Silent As A Stone: Heart of Stone Series #10

by K. M. Scott

  After a few minutes, I asked, “Why couldn’t we just sit where we usually go? My feet are all wet from running through the grass, so my sneakers are starting to hurt.”

  “Just a little bit farther,” he said and then turned back to look at me. “You trust me, Diana, don’t you?”

  “Yes,” I answered in a small voice, unsure why he’d ask that question at all.

  I trusted him enough to sneak out of my house and lie to my family and friends to be with him. I didn’t trust anyone in the world more.

  Squeezing his hand tightly, I held on as we walked up a small hill and Cole stopped at the top. He pulled me up to stand next to him, wrapping his arms around my body to lift me.

  “Up you go. What do you think?” he asked and extended his hand like the models on game shows when they introduced the prizes contestants can win.

  My gaze followed his hand, and I saw in the distance his grandmother’s house. Turning to look up at him, I asked, “Did you build up this little hill so you can see your house?”

  Cole laughed and shook his head like my question was a stupid one. “No. I just happened to find it. I figured if some night I couldn’t get out for any reason that you could come up to this spot and look to see if I left you a sign, like a candle or something. I could put it in the window.”

  A jolt of panic tore through me. “You never have a problem getting out. I’m the one who always has to dodge my family. Why would you not be able to come to see me?” I asked, trembling.

  Dozens of horrible thoughts rushed into my brain. Was he doing this so he could lie some night and be somewhere else with another girl? Was he planning on telling me he couldn’t get out one night when he was actually with someone else? Why would he do that?

  “Relax. I don’t think I’ll have a problem getting out since my grandmother barely knows when I’m there and when I’m not. I just thought it could be cool. Like in that story we read in English class last year. One if by land, two if by sea. Well, our signal could be one candle in my bedroom window to mean I can’t come that night, and two could mean I’ll be there soon.”

  As my heart returned to its normal rhythm, I tried to smile to make it seem like I enjoyed his idea even as doubt haunted me. “That sounds great. I guess if your cell phone doesn’t work some night, I can come to this spot and look for your signal.”

  “What’s wrong? I thought you’d like that. You love all that stuff they make us read in English. Why do you look like I said something wrong?” Cole asked in a voice full of hurt.

  “Do you want to stop meeting? If you do, you just have to say it. You don’t have to come up with stuff like signals if you want to spend time with some other girl,” I said, hardly believing I had the nerve to say those words.

  He didn’t answer for so long that I was sure I’d figured out his grand plan. He didn’t know how to break things off with me, so he thought coming up with something cute like this would put me off a few times while he made excuses and then eventually I’d get the hint and go away.

  Not that I was surprised. I knew the kind of girls Cole usually spent time with. I saw them around school. They were more advanced than me in nearly every way that counted to boys. Not intellectually, but that didn’t matter to him or any other boy in high school. Compared to those girls, I was like some backward little girl. That he’d want to be with one of them instead of me was something I’d expected for a while.

  It’s just that knowing all my fears were true felt worse than I ever thought it would.

  I turned away from him and hurried down the hill. I didn’t want him to see me cry. He didn’t need to think I was a pathetic little virgin who cried when someone told me they didn’t like me anymore.

  My chest felt like it would explode, and I couldn’t get a full breath in, but I made myself run as I heard him yell my name behind me. If only I could get to the fence before he caught up.

  “Diana! Wait!”

  His words ricocheted around me in the darkness, and then I felt myself tumbling to the ground. I hit hard, my leg bashing off a thick tree root, and the tears sprung from my eyes. I tried to will them away, but it was no use. Between the pain in my knee from falling and the pain everywhere else from knowing Cole didn’t want to see me anymore, I couldn’t stop myself. I sat on the damp ground hugging my hurt knee and sobbing like some little girl waiting for someone to kiss her boo-boo and make it all better.

  “Are you okay? Why did you run away like that?” Cole asked as he crouched down next to me.

  I couldn’t answer because I couldn’t stop crying. When I didn’t say anything, he wrapped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head.

  “I wasn’t saying anything back there, Diana. I don’t want anyone else. Why would you think that?”

  My words got lost in my sobs for a few seconds before I finally answered, “Because you don’t get what you want from me.”

  “Yes, I do. I get exactly what I want from you.”

  What did he mean by that?

  I wiped my tears and turned my head to see him smiling. “What do you get from me?”

  He pressed a kiss onto my forehead and whispered against my skin, “I get to be with you. That’s all I want from you.”

  Like before, what he said made dozens of questions pop up in my mind. Why didn’t he want from me what I knew he’d gotten from other girls? Was there something wrong with me? Why did he just want to sit around and talk with me?

  Too afraid to ask him, I sat there on the ground and said nothing as he held me in his arms.

  I felt someone tap me on the back of my hand as it sat on the table, and I looked up to see Cole standing there. “Sorry. I was lost in thought for a minute.”

  “We’re all settled up, so let’s go. It’s starting to get a little tight in here.”

  I looked around and saw all the tables had filled up in the time I’d been daydreaming. Instantly, the restaurant felt crowded, so I stood up quickly, needing to leave. Cole held out his hand, and I took hold of it and followed him out of the building just as I had done that night when he wanted to show me that little hill he’d found.

  Right before we reached the door to the street, he turned around and looked at me with worry in his eyes. “We’re almost there. Two sardines jumping from the can. Just hold on.”

  He turned back to focus on maneuvering us between the last few tables, so he didn’t see my smile at his lame joke. I didn’t think he felt any discomfort at how claustrophobic the restaurant had become, but that he knew I did and cared enough to be concerned about that made me feel protected, like always with Cole.

  Chapter Twelve

  Diana

  By the time we got back to the hotel, I’d decided to cancel the third apartment showing since I doubted that one would be much different from the two I’d already seen that afternoon. I wanted something bigger, so I needed to change my search focus before I traveled to see any other places.

  I sensed Cole’s discomfort as soon as we walked through the Richmont’s glass doors into the lobby. He seemed to move away from me, like we were merely two people walking into a hotel instead of two people who’d spent the day together. He didn’t say anything about it, but I felt a distance spring up between us.

  “Would you like to get a drink at the lounge?” I asked even as I walked in the direction of my room. I didn’t want to assume he intended on coming back there with me if he planned to leave.

  “I thought maybe we could hang out in your room, if that’s okay.”

  He swiveled his head left and right, looking for one of my family, I assumed. I giggled at how silly the whole thing was. “You don’t have to worry, Cole. I’m a big girl. If anyone in my family shows up, it will be fine.”

  “Sorry. I just don’t want there to be a big scene, and I have a feeling that’s exactly what would happen if Ethan saw us right now.”

  I didn’t feel like explaining why, but I didn’t think that would happen. Not after what my brother and I went through
earlier that week. Ethan understood I was a grown woman who had the right to live her life as she wanted, whether that meant moving wherever I chose or seeing who I wanted to see.

  “I’m not worried,” I said defiantly as I turned the corner and walked to my room.

  Cole didn’t answer me, and once we were inside, he sat down on the couch as I made a beeline to the refrigerator. “Are you thirsty? Maybe it’s because I rarely do so much walking, but I’m parched.”

  He smiled and shook his head. “No, I’m good, but feel free.”

  Something about the way he said that made me wonder if something was wrong. He sounded odd, like he wanted to say something else. I grabbed a water and sat down beside him before I took a sip of my drink.

  And then there was silence for what felt like forever. We just sat there staring at the black screen on my TV, like two strangers who didn’t have anything to say to one another.

  Finally, I put my bottle of water on the coffee table in front of me and turned to face Cole. He looked over at me and smiled, but clearly something was wrong.

  “Did I say something that bothered you? This feels weird.”

  He forced a smile and shook his head. “No. I thought maybe the way I acted out in the lobby might have offended you. I didn’t mean it like it came out. I just never forget that Ethan has made you off limits to the likes of me.”

  “The likes of you?” I repeated, hating the way that sounded. “What does that mean, the likes of you?”

  “You know. His friends. Guys. Men, in general,” he said with a chuckle. “Well, I can’t speak for the entire male population, but me. He never liked when I said anything about you.”

  “What did you say?”

  “I mean, when I referred to you as an eligible female,” Cole said awkwardly.

  “I’m not sure what that means, but I’m going to take it as a compliment and think that you said nice things.”

  That made him turn his body toward me. “Oh, I did. Always. But even when it wasn’t guy talk, he had a problem with it.”

  Shyly, I pointed out the obvious. “Well, he’s not here, so if you wanted to say something nice about me, I’d love to hear it.”

  Cole stared at me with a strange look in his eyes. “You know how guys are.”

  I inched over toward him and smiled. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t nice sometimes, right?”

  He didn’t respond, and I moved closer to him so our knees touched. My body came alive at the sensation of his body so near to mine. I wanted to feel more of him, so I leaned forward and closed my eyes before ever so lightly brushing my lips against his. They felt soft, like I remembered them, and all at once the past came rushing back to me.

  I waited for Cole to kiss me back, but his mouth turned hard as the seconds ticked by. Opening my eyes, I saw him looking at me in surprise before he pulled away.

  Instantly, all my defenses and fears raged against the hurt that pinched at me. I felt my eyes begin to fill with tears and turned away, not wanting him to see the effect of his rejection on me.

  “You should go, Cole.”

  My words came out in a painful whisper, nearly choked out of existence by the sob I stifled. I’d thought he liked me again, but whatever I’d convinced myself of this afternoon, I’d misread the signs. The realization that my first real attempt at connecting with a man in eight years had failed miserably was more painful than I’d imagined, and I’d done a pretty good job of worrying how much it would hurt if I let a man know I wanted him and he didn’t feel the same way.

  He didn’t say a thing, likely unable to find the right words to convey that I didn’t arouse him in that way. Maybe he didn’t want to offer me the “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse. I should have been thanking him for not recoiling in horror at my timid attempt at seduction. I closed my eyes and felt the couch cushion move as he stood to go, still unable to find a single word for me.

  God, I was pathetic. How could I have thought that a man like Cole Knight would ever want to be with a mess like me? All his concern about Ethan and how he’d react if he saw us together was all a lie. He just didn’t want to give me the idea that he wanted more, but I’d misunderstood.

  From behind me, I heard him twist the doorknob, and the sound went through me like a knife. Taking a deep breath, I willed myself not to cry until I heard the door close. I wanted to preserve some dignity, at least.

  “Diana,” he said in a low voice. But that was it. Just my name.

  “Just leave.”

  I waited for the sound of the door to open, but I heard nothing. Turning to see if he’d left and I hadn’t heard, I saw him standing there looking at me.

  Then he spoke and I didn’t know what to do.

  “I don’t want to go.”

  My heart slammed into my chest at his words as a mixture of happiness and anger coursed through me. I stood up and before I could stop myself, all the words I didn’t want to say poured out of me.

  “What do you want from me? You do the most bizarre things to find me. Then you don’t call for two days. When you do, you agree to go apartment hunting with me, but it was obvious the whole time that it’s not something you like to do. Now you say you don’t want to go. So what do you want?”

  I held my breath in anticipation as I waited for his answer. He remained silent for a long moment before he took a step back into the room and toward me.

  “What I want I shouldn’t want,” he said in a tone that sounded as tortured as mine had a minute before.

  But whatever he was fighting, I wanted to hear him say it.

  “Why?”

  He took another step toward me. “Because you’re my best friend’s sister. You’re supposed to be off-limits.”

  I wanted to scream at his mention of my brother as his excuse for anything. “Then leave, but stop using Ethan as your justification. Just stop.”

  Cole took a single step and then another and stopped, shaking his head. “I don’t want to leave. I want to kiss you. I want to feel what you made me feel again.”

  “What did I make you feel?” I asked, needing to hear his answer after all this time.

  “Happy. When my world felt like it was coming down around me, you gave me peace,” he said as he took another step closer to me and then stopped.

  “But now that you aren’t that scared boy anymore but a grown man who’s successful and can have any woman you want, you look at me and think I’m still that girl you left behind all those years ago.”

  Cole shook his head. “No. You’re wrong. I want that peace again. I need it. More than you can ever know.”

  “Then why did you react like that when I kissed you?”

  He took one last step and reached out to cup my face with his hand. “Because you’re too good for me. You’re sweet, and I’m jaded. You’re goodness, and I don’t deserve someone like you.”

  I closed my eyes and leaned into his palm. “Someone who lives in a hotel room and is scared of going out. Someone who’s afraid to go in your beautiful car. Someone messed up like me. You don’t have to lie, Cole. I know what I am.”

  “Diana, look at me.”

  Afraid to see the look of pity in his eyes, I shook my head. “Just go. Please.”

  My words came out on a sob I wished he didn’t hear. I just wanted him to put me out of my misery.

  “Open your eyes. Look at me, please.”

  I dreaded what I’d see, but I opened my eyes as he wanted. I didn’t see pity, though. I saw desire. For so long, I’d dreamed of seeing a man look at me like that.

  “You deserve so much better than me, but I promise as long as you want me to, I’ll be happy to take the train instead of drive and do what you need me to so you don’t have to be afraid.”

  My emotions threatened to spill out all over the place at hearing him say such beautiful things. Then he leaned forward and kissed me softly, taking my breath away. Fear and need blended together, making it impossible to push one away without pushing the other o
ut of my mind. I wanted to desire him, so for the first time in years, I didn’t try to overcome my fear of something.

  His hand gently moved from my face to caress my neck, sending waves of need washing through me. I wanted his touch on every part of me, and I had to fight the urge to voice my thoughts, something I’d been taught to do whenever I felt scared.

  Cole’s tongue slid over mine, teasing me with the promise of what else he could excite that way. I kissed him in return with everything I had—my fear, my need, my craving to be loved as a female after all this time alone.

  My fingers tugged at his shirt, pulling it over his head to reveal the same athletic body I remembered. Other than a dusting of dark hair that began on his chest and trailed down over his toned abs, he looked the same as he had back when he played shirts and skins with his friends on the football field.

  I needed to feel him, so I ran my fingertips over his soft skin. He quivered at my touch, and I smiled at his reaction.

  “Did I tickle you?” I asked, hoping not to ruin the mood with a mistake.

  He shook his head and smiled. The look in his eyes made me feel like he wanted to devour me, and as much as I didn’t know what to do with that, I wasn’t afraid.

  “I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to touch you,” I said softly, suddenly needing to fill the empty space with words.

  Cole licked his lips and kissed me. He whispered against my lips, “You can touch any part of me. I’m all yours.”

  Leaning forward, I pressed my lips to his neck and inhaled the delicious scent of his skin into my lungs. He didn’t smell like soap and detergent now, though. The grown man smelled masculine, and I moaned in response to how it made me feel. I slid my tongue over the area I’d kissed, needing to taste him, to take him into me.

  He responded by stuffing his hand into my hair and tightening his fist, pulling back the strands I always kept near my face to hide my scar. I shrank back and lifted my hand to the side of my face, shaking my head while I tried to hold back the tears that threatened to flow from my eyes. I’d been so lost in how he smelled and tasted that I forgot the reality of who I was.