Every Waking Dream

by Lauren Eason

  “You don’t have to say anything, Dr. Clayborn. It’s something I live with every day. I see a lot of messed up things in people’s dreams,” I commented, trying to ease her.

  She drew in a deep breath. “Do you think what happened to Maria was real? Do you think she’s telling the truth?”

  “I have no way of knowing for sure. It was real in her dream, but as for it happening in reality, only she knows the truth.”

  “Aislin,” she said as she strode towards me, “don’t mention your dreams to the police.”

  “I caught your drift while we were in here. You don’t have to tell me twice.”

  “No, listen to me,” Dr. Clayborn said seriously. “I implore you to keep this to yourself in all matters. We may discuss it in private, and due to confidentiality clauses, I won’t digress any information you share with me. Try to live a normal life and if you ever start having these dreams again, come to me.”

  “I appreciate your concern. May I go now?” I asked, unsure if she was going to let me leave. I had never seen so much fear in a person’s eyes before, but it was there, staring me in the face. Dr. Clayborn wasn’t afraid of me but rather afraid for me. So much for embracing my gift.

  She nodded her head and opened the door for me as I passed by her into the corridor. We parted ways as she headed in the opposite direction towards Maria’s room to check on her. I kept my head down as I passed the other nurses and patients. The rumors from group therapy had spread like wildfire through the otherwise docile environment.

  I stopped by the receptionist's desk on my way back to my room. The new trainee working there looked up from her charts and smiled as I approached her. We had built up a friendly acquaintance with each other during my stay as she was my first point of contact when I had entered the program.

  “Aislin, what brings you up here today?” she asked as she sat the clipboard down in front of her.

  “Hey, Jo,” I said. “Do you think I could use the phone? I need to make a call. It’s urgent.”

  She sighed. “You better not get caught. It’s outside of your hours.”

  “Please,” I begged. “I’ll make it brief.”

  Jo smacked her lips as she reached down beside her chair, fumbling for her purse. Standing up, she placed her purse on the counter and looked down both sides of the hallway before pulling out her cellphone. Handing it to me, she said, “You’ve got ten minutes.”

  “Thanks,” I said, plucking the phone from her hand. Dashing down the hallway, I entered one of the communal bathrooms and ducked into the stall furthest away from the door. I quickly punched in the numbers and waited as it rang.

  “Hello?” Jess said on the other end of the line.

  “Jess! Hey, it’s Aislin,” I replied quickly so she wouldn’t hang up due to the unknown number.

  “Ais? What are you doing?” she asked. I could tell she was moving around in the background from the shuffling noises.

  “I, uh, needed to talk to you. I’m getting out real soon, but there was something that happened today. It reminded me of how much I miss you guys,” I said into the phone.

  “Oh, I was worried that maybe you had gotten into trouble. Whose phone are you using?”

  “It’s a friend’s. I can’t talk for long.” As much as I wanted to stay on the phone with my sister, I couldn’t afford to get caught, especially after the kind of day I was having.

  “I get it,” she responded. “I’m helping Mom and Dad with the moving right now. They’re unloading the truck, and I’m unpacking some boxes in the kitchen. You’re going to love this place, and guess what! Our neighbor on the right is a piano instructor, so I’m going to start taking classes with him next week.”

  “That’s great, Jess. You were getting really good before I left,” I commented.

  “Yeah,” she sighed. “Maybe you could sit in on a couple of classes sometime?”

  “I’d really like that.”

  I heard my mom calling for Jess in the background. After the incident today, I wanted to tell my sister everything, but Dr. Clayborn’s words echoed through my mind. It was unlikely she’d understand. I simply needed to hear her voice to know that everything was going to be alright.

  “Hey, Ais, I have to go, but I’ll see you at the end of the week when we come to pick you up. I love you,” she stated.

  “Love you too,” I said as I hung up the phone. At times, it felt like my family was moving on without me. Jess was the only one who made me feel included. If it wasn’t for her, there was no telling where I’d be.

  A loud bang on my stall door alerted me.

  “Hey, what happened with Doc and that cop?” It was Raven’s voice from the other side of the door. I opened it while shoving the phone into my pocket. Grabbing her by the hand, I led her out of the bathroom and towards the receptionist's desk.

  “I didn’t know you wanted to go for a walk,” Raven teased as she pulled her hand away from me. I made my way over to Jo and slipped the phone to her from beside the counter, acting nonchalant. Raven eyed me as Jo made it appear as if I had to sign something before taking my leave and whispering a hurried thank you.

  “What was that about? Are you and her, you know?” Raven inquired, wiggling her eyebrows.

  “What? No!”

  Raven threw her hands up. “Well, sorry. You seemed in a real hurry to go see her.”

  As we sauntered down the hallway, we stopped for a brief moment. Glancing back at Jo, I saw Harlan sidle up to her. She giggled as he made casual conversation, leaning over the counter in a flirtatious manner.

  “Are they a thing?”

  Raven shrugged. “Wouldn’t surprise me. Apparently, this place is full of secrets and scandals. So, what’s up with you? What happened? Spare no details.”

  “His name was Highwater. He wanted to ask me some questions about Maria to see if I could collaborate her story since she pointed me out in group therapy. Of course, I had no idea what she was talking about,” I answered as we strolled towards the cafeteria for lunch.

  “Uh-huh,” Raven said, “and that’s it?”

  “That’s it,” I replied. “Clayborn was there as a witness since I’m underage and in her care at the moment.”

  “So, that’s why you stole Jo’s phone?”

  “Shh!” I covered her mouth with my hands, pushing her against the wall. “Are you trying to get me in trouble here?”

  Raven grabbed my wrists and pulled them away from her mouth, a massive grin on her face. “Of course not. I thought my friend would be a little better at lying, though.”

  “Fine. Jo and I are acquaintances, and I borrowed it,” I whispered as we continued on our way. “I just wanted to talk to Jess to see how she was doing.”

  “Did you tell her about being questioned by the cop?” Raven inquired, curious.

  “No,” I admitted. “I wanted to, but I also didn’t want her to worry about me. It’s not like I did anything wrong anyway.”

  “I get it, Ais.” Raven placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. “You miss your family. If I had been questioned by the police, I would’ve probably wanted to do the same thing.”

  “It gives me a sense of normalcy,” I revealed as we entered the cafeteria. We got in line and pulled a tray down from the top counter. Lunch was going to be a simple ham and cheese sandwich with a piece of fruit, the highlight of my day.

  “What is normal, really?” Raven asked as we sat at a table. She shook her chocolate milk before opening the carton.

  “You’re drinking chocolate milk?” I asked, surprised by her initiative. Usually, she would choose plain milk because it had fewer calories. It appeared she had abandoned the notion of being a vegetarian as well.

  “I’m getting out of here,” Raven said with a newfound purpose. She drank the entire carton, crushing it on the tabletop.

  “Well, I’m happy for you,” I said as the shock wore off. She dug into her sandwich vehemently, staying focused on her chewing.

  “Are you going to e
at that?” she asked, pointing to my apple. I handed it over to her as she took a bite out of it, eying me.

  “You are certainly determined,” I smiled. “I wish I had as much confidence as you.”

  “When faced with a dilemma, one must make a choice,” she answered. “And I choose to get the hell out of here.”

  “That’s great and all, but where is all this coming from?” I didn’t want to spoil her mood, but I knew what the motivation model looked like—there’s a surge and then a crash. There wasn’t much I could do for her outside of these walls, and I didn’t want to see her hurt.

  Raven put her half-eaten sandwich down. “That girl in group therapy, Maria. She reminded me that there are worse things out there than ourselves. I don’t know if what she said about her situation was true or not, but I’m not going to be my own worst enemy. I’ve starved myself for almost a year now trying to deal with my parent’s divorce and their custody battle. I thought it was better for me to disappear than try to stand up for myself. If I was gone, then there wouldn’t be anything to fight over anymore.”

  “Wow, I’m sorry, Raven.” I reached across the table and took her hand in mine. “I didn’t know it ran that deep.”

  “Neither did I until I started talking in group therapy and to Dr. Clayborn. Being here has helped me remember why I started doing this to myself in the first place. Maria simply pushed me to get out of here and back to my life, the one I was trying so desperately to throw away,” Raven admitted.

  “And now, I’ll be there for you,” I smiled. “You’ll have to give me your number and address before I get out.”

  “Deal,” she replied, taking another bite. I nibbled on my sandwich as I watched her enjoy her meal for the first time. I knew it couldn’t have been easy for her, but I was proud of her for trying. In a sense, Raven and I were soulmates through this twisted sisterly bond we formed from our pain. It was poetic that we would be living in the same town and going to the same school once it started back.

  It was almost like the universe knew that we needed each other and allowed us to find one another at precisely the perfect time. While it pained me to keep my secret from everyone, I thought that perhaps, one day, Raven would understand my dreams. She was, after all, into the darker side of life, something that she could appreciate.

  We heard the doors to the dining hall open as the force sent them banging against the wall. Two police officers, along with Highwater, strode into the area and made a beeline for one of the tables. We watched, standing slightly from our seats, as Highwater spoke briefly to Maria in her ear. She nodded somberly before standing up from the table, leaving her tray behind.

  Highwater held her arm as they walked away with her in tow. As the scene ended, the cafeteria resumed its familiar sounds of gossip and chatter. Raven turned her attention back to me, her mouth full as she gulped her food down.

  “That wasn’t the least bit mortifying for Maria,” Raven remarked as she picked up her apple once again.

  “That was unnecessary,” I replied. “They could’ve done that with a little more tact.”

  “Honey, it’s the cops,” Raven replied. “What tact?”

  “Poor Maria. Do you think she’s going to stay here?”

  “Doubt it,” Raven said, wiping her hands together over her empty tray, the apple cores the only thing left. “They’ll probably send her to a different institution to be monitored. She made a serious accusation, and I’m sure the cops have to investigate every angle of it. I mean, they’ve already interrogated you, and it’s obvious you’ve never even met the girl until you came here.”

  “I don’t think she’s lying.”

  “How so?” Raven asked, an eyebrow raised. “I didn’t peg you two as friends.”

  “It’s not about knowing her; I have a feeling about it. What person lies about such a horrible incident like that?” I questioned.

  “Addicts who want to get out of here,” Raven replied. “Look, I know I’m being the devil’s advocate here, but it’s exactly what the cops are thinking right now. We aren’t humans to them. They see us as people who lack self-control and discipline. In their minds, we abuse ourselves.”

  “What happened to Ms. Optimistic from a few weeks ago?” I asked.

  “Oh, she comes and goes,” Raven answered. “The truth of the matter is, they’re going to throw everything at Maria they can possibly think of before they decide to do anything real about it. What was she wearing? Was she flirting? Was she doing this or that?”

  “All irrelevant.”

  “Of course, it is! You and I know that, but cops, they haven’t learned to get out of that mindset. Maria is going to have one hell of a time.” Raven sighed as she placed her arm over the back of her chair.

  It was a horrible world we lived in, and a part of me knew that most of what Raven said was true. Maria was going to be put through the wringer, and I hoped she was strong enough for it. For someone so young to have been in a mental institution and now in a rehabilitation center, I could only imagine what kind of personal hell Maria had already been through in her short life.

  I glanced towards the double-doors where she was escorted out of. It broke my heart, knowing that while I knew she hadn’t been lying, she would have to prove her case over and over again. Odds were stacked against her as Raven had said; I knew that to be true given how society viewed our kind. What good could we possibly do in this world?

  Chapter Five

  “I did it!” Raven exclaimed as she bounded into the room. I was busy packing my backpack with items I had brought with me for my stay, mostly toiletries. The rest I had to retrieve from the nurses’ station near the lobby area.

  “The weigh-in? Really?” I asked, excitement coursing through my body. Stopping what I was doing, we ran into each other’s arms as she hugged me tightly.

  “There’s no way I could’ve done this without you,” she declared, brimming with joy from ear to ear.

  “When are you to be discharged?” I inquired, moving back over to the bed. I zipped up my backpack and slung it over my shoulder.

  “Next week, before school starts,” she replied, taking a pen out of her back pocket. Raven pulled my hand towards her as she wrote her phone number on my palm in black ink. She winked at me as she clicked the top of the pen, stowing it away again.

  “I’ll send you a text as soon as I get my phone back,” I promised.

  “You better,” she said as she gave me one final hug.

  “Aislin Smith?” a nurse spoke from the doorway. “Your parents are here for you.”

  “Right,” I answered, squeezing Raven's arm. She had no idea how much I would miss her even though I knew we’d see each other again soon.

  The nurse smiled as I followed her down the hallway. Patients stopped in the hall to watch us as they clapped. It was a standing tradition in the center that when a patient was finally discharged, they received respect from the others. The few nurses lingering in the corridor smiled and nodded as I passed by. It was a liberating experience that I had been waiting for since I came to this place.

  We rounded a corner and stopped by the counter where a nurse was sitting, reading a magazine. She stood up as she saw me and asked, “Are you here to pick up your belongings?”

  I nodded and slid my discharge papers under the space in the Plexiglas window. She looked over them and headed towards the back of the small room where shelves contained rows of baskets filled with our confiscated items. Upon finding my number, she took the tray down from the top shelf, plopping it on top of the counter in front of us.

  “One cellphone, one charging cable, a wallet, and a pair of keys,” the nurse said, holding each item up for me to inspect. “That’s all, correct?”

  “Yes, Ma’am,” I replied. She slid the belongings under the glass as I took them, placing them into the pouch on my hoodie.

  “Good luck,” she said with a smile as the other nurse escorted me away.

  We approached the building's main double
-doors, the same ones I had passed through three months prior. Back then, I was taken into the building feeling like a common criminal, and now I was exiting through them a free human being with the rest of my life ahead of me.

  The nurse swiped her card, and the automatic doors opened for me out into the main lobby for patient check-in. My parents stood from their chairs as they saw me. Jess raced towards me, hugging me as soon as I stepped through the doors. She let me go as my parents came up behind her.

  The doors closed as we walked away, Jess’s arm slung around me as she talked about the new house, our neighbors, and all the things she couldn’t wait to do at school. She was a prolific student, interested in every single club the school had to offer. Golden child was the term most fitting to describe her. Yet, she was my best friend and never made me feel like I was anything less than.

  “Are you excited to see the new house?” my mother asked as we stepped out in front of the center.

  “I am,” I stated. And it was true. I was excited and a little nervous to see our new home. It had to be better than the tiny, over-priced apartment we were renting before.

  “Your doctor gave us your prescription,” my mother continued. “I’ll go by and pick it up after I drop you and Jess off at the house.”

  “Thanks, Mom,” I said as my dad pulled the car around under the overhang.

  Instead of seeing the sun as I had hoped, heavy rain splashed to the ground all around us. It was a torrential downpour that I hadn’t heard from within the thick walls of the hospital. Rain bounced off the car as it slowed beside us. Jess walked around to the other side as I slid into the back seat, resting my backpack in the middle.

  We took off as the sound of the rain pounded on the roof of the car. Dad pulled out onto the street, and I watched as the rehabilitation center disappeared out of sight. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I clicked the power button only to realize the battery had long since died. Taking the charger, I plugged the USB into the middle console, letting my phone take a little time to recharge before sending that text to Raven.