Her Protector

by Mallory Monroe

  that shit with any of you. Be it known right here and right now that I do not give you

  permission to disrespect my lady. I don’t care who you are or how long you worked for me. Do

  I make myself clear?”

  Every man and woman loudly said yes, sir as if it was a contest to be the most assertive.

  Then Teddy slammed the door shut. This time, it remained closed, giving he and Nikki privacy.

  But it wasn’t as if they ran into each other’s arms.

  He stood near that door, and she stood near the desk, and they both stared at each other.

  Teddy saw the pain in her eyes even from where he stood, and he hated that she had to go

  through that shit. But he knew it wasn’t just Arturo’s bullshit that had her reeling. It was his

  bullshit. And he hated it. He hated that his actions had hurt her. He hated that his crazy ass

  sabotaged their relationship. He hated himself with a passion as he stood there.

  And suddenly he couldn’t deal with that reality. He rubbed his forehead as if he could

  magically remove the stain that he sometimes felt was his very existence, and then began

  heading for the attached bathroom. He needed to clean this shit up in more ways than one.

  He had blood on his hands.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Although Nikki could have stood there and waited for him to return, and to hopefully

  initiate some sort of civil discussion, she didn’t wait. Because he defended her. When his

  manager came at her so disapprovingly, and treated her as if she wasn’t even worthy to be in

  the same room with him, she felt as if even her job wasn’t going to provide her with a safe

  haven. She felt very small. But Teddy heard his tirade and did something about it. Ordinarily,

  she would not have wanted anybody to lose his job. She was pleased when that prick lost his.

  But the fact that Teddy didn’t try to sugarcoat his manager’s behavior, or just give him a

  dress down but kept him onboard, meant something to her. That was the man she had fallen in

  love with. Teddy showed her, at least in that moment, that her heart just might be safe with

  him. It wasn’t a surefire safety at this point: his words about their future still stung. But there

  remained a glimmer of hope.

  And that was why she followed him into the bathroom. He had just turned on the water tap

  in the sink when she arrived, and had placed his hurting, bruised fist beneath it. Nikki placed his

  fist in her hand and began washing the blood off herself.

  Teddy loved her touch and felt a rush of emotion as she washed his rough, bruised hand.

  No other woman he’d ever known would have nursed him the way Nikki so willingly did. But

  Nikki was nothing like them anyway. And his stupid ass was losing her? The best thing that

  ever happened to him? He felt he had to correct this shit. He had to correct it now!

  “I’m sorry, Nikki,” he said without any more delays. They were so close, his lips were almost

  touching her smooth, brown skin, and he could smell her sweet perfume. “What I said to you

  was a load of bull. I didn’t mean that shit. I didn’t mean any of it.”

  Nikki continued to wash his hand. Her heart was pleased, but it was still too cautious to just

  cast it to the wind again. “If you didn’t mean it,” she asked him, “why did you say it?” Then she

  looked at him.

  He should have known Nikki wasn’t going to make this easy. She had too much integrity to

  let him hurt her without telling her why. He decided to come clean. To tell it to her straight.

  “The same reason I caused you to leave me before,” he said. “I haven’t figured this out yet.”

  “This?” Nikki asked. She needed to hear more than that.

  “You and me. Our relationship. I was so afraid it was going to go wrong, I guess I felt I

  needed to speed up the inevitable.”

  But Nikki shook her head. “It’s more to it than that, Teddy,” she said. “It has to be.”

  Her eyes looked so sincere, but so hurt at the same time that it hurt Teddy to his heart.

  Because he knew he was the cause of her misery.

  But he also knew he had to make this right. “Tell me what you mean,” he said to her.

  “It wasn’t until I told you how I felt about you, how I was worried about you, did you go

  there. It was only after I told you my true feelings did you suddenly decide we may not have a

  future together.”

  Teddy studied her face. “I don’t get what you’re saying.”

  Nikki stared into his tired, green eyes. “Why are you afraid to let me love you?” she asked

  him pointblank.

  Teddy stared into her big, beautiful eyes. And it was a telling stare, because he realized that

  she had hit the nail right on the head. She already knew what he had been afraid to admit. He

  stumbled into it, but he knew he had to go through it. Because Nikki knew. No more games.

  “I’ve never had that before,” he said.

  But his response confused her. “You never had what before?” she asked him.

  “Love,” he said.

  Nikki was stunned. “What do you mean?” Everybody loved Teddy!

  “I don’t know how to handle it,” he said, “because I’ve never had it. Not from my mother,”

  Teddy continued, his face frowned with the pathetic reality of his truth. “Not from my father.

  Not from my siblings. Not from anybody! What I can’t get my head to understand is why would

  you, a virtual stranger compared to them, want to love me? I’m not love material. I’m just

  not.”

  “Why would you think such a thing?” Nikki was crestfallen. “I haven’t met your mother yet,

  but your father loves you dearly. And your stepmother loves you too. And Gloria and Joey?

  They idolize you, Teddy. Why would you think they don’t love you?”

  “They love my strength. They love the fact that I can handle things for them. I’m Teddy the

  Tower of strength, remember? Teddy T! I’m the man they can count on when Dad’s not

  around. They love what I am, not who I am! They love what I can do for them, not who I am.

  And for good reason,” he added, and then removed his scarred hand from Nikki, grabbed a slew

  of paper towels from a stack on the vanity, and began drying it off.

  Nikki leaned against the vanity, folded her arms, and watched him. “What’s the good

  reason?” she asked him.

  Teddy hesitated. Then he leaned against the wall across from Nikki. It was such a tiny

  bathroom that although they were standing across from each other, Nikki’s stiletto heel and

  Teddy’s Ferragamo dress shoe nearly touched.

  “What’s the good reason?” Nikki asked him again.

  Teddy let out a hard exhale. He was looking down, at his hand, although Nikki knew that

  hand was the furthest thing from his mind.

  Then Teddy looked up, at her. His face was so serious. And she knew why. The man had

  more responsibilities on his shoulders than ten men could bear. And she hated that she hadn’t

  been around to help him carry that load. But they were getting there, she felt. Especially now

  that they were finally having a real conversation.

  “I failed every time it mattered,” he said.

  Nikki continued to stare at him. “What do you mean?”

  But Teddy still couldn’t quite go that deep. He was heading for home base, but decided to

  take a pass. “A young guy I know died in my arms today,” he said. And it was true: he was still

  shook up by Mookie’s death.


  But Nikki was studying him too closely. She wasn’t buying it. “I’m sorry to hear that,” she

  said. “But that’s not what you meant.”

  Teddy looked at Nikki. Why was she so damn perceptive? He exhaled again. “I never told

  anybody before,” he said.

  Nikki hesitated, and then she went to the bathroom door and closed and locked it. She

  leaned back against the vanity and folded her legs at the ankle. “Tell me,” she said.

  Teddy frowned, as if just thinking about it still devastated him. And then he told her. “My

  brother’s death,” he said.

  It was the first time Nikki could recall Teddy discussing his deceased brother. “What about

  him?”

  “His name was Adrian. My father had to kill him because of me.”

  Nikki couldn’t believe it. She’d read that there were rumors, but was he confirming the

  rumors? She assumed they weren’t true. She assumed they couldn’t possibly be true! “Wait a

  minute,” she said. “Are you saying to me that your father had to . . . That your father killed your

  brother? Are you telling me that Mick Sinatra killed his own son?”

  “Because of me,” Teddy said. “Because my ass didn’t nip that shit in the bud when I knew it

  was heading for a train wreck. Adrian was out of control, oh was he out of control! But he

  would have listened to me. If I would have acted sooner, my brother would still be alive. But

  my slow ass didn’t act. I let that shit fester. I forced my own father to have to kill his own

  child.”

  There was a long pause, an achingly long pause, as if both of them could still hear those

  words reverberate in the tiny bathroom. And for Nikki, it was surreal.

  But for Teddy, it was his life, and his shame. “Roz hated me for putting her husband in that

  position,” he said.

  “She said that?” Nikki asked doubtfully. That didn’t sound like Rosalind Sinatra to her at all!

  “She didn’t have to say it,” Teddy said. “But I could feel it. Glo hated me for it. And Joey.

  And you know Pop has to hate me, too, for putting him in that awful position. I could have

  controlled Adrian’s actions. I could have prevented it from getting that crazy. But I didn’t. I

  didn’t! My ass always falling down on the job. Everybody expects me to live up to my old

  man’s legacy. To be just like him in every way. But I keep failing. No matter how hard I try, I

  keep failing, Nikki!”

  “Maybe it’s because they expect way too much from you, Teddy. You’re just one man, not

  superman!”

  But Teddy would have none of that. “No,” he said, shaking his head. “Pop can do it. I have

  to do it too. Adrian’s death is on me. I could have prevented that shit. That’s not going to

  change.”

  Nikki stared at him. She could hardly believe what she was hearing. Mick Sinatra was

  forced to kill his own child, and Teddy blamed himself? She knew this family had wounds. The

  way the children behaved around their own father made it clear to any outside observer that

  the family had severe wounds. But she never could have ever imagined how deep they ran.

  Then Teddy continued. “At four o’ clock this morning, when anybody with half a brain was

  still in bed asleep, my stupid ass was agreeing to a meeting that went sideways on me.”

  Nikki’s heart dropped.

  “It was so close, Nikki,” he continued, “and I had my baby brother with me. I almost got

  Joey killed because of the decision I made to meet at an hour and in a place that Pop would

  have never approved of. But I did it anyway. That’s the kind of fucked up fucker I am!”

  Teddy said that last sentence with so much self-hate that Nikki could feel his pain to the

  depths of her being.

  “So if you want to leave me,” Teddy said, “it’ll be completely understandable. And you

  should just leave. Because this is who I am. And that’s what I do. I fuck things up. Like I did

  Adrian. Like I nearly did this morning. And I have to live with that truth for the rest of my life.

  And don’t tell me someday I’ll get over it, because I won’t. I haven’t been able to say it out loud

  until now. Ain’t no getting over that shit. That’s a part of me. Forever.”

  Nikki continued to stare at Teddy. His pain was searing. And she knew she had to quench

  that fire someway, somehow.

  “And you’re surprised that I’ve never experienced love?” he asked her as if he was mystified

  by her shock. “You’re surprised by that?”

  Just as his harmful words to her that night was his cry for help, Nikki now believed in her

  heart of hearts that Teddy’s pain was also his cry for help. He needed her. She saw it as surely

  as she saw the hurt in his eyes. Teddy the Tower was a lost, lonely man who needed a good

  woman. He was a man who could be relied on to handle all the bad guys of this world better

  than most men could ever dream of handling them, but he also was a man who had no clue

  how to handle his own heart.

  And she went to him. Without giving it a second thought. She went to him, and pulled him

  into her arms.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Teddy held onto Nikki, as if he was holding onto preciousness itself. Because she

  understood him. Because there was no doubt in his mind that she didn’t judge him or make

  him feel less than. But why would she want to take him on, and his trail of baggage? That was

  the part that he couldn’t get past.

  But Nikki saw it differently. She leaned back slightly, and they looked into each other’s

  eyes.

  A sense of dread gripped Teddy as he stared at her. What was she going to say? That he

  had too much drama for her? That she could do better than this crazy-ass life he had to offer

  her? That she was sorry, but she was done? It was hard to read Nikki sometimes. It was

  especially hard that time.

  “I can tell you all day long that you’re wrong,” Nikki said. “Your family does love you. I’ve

  seen it with my own two eyes. But I can’t speak for them. I can only speak for myself. I love

  you, Teddy.”

  Her words were like a balm to his wounds. But was it a sympathy balm, or the real thing?

  “I love you,” she continued, “not just because you were there for me when I needed you the

  most. You traveled all the way from Philly to L.A. to help me out, and we weren’t even that

  tight yet. But I love you because I love who you are. You’re cranky. You’re moody. You’re

  tough as nails. And even on your worse day, when you said what you said about our future, you

  still held the prize for treating me better than any human being on the face of this earth ever

  has. I’ve never been treated well, so I know I’m not the best judge of this stuff.” She said this

  with a small smile. “But I know how I feel being your lady. I like that feeling. I like belonging to

  you. And if you let me, I’d like to continue.”

  Teddy frowned. “If I let you,” he said. “Are you kidding me? Even after what I just said to

  you, you would want to?”

  Nikki placed her hands on both sides of his rugged face. “We’re oddballs, Teddy. Neither

  one of us fit into neat boxes. And I’m odd enough to know when I have a good man on my

  hands.”

  Teddy stared at her.

  “But I’m telling you now,” Nikki warned, “I don’t take shit. Not from anybody. It’s in my

  bones. It’
s in the very core of my being. I just won’t take shit. I’ll be by myself before I take

  anybody’s abuse. Especially from you, because I love you, and you should treat the woman

  who loves you right. If you can do that, if you can treat me right, I’ll go through the fire with

  you, Teddy. You’ll have a partner for life, and death if need be, in me.”

  Teddy’s heart swelled with emotion. He wasn’t an emotional man, but he felt like an

  emotional wreck. Because Nikki loved him! He had the love of a wonderful girl. And he could

  hardly contain himself. “If you’ll have me,” he said, “I promise to always treat you with nothing

  but love, respect, and admiration. I can easily make that promise, Nikki. I can easily do that.”

  Nikki smiled. “Then see to it,” she said.

  Teddy smiled, too, and pulled Nikki into his arms.

  They held each other for a very long time. They held each other until his hands began to rub

  her. Until her hands began to rub him. And they felt each other.

  And then Teddy looked into Nikki’s eyes again, but this time he looked at her with the kind

  of love that meant he wanted to love her all the way. Because he then looked down at her lips.

  And she looked down at his lips. And his mouth moved toward hers, and he kissed her. He

  kissed her long and hard. It started out as a kiss of love. Pure, unadulterated love. It continued

  as pure passion.

  Their kissing became a form of lovemaking, as they couldn’t get enough of each other. Their

  heads moved to one side, and then to the other side, as they enjoyed every second of their

  kisses.

  And when they both realized they needed more, Teddy unbuttoned her blouse as he

  continued to kiss her. And then he lifted her bra over her large mounds and removed his

  mouth from her lips to her breasts. And he began sucking her.

  Nikki leaned back and held onto him as he sucked her hard. She was breathing heavily, in

  pants of ecstasy, and enjoyed his every intake of nipple. Her joy turned into unbridled passion,

  too, when he placed his hand inside her panties and began to massage her, and then he

  entered her with his fingers. He was getting her ready, although her heart was already there.