Emily: Army Mail Order Bride

by Mercy Levy

  “I’m not hungry,” she whispered.

  “Well you need to eat anyway. If you are going to heal, you need food. Here, I’ll help you,” he said, though his tone said that was the last thing he wanted. He helped her to sit up and then sat next to her, placing the tray in her lap.

  Estelle just stared down at the food. She knew that she needed to eat but the sight of the meal made her stomach turn.

  “Do you want to die too, is that it?” Jared asked flatly.

  Estelle turned to look at him, slightly surprised by the boldness of the question. “Maybe I do,” she answered.

  “Well I’ve seen enough of that in my time and I’d rather not see any more,” he said. “I’ll feed you myself if I have to.”

  “Look Jared,” Estelle began. “I appreciate everything you and your father have done for me, but really, I just want to be left alone. Please,” she nearly begged.

  “Fine, I will leave you alone, but only if you promise to eat,” he said sternly.

  Estelle was about to argue but the look in his eyes told her it would be futile. When she realized that he wasn’t going to back down, she gave in and tried to pick up the spoon but she wasn’t accustomed to using her left hand and dropped it three times.

  “Here,” Jared said, his voice softening. He took the spoon from her hand and started to feed her himself. She flushed in embarrassment but took the help anyway. He had promised to leave her alone if she ate, so she ate...

  “Thank you,” she muttered after wiping her mouth with the small towel he had handed her. Jared simply nodded and picked up the tray to walk away.

  “What did you do with-” She couldn’t complete the sentence, her throat was suddenly dry. Jared turned to look at her but she kept her head bowed.

  “We weren’t sure if or when you would wake up and we couldn’t just leave her out in the elements. We laid her to rest,” he said.

  Estelle closed her eyes. She would never see her mother again. A fresh wave of pain came over her.

  “Estelle,” Jared began but she stopped him.

  “You did the right thing. Thank you.”

  After staring at her for a few moments, Jared did as he had promised and left her alone.

  Chapter Four

  Estelle was a constant source of amazement to Jared. In the three days since she’d woken, she had not done anything that most of the women Jared had been used to would have done. She did not cry, carry on, or mope about. And she had plenty of reason to. Estelle had stayed quiet, focused, and had done her best to try and heal. She was like nothing Jared had ever seen before.

  Jared had known all sorts of women. Rich ones, noble ones, and not so noble ones. Before he’d come out west he’d been engaged to a woman would have given the world to. In the end, however, she had burned his life to the ground. She’d lied, she’d left, and she’d tried to drag him through the mud to suit herself. After that, Jared had given up on love, on women in general. He never wanted to feel pain like that again. He’d been a decorated soldier in the Army and had worn those decorations proudly, but after her, even that had been stripped from him. He turned to those around him, those who supposedly knew him best, and they cast him aside as well. He had had nothing left.

  After the public humiliation he had faced in New York amongst those whom he had considered friends, Jared had decided to leave that city for good. He didn’t want to be among people who were only good to him when he had status and rank. So he came here to Lewisburg, a small town in West Virginia. His father, Dr. Nicholas Bradford, had joined him only a couple of weeks ago.

  His experiences had left him bitter and unwilling to trust. He’d been perfectly happy holed up in his makeshift studio with his art. He hadn’t even minded it when his father had come to live with him. Truth be told, he liked having at least one person from his past who would still talk to him. He looked down at Estelle now though and wondered if he might be wrong. Maybe all women weren’t the same.

  She was calm, controlled, and strong. The three qualities that had helped him survive in the battlefield. Three qualities that his former fiancé lacked.

  Estelle wasn’t able to use her hand due to the cast so Jared had to help her eat and perform some other tasks she wasn’t able to do for herself.

  “Is it just you and your father here?” she had asked him one day as he gave her the medicines Nick had prescribed.

  “Yes,” he said shortly.

  She gulped down the glass of water and handed it back to him.

  “How long will it be until I can walk?”

  He straightened her pillows and placed his palm on the back of her head tenderly. She leaned into his touch and then slowly laid back.

  “Why? Do you have somewhere to go?” Jared just couldn’t help the brusque tone. Estelle seemed unaffected by it.

  “As a matter of fact, I do,” she answered.

  He raised his brow but she didn’t meet his eyes, nor did she say anything else.

  “My father said it will probably be at least another week,” Jared told her.

  He was ready to leave when she whispered his name. He turned back. “Can you please take me to my mother’s grave in the morning?” she asked quietly.

  Her eyes were filled with torment. He wanted to refuse her, tell her to wait until she was capable of walking on her own two feet. His tongue refused to say those words, however, and he finally muttered “Alright.”

  He couldn’t resist the urge to be close to her, to help her, to try and alleviate some of her pain. He tried being short, almost to the point of rudeness somedays, but she seemed to see right through it. The tenderness he was beginning to feel toward Estelle was scaring him. He shook his head and left the room. He needed to get ahold of himself.

  The weather had broken and the clouds were dispersing. The sun was finally trying to peek out. Jared looked out and didn’t see a reason to keep Estelle from stepping out. He knew that part of her healing would be to see her mother’s grave. As much as he didn’t want to be anywhere near her if and when she finally broke down, he couldn’t deny her the right or the opportunity.

  “Is it okay for Estelle to step out for a bit? She wants to visit her mother’s grave,” he asked his father who was making coffee. Nick looked over his shoulder.

  “Will you be accompanying her?” Nick asked.

  “I will.”

  “Make sure she doesn’t put too much weight on her sprained ankle.”

  Jared walked into the room which they had turned into Estelle’s. Rosie was there, helping her try to stand. Since Estelle had come to stay with them, they had asked Rosie, their housemaid, to come in a few times a day to help Estelle with her more delicate needs. He leaped forward and caught Estelle’s elbow.

  “Thank you, Rosie. I’ll take it from here,” Jared said.

  Rosie left without saying a word.

  “She isn’t a big fan of yours,” Estelle said and Jared quirked his brow. “I don’t know many women who are. Are you ready to walk?” he asked her.

  She nodded her head. Her shoulders were stiff, showing that she was nervous.

  Jared wrapped an arm around her to support her and then they both walked out of the room. He whistled and Troy joined them.

  They had buried Isabella close but even that small distance was proving to be a challenge for Estelle.

  “Are you alright?” he asked her when she started to breathe heavily. “Do you want to sit?”

  She shook her head and kept walking.

  They reached the grave and Estelle limped out of his hold. Jared stepped back enough to give her some privacy. His eyes, however, were stilled on Estelle. He saw her staring at the grave and then her lips began to quiver. She was crying. Tears ran down her cheeks and her shoulders started to shake.

  Jared stood rooted to the spot. He wanted to reach out to her, to comfort her, to take her into his arms and hold her close. He hadn’t felt like that in so long that he wasn’t sure he remembered how to be compassionate. His emotions wa
rred within himself and finally, decency won out. He took a deep breath and a step toward her.

  He was still struggling with his own emotions when Estelle herself turned and ran into him. He caught her in his arms and buried his face in her hair as she sobbed into his chest. He could almost feel her pain it was so raw.

  They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity until Troy’s barking broke the spell. Estelle took a step back and brushed away her tears.

  “I want to go back to the house now please,” she said in a hoarse voice without looking at him. Jared held her hand and started to walk but Estelle couldn’t take more than two steps. She stumbled forward. If he hadn’t caught her in time, she would have cracked open her head.

  Without a second thought, Jared scooped her up in his arms and started to walk back to the house. Thankfully, she didn’t protest. He couldn’t ignore the feeling of sudden fulfillment inside him that Estelle’s closeness brought. He glanced down at her. She had her face hidden in the crook of his neck, fitting there perfectly. Jared and Estelle went back to the house in silence. Estelle relaxed in his arms and the feel of it sent a shock through Jared’s system. Something in this woman was threatening to break through the wall he’d built around himself after New York. Suddenly, he couldn’t wait to get away from her. He didn’t want to hurt her further by proving to her that he had nothing left to give.

  Chapter Five

  There was a knock on door and Estelle turned her head toward the sound, a smile coming to face as she saw Jared walking in. Her heartbeat raced and she felt butterflies in her stomach. Without even realizing it, Estelle had come to look forward to the time she spent with him.

  It was her third week here in the small town of Lewisburg and she felt like she belonged here. Nick had become like father figure to her, and Jared-well she couldn’t quite give her feelings about him words. Her feelings toward him were completely new to her.

  Estelle had begun anticipating Jared’s visits whenever her mind started to wander toward missing her mother. It was true that he was a complicated man, sometimes cool and aloof, and sometimes warm and incredibly gentle. It was this paradox that drew Estelle to him even more. Looking at him from the outside, he appeared standoffish and borderline rude. From the inside though, where Estelle counted herself lucky to be, he was someone completely different. He cared for her, he respected his father, and he took great care of his dog. A man who doted on a pet the way Jared doted on Troy couldn’t be all that bad. No, Estelle had gotten to see a side of Jared that he tried hard to hide from others.

  “My father thinks it would be a good idea for me to take you to shopping,” he said, taking a seat next to her. “I know you might not feel like celebrating this Christmas but the change of scenery will do you good. You must be going crazy cooped up in this house all the time,” Jared said.

  She wanted to tell him that his brief visits were worth being ‘cooped up in the house.’ She wanted to tell him that she was willing to wait all day in this room staring at the same four walls if it meant she would get some time with him.

  Ashamed at the directions of her thoughts, she blushed furiously.

  “It’s okay if you want to stay in. I’ll let my father know.” Jared was ready to leave when she jerked her head up.

  “No, I’ll go. It does sound nice,” she admitted.

  She was now walking on her own quite well and her wrist was nearly healed. Another week or two and the bones should be completely healed. The only thing that kept her from moving on was the pervading weakness that came with being bed ridden for the first few weeks.

  Jared told her to come out when she was ready to leave.

  Estelle wrapped her shawl tightly around herself as they stopped outside a small market in the town square. Jared extended his hand to help her out of the carriage. She blushed at the gesture and took his hand with a feeling of certain privilege.

  The weather was cold but all she was surrounded with was the warmth of Jared’s presence.

  They shopped for a while – rather she shopped for a while whereas Jared stood in the background. She was struggling between buying a pocket watch or leather wallet for Nick. She turned to ask Jared.

  “Which one do you think he’d like?” she said, holding up the two objects.

  Jared glanced at both the items. “Pick anything. He’ll appreciate your choice no matter what,” he said nonchalantly and Estelle couldn’t keep herself from chuckling.

  “What?” Jared asked and she sobered, shaking her head. He was such a man, appalled by shopping. She remembered her brother being impatient too, nagging her to wrap it quickly. The thought of her deceased brother dimmed whatever light she was feeling inside. She quietly opted for the pocket watch and let the shopkeeper wrap it in a gift box for her.

  “Do you want something else?” Jared’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts. She shook her head, clutching tightly to the bag in her hand. He gave a short nod before crossing the road to head toward their buggy. Estelle followed him and was only halfway across the road when a horse’s loud neigh frightened her and she jumped. A carriage was barreling toward her but she couldn’t make her feet move. She stood dumbly in the middle of the street reliving the accident that had changed her life.

  That’s when she heard a loud shout, “Estelle!”

  Strong arms clutched her and pulled her back sharply. She caught her breath and turned to bury her face in the strong chest.

  “Estelle, are you okay?” Jared’s breathless whisper touched her ears and she opened her eyes to see him looking straight at her. His blue eyes were full of relief as he held her close.

  A lone tear escaped down her cheek and she smiled up at him weakly.

  Jared brushed the wetness from her cheek and she leaned into his touch. “Are you hurt?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “No. Thanks to you,” she said.

  Jared stared down into her eyes for a few moments and Estelle could read his confusion in the depths of his gaze. In the span of those moments she saw fear, relief, attraction, and finally, nothing. Simply nothing. He pushed her to arm’s length and bent to retrieve the package she had dropped. Handing it to her, he turned on his heel and headed back toward the buggy. Estelle stood on the sidewalk more confused than ever. She was falling for this man and she had no idea what to do about it.

  Chapter Six

  The fire burned inside him, threatening to consume him. He could feel himself changing and he wasn’t sure if he liked it. The hard shell he’d taken on after New York had protected him, made him feel safe, made him feel next to nothing. He liked it that way. If he didn’t feel, he couldn’t hurt. Something about Estelle though was chipping away at that shell and letting in emotions he was not prepared to deal with. He needed her to heal and to leave so he could return to his lonely life the way it was.

  Whenever he felt confused or anxious, he needed to do something with his hands. Jared went outside and chopped log after log, refusing to give in to the ache and burn in his muscles until his father called out to him. He finally set the axe down and sat on one of the logs.

  “What is it?” he asked Nick who took a seat at some distance from him. The weather was dark again and he figured snow was on way. Jared had never minded the snow, in fact he preferred it on Christmas, but snow would prevent Estelle from leaving and he needed her gone.

  Nick sat quiet for a long time. It wasn’t until Jared probed him again that he spoke up. His father’s words took Jared by surprise and left him nearly speechless.

  “I want you to marry Estelle,” Nick said simply.

  Jared stared at Nick, waiting for him to say something else. When he didn’t, Jared responded.

  “What are you talking about?” He frowned deeply.

  “I said, I want you to marry Estelle,” he repeated.

  Jared scoffed. “You are kidding, right?”

  “No, I am not,” Nick said solemnly.

  Jared stood up.

  “Where did this idea com
e from? You can’t just walk up to me one day and profess that I should marry someone,” Jared argued.

  “I can because I am your father. You should try listening to me for a change,” Nick replied.

  “Well I am an adult and I can make my own decisions. I am not marrying Estelle,” Jared said, walking past his father toward the house.

  Nick caught his son’s arm and looked him in the eyes. “What are you so afraid of son?” he asked softly.

  Jared stared back but could not answer. His father was right, he was scared. He was scared to admit to and let himself feel what he felt for Estelle. He had barely survived what his former fiancé had done to him. He couldn’t’ live through something like that again.

  “You care for her, Jared. I have seen it in your eyes. She cares for you too. You would be good for each other,” Nick told him.

  Jared couldn’t find the right words to say so he said nothing and looked at the ground. Nick let go of him and sighed. “I know you are an adult, Jared. But it worries me that you are hurt by your past to allow yourself a future. I am afraid you won’t let something good happen to you even when it is standing at your doorstep, begging to happen. Estelle is most precious of them. She is a gem, Jared, and I think you know that.”

  “I know that,” Jared finally said. “But a gem should be given to someone who know how to value their worth,” he said quietly and then walked away. This time Nick didn’t stop him.

  Jared’s heart was beating furiously, betraying him at every turn. He wanted to do just as his father had said; to admit that he cared for Estelle and make her his. He just doubted that he had it left in him to do it. The only thing worse to him than being hurt would be hurting her. No, she deserved a man who was undamaged and who would treasure her the way she deserved to be.

  Troy greeted Jared at the door and he bent to pick him up.

  “Hey, boy. What are you doing here?” Jared patted his back and the beagle nuzzled his hand. Nick was sitting on the couch and didn’t look his way. Jared was fine with it. He didn’t want to continue the earlier conversation, certainly not in a place where Estelle might hear. He took Troy to the kitchen to feed him and when he crossed Estelle’s room, movement caught his eye. He froze in his tracks at the sight before him. Estelle was dressed and closing the lid of her mangled suitcase.