Dangerous Love

by Ashby, Teresa

  Love had no bounds. She knew that. It didn’t have to be limited to two people.

  Len was waiting for them at the lifeboat station and there were several other guys there that Regan recognised.

  Malcolm came over and shook her hand.

  “Shame Bram couldn’t make it,” he said. “He’s busy at the surgery. I suppose you had to fit this in round your job at the hospital.”

  She avoided his eyes. He knew!

  “Yes,” she muttered guiltily. Liar!

  They made a huge fuss of Georgie before they donned lifejackets and were taken out in the small boat.

  Georgie was tremendously excited and Regan kept her close, terrified in case she fell overboard even though she was perfectly safe on board. It was a calm day and thank goodness the sea was flat. They went along the coast so Georgie could watch seals basking in the sun on a sand bar.

  “She has her father’s eyes,” Len remarked and Regan glared at him. “Just saying.” He shrugged. “If I can see it, it’s only a matter of time before…”

  “Len!” Regan said. She knew what he was going to say. It was only a matter of time before Bram looked in the mirror and realised Georgie’s eyes were looking right back at him.

  “I’m going to work on the lifeboat when I’m big,” Georgie said. “Like my daddy.”

  Len gave Regan a questioning look.

  “Georgie knows what kind of man her father is,” she explained.

  “He’s a hero,” Georgie said. “Like Bram.”

  Those words were like a knife in Regan’s heart. This deception had gone on long enough. It wasn’t just Bram she was deceiving, but Georgie too. This brave little girl had every right to know who her father was and Regan had no doubt that Bram would be a wonderful father. The only thing holding her back now was the fear of how he would feel about her once the truth was out. And that was selfish in the extreme.

  When they got back, a woman from the local paper was waiting with a photographer. Regan kept out of the photos as Georgie posed with the lifeboatmen.

  Then the woman asked the question. “Which one of you went over the cliff and saved her?”

  “He’s not here,” Len said.

  And then it all happened. “Yes he is,” Malcolm said and Regan looked up to see Bram striding down the path towards them, his dogs running at his heels. His hair shone like gold in the sunshine and the slightly puzzled look on his face nearly broke her heart. He was wearing jeans and his leather jacket and the sight of him made her heart flip and her stomach clench.

  Desire and fear, all mingled together inside.

  She sank back wishing the shadows would gobble her up, but Rags had spotted her and hurtled towards her, greeting her like a long lost friend.

  “Oh, no,” she groaned as she stooped to make a fuss of the little dog. “Not now. Not like this.”

  His face lit up when he saw her. It was unbearable. She was going to hurt him – badly. If only he didn’t look so pleased to see her. So happy.

  “Have I missed all the fun?” he asked lightly. “I got down here as soon as I could after surgery.”

  “Hello, Bram!” Georgie piped up.

  “Hi, Georgie,” Bram said and he picked her up as if she weighed nothing at all, careful of her arm. “Where have you been? Out on the boat?”

  “Yes, we went out on the sea,” Georgie said, eyes sparkling. “It was fantastic!”

  “I bet it was,” Bram said and his forehead crinkled slightly. He looked around, obviously looking for Georgie’s mother.

  “Bram…” Regan began, but it was too late. The trouble she’d been so worried about was now rolling down the hill and picking up speed. There was no way back now. It was unstoppable. Bram was going to find out in the most horrible way imaginable, right here in front of loads of people.

  “Bram’s the guy that rescued Georgie,” Len said with an unhappy look at Regan. “I’m sorry,” he mouthed, but she knew if he hadn’t pointed it out, someone else would have done.

  “Great,” the reporter said. “We’ll get a picture of the two of you together. Actually, let’s have Mum in it too.”

  She waved her hand at Regan. Bram looked round, again looking for “mum” and as Regan stepped forward, she saw realisation dawn on his face. He frowned, then looked at Georgie, then Regan. One by one he looked at the faces of his fellow crew members.

  Some knew, some didn’t. But Bram knew now. He had to. Malcolm rested his hand on Bram’s shoulder and whispered that he was sorry and Bram’s expression darkened.

  “Come on, Mummy,” Georgie urged and pulled her over to stand beside Bram.

  “Is this some kind of joke?” he whispered.

  “I’m sorry,” Regan said. “I tried to tell you.”

  “Oh, you did? I must have missed that! I mean exactly when did you try to tell me that Georgie was your child?”

  Oh, God, he still didn’t know. It was only a matter of time before the penny finished dropping. Then what? Would he storm off? And what effect would all this have on Georgie?

  “What did you take me for? Why didn’t you tell me? And where’s her father?”

  “Over here, please,” the photographer called out.

  “All right, honey?” he spoke to Georgie. As far as she was concerned he was all warmth as he squatted down beside her and put his arm round her. “You feeling okay?”

  “Yes, thank you. Will you write your name on my cast too? Everyone else has.”

  “Sure I will,” he said. “Is there any room left? Did you leave a space for me?”

  “Yes,” she giggled. “Mummy gave me a special pen. It’s in my pocket.”

  Bram couldn’t believe the child was Regan’s, but now he knew, of course he could see it. She had the same colour hair like thick, rich chocolate. Those stunning blue eyes weren’t from Regan though.

  So there must be someone else in her life? Although Lally said Georgie’s mother was on her own. So who…

  “How old are you again?” he said.

  “Five and a half,” Georgie said.

  You didn’t have to be a mathematical genius to figure it out. He looked into those eyes, a mirror of his own and it was as if someone had smashed his ribs apart and wrenched out his heart.

  If he believed such things were possible, he would have said he felt it break in two.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  His daughter. His child. His and Regan’s and he hadn’t had a clue. And if he hadn’t come back when he did, he might never have found out.

  This child, this beautiful little girl, would have grown up never knowing she had a father who would have loved her. Correction, who would love her. No wonder he’d felt a connection.

  He couldn’t bring himself to look at Regan. He didn’t trust himself. He’d missed five years of his daughter’s life. Five important, crucial years. A lifetime. Georgie’s lifetime.

  He’d been denied the chance to sit up with her in the wee small hours. He knew how precious that quiet time at night was for a parent and child. It was a time for quiet reflection and bonding.

  And her first steps, first words, first tooth, first day at school – so many firsts has been stolen from him.

  How had he not seen it? Back at the hospital when Regan was sitting outside the ward. It had been handed to him on a plate. When he’d gone in to see Georgie, what had she said? Something like, “You just missed my mum. She only left a little while ago...”

  How could he have been so blind? So stupid? It was easy now, with hindsight to put two and two together, but back then he hadn’t even had an inkling.

  “Smile please,” the photographer said. He looked down at Georgie and his smile was genuine. His daughter. His child. Little wonder she felt so special to him. He looked away for a moment and caught Regan’s eye. She looked terrified, as well she might.

  If she thought he was going to step back and stay out of their lives, she had another thing coming. Georgie was his daughter and he was going to be a father to her whether Re
gan liked it or not.

  He almost hated her. Almost. But even now, he couldn’t bring himself to hate her. And what had Lally said? Something about her parents moving abroad? Typical of them. They’d never seemed very interested in their daughter’s life. It was almost as if she’d been an inconvenience. But this wasn’t about feeling sorry for Regan. Her past had no bearing on the present.

  Surely she didn’t think she could keep this from him? Someone would have said something eventually. And she’d had plenty of opportunity to tell him. Hell, they’d spent a whole night together!

  He shook his head and she cast her eyes down.

  Pretending that everything was fine was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do. Harder than fighting stormy seas or climbing down cliffs or being lowered from a helicopter into a swirling storm.

  The people from the press left, happy with their photos and some of the guys headed off. In the end it just left him and Len with Georgie and Regan and he had the feeling Len was only hanging around to act as peacekeeper, just in case full scale war broke out.

  Len. He must have known. And Malcolm. Did everyone know apart from him?

  But Bram wasn’t about to start anything in front of this – his – little girl.

  “I’ll make some tea,” Len said. “Would you like to come with me, Georgie? Your mummy and Bram can walk along the beach with the dogs and you can watch the boats through my binoculars.”

  “Yay!” Georgie said. Bram could barely stop looking at her, as if he wanted to soak her up and try to fill in all that he’d missed.

  “And I’ve probably got some biscuits. That all right, Regan?”

  She smiled and nodded. Bram set off ahead of her across the sand, the dogs charging about around him, chasing each other and sending protesting geese into the air.

  She had to run to catch up with him.

  “I know what you’re thinking,” she said.

  He stopped and glared down at her. He wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her till her teeth rattled.

  “Don’t kid yourself. You have absolutely no idea what I’m thinking,” he said stonily. Probably just as well. His thoughts were pretty murderous and the hurt was like nothing he’d ever felt before.

  “I think I do,” she said. “Please, let me explain.”

  “What’s to explain? You split up with me when you were pregnant and didn’t even give me the chance…” he broke off. God this was painful. “You didn’t give me the chance to be a father to my child.”

  “I’m sorry.” She hung her head and he turned away from her and started walking again. Once more she ran to catch up.

  “Bram, please…”

  “Just know this, Regan,” he said. “Georgie is my daughter and I want to be a proper father to her. And that means you giving up work for a start.”

  “What? Are you insane? I’m doing no such thing.”

  That had stopped her in her tracks.

  “No? Hard isn’t it, being asked to give up something that’s in your blood?”

  She looked stunned.

  “But you will give up working nights.”

  “Oh, will I?” She’d never taken to being told what to do. She was like him in that respect.

  “With my support you can cut your hours and be home for Georgie more.”

  “Your support?”

  “Financial support,” he spelled it out for her. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to force you to marry me or anything stupid like that. I think that ship vanished over the horizon some time ago, don’t you?”

  He waited for her to argue. This wasn’t like Regan at all, standing there silently, letting him call the shots. He felt wrong footed, but hey, he was the wronged party here, not her. He’d done pussy footing around.

  “I want time with my daughter,” he went on. “I want to get to know her and to be part of her life.” He turned away from her, because it was hard to keep this up with her standing there looking so small and vulnerable. It was not a look he was used to when it came to Regan. It would be better if she argued with him, flung around a few accusations so he could at least fire back with some anger.

  As it was, his anger was beginning to fade and bewilderment was taking its place.

  “I don’t understand,” he said. “You know the kind of childhood I had. I know not all single parents are as useless as my father was, but if it hadn’t been for my grandparents, God knows where I’d have ended up. And what’s Georgie got? Just you… you and a neighbour. What if something happened to you, Regan? Would your parents come back and take care of her?”

  “Nothing’s going to happen to me,” she said quietly.

  “I’m sure that’s exactly what my mother thought before she was run down and killed.”

  He closed his eyes. He’d always vowed that when he had kids, they weren’t going to have the sort of unhappy, insecure childhood he’d had. And it would have been so much worse without his grandparents. Georgie didn’t even have that.

  Regan had never heard Bram speak so openly or so bitterly about his childhood before. She knew he’d lost his mother at an early age and that his father had struggled to bring him up alone.

  But he was right! Somewhere in all that, he’d touched a nerve. She was alone. Very alone. It wasn’t something she’d ever allowed herself to think about. She couldn’t bear to look at Bram and see the hurt in his eyes, hurt that she’d put there.

  “What would have happened if I hadn’t come back?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. I’ve often thought of trying to contact you, but it’s been six years, Bram. I thought you might be married with children by now. I was about to tell you yesterday morning, but then you were called out on an emergency. This has all happened so fast. I didn’t even know you were back until you came into the hospital.”

  She hoped he’d understand how difficult this was for her.

  “You’re unbelievable, do you know that?” he said.

  “If it’s any consolation, I don’t like myself very much right now, Bram. If you knew how many times I’ve wanted to find you…”

  “Well, you didn’t try very hard did you?”

  “I didn’t try at all,” she said. “That’s the truth of it. But even if I’d wanted to, I wouldn’t have known where to start. I wasn’t the one that ran away.”

  “I didn’t run away! You told me to go, remember? So what did you tell her? She must have asked questions? Did you tell her I’d died?”

  Regan drew in her breath. “I told her you loved her very much, but that you had to go away. I… I said I’d explain it to her properly when she was older. She knows her father is a lifeboatman and very brave.”

  He looked surprised.

  “I will tell her about you,” she went on. “But not right now. She’s had a lot to deal with.”

  “Okay.”

  “You’re all right with that? You won’t say anything to her?”

  He laughed bitterly. “What do you take me for, Regan? You really don’t know me at all do you?”

  “It seems not,” she murmured.

  Georgie trained the binoculars on her mum and Bram.

  “Bram’s got loads of dogs, hasn’t he?” she said.

  “Yes,” Len chuckled.

  “He looks very cross. Why is he so angry?”

  Len took the binoculars. “Let me see,” he said. “Oh, wait, look out there. Is that a pirate ship?” He passed them back to her and while her attention was diverted he looked along the beach.

  “That’s not a pirate ship, Uncle Len,” she giggled.

  Bram certainly did look angry. Even from this distance, the body language was loud and clear. Len felt sorry for them both. Regan looked small and hunched, like a child being told off.

  Len tried to imagine how he’d feel. He’d never had kids, but if he had, he would have been devastated to have been kept out of their lives. His wife, Molly, had died several years ago and his one sadness was that they didn’t have children. It wasn’t for want
of trying. They both would have loved a big family, but it wasn’t to be.

  And there were those two with the makings of a lovely little family and the tragedy was they seemed to hate each other.

  Suddenly Bram’s arms dropped to his sides and he hung his head. Regan reached out to him as if she was going to touch him, but changed her mind and shoved her hands in her pockets.

  They turned back, walking together but miles apart, the dogs bouncing around them. If they’d only see sense and get together. It wasn’t too late.

  Bram was bound to be angry. In fact, angry probably didn’t cover it.

  They were both strong, proud, stubborn people. He couldn’t see this having a happy ending, no matter how much he wished for it.

  “Shame,” he murmured. “Dirty rotten shame.”

  He looked down and Georgie was looking up at him.

  “What is?” she asked.

  He sighed. “Nothing, sweetie,” he said.

  “Can we make a cup of tea for Bram and Mummy?” she said.

  “I think that would be a great idea,” he grinned. “I’ll boil the kettle and you put the sugar in the mugs. We’ll put plenty in; see if we can sweeten them up a little.”

  “Tea?” Bram said. “But I…”

  “Georgie helped make it,” Len said quickly.

  “Well in that case,” Bram said. “How can I refuse?”

  They sat down round a small table. Regan was on edge. Despite what Bram had said, she was so afraid something would be said. This was such a delicate situation. The only one who seemed completely unaware of all the tension sparking around them was Georgie.

  Even the dogs seemed unsettled and restless.

  Regan had been mortified at first when she saw Bram coming, knowing that the truth was about to come out. But now she’d got over the shock, she started to feel angry. Yes angry!

  It was all very well him acting all wounded and wronged, but it wasn’t completely down to her. She knew only too well how it felt to be unwanted. Oh, her parents had given her everything she needed. They’d fed her, clothed her, made sure she got to school on time, but it was always clear they were biding their time, counting off the years until they “got their lives back,” as they put it.