As Luck Would Have It

by Zoe May

  ‘Oh my God,’ I utter, taking it in.

  ‘What?’ Will calls out.

  ‘One second!’ I call back, my bladder busting.

  Even the toilet is five-star, so sparkling clean I could probably eat my dinner off it. Once I’ve relieved myself, I wash my hands in the massive sink using rose-scented soap from a glass dispenser.

  I head back into the suite. Will is looking out of the window, an intense and pensive expression on his face. I’m tempted to ask what he’s looking at or what he’s thinking about, but I’m also dying to tell him about the jacuzzi. The jacuzzi wins.

  ‘Will, the bathroom has a jacuzzi!’ I gush.

  Will immediately spins around. ‘A jacuzzi?!’

  ‘Yeah!’ I reply.

  His face lights up and he comes over to the bathroom, taking it in. It truly is an incredible bathroom, aside from the beautiful appliances and the incredible jacuzzi, there are other gorgeous details too, like potted orchids, antique mirrors and even chandelier lighting.

  ‘Wow!’ Will gazes at it in wonder.

  ‘I know! Let’s get in the jacuzzi! We can be in the jacuzzi while other newlyweds would be having sex,’ I comment, impressed by my own plan.

  ‘We might end up quite prune-like,’ Will points out.

  I shrug. ‘I can live with that!’

  Will is still holding the bottle of champagne. ‘I’ll put this back,’ he says, glancing down at it.

  ‘Why? Champagne in a jacuzzi! Isn’t that the kind of thing you’re meant to do on holiday?’

  Will smiles. ‘It’s been so long since I had one and back then it was more like Jägerbombs in a nightclub, but yes, champagne in a jacuzzi is totally holiday worthy.’

  I smile, pleased with his reaction. ‘Almost as good as sex. Probably better, actually,’ I joke.

  Will laughs. ‘Hmmm … depends who you’re having it with,’ he says, smiling flirtatiously.

  I laugh, feeling my cheeks reddening ever so slightly. I can already tell this holiday is going to be full of moments like this – awkward, intimate, and vaguely flirtatious – and even though part of me secretly enjoys it when Will flirts, another side of me feels like a scared little mouse. He’s hot and everything but sex, men, relationships, even holiday romances – they’re just complications I really don’t need right now.

  ‘Well, I’m going to get changed into my bikini,’ I say, looking back towards the suite and styling out his comment. ‘Erm … shall I get changed in the bedroom and you in here?’

  ‘Sure,’ Will replies.

  He heads back to the suite and while I’m getting my bikini out of my bag, Will opens his suitcase and retrieves a pair of swimming trunks, which he takes back to the bathroom to put on.

  I take off my jumper and jeans and then quickly whip off my underwear, rapidly swapping it for my bikini briefs and halter-neck bikini top. I know Will’s hardly going to just burst into the room but I can’t help feeling awkward regardless. I’m still aware of his presence. I can hear him shuffling about in the bathroom: the wheels of his suitcase against the stone floor and a rumbling bubbling sound, which I guess is the jacuzzi being turned on. I take a look at myself in the mirror on the wardrobe door. I look better than I expected. I haven’t worn a bikini for years. I think the last time I wore one was when Lauren and I went on a long weekend away to Malta and spent pretty much the whole time lying on the beach soaking up the sun. I was slimmer back then, but as I take in my reflection, I still feel good about myself. I may not be a perfect size ten anymore but these days, I feel more myself. I know what suits me, like now I’m wearing a high-waisted polka-dot bikini with a matching top. It looks good with my curvy figure, almost like one of those Fifties’ pin-up pictures, from the right angle, maybe. And unlike back when I was on holiday with Lauren, I don’t feel self-conscious either. I may have had a better figure back then, but a figure’s nothing if you don’t have the confidence to match. I know what suits me now too. This polka-dot bikini is so much more flattering than the flimsy crochet thing I remember wearing on that holiday. I didn’t even like it when I bought it, I just saw a model wearing it and thought it looked good on her. It was tiny, barely covering my modesty and it was useless to swim in too. By the end of the trip, it had practically unravelled.

  ‘You ready yet?’ Will calls out through the bathroom door, his voice snapping me out of my reverie.

  ‘Yeah,’ I call back.

  I walk over to the bathroom door. ‘Are you decent?’

  ‘Yep!’ Will replies.

  ‘Just checking,’ I reply as I push the door open.

  Will is sitting in the jacuzzi with a smug, blissed-out smile on his face. The water bubbles around his chest, which looks hairier than I remember it from school. He looks over at me and I’m not sure if I’m imagining it, I don’t think I’m imagining it, but I swear his eyes widen a little as though he likes what he sees.

  ‘Are you, umm … Are you …’ he stammers as though the sight of me in a bikini has tripped him up somewhat.

  ‘Am I?’ I coax him, taking a step forward.

  ‘I was going to say are you getting in, but could you get some glasses actually?’ Will says, clearing his throat and recovering his composure. I glance over his shoulder and spot the bottle of champagne on the side of the jacuzzi. I must have been so busy looking at Will that I completely failed to notice it there.

  ‘I feel like such a pimp right now,’ Will jokes. ‘Got my champagne, my jacuzzi, my hoes, or hoe, rather.’

  ‘Hoe?!’ I balk, feigning indignation even though I can’t help laughing. Will is such a far cry from the kind of rap star baller he’s talking about that it’s just hilarious. With his well-spoken voice and slightly pasty chest, he really doesn’t fit the bill.

  ‘Arghh, humour me!’ Will laughs.

  I roll my eyes, although I can’t help smiling. ‘I’m getting some glasses!’

  I nip back into the suite and head over to the fridge, hoping there’ll be some champagne flutes nearby and sure enough, there are. Right next to the fridge is a selection of glasses, even a kettle, some teabags, instant coffee and some biscuits. I hadn’t spotted them before from where I was sitting. I pick up two champagne flutes and head back to the jacuzzi, with a spring in my step.

  Will is decanting a bottle of pink liquid into the jacuzzi as I get back in.

  ‘Oh my God, Will, what is that?’ I gawp, worried it’s bubble bath and we’re about to flood the entire bathroom with bubbles.

  ‘Don’t worry, it’s rose oil,’ Will says. ‘Found it by the bath.’

  ‘Oh great!’ I reply as I place the glasses on the side of the jacuzzi and get in. I glance at Will as I climb into the jacuzzi, lowering myself into the warm bubbling water. I can tell he’s making a deliberate effort not to check me out. He seems to have glued his gaze to the wall. His effort not to make me feel perved upon is actually quite cute. I lower myself in.

  ‘You can look now!’ I joke.

  Will looks back around. ‘Oh, I was trying to be, you know, I didn’t want to look like I was checking you out.’

  ‘I know.’ I smile.

  ‘Haha, great, well!’ Will reaches for the bottle of champagne. ‘Shall I pop it or do you want to?’ he asks.

  ‘You do it.’

  ‘Sure.’ Will starts unpeeling the foil wrapping from around the neck of the bottle, cupping his hand around the cork. I’m not one for flying corks and I cower behind my hands.

  ‘Point it to the wall!’ I urge Will as the cork suddenly pops off into his hand. The champagne starts bubbling out. I grab a glass and try to catch some of the bubbles. They subside and Will pours me a proper glass. I reach for the other empty one and he decants some of the champagne into it too. He places the bottle back on the side of jacuzzi and I hand him one of the glasses.

  ‘Cheers!’ I say, and we clink glasses.

  I take a sip. The cool champagne and the hot jacuzzi is a great combination and I can’t help feeling totally relaxed. The
bubbles are rippling over my back, taking away any stiffness or tension from the flight and they smell delicious too, the rose fragrance adding yet another layer of blissfulness to the experience.

  ‘God, this is so nice,’ I muse, although I can’t help feeling a little guilty. I’m having such an amazing time and since I arrived at the hotel, I’ve barely thought about Hera once.

  ‘It really is,’ Will sighs, closing his eyes and lowering himself further into the bubbles.

  ‘I just realised I hadn’t thought about Hera, is that bad?’ I pipe up.

  ‘Nah!’ Will opens his eyes a fraction and on seeing the worried look on my face, he straightens up.

  ‘It’s really not. You’re in a whole new environment taking everything in. Nothing here reminds you of life back home. Just because you haven’t thought about her for five minutes, doesn’t mean you don’t love her,’ Will says, giving me a kind, encouraging smile.

  ‘I guess,’ I relent.

  ‘Honestly, it’s fine,’ Will insists. ‘The fact that you’re even worrying about it shows how much you care.’

  ‘I suppose.’

  ‘You need some time off too, Nat. And don’t beat yourself up for enjoying it. You have four days to let your hair down and have fun, then it’s back to all the stuff that being a mum entails. Just make the most of it, because if you don’t, you’ll regret it. I still have worries at the back of my mind, but I’m just not going to let them get to me while I’m here. Four days off from real life, it’ll all be waiting for us when we return,’ Will says, taking a sip of his champagne.

  I hate to admit it to myself, but he’s right. I do love Hera and of course, I miss her, but if I spend this whole holiday fretting and pining for her, it won’t achieve anything other than making me miserable and bringing both me and Will down. It won’t get me home any quicker and will just be a waste of a totally brilliant holiday.

  ‘You’re right, Will,’ I admit.

  A silence passes between us, filled by the sound of the bubbling jacuzzi.

  ‘What are you worried about?’ I ask him. ‘Or would you rather not talk about it?’

  ‘Oh, just job stuff, really,’ Will replies. ‘The freelance life is a bit stressful, especially after having been working full-time for pretty much my whole career. I find the insecurity a bit much, but you know, those are England worries. While I’m here, I’m just going to put it out of my mind.’

  He smiles and he does look completely relaxed. His face suddenly brightens. ‘Hey, I have an idea,’ he says.

  ‘What?’ I reply hesitantly.

  ‘Let’s play a game!’

  ‘A game?’ I echo.

  ‘Yeah, a drinking game.’

  ‘Oh God!’ I laugh. ‘Which one? I can barely remember any of them.’

  ‘Never Have I Ever. Classic!’ He grins his boyish smile and his enthusiasm is infectious.

  ‘Okay, let’s do it,’ I reply, figuring we may as well. I probably haven’t played a drinking game since back when I originally knew Will, at school. Even though it’s a bit childish to play drinking games, it’ll be a laugh and a great way to get to know a bit more about Will and what he’s been up to over the years.

  Will reaches for the champagne and tops up our glasses.

  ‘I’ll go first,’ I comment, holding my now full glass of champagne.

  ‘Okay, hit me,’ Will says, as he places the bottle of champagne back on the side of the jacuzzi.

  ‘Never have I ever …’ I look at Will and try to think of something. ‘… Had sex in a jacuzzi,’ I suggest, plucking the first thing that comes to mind.

  Will grins. ‘Nope! ‘Fraid I haven’t!’ he says.

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yeah.’ Will shrugs. ‘I was married for six years, we barely travelled and it’s not like we had one at home. Why? Have you? Do you want to?’ he asks, with a cheeky smile.

  ‘No!’ I laugh his suggestion off. ‘I thought you might have done before you were married, back when you were mingling with celebs!’

  ‘Nope, not even back then. But I might add it to my bucket list now,’ he says, giving me a flirty look again.

  I smile, glancing away a little shyly. ‘Your turn!’ I say.

  ‘Okay, never have I ever …’ he casts his eyes up as he tries to think of something. ‘… Had a vajazzle!’

  I raise an eyebrow, eyeing his glass, willing him to drink it. I take a sip of mine. ‘Low blow, Will! I had to have one when I was representing my client! She offered me one so I could see her work first-hand.’

  Will takes a sip of his champagne.

  ‘Oi, you’re not meant to drink unless you’ve done the thing!’ I point out.

  ‘And?’ Will comments wryly.

  ‘You’ve had a vajazzle?’

  Will grins. ‘I didn’t think I had at first, but then I remembered when I was in Ibiza after uni, I got one when I was drunk. It was a dare,’ Will recalls.

  ‘You got a vajazzle!’ I giggle. ‘What the hell?!’

  Will laughs. ‘Yeah! They were all the rage back then!’

  ‘For women! It’s called a va-jazzle, coming from va-gina. It’s not a pajazzle for your penis!’ I point out, unable to stop laughing at him.

  ‘That’s so discriminatory, Natalie. If I want a vajazzle, I’ll get a vajazzle,’ Will says, with mock indignation, which only makes me laugh harder.

  ‘Clearly!’ I point out. ‘So what was your vajazzle, or should I say, pajazzle of?’ I ask.

  Will sinks further into the bubbles, deliberately looking away, pulling a face. ‘Never mind.’

  ‘What?’ I kick him through the bubbles. ‘You brought this up! You have to tell me now!’

  Will grimaces. ‘I wish I had never brought this up.’

  ‘Too late for that now!’

  ‘Oh God …’ Will sinks even deeper.

  ‘Come on!’ I coax him, giving his leg another nudge with my toes.

  ‘Okay, okay!’ He straightens up. ‘Bear in mind, it was a dare and I was drunk. Very drunk.’

  ‘Was it a girl’s initials or something? A conquest? Someone you shagged somewhere other than a jacuzzi,’ I tease.

  ‘No, it was Nathan’s idea. There was this girl doing them at our hotel and he paid her to do it.’

  ‘Uh-huh … so what was it? A star? Lips?’

  ‘It was, erm …’ Will coughs and looks away. ‘It was a penis.’

  ‘Did you just say “a penis”?’

  ‘Maybe.’ Will grins.

  ‘You got a pajazzle of a penis. Oh my God, I’m dying!’ I crack up.

  ‘It wasn’t the best look,’ Will remarks. ‘It’s Nathan’s fault, he’s really puerile.’

  ‘Nathan’s fault?! You were the one rocking the sparkly penis on your man parts!’

  ‘Why did we decide to play this game again?’ Will grumbles, a smile playing at the corner of his lips.

  ‘It was your idea.’

  ‘Definitely not my finest!’ he jokes. ‘Anyway, it’s your turn.’

  I sink back into the bubbles, trying to think up a good question. Something Will’s probably done that I definitely haven’t. Although he had a few dalliances with minor celebrities before he got married, I can’t imagine he got up to that much mischief when he was married and if he did, it’s probably not the best topic to broach right now. I still don’t know exactly why he got divorced and I should probably let him come out with that in his own time, if he even wants to talk about it at all. Yet despite being married for a good chunk of his twenties, he has been single for the past year or so, and I can’t help wondering if he’s had much action.

  ‘Never have I ever … been on a Tinder date?’ I say, eyeing Will, expecting him to drink, but he eyes me back and doesn’t take a sip.

  ‘You’ve never been on a Tinder date?’ My mouth has dropped slightly open.

  ‘No. What makes you think I would have?’ Will says.

  ‘Because you’re single …’ I point out.

  ‘And so are
you and you’re not drinking,’ Will retorts.

  ‘Yeah, but I have a baby to worry about,’ I remind him.

  ‘True,’ Will admits. ‘I contemplated it at one point. Downloaded it at a low ebb and swiped on a few people but that whole swiping thing, I just don’t like it. It feels like a really shit computer game or something, just with people. I just don’t think that’s how I want to meet someone. It feels a bit hollow.’

  I eye Will as he speaks, relating to every word.

  ‘So you’ve never had a Tinder date then? Not even before Hera?’ Will asks, giving me a shrewd look.

  ‘Nope!’ I cast my mind back over my dating history. ‘I mean, back when we were at university, dating apps weren’t really a thing and really, anyone who needs an app to date at uni probably isn’t getting out enough. Then after, I met a few guys through friends, dated one guy I met on a night out. I met Leroy through the gym and since him, Tinder has been the furthest thing from my mind! So no, no Tinder dates for me.’

  ‘Maybe we should download it in Marrakech, see what the Tinder scene’s like over here, cross it off the bucket list,’ Will jokes.

  ‘Shut up, Will!’ I splash him and he squints, shielding his eyes.

  ‘Okay, my turn. Never have I ever …’ He puts a finger to his chin and does a mock thinking face. ‘Never have I ever … had a baby,’ he lands upon, grinning.

  ‘Oh, come on! Cheap shot!’ I take a sip of my champagne.

  ‘I know, but this champagne’s not going to drink itself, is it?’

  I laugh, rolling my eyes.

  In the end, the champagne doesn’t drink itself. We sit in the jacuzzi until our skin resembles ET’s and we know more about each other’s sexual history than I think either of us had bargained for. I’ve found out that yes, Will has sexted and that he and his ex-wife used to do it quite regularly when he was overseas, in fact, and that he has had sex outdoors (in a stable, FYI) and that yes, he has slept with someone from the village in recent years (a fling with Rowena of all people, which they both apparently decided would be nothing more than a one-night thing. Rowena apparently prefers women, which might explain why she was so keen for me to come over to do cross-stich). I’ve also established that no, he’s never slept with anyone from work, and yes, he has kissed another man (another dare from his Ibiza trip). Embarrassingly, Will has discovered that I once dabbled in S&M (an awkward spanking incident with Leroy), I’ve never had a threesome and I did once have a dalliance with a co-worker (a fumble with a bearded hipster entrepreneur at the Camden office back before I met Leroy).