Outside

by Michelle Mankin

He nodded reflectively. “Well it is. With the current line up at least.” His eyes grew unfocused for a moment. “It was a dream for me at one time but we’re both really tired of it. It has taken on a life of its own and become more of a nightmare to tell you the truth.” His gaze refocused and settled on mine. I squeezed his fingers encouraging him to continue while shadows of hazy scenery passed us by in the heavily tinted windows. “Linc wasn’t the only one who struggled with the alcohol and drugs. One by one we all inevitably succumbed and it got worse after Patch. Except for the new guy. Diesel’s a bit of a self-disciplined zealot.” He stopped and pulled in a shaky breath.

  “I know. I understand. Patch’s death hasn’t been easy for any of us to come to terms with.”

  He nodded once. “Linc got clean before me. It’s only been a little over six months for me, and I was doing worse things than him. Shooting up.”

  “I’m sorry, Ash. I didn’t know.”

  “Yeah.” He snorted. “The media’s not as interested in the supporting cast of the band. Ramon didn’t care too much about me by the time I hit bottom. I’d burned too many bridges with him, borrowing money for dope, being strung out and wasted one to many times at one too many venues making us all look bad. But Linc stood by me through it all. Best cousin. Best friend a guy could ever have.”

  I just nodded, my throat and lungs were too clogged with emotion to speak. Being a celebrity apparently wasn’t the dream it appeared to be to the rest of us on the outside looking in.

  “These past several years have been hell for both of us.” His brow creased into a deep v. “He told you about his father?”

  I nodded.

  “That really hit him hard, but I think it’s also helped him in a lot of ways, too.”

  I nodded remembering Linc’s words about how his father’s death made him see things more clearly.

  “It made him even more motivated to change and more open to my advice.” His fingers flexed in mine. “I’m the one who convinced him to return. He was never happy without you, Mona. Not a single day.”

  My eyes filled. “Neither was I,” I admitted.

  He nodded. “That’s as I suspected. Linc. Me. You. None of us were really happy after you left. We all learned too late that it’s better to have nothing and the right person to hold onto than anything else in the entire world. Sweet, Mona.” He brushed my cheek softly with his knuckles. “It’s good timing then for the Dirt Dogs to hang it up. I’m planning on sticking around to make sure you two do right by each other. There are no two people in the world I care for more except for my parents. They’re the only other ones besides Linc and me who know the other reason we’re calling it quits.” He pulled in a breath gaze turning stormy sapphire. “I’m HIV positive, Mona.”

  “No!” Eyes widening, I sucked in a shocked breath.

  “Don’t know whether I got it from sharing a dirty needle when shooting up or from unprotected sex. Doesn’t really matter at this point.”

  I unbuckled my seat belt belatedly realizing we had stopped. I threw my arms around his neck. I wasn’t prepared to lose someone else I loved. “I’m sorry, Ash. So sorry. Whatever I can, I’ll do. I’ll be here for you, too. Just like Linc. All the way. I love you.”

  “I love you, too, baby. But hey,” he unpeeled my arms from around his neck and smiled softly, “it’s not a death sentence anymore. As long as I take the antiviral drugs, I can live a long time just like other people with a chronic illness.”

  “On a happier note, Linc and I have a project together that we’re very excited about. One that involves you. You’re actually the first artist we’re signing.”

  “The Blaine deal. I know. Linc mentioned they want to use our song.” The one about our feelings for Lincoln and the love for him we had in common.

  “I actually approached their people under the label Lincoln and I formed a month ago. You probably remember I’m pretty good at the negotiation side of the business.”

  I remembered. He was the one who had put together the mini tour. He was the one who always talked dollars and cents with the club owners. “I think that’s so incredibly cool. What are you calling it?”

  “The label? Outside. It’s a surfing term and…”

  “I’m familiar with it,” I interjected.

  “Yes. Well, it kind of summarizes a lot of things for us. Catching the big wave when it comes along. Finding a place in life where we can see the whole picture and the things that are really important. Family. Friends. Each other.” He flashed me a smile. “Speaking of things that are important. We have a little surprise for you during the performance. Afterward we’re hoping the term means even more to you.”

  Ash and I had talked for so long I didn’t get to see Linc before the show. I was treated like a VIP though and escorted through the tropical foliage that surrounded the venue to a front row center seat in a comfortable folding chair on the artificial turf that sloped toward the raised stage.

  Everything was in position on it. The mics. The speakers. The drum kit on risers sporting the Dirt Dog’s logo, a tough looking bulldog on a surfboard. The only thing missing was the band.

  In the marina on my left the masts of the boats seemed to lean expectantly toward the stage, the Dirt Dog fans on them holding their breath as they awaited the show from their prime position on the water. To my right several Half Moon hotel longhouses with balconies provided those facing the stage a free bonus of a kick ass rock concert included in their nightly rate.

  The restive crowd volume increased as the sun disappeared over the horizon. I moved forward in my seat as anxious for the show to begin as everyone else was, probably more so. I hadn’t seen the guys performing live since Huntington Beach.

  I smoothed my skirt around my legs and rubbed my arms to warm them. I wished I had thought to bring a sweater. The breeze off of the water right now was a little chilly.

  From the chair beside me a distinguished Hispanic man with a liberal amount of grey intermingled in his black hair leaned toward me and asked for the time. I slipped my cell from my bag to check. A message from Linc came up on the display.

  Linc: Love you, gorgeous. Nice dress.

  I grinned and glanced up at the stage but I couldn’t see him. I turned to tell the man the time and I think he caught a glimpse of the message on my phone over my shoulder.

  “You a friend of Linc’s?” he asked.

  I pulled in a breath and said the words. “His girlfriend,” I clarified and stuck out my hand. “Simone Bianchi.”

  His eyes brightened as if he knew me. “Your father used to own Napoli’s.” He squeezed my hand and released it. “I’m Enrique Martinez. Ramon is my son. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I hear it’s going to be a great show. I hope you enjoy it.”

  I didn’t get a chance to reply or to speak further to Enrique because the show had begun, a heavy bass beat and a blindingly bright flash of lights heralding the arrival of the first Dirt Dog to the stage.

  The new bassist was an imposing figure, built and tall, maybe taller than Lincoln. Diesel had harsh features or maybe just harsh thoughts that made them seem that way. His darker skin tone hinted at what I guessed might be Polynesian ancestry. He was a very accomplished musician but seeing him on bass made me miss Patch. I wondered if it was that way for the others, too.

  My wondering ended as the rest of the guys strutted out.

  Ramon’s black curls were shorter than they had been the last time I had seen him, the fine lines on his face noticeably deeper. I knew Patch’s death had hit Ramon harder than any of us. They had been best friends before the rest. I remembered how he had been at the funeral. He had barely held it together and now he seemed even more troubled.

  He stomped on his floorboard and let loose on his ebony Les Paul with a volley of complicated chords that erupted out of the speakers sounding as angry as the new bassist looked.

  Ash had already taken a seat behind his drum kit when I slid my gaze to look at him. I was a little surprised to see that h
e had changed. No more fancy clothes. I guessed those had been for my benefit or for smoozing in the back with the VIP’s. Now he had on shorts and a Dirt Dog’s t-shirt that appeared to be more than a little faded and worn.

  And then my gaze found its happy place at center stage. There it lingered through the entire opening song when his sandy brown locks were still dry and curled around his ears and swayed against his neck. There it remained for ninety minutes as he prowled the stage, his exertions drenching his hair and making his toned body gleam with perspiration.

  I thought it was a good thing Linc had gone for the board shorts and a t-shirt with cut off sleeves. Besides the fact that the wet dry surfer apparel made it easier for him to cool off with an upended water bottle between numbers, he looked handsome in the orange and turquoise colors. Maybe an intentional choice, I hoped. Perhaps a subliminal cue to let me know he still had plans for us and his similarly hued surfboard later.

  I could only imagine how much hotter it must be for him and the rest of the band underneath all those blazing lights. The heat from them actually radiated to the front row making me change my mind about the sweater.

  As the applause died down, Lincoln turned to look at Ash. He got a thumbs up from the Dirt Dog’s handsome equally perspiration soaked drummer.

  “Our last one tonight is a brand new tune,” Linc announced. “It’s our best work yet but it’s the final one for us as the Dirt Dogs.” He had to speak louder to be heard over the protests in the audience. “It’s a song for best friends you’ll always have. It’s for bandmates who are more like brothers. And it’s for the girl you loved who you never got over.” He looked at me directly and I readily returned the love I saw within his eyes. “It’s called ‘Outside’.”

  Outside breathe in the salty air

  Murky thoughts become clear

  Courage comes in many forms

  Now you fall to stand once more.

  Charge the wave

  Don’t be afraid

  Tack the power

  Make it your own

  Trim the wave

  Don’t let it beat you

  Link the flats

  Home to your shore.

  Outside another world awaits

  Well beyond your comfort zone

  Set aside your inhibitions

  What lies ahead is worth the cost.

  Charge the wave

  Don’t be afraid

  Tack the power

  Make it your own

  Trim the wave

  Don’t let it beat you

  Link the flats

  Home to your shore.

  Outside is everything you need

  Family, friends, the one you love

  Treasure all you’ve been given

  Don’t let it slip away from you.

  Charge the wave

  Don’t be afraid

  Tack the power

  Make it your own

  Trim the wave

  Don’t let it beat you

  Link the flats

  Home to your shore.

  I bent over Ash’s shoulder sliding up the treble on the soundboard. It had been too low during our first run though.

  “She looks good,” Ash said and I glanced through the soundproof glass to follow the direction of his gaze.

  “She does,” I agreed. Simone still had her headphones on and her silky caramel hair was loose around her bare shoulders. She was wearing a sleeveless dress like she had worn at the Dog’s last concert along with the silver necklace I had bought her in Huntington Beach. The one with our initials. It was back around her neck where it belonged and I had on the skull ring she had purchased for me.

  Her hair was lighter than it had been when I first came back to OB and her skin was darker. We had been spending a lot of time at the beach on my board.

  We had a lot of time to make up for.

  My pulse kicked up just looking at her and remembering the way she’d come apart in my arms this morning. She had been on top and I had gotten to play with her tits the entire time the way she liked, the way I loved, the way it had been in that private plunge pool the night of the concert, my board floating on the surface, me lying on it and her doing most but not all of the work. What would be the fun in that?

  My mouth went dry remembering. Then she looked up and caught me staring at her. Heat blazed through me, the awareness between us sizzling even through the glass, even though I had just had her this morning. Even fifteen years apart hadn’t been able to put out that flame. Mona plus me equaled a fiery love that endured and couldn’t be extinguished or contained.

  I clicked the switch to open up the two way mic connection between the sound booth and the recording room at Outside Records. “Let’s get Chulo back in here with Uncle Ash so we can get this duet recorded. Your buddy Patrick and his band are coming to the studio, and we need to get ourselves back outside in the surf.” I glanced out the window where the OB pier and the ocean beckoned. “The surf looks almost as good as you do, babe.”

  She smiled and kissed that spoiled rotten dog one more time.

  Spoiled rock and roll Chulo, I should have clarified.

  I thought he looked ridiculous with all that fluff stuffed into a black leather jacket with his name embroidered on it. But his Uncle Ash had bought it and Mona liked it. Whatever Mona liked I eventually came to love because whatever made my sweet Simone happy made me happy.

  Each and every single day.

  Sound board finally adjusted to the way I wanted it, I returned to the studio with Simone. Back in the booth Ash put Chulo under his arm and gave us the count down with his fingers. Five. Four. Three. Two. One.

  Headset on, I settled into place beside my girl and we joined our hands, melding our fingers, hearts and our voices together as we sang the story about how we really saved each other.

  Believe in the promise of us

  Hearts as one love’s guarantee

  A bond so strong we both can trust

  To draw us close whatever may be

  I just want you to

  Take me

  And shape me

  Remake me

  Baby, come on and

  Save me.

  Lies between us in the dark

  Hearts divided you and me

  Ties all broken we’re apart

  Drifting on an empty sea

  Why can’t you just

  Take me

  And shape me

  Remake me

  Baby, reach out and

  Save me.

  I don’t need some perfect hero

  All I really want is you

  By my side today tomorrow

  Tell me that you want me, too

  Please come back and

  Take me

  And shape me

  Remake me

  I’m begging you to

  Save me.

  I know I’m no perfect hero

  But I’ve come to claim my prize

  Got you now won’t ever let go

  Cause who I am is in your eyes

  I’m right here to

  Take you

  And shape you

  Remake you

  Baby, I’m gonna

  Save you.

  Please leave a review to help other readers know about Outside. Copy and paste your review from Amazon to my email foofighterfanatic@gmail.com and I will personally email you back to express my gratitude.

  Rock Stars, Surf and Second Chances series continues with Riptide

  Knowledge is power. Don’t miss out. Hot rock stars. Up and coming. First to know. Guaranteed. Black Cat Records sign up at:http://eepurl.com/Lvgzf

  It really does take a village of supporters and countless hours and hours of time.

  Thank you to my husband and boys for allowing me my obsession with fictional characters.

  Forever indebted to my copy editor Dr. Diane Klein who makes my words shiny and cool

  Thank you to the most talented dual narration team in the busines
s. Kai Kennicott. Your beautiful voice and spirit is the inspiration for Simone. Wen Ross your sexy smolder makes me want to write every love scene from the male point of view just to hear you read it.

  My best friend and loyal champion: Lisa Anthony

  My Chicago best friend and always encourager: Michelle Warren

  My research PA: Chantelle Stx who said never again after our SoCal trip. She told my hubby she really does work on these ‘research trips’.

  My first surfing lesson by Maverick mastering surfer: Conor Beatty. I could have talked to you for more hours than we did and I can’t wait to hit the Gulf to continue putting into practice what you taught me. Keep shining your light and surfing, dude!

  My test readers who persevered with a two inch thick paper copy of the manuscript and time constraints to help put the final polish on Simone and Lincoln’s story: Brandee Price from Bookworm Brandee. Anthony Dupuis. Sarah Haugh.

  My formatting goddess and forever friend: Julie Titus

  My talented Star Angel of everything cool. This lady rocks graphics on teasers. Carol Allen of Star Angels Reviews & Promo Stars Services.

  The rock star of book bloggers: TRSOR, The Rock Stars of Romance’s own Lisa Schilling Hintz

  Black Cat Divas: April Merriman, Rita Jinkins Post, Wendy Neuman Wilken, Harvey Gaudun-Stables, MJ Fryer, MandyIreadindieAnderson, Alyssa Williams, Lisa Pantano Kane from Three Chicks and Their Books, Peggy Warren, and Teresa Marsh-Jensen

  Michelle Mankin is the Amazon bestselling author of the Black Cat Records series of novels.

  Romance with subtext.

  Reimagining classic stories with sexy rock stars and thought provoking issues.

  Love Evolution, Love Revolution, and Love Resolution are a BRUTAL STRENGTH centered trilogy, combining the plot underpinnings of Shakespeare with the drama, excitement, and indisputable sexiness of the rock 'n roll industry.

  Things take a bit of an edgier, once upon a time turn with the TEMPEST series. These pierced, tatted, and troubled Seattle rockers are young and on the cusp of making it big, but with serious obstacles to overcome that may prevent them from ever getting there.