Shada

by Douglas Adams

  The Doctor wiped his brow. He chose his next words very carefully. ‘So, if I’m dead, I cannot give orders that would be any kind of threat to Skagra. Correct?’

  ‘Correct,’ said the Ship.

  ‘Then I order you to release my friends,’ said the Doctor, crossing his fingers. ‘Please.’

  There was a pause.

  ‘They will be released,’ said the Ship.

  The Doctor gave a long exhalation. ‘Excellent! Thank you! I think I must be very clever.’ He mopped his brow again. ‘Do you know it’s getting very stuffy in here all of a sudden?’

  ‘You are dead?’ asked the Ship.

  ‘Yes!’ said the Doctor. ‘I thought we’d sorted all of that out.’

  ‘I am programmed to conserve resources,’ said the Ship simply. ‘Since there are no living beings on this command deck, I shut down the oxygen supply on the departure of my lord Skagra.’

  The Doctor gasped for breath.

  With a sudden dizzying sensation, he realised he had now used up all the oxygen left behind following Skagra’s exit. Normally he could have suspended his life-functions – but he had only just recovered from his last such trance.

  He felt his knees give way. ‘Turn on the air supply,’ he gasped. Sharp, terrible pains pierced all three of his lungs.

  ‘That is not logical,’ said the Ship.

  The Ship’s warm, matronly voice rang in the Doctor’s ears as he sank to the floor.

  ‘Dead men do not require oxygen… Dead men do not require oxygen… Dead men do not require oxygen…’

  Part Four

  Carbon Copies

  Chapter 37

  CHRIS COMPLETED YET another circuit of the tiny white room. Finally he crouched down beside K-9 and patted the dog’s head the way he’d seen Romana do it. It was a silly thing to do, but it was strangely reassuring. ‘We’d better face it, K-9,’ he said heavily. ‘When it comes to getting out of here, we haven’t got a clue.’

  Suddenly Chris found himself looking beyond K-9 to a door that had seemingly appeared from nowhere. It was only when he got up and looked around that he realised they were no longer in the white room. Instead they had been transported – if that was the right word – into a long, curving corridor with doors at either end.

  ‘Hey, we did it!’ cried Chris.

  K-9 trundled forward, heading down the corridor to one of the doors. ‘We must locate the Doctor Master and the Mistress. There is great danger!’

  He reached the sealed doorway and extended his nose blaster. ‘Stand clear, young master!’ he warned Chris. ‘Preparing to fire!’

  ‘Hold on!’ called Chris. There was a panel on the left-hand side of the door, with two switches marked OPEN and CLOSE.

  Chris pressed the button marked OPEN.

  Hidden mechanisms built into the doorway clicked.

  ‘Most satisfactory,’ said K-9 glumly, the laser retreating into his nose.

  Chris shrugged. ‘Sorry.’

  The halves of the door parted with a smooth electronic hum. There was a rushing sound, and Chris was almost knocked over as a mighty wind roared past him and K-9 into the room beyond.

  Chris shook his head, looked through the door – and saw the Doctor, lying sprawled on the floor. He raced in, barely registering the large white space and its sleek, inbuilt control panels.

  ‘Doctor!’ Chris ran to his side, fearing to touch him. There was nobody else in the room; no sign of Romana or this Skagra person.

  ‘Oxygen levels are returning to normal,’ said a warm, female matronly voice.

  Chris spun around. ‘Who said that?’

  K-9 turned on his axis. ‘Identify yourself!’

  ‘I am the Ship,’ said the voice grandly. ‘The servant of the great lord Skagra.’

  Chris shuddered. It was eerie. The voice seemed to be coming from all around them. ‘Where’s that voice coming from?’ he whispered to K-9.

  K-9’s eye-screen flashed. ‘Impossible to pinpoint source. The voice emanates from the fabric of this ship.’

  ‘That’s what I just said, dog,’ said the Ship.

  Chris looked back to the Doctor, relieved to see his big blue eyes opening.

  The Doctor sucked in great lungfuls of air and nodded to his friends. ‘Nice to see you, Bristol.’ His eyes narrowed. ‘You took your time, K-9.’

  ‘He’s alive!’ cried Chris.

  The Doctor sat up like a shot and clamped his hand over Chris’s mouth. ‘No I’m not, I’m dead,’ he whispered fiercely.

  ‘You’re what?’ Chris tried to say.

  The Doctor looked around and whispered into Chris’s ear, ‘I’ve been nearly too clever by three-quarters.’

  Chris removed the Doctor’s hand from his mouth. ‘You never seem to do anything by halves,’ he said.

  The Doctor rummaged in his pocket and produced a scrap of paper and a stub of pencil. He jotted something down hurriedly then held it directly before Chris’s eyes.

  The paper read I PERSUADED THE SHIP I WAS DEAD AND IT CUT OFF MY OXYGEN SUPPLY.

  ‘You persuaded the Ship what?’ asked Chris, incredulous.

  The Doctor slammed his hand back over Chris’s mouth.

  ‘What was that?’ asked the Ship.

  ‘Nothing,’ called the Doctor. He flashed the paper at K-9.

  ‘Confirm,’ said K-9 haltingly. ‘It is – nothing.’

  ‘Hmm,’ said the Ship.

  The Doctor quickly jotted down some more. He showed the paper to Chris, keeping his hand firmly over Chris’s mouth.

  THE SHIP WON’T TAKE ORDERS FROM AN ENEMY OF SKAGRA. BUT SINCE IT BELIEVES I AM DEAD, THE SHIP HAS NO REASON NOT TO OBEY MY ORDERS. GET IT?

  Chris nodded. It was the sophisticated idiot problem again, this time working in their favour. The Doctor removed his hand.

  He flashed the paper at K-9.

  ‘Confirm understanding,’ said K-9. ‘Logic is peculiar but acceptable.’

  ‘The logic of what?’ asked the Ship. ‘I really do think I ought to see what you’ve written on that piece of paper.’

  ‘I’m a dead man writing,’ said the Doctor, hurriedly stuffing the paper back into his pocket. ‘Whatever I’ve written, how can it be a threat to your great master Skagra?’

  After a pause the Ship said, ‘Fair enough.’

  ‘The Ship turned the oxygen back on when you came in,’ the Doctor told Chris. ‘Because you’re still alive. Officially.’

  ‘That’s reassuring,’ said Chris.

  The Doctor clapped a hand on Chris’s shoulder and got to his feet. ‘Where’s Romana?’

  ‘I thought she was with you,’ said Chris. ‘We got transported into this prison thing, then she got transported out again.’

  ‘Skagra,’ said the Doctor grimly. ‘He’s got Romana, as well as the book, and a copy of my mind.’

  Chris was finding it slightly hard to keep up again. ‘He’s got what?’

  ‘A copy of my mind, in his sphere. He thought that I’d know how to read the book.’

  ‘But you don’t, do you?’ said Chris.

  ‘I don’t even know why he wants to read it,’ said the Doctor. ‘But I don’t imagine it’s simply the incurable curiosity of the bibliophile.’

  ‘Why don’t you ask the Ship?’ suggested Chris.

  The Doctor clapped Chris on the shoulder again. ‘I was just about to.’ He looked up. ‘Ship, why does your gracious lord Skagra want to read the book?’

  ‘It contains the secret of Shada,’ said the Ship.

  ‘And what is Shada?’ asked Chris.

  ‘I’m hardly going to tell you that,’ snapped the Ship. ‘You are an enemy of my lord Skagra.’

  ‘So he is, so he is,’ said the Doctor. He coughed. ‘But you can tell me, can’t you? I’m dead.’

  ‘I could tell you,’ said the Ship, ‘but I do not know. My lord has not shared that information with me.’

  ‘It can wait,’ said the Doctor. He set off for the door. ‘We’d better get after
Skagra and Romana. K-9, you can trace them from the TARDIS.’

  The Ship coughed. ‘I’m afraid that won’t be possible.’

  The Doctor crashed to a halt by the door. ‘Why not? As a dead man, I can do what I like, it’s one of our special privileges.’

  ‘You cannot return to your TARDIS,’ said the Ship patiently, ‘because it has gone.’

  ‘Gone? What do you mean, gone?’

  A hologram screen shimmered into view in mid-air. It displayed the meadow outside the ship. Chris could see the toppled fold-out stool and fishing tackle. But there was no sign of the TARDIS.

  ‘He’s taken Romana off in your police box,’ said Chris. He called up to the Ship. ‘Where has he taken her?’

  The Ship harrumphed. ‘As if I’d tell you that.’

  ‘Where has he taken her?’ demanded the Doctor.

  ‘My lord did not share that information with me,’ said the Ship.

  Chris watched as the Doctor slammed down into the big white chair, pulled his hat from his pocket and jammed it down over his eyes.

  Chapter 38

  FOR ROMANA, THIS was a nightmare. She clutched a bulkhead as the TARDIS bucked and swayed through the vortex.

  Could the tall, slender young man holding on to the console really be Salyavin? The mere mention of that name had sent a shiver through her body. It had stripped her of the very training and detachment that she had been extolling, and suddenly she had been a little girl again, over a hundred years earlier. ‘Go to sleep,’ her mother had said playfully, in the mocking tone adults used without realising the horror they were inspiring, ‘or Salyavin will come to get you!’ She had seen holo-images of Salyavin, the wild man, in the history books, and spent the night still and silent, listening to the sounds of the Citadel, convinced that Salyavin was hiding beneath her bed.

  And Salyavin, or Skagra, or whoever he really was, had stolen the mind of the Doctor, and left him dead. He had no reason to lie.

  One thing gave Romana hope. She had not seen the Doctor’s body. Was it just possible he had somehow fooled Skagra, and would come bursting in at any moment, teeth flashing, eyes bulging, that ridiculous scarf flapping in the wind?

  Finally the TARDIS started to groan to a halt, the centre column grinding slower and slower until Romana felt the familiar wrenching sensation of materialisation.

  Skagra stood back from the console. ‘We have arrived,’ he said simply. He threw the big red lever, and the outer doors opened.

  Romana gathered herself. Whatever was out there, she would refuse to be impressed.

  Skagra gestured for her to exit first.

  Romana stepped past him haughtily and went through the doors of the TARDIS.

  She found herself among the stars. She stifled a gasp of astonishment.

  The TARDIS had put down at the centre of a huge open circular space. Above and around her on all sides was a brilliant starfield, beyond what she guessed must be some kind of invisible spherical vacuum shield. At the edges of this arena she could see huge dark mountains, blasted black spires of rock reaching up to the heavens.

  Romana turned to see Skagra exiting the TARDIS, carpet bag in hand, followed as ever by the sphere.

  ‘Where are we?’ she said as casually as she felt able. She waved a hand airily across at the infinite stars. ‘Of course I know roughly where we are from the star formations. We’re at the centre of this galaxy’s trade routes, among the most powerful civilisations, not so very far from Gallifrey. I assume from the look of those rock formations that this observatory is built into the surface of an asteroid.’

  ‘Of course,’ said Skagra, who did not look impressed either. ‘This is my command station.’

  Romana sneered. ‘Command station! And what do you need to command?’

  ‘More than you can possibly imagine,’ said Skagra.

  ‘I have a very vivid imagination,’ said Romana.

  ‘Then it may be in for a shock,’ said Skagra.

  He gestured her forward. To one side of the TARDIS was a large computer console. The sphere bobbed forward and, at Skagra’s command, positioned itself on top of a slender spike.

  ‘For a logical, rational man, you like a bit of mystification, don’t you?’ Romana said. ‘Why don’t you just tell me who you are and what you want?’

  Skagra turned to look at Romana. He inclined his head, as if evaluating her. His blue gaze was even more intense than usual.

  He gestured around at the heavens. ‘Tell me what you see.’

  ‘I’ve already told you. Stars. Billions of them.’

  Skagra nodded. Then he leaned forward, bringing his face closer to hers. ‘What are they doing?’

  Romana shrugged. ‘What do you mean? They’re not doing anything. They’re just there.’

  ‘Exactly,’ said Skagra. ‘Spinning uselessly through the void. And around them, trillions of people spinning uselessly through their lives.’

  Romana snorted. ‘Says who?’

  ‘Says me.’

  Romana thrust her face into his. ‘And who are you? Salyavin?’

  For the first time Skagra seemed almost passionate. ‘What I am now is not important. But what I – what we all – shall become. That is all that matters.’

  Romana, acting a lot braver than she felt, laughed. ‘Messianic rubbish.’

  Skagra cupped his hands together and slowly moved them up to her face. Then he parted the palms.

  ‘Look,’ he said.

  Romana was hoping that he was as mad as he now seemed. A madman was fallible by definition. She looked into his cupped hands. ‘What am I meant to be looking at?’

  ‘What do you see?’

  ‘Nothing,’ said Romana. ‘I don’t know… Air?’

  Skagra looked down into his hands. ‘Billions of atoms, spinning at random. Expending energy, running down, achieving nothing. Entropy.’

  He broke the pose and gestured above himself. ‘Just like the stars. Heading pointlessly and futilely towards extinction and endless night and nothingness.’ A gleam came into his eyes. ‘But what is the one thing that stands against entropy, against random decay?’

  He held out one gloved hand to her.

  ‘Life,’ said Romana.

  ‘Exactly!’ Skagra flexed his fingers. ‘See how the atoms are arranged here. They have meaning, purpose. And what more meaning and purpose than what is contained –’

  Slowly he pointed to his head.

  ‘– in here?’

  ‘The living brain,’ said Romana.

  ‘My living brain,’ corrected Skagra. ‘My genius.’

  Romana shot him her best look of utter contempt.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, stepping back and regaining himself. ‘I had hoped you might be different. But like everybody else, your mind is limited. You do not understand me.’

  ‘What is there to understand?’ said Romana and turned her back on him.

  She found herself looking into the glowing red eyes of what appeared to be a living rock.

  She jumped in sheer animal terror at the strangeness of the creature. It stood about seven feet tall, and its large body was formidable if not graceful. Its bulky frame consisted of crystallised lumps of smouldering black carbon. An intense aura of heat emanated from it.

  ‘Command station welcomes you, my lord Skagra,’ it said in a deep, rumbling voice.

  Romana saw two more of the creatures emerge from the shadows at the edge of the domed observatory. ‘What are these things?’

  Skagra had returned to his normal icy self. ‘My Kraags,’ he said evenly. ‘My creations. They shall be the servants of the new generation.’

  All Romana’s fears came flooding back. ‘New generation? A new race, new people?’

  Skagra shook his head. ‘You still do not understand. Not new people.’ He paused as if to emphasise his point. ‘A new person.’

  He turned his attention to the Kraags. ‘It is almost time. I shall shortly require reinforcements. Begin the generation process.’r />
  The first Kraag lowered its head in a gesture of obedience. ‘As my lord commands.’

  The Kraags turned away and lumbered off into the shadows.

  Skagra took Romana’s arm. ‘You shall see this,’ he said and pushed her forward.

  As they moved into the shadows, Romana saw a large circular door leading out of the observatory down into a long tunnel of roughly hewn rock. A fiery glow came from the end of the tunnel.

  The tunnel emerged onto a large metal platform that looked down into another circular area, this one some hundred metres in diameter, and covered by a canopy of rock. Romana shied away from the heat and the light. The entire central area of the room was filled with a bubbling pit of lava. The air was filled with a heavy thick green gas that caught at her throat.

  The first Kraag pounded to a small console built into the edge of the platform and depressed a series of switches with its stubby, three-fingered claw.

  The lava bubbled even more furiously. Suddenly a massive crane-like device swung out from the opposite wall. In its claw was a bare wire skeleton, roughly human-shaped.

  The crane lowered itself. The claw dropped the wire frame into the pit.

  The lava seethed. Suddenly, black crystals of carbon began to agglomerate around the wire frame. Romana watched as the crystals coalesced, forming the unmistakable figure of a Kraag.

  The newborn Kraag groaned and strained, ripping itself free of the lava.

  The first Kraag pressed another button. A long ramp extended from the platform down into the pit.

  The new Kraag clambered on to the ramp, its heavy feet, still smouldering, leaving steaming black prints as it presented itself to Skagra.

  ‘What is your command, my lord?’

  ‘Join these others,’ said Skagra. ‘The time is nearly come.’

  The new Kraag joined its fellows on the platform.

  ‘Test activation complete, my lord,’ reported the first Kraag.

  ‘Begin full activation,’ said Skagra.

  The first Kraag – which Romana could now see was slightly larger than its fellows, some sort of commander – hit another button.

  Panels in the ceiling slid back around the huge chamber to reveal more and more crane-arms. Each crane held a wire frame in its claw.