Every Waking Dream

by Lauren Eason

  “Something is going on in this town,” I started, “and I think I can help.”

  “What are you saying?” she asked, concern creasing her forehead.

  “I’m asking you to trust me. I can do this.”

  “Aislin...I don’t know if you can,” she replied somberly.

  “At least you’re honest,” I muttered. It was more than what my parents could do.

  “With you being underage, I’ll have to notify your parents about this,” she continued. “I’m sorry, Aislin.”

  “I understand,” I sighed, hanging up the phone. I wasn’t sure what kind of answer I was looking for. Dr. Clayborn could only help me so much, but now I had ensured my parents would monitor every dosage of my medication. At least they would be easier to fool than trained nurses. What I was planning to undertake was dangerous, but knowing that girl was still alive made me feel like I could do something meaningful with my ability—something that could make a difference.

  “There you are! I’ve been looking all over the place for you. I didn’t see you at lunch,” Raven exclaimed as she approached me, picking her way over the metal poles under the bleachers. “You’ve already changed into your gym clothes, I see. Good hustle.”

  “Raven...” I started but stopped.

  “Yes?” she asked, anticipating what I was going to say.

  “Nevermind,” I quickly brushed off. I wanted desperately to confide in her, but my fear of losing her was stronger.

  “Okay, well, we better get to class. Coach is already inside the gym with the others,” Raven confirmed.

  I followed her out from under the bleachers and back towards the gym, where our coach lined up the other students for indoor soccer teams. I groaned internally at the assignment for the day as I was placed on the opposing team against Raven. We dashed back and forth, tripping over the ball and missing our goals. It was a complete disaster given my lack of ability when it came to sports.

  At one point, a player passed the ball to me. I managed to kick it towards the goal until I stepped on top of the ball while running along with it, successfully doing a front flip, landing flat on my back. Air left me as I gasped from the sudden shock. I heard Coach Simmons blow her whistle for a time-out as she ran over to me with a few others.

  Staring up at the ceiling, I laid on the cool hardwood floor listening to the squeaks of sneakers. Faces popped into my field of view as they encircled me. Raven was the first to offer her hand, helping me to my feet as the other girls whispered and giggled at my clumsiness.

  “Shake it off,” Coach Simmons said, clapping me on my back. “You want to sit for a minute?”

  I nodded and hobbled off towards the bleachers, taking a seat on the first row. Raven followed me even though she hadn’t received the same courtesy as I had from our coach. She plopped down beside me, pretending to fix her shoes.

  “Your mind is definitely not here today. What’s going on?” she asked. “You can tell me.”

  I watched as Melissa and a few other girls stood in a circle near the gym doorway. They glanced over at me and snickered under their breath before starting to walk towards us.

  “I don’t remember Melissa being in this class,” I commented, motioning towards them.

  Raven turned her head to see what I was referring to. Her eyes grew wide as she faced me once again. “Don’t make eye contact.”

  As soon as she had uttered her warning, Melissa and her posse were looking down their noses at us. I tried to give the girl the benefit of a doubt from that first day of school, but it was getting harder to make excuses for her poor behavior.

  I had done everything right. I had stayed away from her, but she popped up all over the school for some reason. It was like wherever I went, she was quick to follow. She tortured everyone in her path, boys and girls. No one was safe from whatever inner turmoil she was trying to overcome by taking it out on the others around her. I told myself I had an advantage with all the therapy I had received because it helped me understand why she was the way she was. Eventually, I had to stop making excuses for her and deal with the fact that she was simply an awful person.

  “Forgetting how to walk, are we?” she commented in a nasty tone. Her clones stifled their laughs.

  “What do you want, Melissa?” Raven asked, standing up from her seat. I rose beside her, ready to hold her back if I needed to.

  “Oh, I’m not surprised you’re in this class. We both know how you need the exercise,” Melissa mocked.

  I grabbed Raven’s arm as she took a step forward. My grip tightened on her as I saw her face turn red with anger.

  “We don’t want any trouble. Isn’t there somewhere you need to be?” I asked.

  “She speaks,” Melissa said. “Impressive. Did you learn how to do that today?”

  “At least we didn’t cost the school the championship with all those penalties on the field last year,” Raven quipped, striking a nerve with Melissa. Melissa took a step forward, with her and Raven nose to nose.

  “I would gladly take a penalty if it means wiping that smug look off your face!” Melissa spat.

  Raven wriggled from my grip and tackled the girl to the ground as Melissa’s posse and I watched. Raven landed a few punches before Melissa rolled on top of her, getting a few in herself. Raven straddled the writhing rugby player with a knee jerk and slapped her across the face, the sound echoing throughout the gym.

  I ran over to her and pulled Raven off as Melissa rolled over slowly, holding her hand to her face. Coach Simmons ran over and pointed to both of us. “You, and you. Detention with me Saturday and for the next week!”

  Coach helped Melissa up from the ground as her friends bumped past us out of the gym. All eyes were on us as the game ceased with all the commotion. I let out a heavy sigh as we headed for the locker room. Raven slammed through the door and sat on the bench, her head in her hands.

  “Raven, I’m so—”

  “That evil, vile little brat! I can’t believe we used to be friends,” Raven admitted standing up and punching the locker nearest to us.

  “You and Melissa?” I asked. “Why’s she like this now?”

  “She never changed,” Raven admitted. “I’m the one who changed. She’s always been this way: manipulative, cold, demanding. The list goes on. I happened to be a part of her group because I used to be on the rugby team. I quit because of her.”

  “Please go on,” I said, taking a seat on the bench.

  “I...wasn’t a good person back then either,” she admitted, ashamed. “I was rude, inconsiderate even. I didn’t care about anyone’s feelings except my own, so I was a perfect match for Melissa’s group. She took me under her wing, kind of like a mentor when it came to the game. When I started surpassing her on the field, she lashed out. I got a taste of my own medicine, I suppose.”

  “Oh...” I replied, not sure how to respond.

  “It’s okay. It was a good thing because it made me realize I didn’t want to be that kind of person anymore. A lot of it had to do with my anger over my family. It took a lot of therapy and Dr. Clayborn to help me realize that. Of course, that anger morphed into something completely different.” Raven sighed.

  I knew she was referring to her eating disorder and harmful habits. Our demons were the same; it was their manifestation that was different. Because of that, I had always admired Raven as a kindred spirit, someone I could relate to.

  “I don’t blame you for your past. I hope you know that,” I comforted.

  “I know,” she answered, taking a seat beside me. I grabbed her hand and held it close as we sat in silence for a moment before the bell rang, and the others filed in. Quickly getting dressed for my last class, I bid Raven farewell and headed towards the greenhouses.

  My mother was going to kill me once she got a call from the school about my detention. Trying to explain myself wasn’t going to help, especially since Dr. Clayborn was also going to give her a call about my medication. As much as I tried to stay out of trouble, it alw
ays seemed to find me.

  I joined the class of students as we listened to Mrs. Richards talk about plant identification and their usefulness if stranded in the wilderness. It was a fascinating topic and, for some reason, felt more valid than everything I had learned today. At least it could potentially save my life and made for useful facts if and when I decided ever to take a camping trip.

  The class dispersed as we took our walk among the plants in the greenhouse. Jason paired up with me, a habit he was starting to form as we stood under the small palm tree near the back. It was nice having this time at the end of the day.

  “Did Raven tell you about the party this weekend at the beach?” Jason asked his hands in his pockets.

  “She must’ve forgotten to tell me between the punches she threw at Melissa today in gym class.”

  “What? She got into a fight with Melissa?” he inquired.

  “Yep, and we both got detention for it,” I replied with a sigh.

  “Did you throw a punch, too?” he asked, sounding impressed.

  “I wish, but sadly, no. Does Melissa always target people like that?”

  “How would I know?”

  “Well, I thought you and her used to date, so maybe you had more insight than other people,” I replied.

  Jason laughed as he leaned against a metal garden table. “No. Melissa and I never dated. Where did you get that impression from?”

  “Oh,” I began. “Ben said she used to hang around you a lot. Something about homecoming sophomore year.”

  Jason sighed and rolled his eyes. “I didn’t steal his girlfriend if that’s what he made you believe. Melissa doesn’t know what she wants, so she thinks she can have it all. I told her as much that night when she tried to kiss me.”

  “Right,” I replied, a blush igniting my cheeks. “Tell me more about this party.”

  “Smooth subject change,” he commented, straightening himself. “It’s for Labor Day weekend. Ben and the guys get together at the beach, and we hang out all day into the night. There’ll be music, a bonfire, food, drinks. We were trying to invite you and Raven at lunch, but you weren’t around.”

  “Oh, yeah. I had to make a phone call.” I looked down and shoved my hands into my jean pockets.

  “Well, it’s a small gathering. Maybe ten people there at the most. We thought it would be cool if you two came,” he said.

  “Um, can I get back to you on it?” I asked.

  “You don’t want to come?” he inquired, looking genuinely upset.

  “Oh, no. It’s not that. It’s the fact that I just got detention for a week, and I haven’t dealt with the wrath of my parents. I don’t know how they’re going to take it. I might be grounded,” I presumed.

  “Right. Give me your phone,” he instructed. I pulled it out of my back pocket and handed it to him. He quickly inserted his number into my contact list and gave it back to me.

  “That’s my number. Text me when you know the answer, and I’ll swing by with Ben and pick you up on Saturday.”

  “Thanks,” I said, taking my phone back and placing it in my pocket. The bell rang in the distance as we congregated back towards the front of the greenhouse. Jason walked alongside me as we made our way to our lockers.

  “You didn’t have practice today?” I asked. Usually, we would part ways, but not today.

  He closed his locker beside me, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “Coach gave us a day off since we have practice this weekend. Kind of nice not having to head straight to the football field.”

  “Too bad I can’t disappear for a while,” I mumbled, heading downstairs.

  “I’m sure it won’t be as bad as you think,” Jason replied, placing a hand on my shoulder as we walked through the front double-doors.

  Jess met up with us on the walkway as we headed for the car ramp. Even after our mother’s accident with the car, she had still refused for me to drive us to school and back. I was sure whatever hope I had of doing that would soon be gone after what happened today.

  “Woah, you don’t look so great,” my sister said as she approached.

  “Yeah, well, you’re about to find out why,” I muttered as I saw our mother in the pick-up line. The look on her face said it all through the windshield of her car.

  Waving goodbye to Jason, Jess and I set off towards the vehicle and piled inside. My mother wouldn’t even look at me as I entered the car, the tension thick in the air. Jess remained silent, waiting for the explosion that would inevitably happen.

  “Aislin—”

  “Mom, I can explain,” I interrupted. “I didn’t do anything wrong. I pulled Raven off of Melissa, and Coach Richards assumed I was involved with it—”

  “Aislin,” my mother cut in. “I’ve gotten several calls about your behavior today. I’m sure you’re well aware one of them came from Dr. Clayborn.”

  I glanced down at my hands, clasped in my lap. My palms were clammy as I waited for her to finish her thoughts.

  “She was...very enlightening,” my mother began. “I don’t think I’ve ever been chastised so graciously by someone before.”

  “What?” I asked, surprised.

  “While I’m not happy about the afterschool detention, your doctor had some choice words with me about trust. She told me that I should try a little harder in my efforts,” my mother explained.

  I blew out a small sigh of relief. “So, you’re not mad at me?”

  “No...” my mother replied. “Here.”

  My mother handed me the keys to my car as we turned down our street. I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. We pulled into the garage and got out of the vehicle, entering our home. The long stint of silence was deafening.

  “Mom, what’s this? Why are you giving me these?” I asked, shutting the door behind us as she walked into the living room, laying her purse on the couch.

  “It’s a show of good faith. We made a promise when you got out,” my mother said. “My therapist and now your doctor believes it's time I start treating you as my daughter and less like a prisoner.”

  “So, I’m not grounded?” My mother’s behavior dumbfounded me, mainly because we had barely spoken more than a few sentences to each other after she came home that night with Denise.

  “Not at the moment. You’ll have to take more responsibilities around here, though. I need you to get you and your sister to and from school. You’ll need to make sure Jess gets to her piano lessons on time.”

  “Mom, is there something else going on? This is such an odd thing for you to do—”

  Jess placed her hand on my shoulder, grabbing my attention. I watched as our mother sunk onto the couch and put her hands over her face as sobs wracked her body. Whatever she was holding onto, she couldn’t anymore.

  “Mom...?” Jess asked, sitting down beside her. I took a seat on the coffee table across from her.

  “I’m so sorry,” our mother cried. “Your father and I—we’re getting...”

  “I think I know what you’re going to say,” I said, placing a hand on her knee. She grabbed both of our hands and looked at us with tears in her eyes.

  “No. I need to say it. Your father and I have decided to separate. I thought moving into this new home would be a new start for our family, but it wasn’t the solution we needed. Nothing’s official yet, but I wanted you two to know,” our mother said, sniffling.

  “It’s okay, Mom,” Jess said, hugging her. We sat in silence as our mother continued to cry softly. It was a period of uncertainty for our family, and I didn’t know what I could do to help. The only thing I could do was give my mother what little comfort I could offer and hope that whatever else was to come, we would make it through.

  Eventually, Jess left my mother and me to sit alone as she headed upstairs to her room. My mother composed herself and turned to me, taking my hands in hers. “Aislin, Dr. Clayborn informed me that you wish to stop taking your medication. Is that true?”

  I thought about it for a moment. It was hard to tell if I w
as making the right choice, what with my family ripping at the seams. “I’m not sure what I want anymore.”

  My mother drew in a shaky breath as she rubbed her thumbs over the back of my hands. “What I did the other night was wrong, and I know that I could’ve hurt you—I did hurt you. And for that, I’m sorry. If you don’t want to take those pills anymore, I’ll make sure that happens, and if you choose to take them still, I’ll do that too. It’s your choice.”

  “But Dr. Clayborn...”

  “Dr. Clayborn can give her medical opinion, but you are my daughter,” my mother explained. “If you want to stop taking pills, it’s your body.”

  “So, what are you saying?”

  My mother stood up from the couch and went upstairs. I heard her footsteps in her bedroom overhead as she came back down to her seat on the sofa with my pill vial in hand. She gently placed the medication on the coffee table in front of us. “These are yours now. I trust you.”

  “Mom, you don’t have to—”

  She held up her hand to stop me. “Do me a favor. Keep this between us. I don’t want your father knowing since I didn’t discuss this with him first.”

  I picked up the pills from the table and placed them in my mother’s hand. “Flush them.”

  I stood up from the couch and left her there as she stared at the vial. It was the hardest decision I had ever made, but I knew it was time to face my fears.

  Chapter Ten

  My mother and I were on better terms after her admission of the separation between her and my father, but it didn’t change the fact she was gone on most nights. Raven told me that she and Denise had become regulars at the beach lounge they had gone to on that first night.

  After skipping out on my medication for a couple of days, I hadn’t dreamt of the missing girl. I had landed in a dream Jess had and another one from our neighbors, but I hadn’t ended up in the one I wanted. It was hard to tell if it was because I wasn’t focusing hard enough or because the missing girl wasn’t sleeping at the same times I was.