by K. M. Scott
I jumped to my feet as my adrenaline pumped through me from the shock of how easily that glass broke into a thousand shards and yelled, “Why won’t you listen to me? I’m not that girl you wish I was anymore! I’m a grown woman who can make her own decisions!”
Still stunned by my show of anger and then my outburst, Ethan struggled to answer me. “I am. I am listening, Diana.”
“No, you aren’t! You’re rambling on about how hard it’s going to be for me to move. Why can’t you say one single supportive thing about this?” I sobbed, the tears rolling down my cheeks again.
Instead of comforting me, he went to the one place that hurt the most. “What does your therapist think of your moving? Have you told him yet? I bet he doesn’t think it’s the right time now considering all that’s going on. Tressa’s wedding is coming up in a couple months, and then my wedding to Summer. Now’s practically the worst time for you to do this.”
I could barely see through the tears as I looked at my brother standing there saying those things. “Nowhere in all of that was any mention of me, Ethan. You found your happiness and you’re moving on with your life. Tressa found happiness and she’s moving on. What about me? Am I supposed to just stay here in this hotel room rotting away day after day while you all chase after your dreams? I have dreams, too, you know. I want to be happy, too. Why can’t you see that?”
His expression morphed into one full of hurt, like I’d said something callous to him instead of the other way around. He had nothing to say now. All he could do was hang his head and leave.
There was no comforting embrace like usual when I cried. No telling me everything would be okay. How could there be since he’d been the one to hurt me?
I waited for him to come back and make things better like he always did. We’d disagreed before, but never like this, so I couldn’t imagine he’d just let things stand as he left them when he walked out without even saying goodbye.
But he didn’t. For hours, I waited through bouts of crying, but nothing. Not even a call if he couldn’t find the time to come over again.
I’d never felt so alone in my life. Even when I lay on the side of that road unsure if I was still alive and begging Ethan to stay with me, I didn’t feel as abandoned as I did now. I wanted to call someone in the hope that talking would help me feel better, but my brother was the one I’d usually call when I felt low. I didn’t know where to turn now that I didn’t have him.
The truth of how much the people I needed the most thought I was an emotional invalid who should stay cooped up in this tiny hotel room broke my heart. If I didn’t have their support, how could I do this?
I went to bed hours later still devastated by what happened. I felt like someone had come into my life and ripped all the good out of it after dangling the promise that goodness offered. As I drifted off to sleep, I hoped Cole would call tomorrow.
For two days, I sat in my hotel room waiting for Cole. He never called. When I couldn’t take the hurt anymore, I did what I always did when I couldn’t see any chance of happiness again.
Holding my phone, I typed out my message as my hand shook from the fear that I wouldn’t get a response, but I didn’t know what else to do. I had nowhere else to turn. Like so many times before, the three words were all I could say.
I need you.
I didn’t know how long it took before I heard the knock on my door, but it felt like forever as I sat on my couch in my hotel room and waited. I hurried to the door to open it, and when I saw Ethan out in the hallway, the relief I’d so desperately needed in the last forty-eight hours finally came.
He didn’t say a word when he walked in, but when I turned to face him after closing the door, his arms were spread to welcome me into the embrace I needed so badly. I wanted to say so much, but I couldn’t find the words.
Instead, I stepped forward and closed my eyes as he wrapped his arms around me. Ethan held me tightly, like he feared if he didn’t I’d slip away. Maybe that’s why he reacted to the news of my moving like he did. I didn’t know. I just knew I needed him.
“I’m sorry, Diana. I should have never said those things.”
He had no idea how just hearing those words brought peace to my heart after two days of sadness. Sobbing, I said, “I need you to understand why I have to do this, Ethan, but I also need you to be there for me. I don’t know if I can do this without your support.”
“I understand. I do. I just worry. You’ve been through so much already.”
I lifted my head to look up at him and nodded. I waited until I stopped crying and dried my eyes. “I’m going to be okay. Look at how far I’ve come already. It only took me eight years, but I’m about to move out on my own.”
The sadness in Ethan’s eyes made me think he didn’t believe I could do it, but then he said, “This is all my fault. Everything is my fault. The accident. Making you feel bad. Ruining your life. I’m so sorry. I messed up your entire life.”
“It was an accident, but my life isn’t ruined, Ethan. It’s just been put on hold for a while. Now I want to start living it again, and I want you to be by my side when I do. I need my family to believe in me.”
He smiled in that way that always told me he wanted me to be happy. “We all believe in you, Diana. Out of the three of us kids, you’re the one who’s always been the smartest. You can do whatever you put your mind to. I guess I was just afraid of what might happen when you do it.”
“Maybe it won’t be something bad that happens. Maybe it will be something good. You never know. Whatever happens, I have to try to live my life, and that starts with moving from this room.”
Ethan took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I told Summer what happened the other day, and she said the same thing. She said I have to stop being so worried about you because you need to live your life the way you want. She said some other things too, like how I can be a jackass sometimes, but the gist of it all is I need to recognize you’re not someone I need to protect anymore.”
I stepped toward him and he hugged me close again. “I’ll always need you to look out for me. You’ve been looking out for me all my life. Daddy always says you watched over me from the minute I was born. You’re my best friend, Ethan. I might not need you to protect me anymore, but I need you to be there for me when I doubt myself.”
My brother squeezed his arms around me and pressed his cheek to the top of my head like he had since we were small. “I love you, Diana. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, but I promise I’ll support anything you decide to do.”
As I stood there in the safety of my brother’s arms, I smiled. My best friend had returned. I didn’t know what would happen, but at least I had Ethan standing by me.
Chapter Ten
Cole
Two days of waiting to call Diana had worn me out to the point that I had a feeling once I did make that damn call I’d probably crash and have to take a nap. A grown man nearly thirty years old having to take a nap was bad enough, but something about being nervous about calling a woman made me embarrassed for myself. I’d asked hundreds of women out in my life. Why was this one shaking me up so much?
I knew the answer. Because it was Ethan’s sister. If I played this bad, a hard right to my face was the least he’d do. Not that I wouldn’t deserve worse. I knew he’d have every reason to beat me within an inch of my life. Or worse. That’s why I didn’t want to screw this up.
So I’d waited a couple days like I’d read in some magazine at the doctor’s office a few years ago. A gentleman, which I generally didn’t consider myself to be, waited a few days so not to crowd their potential date.
I’d laughed at that nugget of advice back then, thinking that magazine must have been an issue from the Stone Ages. Who the hell waited when they wanted something? If I met a woman I wanted to get to know more (translation: wanted to fuck), I called her, we got together, and we did what nature intended.
But Diana Stone wasn’t just any woman, so when I though
t about calling her the day after we met for a drink, I stopped myself as the memory of that crazy, old-fashioned advice popped into my head. I’d give her a couple days and then casually call to say hi. I’d play it cool since I had a feeling coming on to her like I usually did with other women might scare her off.
So as I walked back and forth past my TV checking the time every few seconds, I tried to channel that cool version of me since this impatient guy pacing definitely wasn’t rocking the cool thing. I checked the time again. Almost noon. Not too early, but not too late. Fuck, what did that article say about how to approach the first call?
I shook my head to get rid of that ridiculous and antiquated advice. This was Diana. I could call her and everything would be fine. I just needed to take a deep breath and calm the fuck down.
Okay, in through the nose and out through the mouth. Good. Now call her and let’s get this going already. Enough fucking pacing, Cole. Time to call her.
A few seconds later, she appeared before me on my screen looking as beautiful as always. She gave me a big smile and a cute little wave I couldn’t help but find charming.
“Hi, Cole! I didn’t think I was ever going to hear from you again,” she said, surprising me.
“Why?”
“Because it’s been two days since we got together. I figured when you didn’t call the next day like you used to that you decided you didn’t want to see me again.”
Fucking women’s magazines. Ruining men since the beginning of fucking time.
“No, not at all,” I hurried to explain, hoping she’d understand. “I just didn’t want you to think I was smothering you. That’s all. Just something I read once and figured women liked.”
Not most women, of course. Just nice ones like her.
“Oh. I guess I was thinking you’d just act like you used to. We’re not in high school anymore. I need to remember that.”
Diana winced like her admission hurt and then looked down, as if she was embarrassed to face me. Not a full minute in and I’d already fucked things up. Not a good start.
“I was calling to see if you’d like to go out to dinner tonight.”
She didn’t move or say anything for a moment, and I held my breath wondering if my following that stupid advice had ruined everything. That’s what I got for taking life advice from an old magazine at a doctor’s office.
Then she lifted her head and smiled. Nodding, she said, “I’d like that. We could do it here, if you want.”
“I was thinking we could go out to a restaurant. Would that work?”
Diana’s eyes opened wide, and her smile grew bigger. “Oh, I’d like that. I just figured you wouldn’t want to risk running into my brother.”
I waved away that concern like it meant nothing to me. “It didn’t even occur to me.”
That was a lie. Of course, it had. Having Ethan find out that I was interested in Diana while we were on a date would be disastrous. Jesus, disastrous didn’t even come close to what a fucking nightmare it would be. That’s why I made reservations at a place I knew Ethan would never go to.
“Okay. Oh, I was wondering if I could ask you to help me with something.”
When she finished talking, she bit her lip nervously. I had no idea what she wanted my help with, but how bad could it be?
“Anything. I’m completely at your disposal.”
She hesitated for a moment and then blurted her request out in one hurried rush. “I was wondering if you’d be willing to go look at apartments with me.”
After the words had left her mouth, she stepped back away from the screen. Her body language screamed how nervous she was that I’d say no, so I quickly answered.
“Of course. I’d be happy to. But why aren’t you doing this with someone in your family?” I asked, too curious not to.
“Because I want an impartial opinion. My family loves me, but they have their own ideas about what I should do with my life. I think you’d be able to give me good advice.”
Not that many people in this world had ever thought that of me. I wasn’t who most people turned for good advice. I didn’t want to let her down, though, so as much as I’d always hated apartment hunting, I smiled and agreed to go.
“Do you have any showings lined up yet?” I asked. “We could go this afternoon, if you do.”
I sounded far more enthusiastic than I actually was. Well, that wasn’t true. I couldn’t wait to spend time with Diana again. If that meant I had to check out a few apartments, then that’s what I’d have to do.
“No. Can I call you right back?” she asked and the screen faded to black before I could answer.
I had no idea what just happened, but Diana had always been like that. When she got something into her head, she charged full steam ahead with it, eyes on the prize and her focus squarely on the goal. For all the ways she’d changed since high school, she was the same driven Diana I remembered.
While I waited, the question of whether or not Ethan knew about her moving out of the hotel popped into my head. He hadn’t mentioned it to me, but then he rarely said much about Diana when we talked. If he did know, I had a feeling he wouldn’t be too happy. As protective as he was, he likely wouldn’t be a fan of her moving to somewhere he couldn’t reach quickly like the hotel.
Diana’s face appeared before me on my monitor, and before I could ask if anything was wrong, she said nearly breathlessly, “Okay. I lined up three I’d been looking at starting at two this afternoon. If you’re still game, I’d love it if you’d come with me.”
“Wow. Three. You don’t sit on your hands when you decide to do something, do you?” I joked.
“I never did. So are you game?” she asked, her eyes practically pleading with me to say yes.
“Sure. It sounds fun. We’ll go to get something to eat afterward. Okay?”
Nodding, she began to move around her room getting ready for when I’d arrive. “That sounds perfect. How long until you get here?”
Caught up in her enthusiasm, I said, “How about an hour? Is that good?”
Diana stopped and smiled at me. “Great! See you then!”
I watched as the screen went dark again and felt strange at how excited I was to be spending an afternoon doing something I hated. At least I’d hated it when I was looking for my apartment. Her excitement about apartment hunting and wanting my opinion on a potential place made me want to go with her that afternoon.
Then it dawned on me. We’d never talked about where these showings were. I’d been so nervous about calling her that I hadn’t even considered that. No problem, though. My car would get us wherever she needed to go.
And then afterward, we’d drive to Staten Island and have dinner at that Italian place I’d stopped at one night a couple years ago. I’d been spending time with a girl from there and she suggested we go there for dinner. I didn’t remember her too fondly, but Alfredo’s still remained one of my favorite Italian restaurants whenever I got out there.
Not that I made my way to Staten Island that often. I picked that place for dinner because it’s out of the way. I also chose it because I didn’t think Ethan or her parents would ever see us there.
That sounded shitty even when I said it to myself, but what choice did I have? Ethan made it quite clear how he and his parents felt about Diana dating anyone, but especially me, years ago. I didn’t imagine anything had changed in that regard.
Better to keep things on the down low, and then if the relationship turned into anything serious, we would deal with her family. I rubbed my face as the phantom pain from Ethan laying me out that time made my jaw ache. That was a long time ago. We were adults now.
Yeah, I was an adult trying to get together with his sister with no job and soon to be not a lot of anything else. I didn’t think he’d be convinced by my claim that my wanting to get to know Diana again had nothing to do with the fact that I had lost nearly everything and things didn’t look too good for the near future but instead because seeing her with Summer that after
noon made me miss what the two of us had.
Right before he hit me the next time, he’d tell me in no uncertain terms just how much he thought that sounded like bullshit. It wasn’t, though. After losing the club, I spent weeks sitting around my apartment thinking I had nothing to even get out of bed for. Then Ethan told me he planned to ask Summer to marry him, and something inside my head clicked. I could pretend I was happy sleeping with woman after woman and never having anything to show for it other than some occasional good sex, or I could find someone to settle down with and maybe be happy like him.
I never set out to get back together with Diana. It just happened. I saw her that day walking with Summer, and before I knew it, I wanted to see her again.
That’s what I’d tell him. I’d leave out the afternoon of stalking and the elaborate plans I had to find out what room was hers at the Richmont. Better to save that for years from now when we could laugh about what kind of ass I could be.
Hopefully, he’d understand.
* * *
I pulled up to the Richmont Midtown and saw Diana standing outside in a yellow sundress with big blue and white flowers. Like she said she always did, she wore her long brown hair down, but today it looked different because she’d curled the ends. It made her look even sweeter than usual, if that was possible.
She waved when she saw me, but something in her smile looked wrong. I quickly scanned the area and checked my rearview mirror to see if someone from her family was around, but I saw no one. Relieved, I stepped out of the car and walked over to her.
“Your car is very nice, Cole,” she said with a smile I saw was forced now.
Looking back at it, I thought about how much longer I’d have the silver Maserati and that sense of loss I’d experienced when I lost the club rushed through me. I didn’t have time to mourn losing this too now. Some other time.
“Thanks. I love this car, but it’s nothing special,” I said as casually as I could. “Ready to go?”