The Lost Child

by H. P. Mallory

  them had got hold of little Emma who was screaming her lungs out and grasping at the hand of her still sleeping mum.

  Like lightning, I shot back, grabbing the soldier by the throat and picking him up. He let go of Emma who clung to my leg for protection. I tossed the man aside just as Bryn, holding Rowan protectively in her arms, floored her own attacker. But as we had been defending ourselves, the soldiers, responding to Luce’s commands, had been closing in around us. There was nowhere left to go.

  I made a last ditch attempt to break through, hurling myself violently into the lines of soldiers. But there were just too many of them. Even as I fought, hands grabbed at my arms, my legs, my neck, dragging me down to the ground, pinning me there with sheer weight of numbers. With my face in the dirt, I could hear Bryn struggling, Emma screaming and Rowan crying. Straining every muscle , I tried to rise, roaring in anger, but they held me there, kneeling on my prone body. I tried to dematerialize—it was not easy in Faery, and was considerably harder when I was under attack like this, but I had no options left.

  “Oh no you don’t vampire,” I heard Luce laughing.

  As I had in the Fir Darrig’s dungeon, I found myself unable to dematerialize, as if some magical restraint had been placed upon me. I was helpless, and the realization that I was about to be made a prisoner of Luce made my impotent rage all the more furious.

  “Chain the vampire! Take no chances with it. Nail it to the ground if you have to.” Luce was issuing orders to his minions and I could hear them rushing about to do his bidding. One positive thing I could take out of this : if we could get to Luce, then his army would disintegrate. It was very clear there was no ‘loyalty’ here, all there was, was fear. The soldiers of the Underworld would have walked through fire for Jolie, because they loved her, would do anything for her and knew she would not ask them to do anything that she would not do herself. The soldiers of Luce would have walked through fire for him because they were terrified of what he might do to them if they did not.

  It was a small but important difference, and it meant all I needed was one opportunity. The question was; would I get it?

  “Tie up the woman and children.”

  Automatically I strained upwards against those words and I received the butt end of a spear against my head for my trouble, hard enough to make my vision blur.

  Luce’s minions took advantage of my dopiness and I felt a metal collar clamped around my neck. Chains led from the collar to a slab of granite to which my wrists were also clamped, keeping my body in a kneeling position. Surreptitiously, I tried lifting the

  slab, but there was no way. Luce knew me well enough not to take any chances. At our last encounter I had taken his arm off.

  Although the injury did not seem to be permanent.

  “What do you think, vampire?”

  Now I was secure, Luce felt bold enough to come close to me and I got my first proper look at him, and the first thing that struck me was that he had two arms.

  “Almost as a good new.” Luce went on, showing off his new arm.

  “It wasn’t easy but the magic is out there if you know where to look and who to ask. And how to ask of course. Magic practitioners, in my experience, can be so thoughtlessly ungenerous when it comes to sharing their gifts. Especially, I think, with someone like me. Something about power getting into the wrong hands and mine being about as wrong as hands get.

  Really a most unnecessary attitude to take, in my view.” He shrugged. “Of course the arm isn’t mine, technically. I had to get it from someone else—arms don’t grow on trees, you know. He made a fuss; you never heard anything like it. But I think it’s a pretty good match, don’t you?”

  I said nothing.

  “You’re probably wondering why I’m sharing all this with you, the man who took my arm in the first place. And the reason is that, firstly; I don’t want you to think the inconvenience you caused me is all forgotten. Or the pain. You hurt me, vampire, and I don’t forgive. Secondly; I really want you to understand what my helpful arm donor went through. And that is nothing to what I am going to do to you vampire. You may think the worst I can do to you is to torture the ones you love in front of you… and don’t worry,” he cast a glance over to Bryn, “I’ll be doing that too, but believe me, you will be begging me to torture them just so I stop hurting you.”

  I still said nothing.

  “Stoic,” Luce nodded. “How very predictable. And how very boring.”

  I looked past Luce to where Bryn was now being tied up. Our eyes met, and I saw the despair in hers. I wanted to communicate some message of hope to her, to tell her we would get out of this. But right now I did not see how that was ever going to happen.

  It seemed as if Luce had won.

  TWENTY- FOUR

  BRYN

  It too k a lot to keep Sinjin down, but Luce had got him. For my part, I was tied, the bonds tight enough to cut into my wrists, and there was no getting out of them. Desperately, I looked for Rowan and Emma. Rowan had been wrenched from my grasp when they overwhelmed us and I hadn’t seen her since. And the same with Emma. I was frantic with worry, but afraid to ask Luce where they were because I would just be giving him ammunition.

  Not that he needed ammunition; he held all the cards.

  Wha…? Where am I? Bryn?

  Jolie was waking up, reaching out with her mind as her body, tied up just as mine was, told her something was wrong.

  I’m sorry. It was all I could think to say.

  That’s not the thing you want to hear when you wake up. What’s going on? Where are we? Where is Emma?

  As briefly as I could, and apologizing profusely every other sentence, I explained to her what had happened, and unless you have ever drugged your own sister and walked her into a trap in which she is going to end up dead, then you have no idea how hard it was.

  And yet Jolie, being Jolie, took it well. Or as well as she could.

  After assuring me she didn’t blame me and now wasn’t the time to poke fingers, a thought occurred to me. Can you talk to Emma by thoughts? Is she a sensitive?

  Partly , replied Jolie. Because she’s Rand’s child as well, she isn’t a full sensitive. She’s passive sensitive; I can reach out to her and we can talk, but she can’t reach out to me.

  Can you contact her then?

  Yes.

  And Jolie’s voice died in my mind. She was quiet for another two minutes or so.

  I made contact with her and s he’s scared. But I’ve calmed her down a little and she’s happier now I can talk to her.

  Can you ask her if she can see Rowan?

  Haven’t you tried to contact her?

  I had been able to sense Rowan since she’d been in my womb. After I was tied up, the first thing I’d done was try to locate her with my mind. But what I’d found had scared me. Her mind had always been a little bright spot. It was a jumble, as baby’s

  brains are, and of course there were no words, just feelings, floating past and colliding into each other as Rowan reacted to her surroundings. But what I felt now was approaching chaos. It was as if this harrowing experience had broken her still-forming mind, and I wasn’t sure if she could recover from it. The bright spot of her mind had become a black hole, filled with the ruined architecture of Rowan’s childish brain; nothing but fear and sadness and hatred. When I tried to talk to her, to sooth her, she pulled back from me as if repulsed, retreating deeper into the ruins.

  It was difficult to admit it, even to Jolie, but I was afraid to reach out to her again. I feared I was just doing more harm than good.

  Emma is with Rowan, Jolie confirmed. She says to tell you she is looking after her just like you asked her too.

  I couldn’t help smiling; Emma was such a sweet child.

  But, Jolie went on, she says that Rowan won’t stop crying. She’s tried everything and she doesn’t know what else to do.

  My head dropped to my chest and I squeezed my eyes tight shut. To hear about Rowan’s distress was like fe
eling physical pain myself.

  Bryn, Jolie’s voice rang clear in my mind, you have to speak to her. You have to reach out to her. If you don’t do it now then who knows what it will take to bring her back from that dark place.

  Sometimes it is a pain having a sister who is right all the time

  —and I do mean all the time. This was not one of those times.

  This was one of the many times that I was so grateful to have a sister like Jolie, who was always there for me with support and advice. There was no wiser counsellor and I knew what I had to do.

  Rowan…

  I reached out into the void that had once been my daughter’s happy little mind. I had to believe that somewhere in these crazed catacombs, still existed the bright spark of Rowan. She was in here somewhere and if I didn’t find her then no one would.

  Rowan…

  I felt a wave of repulsion, pushing me back, the mental equivalent of a child screaming; something that makes you want to keep away and yet also beckons you to make things right. I pressed on and another wave hit me, harder than the first.

  This was clearly not the time to be thinking about it, but my daughter had an exceptionally powerful mind. She was definitely a

  sensitive and maybe more. When she learned to use that gift, when she learned to control it, then she was going to be more adept at this than even I was. I couldn’t help wondering what other skills she might discover with time as she grew.

  Assuming she was allowed to grow.

  The thought redoubled my resolve. Truthfully, I didn’t think Luce would harm my baby, or at least not physically. He’d seen what the Fir Darrig had seen; that Rowan was a powerful child and would grow into an extraordinary adult. I’d seen none of it, because to me she was my daughter, and nothing else mattered. I resolved now that such was how I would always see her.

  In the darkness of Rowan’s mind, I sought desperately for the light that I identified with my daughter, but could see no trace.

  Rowan…

  And then a thought occurred to me. Maybe I was going about this the wrong way. After all, this dark landscape in her head was very like her father, whose mind was always dark to me. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing; it was how he was, and there was as much love in the darkness as there was in the light.

  Rowan was both. Hadn’t Sinjin mentioned something along those lines? Something that he’d heard pass between the members of the Unseelie Court when they’d been talking about Rowan; a confluence of light and dark.

  I was searching for my daughter as if she was among the darkness.

  But what if she was the darkness.

  Rowan…

  This time the answer wasn’ t a wave repulsion, attempting to force me out, but a soft breath of acceptance. The darkness seemed to lift a little, as the childish mind sought ways to communicate without words. The emotions flooded over me as Rowan now recognized me in her head and welcomed me with desperate pleas for comfort. She wanted her Mommy to make everything all right, and I wished with every inch of my soul, that I was able to do that. She was all confusion; so scared, so upset, so frantic.

  I soothed her as best I could, singing to her in her mind, whispering comforting words that I couldn’t really believe myself. Gradually, the darkness lifted and I felt the two sides of my daughter’s nature in balance, the darkness and the light.

  No wonder Luce wanted her. I had to stop him from using her, from turning an innocent into his personal weapon. But how? Maybe if I showed her the difference between love and fear, then that would

  be enough to stay with her, even if I couldn’t be there to raise her myself.

  Rowan, the girl with you is Emma. You remember Emma, your cousin.

  Let her look after you.

  I retreated from Rowan’s mind, before Luce guessed what we were doing. I could n’t say if any of what I’d done had really helped my daughter, or if any of it would make a difference to the future Luce had planned for her, but I’d tried.

  Jolie smiled at me as I focused on her again. Emma says that Rowan has stopped crying.

  I could have cried with happiness. It was a little victory. But right now, every victory counted, and making my daughter stop crying was something.

  “Bryn.”

  There had been a time in my life when I had craved the approval of that voice more than anything in the world. I’d been one of those people who would do anything for Luce, one of his devotees.

  But there is no zealot like a convert, and once the truth had been revealed to me of what he was and what he was capable of, then my devotion had turned to hatred.

  By the same token; I’ d been his favorite and to lose me to the Underworld, cut hard at Luce, and he expressed his anger at me by lashing out. Since I’d left, he’d given me reason to hate him.

  I’d been recaptured and raped on his orders. It had been part of his breeding program, but it was also his vengeance against me.

  Now, looking into that cruel face, I mastered my fear and spat at him. Luce laughed, then backhanded me across the face. From the corner of my eye, I could see Sinjin straining at the chains that bound him, but not even anger could give him the strength he needed.

  I reached inside myself and tried to find The Flame, tried to ignite it so I could free myself and attack Luce. But it was like trying to ignite a burner that’s out of gas. Each time I tried to fire it up, nothing happened. Just an empty click-click-click.

  I couldn’t understand why, but figured Luce had something to do with it. He’d probably magicked something around me—a net of sorts—that was disallowing me the use of my powers.

  “You always did act without thinking,” sighed Luce. “I suppose that must be at least partly my fault,I trained you after all.

  Practically raised you. It is sad when a child turns against the parent but the parent knows they must bear some portion of the blame.”

  “You bear all the blame,” I growled. “By being an evil, twisted, murderous bastard.”

  The way he hit me was so casual. The easiest thing in the world.

  “If I am to blame, then it is because I did not teach you obedience well enough,” Luce went on. “You were my favorite so perhaps I spoiled you. But, as the saying going; spare the rod and spoil the child. A little more discipline might have made you more loya, more grateful for all I did for you and which you then threw back in my face.” He smiled. “I don’t hate you for it. I learned from it. And those I have trained since you have benefitted from what I’ve learned. There are no favorites any more. There is discipline.” I pulled back in disgust as he stroked my cheek with a rough hand. “I wish it was possible for us to go back and do it all again, knowing what I know now. I would love you just as much, my Bryn, and I would treat you all the more harshly because of it. And one day you would thank me for that harsh treatment because it made you the warrior you are.” He sighed. “But these are mere dreams. We cannot go back.

  There are no second chances. Although,” the grin that now crossed his face was pure evil, “in a sense I suppose I do have a second chance of sorts. What is her name? Rowan?”

  I lurched forward, the ropes that bound me cutting cruelly into my flesh as I tried to reach Luce, who stood laughing at my attempts. “If you lay one hand on my daughter…”

  “You’ll what?” He taunted me. “You should be grateful, Bryn.

  She’ll have all the advantages you never had. Like you, she will grow up as my favored child, knowing no parent but me, knowing no love but for me. Unlike you, she will not be spared the tough discipline of training. But she will love me more for every sharp bite of punishment she receives, because it will make her better, stronger, more deadly, and nothing else will matter to her.” He grabbed my face, forcing me to look into his red-rimmed eyes. “I want you to understand that more than anything; your daughter will know the only important thing in life is to fight and to kill in my name. That will be her only pleasure and her only purpose.”

  “Fuck you!” I blared at h
im.

  He chuckled and let me go. “You know, it’s almost worth keeping you alive. I’d like to see your heart break when your daughter looks at you with nothing but contempt, when she chooses me over you, loves me more than you, and fights against you by my side.”

  He gave a great sigh. “That would give me tremendous pleasure , but I fear it cannot be. Much as I hate to admit it, you are a strong one, always were. Not just physically, but mentally. If I were to allow you to live, I do not think you would leave Rowan and I in peace and I could not be sure you would not turn her against me. That’s a compliment, Bryn.”

  “She doesn’t need me,” I hoped I was right. “She’ll see you for what you are and turn on you as I did.”

  Luce shook his head. “No she won’t.” His eyes turned to Jolie.

  “This is a most unexpected bonus. I guessed Bryn and the vampire would leave with my dear lovely Rowan to save her from the fight, but I thought the queen would stay. And from the fact that she was sound asleep I would surmise she didn’t expect to be here either. Most fortuitous. This is turning into a really good day.”

  It was strange to see Jolie’s eyes so filled with hate. Since I’d known her, I’d seen her as a woman with malice toward none, the most fair-minded and kind person I knew. But the hatred she leveled at Luce could have seared paint.

  “I always thought you were the powerful one,” mused Luce, as he regarded Jolie. “I now wonder if I was wrong. Not that it matters. Rowan puts you both to shame. In a few years she will be powerful enough to break you both. Not that you’ll live to see it.” He narrowed his eyes at Jolie. “And I wonder about the abilities of little Emma.”

  Jolie’s fists tightened till her knuckles were white.

  “What should I do with her?” Luce tapped his chin in mock thought. “I could kill her with you. I could train her, though she will never be Rowan’s equal. Perhaps I could make her my wife.”

  “You scum!” Jolie lunged forward, the ropes holding her back.

  “Three perfectly good options,” Luce ignored Jolie. “I really can’t decide.” He turned his cruel gaze back on my sister. “I’ll tell you what; to prove that I am a generous and just captor, and a much nicer man than you give me credit for, I’ll let you decide. Death, training or marriage. Choose.”