by Regan Ure
I closed my eyes for a second. It was hard to think back to that memory because I’d come so close to dying. His hand caressed my cheek. I opened my eyes as a tear slid down my cheek.
“Don’t cry,” he murmured as he brushed the tear from my cheek.
“It’s hard to think about that memory without feeling the fear and hopelessness I’d felt when I thought I was going to die,” I explained with hoarseness in my voice.
“I know it’s hard, but you didn’t die,” he reminded me.
A few moments of silence rolled into a few minutes as I held his gaze. He was waiting for a response to his confession that he loved me. It was hard to listen to him tell me he loved me when all I could think about was him with another girl cross the hall from me.
“I don’t understand,“ I said.
“What don’t you understand?” he asked softly.
“If you felt that way about me, why did you bring that girl home?” I had asked the hard question. Everything he was trying to tell me was marred by the one action that had broken my heart.
I’d had such a tough life and it was hard to let people in, so if the people I let in hurt me, it was that much harder to let them in again.
“I kept telling myself that if I just moved onto another girl that whatever I felt for you would go away. It also didn’t help that I watched you and Mark get closer, and it made me… jealous.”
“You’re the one that I wanted,” I tried to explain my actions to him. I didn’t do it to hurt him.
“I get that, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt,” he released my hands.
“Well, you bringing that girl home… hurt me,” I managed to say as I felt an ache in my heart.
His eyes held mine as I tried to stop myself from crying. He loved me and I loved him but I wasn’t sure I could get past that little incident. If I let him in again and he did something like that, I wouldn’t be able to recover. The question was, could I trust him not to hurt me like that again? And the answer was that I wasn’t sure.
“Nothing happened,” he began to explain. “That night I brought that girl home. I couldn’t do it.”
I was stunned.
“Nothing happened?” I asked.
“Nothing happened. She wasn’t you,” he revealed.
Relief and happiness rushed through me and I smiled.
“I love you and I want to be with you,” he stated, taking my face into his hands gently, as if I were fragile.
“I love you,” I whispered breathlessly, drowning in his beautiful eyes.
He smiled and leaned closer. His hands threaded through my hair and I felt his lips touch mine. In that moment I let myself open up to him and allow myself to feel the love I felt for him freely, without any reservation.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Haven
I lost track of time as we kissed and he pulled me closer. This was all I’d ever wanted, someone to love me, and he did. Finally, his lips left mine, and I opened my eyes, still feeling little dazed at his revelation. He smiled at me and my hands covered his, which were still cradling my face gently.
“So will you be my girlfriend?” he asked softly while his eyes held mine. Gone was the nervousness that had been there earlier; now he was confident.
“Yes,” I whispered, nodding my head, I still wasn’t convinced it was reality, but if it was a dream, I didn’t want to wake.
He leaned his forehead against mine and took a deep breath.
“I don’t know how to do this,” he whispered and I heard the vulnerability in his voice as it wavered for a moment.
“Neither do I,” I told him.
It had taken us so long to get to this point where we’d realized we both wanted the same thing: each other. For a few moments we remained with our foreheads pressed together before I pulled away gently. I wanted to say something.
“This whole dating thing is new for me.” I couldn’t help but think about how my first date had gone terribly wrong. “We’ll figure it out together.”
“Come on, it’s time to go home. We have school tomorrow,” he reminded me before he stood up and pulled me to my feet.
He pulled me into his arms and kissed me liked I’d never been kissed before. I swear I felt my world tilt. I was breathless and stood on weak knees when he pulled away and smiled at the visible effect his kisses had on me.
He led me to the passenger side of his car and opened the door. I would never tire of the little things he did, like opening the car door for me. I slid inside. I was deliriously happy as I watched him gather the blanket and disappear behind the car. The trunk opened and then closed. I was smiling at him as he got into the car. He started the car and backed out. During the drive home, we were both quiet. I kept sneaking glances at him, allowing myself to admire this broken boy that had stolen my heart.
“You’re staring,” he teased when his hand found my while he kept his eyes on the road.
“I’m totally stalking you,” I teased back. I hadn’t felt this happy and lighthearted in as long as I could remember, and it was nice for a change. My life had been painfully serious and it was nice to have something to make me smile.
“Stalk away, I’m yours,” he stated playfully.
I’m yours. Such powerful words, and they made me feel loved, but it was more than that. He had brought more than just love into my life—he had brought friendship and family. It was so much more than I’d ever hoped to have. It was hard to think back to the life I’d led before Damien had stepped into it, and I was thankful every day that he had.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, pulling me out of my deep thoughts. I brushed away the tears that had gathered in my eyes but hadn’t fallen.
“I’m just feeling a little emotional,” I replied, giving him a weak smile.
He squeezed my hand. It had been an emotional night.
When we got home, Damien got out of the car. He walked around to my side and helped me out of the car. Instead of walking me into the house, he pulled me into a hug and I leaned against him.
“Everything will be okay,” he murmured softly while he held me. “I’m going to give you so many happy memories that there won’t be any space for the bad ones.”
My heart melted at the words and I was too overcome with emotion to speak, so I gently nodded my head against his chest.
“As much as I want to stay right where I am, it’s getting late and we have school tomorrow,” he told me as he pulled away and dropped a kiss on my temple. I loved it when he did that, it made me feel adored.
He ushered me through the front door first and then upstairs. The closer we got to our bedroom, the more nervous I became. I stopped outside my door and turned to him, nervously fidgeting with my hands. Now that we were officially dating, I wasn’t sure how the sleeping arrangements would work, although I knew there would be no sleeping if he wasn’t in my bed with me.
“Get ready for bed and I’ll be there soon,” he instructed gently, easing my fear.
Fifteen minutes later I was tucked into my bed as my bedroom door opened and he entered. My heart fluttered at the sight of him. He’d done this before, but this time it was different, this time he was mine. He switched off the bedroom light before he slid into the bed with me. Gently, he pulled me into his arms and I lay my head on his chest as I snuggled closer.
“You know that when Chris finds out about us, he’s going to start planning the wedding,” I informed Damien.
Considering Damien had issues with commitment, I’d expected him to freak out a little, but instead he surprised me. He laughed and shook his head.
“That friend of yours is one of kind,” he said still laughing.
He was right. Chris was one of a kind. There wasn’t another one like him, and I was so blessed to have in my life. Never when he’d first suggested we go out did I ever imagine it would have ended the way it had. It had been the best night of my life and I was convinced life didn’t get any better than this.
Then something occur
red to me.
“What would have happened if my date with Mark had gone differently?” I asked softly. The idea that if things had gone well with Mark then what happened tonight might have never happened scared me.
He squeezed me gently before he answered, almost like he had to confirm that I was real and that I was really lying in the bed with him.
“You don’t know how grateful I am that your date with Mark bombed,” he replied. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it was good you freaked out, but it gave me the chance to man up and tell you how I feel.”
He paused for a moment.
“But if things had worked out differently, I would have fought for you,” he admitted. “I would have done whatever I had to.”
I was so thankful that things had worked out the way they had. I wasn’t naive or blind to the fact that our road together might not always be smooth, but I was prepared for the ups as well as the downs. I loved him and he loved me but this wasn’t just about love, this was so much more. It was the person he was around me, how me understood me better than anyone. It was all of those things that made him the boy for me.
I woke up with soft lips brushing against my cheek. Still half asleep, I stretched lazily, feeling Damien’s arms around me as I opened one eye and fixed it on him. He was so handsome, and I couldn’t help but smile at the fact that he was mine.
“Come on, you need to get up or we’re going to be late,” he whispered as he watched me with a smile. He looked as happy as I felt.
“But I’m tired,” I moaned, trying to cuddle back into this arms but he was already getting out of the bed. It had been an awesome night even though I was still tired, and I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my lips.
“I’m giving you thirty minutes or I’ll come and dress you myself,” he said with a suggestive tone.
“I’m getting up,” I assured him as I sat up in bed. He leaned over and kissed me lightly on the lips, taking me by surprise. I liked it; no, I loved it.
“Thirty minutes,” he warned with a smirk before he turned and left.
I sighed happily.
I had to pull myself out of my happy thoughts to drag myself through the shower and get dressed. I couldn’t wait to get my cast off because showering with a plastic bag over my cast was a pain, and it still took me forever to get clothes on and off.
It was only now that I was alone and in my bathroom, brushing my hair, that the full impact of what had happened last night hit me. Damien was my boyfriend now. Damien, who liked to have sex with various nameless girls. Sex. He was that guy that had slept with a different girl every week. I felt my knees shake.
I felt an anxious panic swamp me at the thought. I was a virgin and had zero experience with guys. He’d been my first kiss. I took a deep breath to keep the panic from overwhelming me. He loved me, but he was a guy, and guys wanted sex.
As much as I loved Damien, I didn’t think I was ready for that, not now anyway. And I wasn’t sure how long it would take me before I was. Would Damien be willing to wait? I bit my nail as I became more agitated with my thoughts. I put the hairbrush down and started to brush my teeth.
Doubt began to gnaw at me. Would he love me less if I wouldn’t sleep with him? Would it make him stop loving me? One doubt after another ran through my mind.
I rinsed my mouth out and walked back into my bedroom, sitting down on my bed for a moment while I contemplated my fears. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t hear Damien enter my room; it was only when he was standing directly in front of me that I snapped out of my thoughts.
“Are you okay?” he asked softly as he bent down to bring his eyes level with mine.
I wanted to say yes, but I shook my head as I bit my lip. There was no point in delaying this conversation.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. His concerned eyes scanned my face for any clues as to why I was so worked up.
“I can’t,” I stated anxiously, twisting my hands in my lap. His forehead creased.
“You can’t what?” he prompted.
He had no idea what I was going on about.
“Me and you…and…” I stuttered, feeling mortified at having to talk about it.
He waited patiently for me to finish the sentence.
“Sex,” I managed to blurt out as I felt the heat of a blush on my cheeks.
His eyes widened in surprise and then he smiled at me.
“Why are you worrying about that?” he asked softly.
“You know why, you’re a guy. And up until now you’ve been a man-whore sleeping with a different girl each week.”
He shook his head, but he was still smiling.
“And you think I need sex from you,” he finished for me.
I nodded my head at him as I continued to bite my lip. He laughed and I was a little confused. He straightened up and sat down next to me on the bed.
“This thing we have between the two of us goes way beyond sex,” he began to explain to me. “Yes, I’ve had plenty of meaningless sex that left me empty inside. The way you make me feel and just being with you fills that emptiness. Being together isn’t about sex, it’s how you make me feel when I’m with you. Do you understand that?”
My throat was tight with emotion so I nodded my head.
“One day when you’re ready we can take the next step, and I’m happy to wait.”
How had I managed to find such an awesome guy? Feeling relieved, I threw my arms around him and planted my lips on his. I’d taken him by surprise, but he put his arms around me and held me as he kissed me back.
He pulled back and looked at me.
“You better?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered.
“Good, because we need to go or else we’ll be late for school,” he reminded me as he stood up and pulled me to my feet.
We made a quick stop in the kitchen to grab a couple of cereal bars for breakfast.
“Have a good day,” Amy said as we dashed out of the kitchen, trying to make sure we weren’t late for school.
Damien got us to school with a little time to spare. I felt a little apprehensive when he took my hand in his and walked me into school. Most of the students were inside already, but the few that spotted us holding hands began to whisper amongst themselves. It wouldn’t be long before it got around school. The attention that we’d attract wasn’t something I was used to, but I had to find a way to deal with it. It was part and parcel of dating a popular guy in the school. I glanced at my boyfriend. He was so worth it.
Chris’ face lit up when he saw Damien’s hand joined with mine as he walked me to my locker, where Chris stood waiting for me.
“I so told you this was going to happen,” he stated as we stopped in front of him.
“Yeah, you did,” I said, rolling my eyes as I let go of Damien’s hand.
“I’ll see you later,” Damien said before he dropped a kiss on my lips and turned and walked down the hall to get to his first class.
I turned to face Chris, who was still smiling smugly.
“I’ve never seen you so happy,” he said.
“It’s because I’ve never been this happy,” I replied, feeling a little emotional.
He pulled me into a hug and then released me.
“I like you happy,” he stated, a little more serious than I was used to him being. He’d been there when I hadn’t wanted a friend and he’d forced his way in. And I was so lucky to have him in my life.
“Me too,” I said before I turned to open my locker to get the book I needed.
“Give me the cast,” he demanded with his hand open and a marker in the other hand. I shook my head with a smile as I put my arm in his open hand.
He began to write on the cast like he had at the hospital. I was still wondering if it was such a good idea. A couple of moments later, he smiled as he pulled the marker away from the cast.
“All done,” he told me triumphantly.
Curiosity made me look at the message he’d written. I couldn�
�t help but smile at my goofy friend after reading the message.
“Just in case someone doesn’t know,” he told me.
The message read, “Property of Damien Knight.”
“You’re terrible,” I said, shaking my head at him, but I was smiling.
“What?” he asked, pretending he had no idea what I was talking about.
I was officially dating Damien, so I wouldn’t have to hide the message. I couldn’t help but wonder what Damien would say about it. I was so happy that I didn’t care. I didn’t believe life got any better than this.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Haven
My first day at school as Damien’s girlfriend was a little daunting and surreal. There were plenty of jealous glares from girls he’d been with. I think although he’d been upfront with them they had all secretly hoped they would be the one to change him. I could see them look at me and wonder what he saw in me, but honestly I didn’t see what he saw in me.
I was nervous when I saw Mark in my first class but I walked in and sat down beside him. Unsure of how to act around him, I gave him a weak smile when he turned to face me.
I wanted to tell him about Damien and me before he heard about it from someone else.
“I’m sorry our date didn’t go well,” I said to him.
“It’s okay,” he assured me.
“I also wanted to tell you that…Damien and I…are kinda…”
“Dating?” he offered.
The news must have gotten around the school faster than I’d thought. I nodded.
“It sucks for me, but I just want you to be happy,” he said.
“Thanks,” I said. He was such a great guy.
He flashed me that killer smile with the dimples and I knew we were okay. I was relieved, because I didn’t want to hurt him. I wanted to be happy but I wasn’t about to stomp on other peoples’ feelings to get that feeling.
Another good thing was that he treated me exactly the same way he’d treated me before. It was like my crazy freak-out from Saturday night had been forgotten, and I was grateful for that. There was nothing worse than someone watching you go mental.