by K. M. Scott
Diana nodded and took my arm when I offered it, but suddenly she felt wooden against me. Just a few steps away from the car, she grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly. I turned to look at her and saw all the blood had drained from her face and in her eyes was pure terror.
“Are you okay?” I asked as she tightened her hold on my hand.
She shook her head as tears filled her eyes. “I can’t. I thought I could, but I can’t go in your car, Cole. I’m sorry. I hoped it wouldn’t be a problem, but I can’t.”
“It’s okay. No car. We’ll just get there another way. Let me give the valet my keys, and I’ll be right back.”
“Okay. I’m sorry,” she said as she slowly let go of my hand one finger at a time.
“It’s fine,” I said, waving at the Richmont valet.
He took my keys and seconds later drove away with my car. Diana seemed to calm down now that it wasn’t nearby, and I turned to her and smiled. “So no cars. No problem. Driving in the city is a pain in the ass anyway. That leaves trains and plains if automobiles are gone,” I joked.
Taking a deep breath, she let it out in a deep sigh. “I think I can do a train.”
I thought about it for a second. “I haven’t taken a train or the subway in years, so this is going to be new for the two of us. Give me a second and I’ll figure things out. Where are we going?”
“Carnegie Hill and Upper East Side.”
“Okay. That’s doable in one afternoon. When are the showings?”
“Quarter to three and four thirty. Carnegie Hill is first.”
“Okay. Let’s see what train we have to catch. Give me a sec.”
I took out my phone to search for the schedules and then looked up at her with a smile. “Got it.” I held out my hand and asked, “Ready? We’re going to have to move to catch the train in time to get to Carnegie Hill for that showing.”
She took my hand and smiled sweetly. “Okay. Lead the way!”
We left the second apartment and walked down the street toward the subway. Diana stayed silent, but I knew neither place had been what she wanted. I didn’t understand why since they were both gorgeous, spacious apartments with doormen and security. At both, she pretended to love them but quietly told me she felt they were too small. Since I’d been in her room at the hotel, I couldn’t understand why she thought that.
“So onto the third one?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so. It’s just going to be like the last two. I think I’m going to cancel. I’d hoped to find something today, but neither one was what I wanted.”
“What was wrong with them? They seemed nice. Both were clean, big, and had a lot of amenities. What didn’t you like?”
She thought about it for a second. “I loved the high ceilings in the first place. And those countertops were gorgeous. I loved the black. I also really liked the way they disguised the refrigerator and all the appliances the way they did. That was pretty nice. And in the second apartment, I loved the fireplace. I didn’t know if I’d like an older place, but that fireplace in the living room changed my mind.”
I stopped walking and shook my head. “But you don’t like either of them?”
With a shy smile, she answered, “I know this sounds silly, but I want something bigger. Somewhere with more room.”
“You mean like a house?”
Her eyes opened wide, and she nodded excitedly. “Maybe I should be looking for a house. A place I can call my own with a yard and a front porch. I love that idea!”
“Well, tell your realtor. Where do you want to live? You’re going to have to move out of the city to get a yard. Welcome to suburbia.”
She smiled and said, “I don’t know if I’m ready for the suburbs, but I love this idea. A house of my own with my own yard where I can plant a garden and sit on the front porch in summer.”
“That’s definitely going to mean moving to the ’burbs,” I joked.
“You must think I’m like an old lady talking about gardening like that. I just think it would be nice to have a yard. I miss that from my parents’ house.”
“Let’s go to dinner and we can talk about it there,” I said, taking her hand as we walked to the subway.
I saw her look down at where our hands joined and then up at me. I hadn’t thought much of the action, but the expression on her face made me wonder if I’d moved too fast.
“Is it okay? I mean, holding hands? I don’t think we’ll see anyone we know.”
Diana frowned. “You don’t have to feel that way. If someone in my family sees us, then they see us. We’re not doing anything wrong holding hands and walking down the street.”
Leveling my gaze on her, I said, “I know, but we both know how Ethan would react if he saw us.”
She tilted her chin up defiantly and pursed her lips. “I’m a grown woman, Cole. I love my brother, but he doesn’t make my life decisions for me. If he sees us, I’ll make sure to wave and you should too.”
I chuckled, imagining a very different scenario of Ethan catching us together and chasing me down the street while he waved a blunt object and threatened to kill me for touching his sister. “I’m sure there will be waving. I just hope it isn’t a gun Ethan’s waving at me.”
My comment wasn’t meant to be funny, but she giggled and lifted our joined hands up into the air. “We’re not doing anything wrong. At least I don’t think so. Do you?”
In my life, I’d done a lot of wrong things. Too many to count and far too many I wanted to admit to. This didn’t feel wrong, though. In fact, it felt more right than anything I’d done with a woman in a long time. Too long.
I shook my head and smiled. “I don’t think this is wrong. Your brother would, though. He warned me to stay away from you more than once. The last time we were together way back when, I let it slip what I thought of you and he decked me. I don’t think this time would be any better.”
“Well, Ethan and the rest of my family are just going to have to get used to the new me. This Diana is moving out of the hotel. She’s also holding hands with you in broad daylight, and if that makes me a fallen woman, so be it.”
I rolled my eyes and laughed. “I’m pretty sure it takes a whole lot more than holding hands to qualify as a fallen woman.”
She blushed at my veiled reference to sex and looked away as we crossed the street. “Well, maybe I’ll be doing that too, so they better accept it.”
That sounded a lot like the Diana I knew all those years ago. Strong and determined. I didn’t know if she felt either of those things about being with me, but I liked the idea that she might.
Chapter Eleven
Diana
The delicious smell of buttery bread filled the air and made my mouth water, even though we’d already finished our meal. I’d never been to this restaurant, but Cole mentioned it as we made our way to the train and said he’d eaten here once or twice and enjoyed it. I had a feeling he’d had to scramble to find someplace for dinner after I had my anxiety attack and couldn’t get into his car without freaking out.
I’d almost expected him to make some excuse to get away from me as fast as he could when he saw the real me, but he surprised me. Not only didn’t he react as I thought he would, but he also helped me get through that little crisis. I had a feeling most men wouldn’t.
“What do you think of this place? I remembered the food being good, which still goes, wouldn’t you say? It’s pretty nice, even if it’s a little cramped in here,” he said looking around at the narrow room filled with tables.
My heart skipped a beat at the mere thought of the number of people that could sit at all those tables. As nice as Castile’s was, I didn’t think I could handle being in a room so small with so many others.
Cole didn’t need to know that, though.
“It’s cozy. I like it. There aren’t too many people here yet since it’s early for dinner, so it’s nice.”
He smiled and nodded. “It could get a little claustrophobic if every seat was fi
lled, couldn’t it? We’ll be out of here before the dinner rush comes in. Don’t worry.”
Cringing at how awkward I felt, I asked, “Is it that obvious?”
But he simply shrugged. “I’m not sure what you mean. I just know that if even half this place fills up before the server brings the check, I’m going to be grabbing you and running for the exits before the oxygen gets limited.”
“Thank you.”
He gave me another smile and immediately changed the subject. “So it’s looking like you’re going to have to take your new home search out of the city. Now that I think of it, you told me once you wanted just that—a house with lots of land for your horses. Remember that?”
My mind drifted back to one of the times when we sat in the woods on one of those warm spring nights. Even sitting there in the Upper East Side, I had a feeling if I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, I’d be able to smell the nature growing all around us then. Leaves and flowers and the dirt under our feet all mixed together to create that unique scent I’d always associate with Cole and the hours we spent together.
“I had such big plans back then, didn’t I?” I said as a feeling of loss filled me.
The future held such promise then. Now I didn’t see anything definite ahead of me. The blankness of fear made me wonder if any of my dreams would ever come true.
“Of all of us, you, me, my brothers, Ethan, and Tressa, I think you had the biggest plans. I mean, I always suspected Tressa wanted to take over the world and enslave men, assuming that didn’t get in the way of being Earth’s overlord,” he joked, making me laugh.
“My goals were a little more grounded. Be a successful lawyer, become a judge, and sit on the Supreme Court by the time I was fifty. Maybe fifty-five.”
I stopped talking as the weight of my unrealized dreams pressed down on me. How many times in the past eight years had I told myself I could still accomplish all of them? That none of them were truly out of reach? Yet every day that passed by, they moved a little further away from me until they were so far away by now that I could barely imagine myself accomplishing one of them, much less all of them.
“You still have time. Twenty-eight isn’t exactly old,” Cole said, tearing me out of my thoughts about all I hadn’t done in the last decade.
“I guess.”
“Do you still want to be a lawyer?” he asked.
No one had asked me that question since the accident. They’d all just assumed that dream had been shattered like the windshield of Ethan’s sports car that night. I’d thought that too.
Shaking my head, I sighed. “No. I don’t think so.”
My answer didn’t seem to surprise Cole. “I think you’re way too nice to be a lawyer anyway. You’re too sweet for ruining people’s lives. Now I can see you as a doctor. They do good things, and that fits you better. Doctor Diana Stone. It has a great ring to it, don’t you think?”
“A doctor?” I asked in amazement. “Really? I’d never thought of studying to be a doctor. After all the time I spent in the hospital, I swore I never wanted to be around one again in my life. But maybe. I’d have to think about it.”
“I think you should. You’re smart enough. You can afford medical school. Most of all, you’re just what a doctor should be—helpful and kind. Let me go pay the bill and let’s get out of here. I think I feel the oxygen level decreasing,” he said with a smile before he stood and walked away, leaving me to think about what he’d just said.
A doctor. Could I do that? I was just beginning to be comfortable with people, but I could finish my undergraduate degree online. Maybe by the time I would have to begin medical school I would be ready to be in a classroom with people again.
I wanted to believe I could be that person he thought I was. Someone who believed in herself like I did when we were younger.
Before everything happened to make me afraid of so much in life.
As I sat there, I closed my eyes, needing to shut out the growing noise from people at the tables around me talking about work and the subway and all the other everyday hassles they dealt with. I wanted to remember that person I was with Cole ten years ago, that girl who took deep breaths of air in the woods and smiled as she sat with the boy she loved. A girl who dreamed big and lived dangerously, or at least as dangerously as sneaking out with her brother’s best friend could be.
Clouds obscured the moon, making running across the back of the property as fast as I could a dangerous prospect. I did it anyway, willing to risk tripping over a broken tree limb that had fallen since two nights before when I ran this same path to get to the fence where I’d meet Cole. Wearing my favorite sneakers and white cotton socks that covered just to right below my ankles, I sprinted through the dewy grass that made the bottom of my legs damp by the time I’d only run halfway to where I needed to be.
I was late tonight, so he may have left already. God, I hoped not. I’d never forgive Tressa and my father for keeping me from seeing Cole if he wasn’t right outside the fence waiting.
Of course, just as I was about to leave to supposedly go to a classmate’s house to work on a group project that didn’t exist, those two decided it was time to discuss college for the eight hundredth time. I didn’t understand why either of them thought it was necessary. I’d already been accepted to Columbia, just as Tressa had been accepted to Penn. Why did we have to talk about it anymore? The deal was done. We’d gotten the brace ring.
But the two of them couldn’t talk enough about what classes we’d take and what we should be planning for in the final months of high school. All I wanted to think about was Cole, but instead I ended up sitting with them for nearly an hour discussing meal plans, study groups, and how New York was different than Philly, none of which I cared about as much as seeing the one person who made me smile.
I saw the dim outline of the fence in the distance but no Cole. Discouraged, I slowed down to a jog and hoped he was just wearing dark clothes tonight. When I finally reached where he always waited for me, he wasn’t there.
“Cole! Are you here?” I whispered as my eyes tried to see more than a few feet ahead of me in the pitch darkness.
I waited a moment for an answer but heard nothing, so again I called out for him, my voice almost pleading this time. “Cole, I’m here.”
Sadness filled me, so I leaned against the fence next to the opening and tried to see if he was nearby. Narrowing my eyes, I stared hard into the darkness, but it was no use. He wasn’t there.
He probably left because he thought I’d stood him up, I thought to myself. Maybe I could go to his grandmother’s house. She was probably asleep already, so I could sneak around back and try to get his attention by throwing pebbles at his window. He slept in a room with one of his brothers, but they wouldn’t be asleep yet. It was still early.
I’d never gone there without Cole. He didn’t like living there, so he tried to stay away as much as possible. I just needed to see him and explain that I didn’t not show up tonight. I would never do that. The time I got to spend with him meant too much to me.
So I pulled the fence apart wide enough for me to fit and carefully stepped through, watching so the metal wire didn’t catch on my hair or my clothes. When my upper body was on the other side, I turned to hold the fence open so it didn’t snag my leg. More than once, I’d come home after time with Cole and had to clean blood off my legs from the cuts those pieces of metal made when they scraped across my skin. Sometimes my mother would look at me strange when she saw them, but she only once asked what had happened and didn’t push for more details when I said I mistakenly ran through picker bushes on the way home from school.
On the other side of the fence, I once again searched for him, just in case I’d missed him before. “Cole, are you here?” I whispered as loudly as I could until my throat began to burn and my voice turned hoarse.
Disappointed, I tried to focus my vision on the area in front of me and took a step forward. Usually when I walked through these woods, Cole held my hand
and took the brunt of the tree branches and vines that blocked the path of worn grass that led to the town nearby. Alone, I had to feel my way so I didn’t run headlong into anything. I may have been able to explain some scratches on my shins, but I didn’t think I’d be able to hide cuts on my face and my parents would certainly ask where they came from.
I heard a cracking sound behind me and spun around in terror. “Who’s there?” I asked, barely able to get the words out.
“Who do you think it is?” he said in his smart ass tone he used whenever he thought someone asked a stupid question.
He stepped out of the shadows and came into focus, and I saw him smiling at me as the moon came from behind the clouds. “Cole! I thought you went home because I was late. My father and Tressa held me up. I’m sorry it took me so long to get here.”
“I thought you finally decided you didn’t want to see me anymore.”
Pulling me into his arms, he hugged me tightly to him. “I’m glad you didn’t, though.”
My face pressed against his chest, and I inhaled a deep breath of air to fill my lungs with his scent. Cole always smelled like a mixture of Ivory soap and whatever brand of laundry detergent his grandmother had bought at the store that week.
I tilted my head back and looked up at him as I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Where were you? I called your name. Didn’t you hear me?”
Above me, he chuckled, making his Adam’s apple bob up and down. “I was here the whole time.” He turned his head to look over at a group of trees a few yards away. “Over there.”
“Then why didn’t you answer when I called your name?”
Cole shrugged. “I wanted to see if you’d come looking for me.”
“Of course I would. I was planning on walking all the way to your grandmother’s house.”
He smiled and slid his hands down my back. “I found somewhere new for us to go while I was waiting for you. Come with me.”
I took his hand and followed him as we walked in silence for nearly five minutes. The woods weren’t that deep that we wouldn’t have run into the town, so I assumed we were walking along the fence to my house.