Ghost Light

by Hautala, Rick

  Christ All-Mighty, maybe this is going to be easier than I thought!

  He chuckled softly to himself as he folded the pages and jammed them into his jeans pocket, and then walked out into the bright September sunshine.

  “Yes-sir-ee,” he said, having to struggle not to laugh out loud as he walked across the parking lot to his car. “This is going to be almost too fuckin’ easy!”

  3

  More than a week later, on a Friday afternoon in the second week of September, Alex was parked alongside the curb on Deering Avenue in front of Pine Knoll Elementary School when he saw her. The sky was gray and lowering, and a steady rain hissed like baby snakes against the windshield. He kept the car idling so the defroster would work, and every now and then he’d switch on the wipers to keep his view clear.

  At first, he couldn’t believe his eyes, and he thought for a heart-dropping instant that he must have only imagined it was her. He’d only caught a glimpse of the side of her face, and after watching at three other schools through the end of last week and all this week, it hadn’t taken long for the throngs of school children to all start looking alike—especially when they were lost inside the shiny hoods of their raincoats.

  Alex’s pulse started pounding heavily inside his head, and he was filled with a euphoric rush as he held his breath and, leaning forward over the steering wheel, watched the little girl. He rubbed his eyes and shook his head, not quite daring to believe that, after all this time and everything he’d been through, it really could be her. She was wearing a bright red raincoat and her face looked like a pale, full moon, peering out from inside the yellow-lined hood. A small, light purple knapsack was slung on her back as she moved down the walkway, the slowest in the swirling mass of kids who were pouring out the front doors and racing for the waiting school buses.

  “Mother-fucker, “Alex whispered, unable to believe what he was seeing.

  He felt a strong urge to get out of the car and run over there and grab her on the spot, but he fought it down. There was no reason to blow it now. If it wasn’t her… or even if it was, he sure as hell wasn’t going to be forced into doing anything hasty or stupid.

  No, it had taken him this long to find her; he could wait it Out a little longer and make damned sure this was Krissy before he did anything.

  His head moved slowly, like a robot, as he tracked the little girl, wishing desperately that he could get another look at her face.

  “Come on, you little cunt, look this way. Look this way, Goddamnit!” he whispered in a tight, rattling voice.

  The girl moved hesitantly down the walkway, and when she was halfway to the street, she suddenly stopped, frozen in her tracks. An expression of—what? confusion, concern, or something crossed her face as she turned around and scanned the idling cars that were lined up in front of the school. Anxious parents waited for their little darlings so they wouldn’t have to walk home in the rain. The little girl looked momentarily perplexed, as though someone she couldn’t see had called out to her. For a flashing instant, when her head turned and her gaze alighted on Alex’s car, he clearly saw her face again. A jolt of panic zapped through him.

  Holy shit! … It is!… It is Krissy!

  Alex felt a jolt of surprise when he recognized his daughter. His hand immediately went to the door handle, and he was about to get out of the car and run over to her, but then he checked himself.

  No, goddamnit! Not yet! he thought, trembling as he stared at Krissy.

  He knew he should feel at least a slight measure of relief to see that she was alive and all right, but instead of love, he felt a burning rush of anger, so hot and violent it almost choked him.

  “You bitch,” he whispered. Narrowing his eyes, he squeezed his hands together and imagined that they were wrapped around Cindy’s throat. “I’ll get you now, you fucking bitch!”

  Now, as he looked at Krissy, he felt no happiness or love, only a burning surge of anticipation, knowing that Cindy must be in the area. Now he could really start working to get even with her.

  The girl continued to stare straight at the car, her eyes wide and unblinking. Masking his face with one hand, Alex slouched down behind the steering wheel, hoping to hell Krissy didn’t recognize him or the family car. But why had she stopped and looked over at him in the first place? Had the car drawn her attention, or was it something else?

  Krissy hesitated only a moment longer, but it felt like long, dragging minutes to Alex as he watched his daughter shake her head as though dazed and then start walking again. With practically every other step, she would falter and look around expectantly, cocking her head from side to side as though listening for someone, but she kept moving in a straight line toward the powder blue Toyota Camry that was parked underneath a towering spruce tree across from the school. Alex could see a woman’s arm, waving through the half-open car window. Above the squeals and laughter of children happy to be out of school for the weekend, he thought he heard a voice calling out, “Hey, Krissy! Over here!”

  Alex tried to see the woman’s face, but it was nothing more than a dark blur behind the rain-streaked windshield.

  Then again, he didn’t have to see her. He knew damned-right well that it was Cindy!

  “Yeah, you fucking bitch, I finally found you!” he whispered.

  Leaning his head back, he let his voice wind up into a high, cackling squeal of laughter as he drummed his clenched fists on the steering wheel.

  “Yes—yes—yes! I can’t fucking believe it, but I found you!”

  Suddenly, he shook his head as though he had been doused with cold water. Gritting his teeth and realizing how important the next few minutes—or seconds would be, he forced himself to calm down. He would have to think clearly and not let himself get too carried away… not yet.

  His grip on the steering wheel was so tight his hands began to ache as he waited, ready to drive the instant Cindy’s car started to move. His foot pumped the accelerator a few times, making the engine roar.

  “Yeah, come on, come on, you bitch,” he whispered hoarsely. “Now all I gotta do is follow you home and you’re mine!”

  Holding his breath until it burned in his chest, he eased the car into gear, but he kept his foot planted firmly on the brake pedal and waited.

  “Yeah, and after that? After that— Well, we’ll just have to wait and see what happens after that!”

  He watched as Krissy walked around the front of the car to the passenger’s side and got into the front seat. Cindy had swung the door open for her. Then the window on the driver’s side slid smoothly shut. Alex took a deep breath and held it. He was bubbling with tension as he waited to make his move, but Cindy’s car didn’t pull away from the curbside right away. There was no oncoming traffic, and the school buses hadn’t started leaving the schoolyard yet, so he was confused for a moment, wondering why she didn’t drive away. He hadn’t seen Billy. Did he go to this same school? If he wasn’t already in the car, maybe she was waiting for him.

  “Come on, come on, come on!” he whispered. “Get your fucking ass moving.”

  He flipped on the windshield wipers and jiggled his foot up and down on the brake pedal, anxious to get going, but still Cindy’s car didn’t move. A tingling thrill raced up between his shoulder blades, making him shiver. His hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles went bone white.

  Goddamn, I’ve been waiting a long time for this! Too fucking long!

  4

  “Hey, what’s the matter, sweetie?” Cindy asked as she reached over to make sure Krissy’s seat belt was secure.

  “Umm—nothing,” Krissy said, shrugging stiffly. She shivered slightly as she stared straight ahead at the front of the car.

  After checking for pedestrians, Cindy snapped on her turn signal and pulled away from the curb. The little girl’s eyes jerked back and forth, keeping time with the steady slap-slap of windshield wipers. Streams of water were dripping from her raincoat and soaking into the car seat. Because she hadn’t taken of
f her backpack, she leaned forward in the seat and rested her hands on the dashboard.

  “Well, you seem kind of… Did school go okay for you today?”

  Krissy nodded and said, “Sure it did,” but there was an undercurrent of tension in her voice and manner that Cindy didn’t like.

  Something was wrong.

  “So, tell me—what did you do today? Did you do some artwork, or counting, or alphabet, or what?”

  “Oh, Mrs. Remick read us a really neat story.”

  “What was it about?”

  “A pig that could dance.”

  “Ummm. Do you remember the name of the book? Maybe we can find it at the library.”

  Krissy shook her head tightly, but when Cindy glanced over at her, she had the impression that she wasn’t thinking about the dancing pig story at all.

  “Anything else happen today?” Cindy asked.

  “Well…” Krissy said, shifting uneasily in the seat. “I … I think I saw her again.” Her voice was hushed and had taken on a subtle edge that bothered Cindy.

  “Who?”

  “Her… She was there today.”

  A ripple of nervousness went through Cindy, and as she approached the intersection where the crossing guard stood with her arms outstretched, she pressed down a little too hard on the brakes. Her tires hissed on the wet pavement, and for a heart-squeezing instant the rear end of the car started shifting around to one side, as though it were spinning out in snow, but she was going slow enough so the brakes held. As soon as the car was stopped, Cindy turned and looked at Krissy, but the little girl still hadn’t shifted her gaze away from the moving wiper blades.

  Fighting to keep her voice steady, Cindy said, “Who are you talking about?” Unaccountably, a hard lump had formed in her throat, distorting her voice.

  Krissy’s mouth opened, as if she were about to say more, but before she could, a flurry of motion caught Cindy’s attention as the crossing guard waved for her to move, probably because a line of school buses was waiting behind her. Cindy stepped down on the accelerator and darted across the intersection, withering guiltily under the harsh stare of the crossing guard.

  5

  A hard, burning lump formed in Alex’s chest when he had seen the Toyota’s left turn signal begin to blink. After waiting for a group of kids to pass by in front of her, Cindy had eased her car out into the street. Alex had watched her drive slowly up to the stop light at the intersection of Deering Avenue and Prospect Street, where a crossing guard—it looked like a dumpy old woman, lost inside a black, hooded slicker—had halted all of the traffic.

  “Oh, shit!” Alex muttered when he realized the situation.

  He stepped on the gas and pulled out into the road, cutting out in front of a dump truck that was coming up behind him. The whoosh of air brakes and the blast of a horn let him know of the driver’s response, but he resisted the urge to flip him the bird as he concentrated intensely on Cindy’s car. The angle was bad, but he thought he could see the Nebraska license plate on the back of the car.

  Fuck everything else! I’m not gonna lose her now! he thought, angrily clutching the steering wheel.

  The crossing guard waved the three cars in front of Alex through the intersection, but then she held up her arms, stopping him, and signaled for all of the traffic to stop while she crossed a group of kids, who had been waiting, huddled on the sidewalk. Once they had crossed safely, she motioned with a quick wave of her hand for Cindy to cross the intersection. Right behind her were three school buses, which coughed out thin plumes of blue exhaust as they started up.

  Impotent with rage, Alex pounded his hands against the steering wheel. His vision blurred as he watched Cindy’s Toyota shoot up Prospect Street, off to his left. He was left sitting there at the intersection, feeling as conspicuous as a turd floating in a punchbowl. One of the school buses followed behind Cindy while the other two took a right hand turn onto Deering Avenue.

  Alex snapped on his left turn signal, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good. Now he had a school bus between him and Cindy, and there was no way he could either pass the bus or else get around it by taking side roads. The best he could do was tag along behind the bus while it made each and every stop to drop off kids.

  “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” he screamed, feeling his face flush with blood.

  He was filled with a sudden desire to pull out into the middle of the intersection, get out of his car, and pound the living piss out of the crossing guard for what she had done to him. Boiling with rage, he waited until the other two school buses had finished their turns. Then, smiling at him from underneath her shiny, black rain hood, the crossing guard waved for him to make his left turn onto Prospect Street—but it was already much too late. Cindy’s car was long gone. Alex was left with the haunting impression that she had never really been there at all, that he had imagined seeing Krissy and the Nebraska license plates on the Toyota. He knew he couldn’t catch up with her—not today, not without speeding; and that, like trying to pass a school bus, was something he didn’t want to do because it would no doubt draw the attention of the police.

  Hissing noisily as he exhaled, he took the turn onto Prospect Street slowly. When he passed close beside the crossing guard, he smiled a twisted little smile as he glared out the driver’s window at her. Then he shouted “Fuck you,” and flipped his middle finger up at her. She jerked her head back and stared at him, an expression of genuine surprise on her face. Her lips moved, but he didn’t hear whatever it was she said. Laughing grimly to himself, he stepped down hard on the accelerator and drove away, satisfied by the whining squeal his tires made on the rain-slick road.

  6

  “But what do you mean?” Cindy said as they cruised down Prospect Street. “Who was there? Did you have someone visit your class today?”

  Krissy’s lips were pursed tightly as she shook her head and continued to stare out at the rain-slick road ahead. Her face looked unnaturally pale inside the cone of her raincoat hood. Her mouth moved as though she were trying to speak but something was restraining her.

  “Tell me the truth, sweetie, everything’s going Okay at school, isn’t it?”

  Krissy made a high, strangled noise in the back of her throat as she nodded.

  “So what’s bothering you? I can tell there’s something bothering you.”

  “It’s just… seeing her, just now… She was outside the school.”

  “Who do you mean? Who was outside the school?” Cindy said. The tightness around her own throat seemed to be getting worse.

  For a moment, Krissy didn’t answer. Her lower lip started to tremble, and her eyes misted over as though she was about to cry. The surge of torment Cindy saw raging inside the little girl almost broke her heart.

  “You can tell me all about it, you know,” she said, resting one hand on Krissy’s shoulder and giving her a reassuring squeeze.

  “Well… when I was coming down the walkway, I … I thought I heard someone call to me,” Krissy said in a high trembling whisper. “A couple of times, she—someone called out my name.”

  “I was waving and yelling to you,” Cindy said as she slowed for the right hand turn onto a side street that would bring her to Coyne Street.

  “No, before that,” Krissy said, “as soon as I came out the front door. And when I looked up at the road, just past the flag pole, she—she was there.”

  “Who was there?” Cindy shouted, no longer able to keep the worried edge out of her voice.

  Krissy hesitated a moment and took a shuddering breath as though she dreaded what she was about to say. A strong shiver shook her thin shoulders. Her hands, resting on the dashboard, curled, and her stubby little fingernails pressed into the dashboard padding.

  “The blue lady.”

  “The blue—”

  That was all Cindy could say before her throat closed off. Although it had been weeks ago, back when they were still on the road, heading to Maine, that Krissy had said anything about her, somehow it didn’t sur
prise Cindy that she would mention her again. In a strange way, this blue lady—whatever kind-of imaginary thing she might be—seemed to have become an unspoken presence in their lives, something that had never gone away since that night in the motel.

  “She was… was standing there in the grass, up by the street… right next to where one of the cars was parked there.”

  “And you saw her? You know for sure it was her?”

  Biting her lower lip, Krissy nodded.

  “Well, what did she look like?”

  “Like she always does,” Krissy replied simply, but there was a hushed, awed tone in her voice.

  For some reason, Cindy had the distinct impression that Krissy had seen the blue lady more times than she had told her. A tingling thrill ran up her backbone, and she had to struggle to keep her voice steady.

  “But this wasn’t just—you know, someone else’s mother, waiting to pick them up, was it?”

  Krissy’s bite made her lower lip go bone white as she shook her head.

  “No… no, I know what she—she was just… just standing there beside a blue car, watching me like she… like she had been waiting for me to come out or something.”

  “Have you seen her often?” Cindy asked.

  Krissy shrugged. “Sometimes… not much.”

  “And did you see her face this time?” Cindy asked, remembering how, the only other time Krissy had mentioned this blue lady to her, she had said she didn’t recognize her.

  Krissy shook her head tightly.

  “No, I never really get to see her face ’cause it’s so so bright.” She let her withheld breath out in a long, whistling rush. “I never see her face very good, whenever I see her, but I—I know it’s her. She doesn’t look like ordinary people.”