepped out of the way and he glared at his friend.
“It did.”
Stone’s stance changed immediately. He had been in a sparring state, but now he straightened up, more serious. More angry. Good. Rage wanted to fight, not play at sparring.
“What do you mean, it did?” Stone asked.
“What do you think I mean?” Rage replied, his stare meeting Stone’s so that there would be no mistake what he was saying.
Stone threw a hard punch and Rage let it land against his stomach. It blew the air from his lungs and shot a burst of pain through his body. And he welcomed it. The physical pain was what he wanted right now.
“You slept with her?” Stone sputtered.
Rage chuckled and hated how ugly the sound was. “Well, there wasn’t much sleep involved.”
This time he let his fists fly and Stone blocked each punch as his face turned red and his eyes lit with fury.
“You son of a bitch!” Stone shouted and after that there were no more words.
Rage set his feet and the punches started flying. They hadn’t fought like this, truly fought and not sparred, since he was in his early twenties and he had thought of Stone as a spoiled rich bastard like the ones who had made his life a living hell. Punch and block, circling left, then right, it was a true battle.
Stone threw a hard left, right combination and Rage wasn’t quick enough to block it. He staggered back and hit a small table against the wall. It shattered beneath his weight, sending broken dishes and trinkets across the shiny wooden floor. He shoved off the wall and charged forward, hitting Stone in the gut with all his weight. They grappled around the room, shoving liquor tumblers off the desk, books from the shelves and breaking chair legs.
But Rage didn’t care about the destruction, and Stone didn’t seem to either. All that mattered were fists and forearms, sweat and pain. And the fight was growing more serious with every blow.
Only before it could progress to its ultimate end of blood and possibly unconsciousness, the door to Stone’s office flew open and Jane rushed in. Both the men stopped, midfight. Rage had Stone’s shoulders and Stone’s fist was cocked for a blow but they stared toward Jane in tandem.
“What are you two doing?” she cried out.
“Teaching this bastard a lesson,” Stone growled.
Rage pressed his hands into Stone’s chest and shoved. “Go to hell.”
Jane sighed and stomped across the room, putting herself between them. “Gentlemen, corners!” she snapped.
Rage stepped back and so did Stone and without taking their eyes from each other, they backed into opposite sides of the room.
Jane folded her arms and stared at them like an angry governess. Rage couldn’t help but smile as he realized this very look had made Nicholas fall in love with her.
“Now what is going on?” she asked.
Stone glared at Rage. “He slept with her. Rage went to bed with Lucinda.”
Rage flinched as he awaited Jane’s response. He wanted to fight, but he didn’t want her to hate him. For some reason, that was worse than Stone punching him. But she only stared at him with a contemplative expression. Then she nodded.
“I thought that might be the case.”
Stone’s jaw dropped and he stared at his wife in utter shock. “What? And you said nothing to me?”
She smiled gently. “Well, I wasn’t certain and considering this reaction you’ve had to the news, can you blame me for saying nothing?”
Stone blinked. “This reaction? My reaction is completely reasonable. Rage took advantage of her.”
Now Rage couldn’t be silent. He moved from the corner with folded arms. “You act as if she’s a trembling virgin. She has been a widow for two years. She is a grown woman and she’s the most intelligent person I’ve ever met. I give her a bit more credit than you do, I think.”
Jane tilted her head and a knowing smile broke over her face. “Very well said, Rage. But if you give her so much credit than why did she leave in such a manner?”
He tore his stare away from his friend and looked at Jane. Admitting he had taken Lucinda to his bed was one thing, but telling them how he had broken with her was another. When he thought of it, his stomach turned.
“I told her we were finished. That what we had was nothing more than an affair that should never have begun,” he admitted so quietly that he wasn’t certain she could even hear him.
Until she stomped across the chamber, anger and disbelief in her eyes. “How could you do such a thing?”
To his surprise, Nicholas also moved forward, but the anger that had been on his face was now muted. “He did it because it was the honorable thing to do.”
Jane gasped and looked at her husband as if he had sprung a second head right there in the study. “How is that honorable when he obviously cares for her and she for him?”
Stone looked at him, not her when he answered, “They are not equals in the eyes of Society-”
She folded her arms. “When we met I was hardly more than a servant, wh
atever my birth might have been. By your logic, you and I shouldn’t be together, either.”
Her statement stopped Stone immediately. He glanced at his wife and everything about his rough friend’s expression softened. Rage couldn’t help but stare. It was amazing his friend could find a woman who was capable of doing that.
“That isn’t what I meant.” Stone reached out to her and took her hand. “You are my savior and my love.”
She smiled, then turned her attention back to Rage. “Do you care for Lucinda, or was this truly just a brief liaison as you said to her?”
Rage rubbed his face. That was the question that had been tormenting him since she left the parlor and then the estate. He’d tried to tell himself that he didn’t care. But he didn’t believe it.
“I don’t know,” he muttered.
She tilted her head. “You do, but I think that it frightens you, and you aren’t accustomed to that sort of emotion.”
Rage clenched his teeth. He didn’t like being exposed, even to friends he knew he could trust. But that was what he was, laid out for anyone to see or read.
“I do care for her,” he admitted. The moment the words left his lips, the power of them rocked him. He more than cared for Lucinda, but he refused to name the complex emotions that flowed through his body.
Jane smiled. “Good.”
He shrugged, though the words were anything but meaningless. “I think I’ve cared for her since the first moment I saw her.”
Stone’s eyes went wide. “But she was married to my brother then.”
Rage nodded. “Yes. And I knew she was out of my reach, of course. I would never have betrayed you, your family or her in that manner. I made peace with the knowledge that I could never do anything but say hello to her in passing. But when the opportunity came to me here to have a moment with her… just a moment… I couldn’t resist it. Even though I knew it couldn’t last.”
Stone shook his head. “So you have wanted her, even cared for her, for so many years… and yet you’re so willing to give her up?”
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