Perfect Pleasures

by Deborah Fletcher Mello

  “You make it sound so easy.”

  “You want to make it complicated, and it doesn’t have to be.”

  “You want me to leave my life in the States behind. My friends, my family, everything I know.”

  “I want you to claim everything that you can have here in Thailand with me. Our friends, our family.”

  “What if . . . ?”

  He stalled her question, holding up his hand as his head waved from side to side. “There is no what if. What if a frog fell from the sky and bumped his ass? Whatever we have to do to make this work I am willing to do. Are you?”

  She met his stare, the intensity of his gaze all-encompassing. She nodded. “Yes. Yes, I am.”

  “That’s all that’s important. We can figure out the logistics later. Baby, you just have to trust that it will all work out.”

  Kenzie leaned forward in her seat, reaching to kiss his mouth. Her lips lingered with his for a good minute, as she fell into the warmth of his touch. When she sat back in her seat, Zachary was grinning, looking like he’d just won the biggest prize at the state fair.

  They continued talking. About everything. Her feelings. His feelings. Her dreams. His future ambitions. And they talked about the goals they wanted for each other and what they aspired to as a couple. It reminded them of that first time when they’d spent hours in conversation, learning about each other. They regained a sense of balance with each other, and by mid-afternoon it was as if they had never been out of sync.

  Kenzie had not spent the entire day with her father. Instead, she and Zachary had walked over together, sitting down to share lunch with the man. Kai’s gaze had skated back and forth between them. Despite a growing level of comfort having them around, he still didn’t have a clue who either was; both were still a mystery to him. And then there came a moment of clarity.

  “You won that last fight. Are you training for the next one? You know there will be a next one!” The comment came out of nowhere, and it surprised them both.

  Zachary grabbed his napkin and swallowed the bit of the turkey sandwich he’d been eating. He tossed Kenzie a quick look before turning his full attention back to the man. “No, sir. I haven’t been training. I don’t know if I’m ready to sign the next fight yet.”

  The old man shrugged his narrow shoulders, wincing slightly as if he might be in pain.

  “Are you okay?” Kenzie asked, concern ringing in her tone.

  Kai nodded. He fanned a hand in her direction. “Who is she?” he asked, looking back toward Zachary.

  “That’s Kenzie, your daughter.”

  Kai stared at her. Then he nodded. He looked back at Zachary. “You’re running out of time. You’re not that young anymore. Either do it or get out while you’re on top. You’re good, and you can always turn to training other fighters, like I did. What does Montri think?”

  “Gamon thinks I should take one more fight. Maybe even two.”

  “Listen to him. He’s a good man. He’ll give you good advice. You can trust him.”

  Zachary nodded. “Yes, sir.”

  There was a moment of pause, and then he turned to stare at Kenzie a second time. “I need my medicine.”

  * * *

  Holding hands, Zachary and Kenzie walked the length of roadway for what felt like the thousandth time. The two had been walking up and down the road between the two houses, back and forth as if they had nowhere else to go. Although Kenzie was still disappointed that her father saw her as a stranger, the ache of it was no longer as catastrophic as it had previously been. The more she learned about his condition, the more she understood, and understanding bred a level of acceptance that made it all just a little bit easier to handle.

  The sky had gone a dull gray, and you could smell the rain in the air. Suddenly there was a loud clap of thunder, and the sky opened, like the parting of the seas, dumping a torrent of water over their heads. Neither bothered to run for cover, and in no time at all both were drenched, soaked through to the skin.

  Kenzie felt Zachary staring, an amused grin pulling at his mouth. Her nipples had gone erect from the chill of being wet. His eyes were fixed on her breasts, and when she looked down she realized that she was fully exposed, her full bustline pressing against her soaked white T-shirt. She hadn’t bothered with a bra, and the outline of her breasts and nipples were detailed and clearly in view. If it had been a wet T-shirt contest she would have clearly claimed the championship. Kenzie felt herself blush slightly as one of the neighbors stood in his yard and stared. She crossed her arms over her chest, and Zachary laughed.

  Zachary tapped her backside, and she rolled her eyes. The neighbor eyed them both with a narrowed gaze, clearly not amused. Zachary pressed a large hand against the small of her back as he guided her back toward the house.

  His lips captured hers before they could get inside and get the door closed behind them. He kissed her with an intensity that had them both reeling. Soaked, they didn’t waste the energy to find towels, leaving a trail of wet clothes from the entrance into the bedroom. They were both heated, their damp skin sizzling from the other’s touch. Their loving was intoxicating, both drunk with wanting. Kenzie welcomed him back into her heart and her core, reveling in how much she had missed the nearness of him.

  * * *

  Weeks later, her father’s condition began to decline. Kai had not had a good day. His breathing had been labored, and he had difficulty eating and swallowing. He had needed assistance walking, and fearing that he had pneumonia, Angelika had insisted he be moved to the hospital for a chest X-ray. Kai had been too weak to object, allowing himself to be taken without a word of complaint. The experience had worked all of their nerves, and even when the doctors had released him, warning them that they would see more bad days than they would good, no one had been able to relax. Kenzie had taken it the hardest, frustrated that she couldn’t do more for her beloved father.

  That night, she couldn’t sleep and unable to even rest well. Slipping out of the bed, she slid open the sliding doors and stepped outside. The sky was dark, just the sliver of a quarter moon sitting high in the sky. She needed to move, and she hoped a late-night swim might help to settle her down. Kenzie jumped into the pool naked. The water was warm, and the shimmer of moonlight and the stillness of the night eased the tension from her spirit.

  Standing in the doorway, Zachary watched her. She was exquisitely beautiful, and with the hint of light that illuminated her, she looked angelic. He had tried for most of the day to remember the mantras her father had given him, hoping that the directives would help her move past the sadness that seemed to be consuming her. But he had nothing in him, and the little that he did have didn’t seem to be helping her.

  He watched her, wanting to slide into the water with her, but he stopped himself. He understood that Kenzie needed the time alone to work through the discord that had become all-consuming. And he needed some time to regain a semblance of control, suddenly thinking about himself. His heart was as broken as hers, but there was nowhere and no one for him to turn to. He needed to be a pillar of strength for her, even when he felt himself failing and in need of his own support. Easing his way back inside, he let her swim, crawled back into bed, and tried to go back to sleep.

  * * *

  “Stop!” Zachary commanded, ire rising in his tone. “You really need to stop.” He shook his index finger in Kenzie’s direction. She’d been bitching and moaning about her circumstances for ten minutes longer than he could take, and he’d had enough. It had become a bad habit that she resorted to on a regular basis. They no longer had any sense of time, their days melting one into the other, and it was all beginning to weigh heavily on their spirits.

  “Why are you yelling at me?” she snapped.

  “Kenzie, I’m not yelling. But you need to get over yourself.”

  “Get over myself?”

  “Yes. That’s exactly what I said.”

  “My father is dying!” she shouted, her voice rising an octave.

/>   “I know that. And I’ve been dealing with it far longer than you have. I know how you’re feeling, but Kai would not want this for you. He would want you to focus on living your life, not falling into despair over his.”

  “Falling into despair? Really?”

  He took a deep breath. “You’ve thrown yourself a major pity party, and you need to get over yourself. You act like you’re the only one hurting! This is affecting me too, damn it!”

  Kenzie jumped to her feet. Something like rage seeped from her eyes. “You need to go to hell!” she exclaimed as she stomped out to the yard and across the grass to the property next door.

  Angelika greeted her at the door. The two women had become a team of sorts, as Kenzie had tried to help support the health-care professional Zachary had hand-selected to care for her father. The woman didn’t talk much, but she was a consummate professional, and Kenzie liked her. She always seemed to know when Kenzie needed a kind word and when she just needed to be left alone.

  She nodded her head in greeting and stepped aside as Kenzie swept past her, tears brimming in her eyes. Kenzie moved to her father’s room, pausing at the door for a brief moment. She wiped her hand across her face before reaching for the doorknob and moving inside. Kai lay in the newly purchased hospital bed, his torso slightly lifted. He appeared to be resting comfortably, his eyes closed. She eased inside and moved quietly to the rocking chair that sat by his bedside. The radio on the nightstand was playing traditional Thai music, and as she started to rock back and forth, she realized he wasn’t sleeping.

  He stared, his gaze clouded but meeting hers. He stared at her, his head bobbing easily in time to the beat of a hand drum. Kenzie listened closely, realizing that he was humming, the tune familiar to him. He hummed, and she found the soft lull of it comforting. She closed her own eyes and fell into the moment, knowing that Zachary was right and hating to admit it. Feeling sorry for herself had suddenly become second nature, but it was not at all indicative of her true personality.

  The quiet and the music were suddenly interrupted by her father’s voice. “You look like your mother.”

  Kenzie’s head snapped up suddenly, shock widening her eyes. She took a deep breath before she spoke, fighting to stall her excitement. “Do I?”

  “Tanya was the most beautiful woman in the world, and you look just like her. But you are even more beautiful because you look like me too!”

  Kenzie smiled. “Thank you,” she said, her voice a loud whisper.

  Kai smiled. “I missed your graduation. I am very sorry.”

  “It was my fault. I was mad, and I acted badly.”

  The man chuckled softly. “Just like your mother! You have her spirit too!”

  “I’ve missed you, Daddy!” Kenzie exclaimed, struggling not to cry.

  He laughed again. “I missed you, too, my angel.”

  Kenzie shifted the chair and inclined her body forward until she was directly by his side. She leaned her head against his arm, grabbing his hand. He held hers tightly, giving her fingers a little squeeze.

  “I love you, my angel,” he said. “And, Kenzie, I promise I won’t miss your next graduation.”

  Kenzie reached up to kiss her father’s cheek. “I love you, too, Daddy,” she said, her voice barely a whisper.

  Kai went back to humming along with the radio. He hummed, and Kenzie relaxed by his side, continuing to listen to the soft respite of his voice. Hours later, he jumped out of a deep sleep, startling Kenzie from her own slumber. His eyes locked with hers and held her gaze, the two eyeing each other.

  Kai fanned a hand at her. “I need my medicine. Are you my nurse?”

  * * *

  Two weeks later Kai Tamura died in his sleep. He asked for his medicine, closed his eyes, and slipped peacefully away. That first time that he had called her name and professed his love had been his last. Her father had not remembered her once after that moment.

  Zachary insured that he was given a traditional Buddhist funeral. His friend had insisted on the formality of ceremony, and nothing would have kept him from honoring the man’s one last wish.

  The bathing rite took place on the evening of the first day. The service was reserved for those who had known him personally. Barbie had stood with the couple, holding them up as they’d laid Kai’s body out on a table and covered it with a cloth. His head and one hand were all that was exposed. Everyone present took turns pouring scented water over his hand. The opportunity was given to ask for forgiveness for past transgressions. His ankles and wrists were bound with white string, his hands held together in a gesture of prayer. A coin was placed in his mouth, and then the body was laid to rest in a coffin. The casket was surrounded by flowers, and a portrait that Kenzie had selected was prominently displayed.

  The monks had been invited to chant daily for the loss of her father. The sequence of sutras, or scriptures, was intended to guide Kai on his spiritual journey and to protect and comfort those he’d left behind. It was believed that the sacred utterances would lift followers from the ordinary to a higher level of consciousness. The chanting lasted for seven days until the day of the cremation. It was quite the social event and not a completely sad affair. Between the chanting, mourners would listen to traditional Thai music, a melodious mix of strings and percussion instruments. Despite wanting to crawl into a hole and pull in the dirt, Kenzie was the perfect host. She was generous with the snacks and drinks, even insuring there was enough food for a full meal if someone was so inclined. The time passed quickly.

  After the week of chanting, her father’s body was ready for cremation. There was more chanting and the ordaining of a novice monk to merit her father’s dead body in the afterlife. It was a full ordination, in which the novice’s hair and eyebrows were shaved. More chanting, and the monks were fed one more time.

  As the coffin was moved to the crematorium, Kenzie clutched Zachary’s arm as if her life depended on it. Her nails bore into his skin, but he seemed unbothered, lost in the depths of his own mourning. They led the processional, carrying her father’s portrait as the coffin was pulled along behind them by the monks. Those who’d known and loved Kai Tamura followed the procession to the Thai temple, walking three times around the holy structure. The casket was left at the crematorium doors.

  Barbie gave Kai’s eulogy, recounting the most significant moments in the man’s life just before a team of dancers performed the fong, a traditional Thai dance characterized by its slowness and distinct storytelling poses. There was more praying from the monks, and then it was over. Flowers made from wood shavings were placed under the casket. As Kenzie tapped the coffin with her flower, she said a short prayer of forgiveness, as she’d been instructed, releasing her father and herself from the heartbreak that had kept them apart for so many years. She put their wrongdoings in the past, then placed her flower with the rest, as if she herself were lighting the funeral fire.

  When the final tributes had been made, most of the mourners went home, having paid their respects. Kenzie and Zachary were the last of his family, and they stayed until the coffin was pushed into the cremation chamber.

  The following day, the couple returned to collect Kai’s ashes. The monks were present for the ceremony, and there was another presentation of food and robes to honor them. Kai’s urn was then taken to the prayer hall, where there was more chanting.

  Kenzie had chosen to scatter her father’s ashes over the water. There were those Thai people who believed that floating the ashes of their loved ones in a river or in the open sea would not only help wash away their sins but also help them go more smoothly up to heaven. Kenzie wanted to make sure her father was nestled somewhere in the clouds, having found a sense of peace wherever it was that he rested. And then it was all over, and the young couple was left to pick up the pieces and move on.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “We should go run or something,” Kenzie said, her hands on her hips as she stood over Zachary.

  He lay supine on the sofa, his
arm tossed over his head, his eyes closed. It had been his position of choice for a day longer than necessary, and Kenzie was ready for them both to get past it and move on.

  “I’m really not in the mood,” he said, not even bothering to look in her direction.

  “You haven’t been in the mood for anything lately,” she said softly. She moved to sit beside him, her hands clasped together in her lap as she nudged him aside with her hip.

  He shifted his body from hers, sinking back into the cushions. With a deep sigh, he finally opened his eyes to meet the look she was giving him. He smiled slightly. “Yeah, sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just a little . . . ,” he paused and shrugged.

  “Depressed?”

  “No. Hell, no! I’m just tired. I’m not depressed.”

  She stared at him for a moment, saying nothing.

  “What?” There was a hint of annoyance in his tone as he snatched his gaze from hers, visibly unnerved.

  “I think you should go talk to someone. We’ve been through a lot with my father, and it might help . . .”

  “Why are you coming at me with this?” he suddenly snapped, a hint of hostility in his tone. “I don’t feel like running! What’s the big deal? Yesterday you didn’t feel like writing or working, but I didn’t give you a hard time.”

  “Like hell you didn’t,” Kenzie snapped back. “You lectured me for thirty minutes!”

  “Well, I should,” he said as he drew his knees to his chest and swung his legs past her. He sat upright. “You need to get back to work. I haven’t stopped.”

  Kenzie’s jaw locked as she bit back her retort. She and Zachary had been bickering off and on since the funeral. Each spat started over absolutely nothing and escalated too quickly to be good for either of them. She took a deep breath and held it, struggling to contain her own rising emotions.

  She stood up. “I’m going to go for a run. When are we going back to Phuket?”

  He shrugged his shoulders. “I thought you wanted to stay a little longer.”

  “No. I think we should head back.”