Tailspin

by Karen D. Badger

  Cat took Billie's hand and pulled her toward the house. She called back over her shoulder to Skylar. "Dinner will be ready soon, Angel. I'll give a yell when its time."

  "Okay, Mama."

  "What's the hurry?" Billie asked as Cat pulled her along.

  "I'm anxious to see what's ailing Miss Grumpy."

  "Tara?" Cat called out when she entered the kitchen, followed closely by Billie.

  Before Billie could close even the door behind them, Tara was in the kitchen, looking like a Banshee on a rampage.

  "Why didn't you tell me?" Tara demanded sternly.

  Both mothers were taken aback. They looked at each other in confusion.

  "Tell you what?" Billie asked.

  "Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I'm so weak that I couldn't handle it?" she asked.

  Cat saw the wild look of fear and anger in Tara's eyes.

  "Tara, sweetheart. Come into the living room and sit. Tell us what's wrong," she suggested.

  Tara paced back and forth and ignored Cat's suggestion. "You two are really good at keeping secrets from me, aren't you? First, I find out about how Sky was born…and now this!" she shouted.

  "This? What is this?" Cat asked. She took Tara firmly by the shoulders. "Tara, you are talking in riddles. I don't understand what you're trying to tell us."

  Billie stepped forward and wrapped her arms around both Cat and Tara and held them tight until the tension abated. Finally she released them. "Okay. Sit," she commanded and led them both to chairs at the table. "Now talk. Tara, you first."

  Tara looked at her mother. "The crying…the haircut. It didn't make sense to me until this morning."

  "Okay, stop right there. You need to get to the point, Tara. Mama and I have no idea what is upsetting you," Billie said.

  "You got a phone call this morning," Tara said.

  Cat immediately reached across the table and grasped Billie's hand.

  "It was from someone called Jenny," Tara continued.

  "From the Breast Center?" Cat asked softly.

  "Yeah, from the Breast Center," Tara slammed her hand on the table. "Mama, look at me."

  Billie rose to her feet and leaned over the table toward her daughter. "Tara, you will not speak to your mother that way, do you hear me?" she asked sternly.

  Tara looked at Billie and narrowed her eyes. "Mom, I have a right to know."

  "She's right, Billie. Please sit down," Cat said. She reached once more for Billie's hand.

  Cat met Billie's gaze and looked for support before turning to speak to Tara. "Tara, honey, we didn't want to say anything until we knew for sure. There was no need to worry anyone. After all, it could turn out to be nothing."

  "But, Mama. I'm not just anyone. I'm your daughter!" Tara said, almost in a whisper. She struggled to mask tears she was trying desperately to hold back.

  For the same reason Cat insisted on telling her mother, she now realized she should not have kept this secret from her daughter. Tara was right. She didn't trust her enough to handle it, and by doing so, she was cheating Tara out of chance to show her strength and support. She was wrong.

  Cat nodded and raised her eyes to meet Tara's. "I'm sorry, Tara." She leaned forward in her chair and reached for Tara's hand. "I went to the doctor's for a regular checkup almost two weeks ago, and Dr. O'Brien found a lump in my right breast. They could also see it on a mammogram. On Monday, I had a needle biopsy. Mom went with me. That phone call you took this morning was supposed to be the results," she explained.

  Cat sat back in her chair and forced the lump down that was rising in her throat. She suddenly realized that their daughter was no longer a child. She covered her mouth with her hand to hide the sob that threatened to erupt from her throat.

  "Is it cancer, Mama?" Tara asked directly.

  "We don't know yet, sweetie. But if it is, we'll fight it together, okay?" Cat replied.

  "You can count of me. Both of you can," Tara said. She reached her free hand out to Billie, who immediately lost it and began to cry.

  CHAPTER 20

  "What do you mean by abnormal cells?" Billie asked.

  Cat called the Breast Center after the emotional confrontation with Tara, and was informed that her results had been sent to her doctor. She cursed her own profession for its sometimes cold-heartedness, and contacted Dr. O'Brien who made an immediate opening for her that very afternoon. After a quick call to beg a babysitting favor, Cat, Billie and Tara dropped Skylar off at Jen's and then headed to the medical center.

  "Does that mean cancer?" Tara interjected before Dr. O'Brien could answer Billie's question.

  "Well sweetie, there is a whole range of cell types between normal and cancerous. Just because cells are abnormal, it doesn't necessarily mean its cancer," the doc explained.

  "So what does it mean then?" Billie asked.

  Cat sat back and smiled. As long as she had these two with her, she didn't have to ask any questions.

  "Let me put it this way. If you started to grow healthy cells in the center of a Petri dish, they would stop growing as soon as they hit the sides of the dish. In other words, they would grow to fill the confines of the container they are in. Abnormal cells on the other hand, would start to pile on top of one another once they reached the sides of the dish. They aren't programmed to recognize their container, so they keep growing, and soon, they form a mass of tissue that may or may not turn into a tumor," Dr. O'Brien explained.

  "So a tumor means cancer?" Tara asked.

  "Only if the tumor has the ability to metastasize or spread from where it originally appeared to other locations in the body. Metastases occur when cells break away from the tumor, travel around the body through the blood and become trapped in the capillaries of other organs. From there, they infiltrate the organ and start to grow into a new tumor. That type of tumor is called malignant. If it doesn't do any of those things...and what I mean by that is…if it doesn't have the ability to spread, it is called a benign tumor. Do you understand?"

  "Yeah, I guess it makes sense. So what kind of tumor does Mama have?"

  "Well, we won't know that until we take it out and do a biopsy," the doc explained.

  "Are they gonna cut Mama's breast off?" Tara asked

  "No, Tara. That's a little dramatic for this stage of the game. That would only be recommended if she had malignant tumors that couldn't be cured through minor surgery, radiation or chemotherapy. No, what they will do to your mom is called an excisional biopsy which is done under general or local anesthesia when the lumps are small. In this case, the entire tumor and a margin of good tissue around the tumor are removed. The tissue is then frozen, sliced and examined for cancer cells. They won't be taking off her whole breast, just a small section inside it. This procedure is sometimes called a lumpectomy," Dr. O'Brien explained.

  "So when can we schedule that, Patty? And before you answer...the sooner the better. We've already been living in hell for almost two weeks," Cat interjected.

  Patty laughed. "I knew you were going to say that, Cat, so when you called this afternoon, I contacted the breast clinic and set up an appointment for tomorrow morning. I hope you don't mind," she said, smiling sheepishly.

  "Mind? I could kiss you right now!" Cat exclaimed.

  "Whoa, there, don't you dare! I don't think I could go one-on-one with the big guy over there," Patty said. She nodded in Billie's direction.

  "Actually, I could kiss you too," Billie added.

  "Oh. Please!" Tara said. "You guys are sick."

  ***

  Early the next morning, Cat, Billie and Jen found themselves in the family room of the breast clinic, nervously waiting for Cat's turn in the operating room. Karissa talked Tara into staying home with Skylar and promised to stay with her until her mom was out of surgery.

  Cat broke the silence. "I think Tara will be okay, regardless of the outcome."

  Billie nodded. "I guess we underestimated her strength. I guess we've been underestimating her a lot lately."
r />   "So has she said anything to you about being gay?" Jen asked.

  Cat shook her head. "She hasn't said anything to me. I'm not even sure she'd know at this stage if she was gay or not. Some of us don't realize it until we're adults."

  "You're right, Cat. I didn't know until I was an adult. But if Tara is gay—and I'm not saying she is—but if she is, all we can do is give her unconditional love and support," Billie added.

  Cat nodded and another awkward, nervous silence fell over the three women.

  "I am so glad I arranged for the rest of the week off," Billie commented.

  Cat suddenly perked up. "Oh, Billie, honey, I'm sorry. I've been so wrapped up in myself that I forgot to ask how Shannon and Julie's case went yesterday," she exclaimed apologetically.

  Billie raised her eyebrows. "Well, Jimmy worked miracles for me again, as usual. He found that Gary Crawford had an alias, and a whole other life, including a wealthy wife and two children. Apparently he wasn't happy with one wife—ah, make that two wives—so he started roaming again. Wife number two found out and threw his sorry ass out with nothing more than the clothes on his back. So, there he was, penniless and in the position to bargain for the custody of his daughter. What he didn't count on was that we would discover the second family." Billie chuckled. "You should have seen his face with I called his wife as a witness. It was priceless."

  "Wow! So why did he suddenly show up? Has he been keeping tabs on Kaleigh all these years?" Cat asked.

  "Are you kidding? He couldn't even get Kaleigh's name right during the trial. No, I think his parents knew where he was all along and alerted him when they heard Shannon was trying to adopt her."

  "It sounds like she's better off with your clients," Jen observed. "Imagine having a child and deserting it like that. Doesn't he realize what a gift children are?" Jen's voice cracking slightly as her own recent loss hung over the group.

  Cat took her friend's hand, squeezing it lightly.

  "Ms. Charland?" a voice said from the doorway. All three women looked up to see a scrubs-clad technician standing before them.

  "Yes?" Cat and Billie answered together. A deep crease formed across the brow of the technician.

  The technician scanned the papers attached to the clipboard in his hand. "Caitlain Charland?" he asked.

  "That would be me." Cat rose to her feet and reached for Billie's hand.

  Billie placed a protective arm around Cat.

  The technician looked at the women. "I'm afraid you'll have to stay here," he said to Billie. "She'll be in good hands. The whole procedure should only take an hour or so."

  Billie frowned and looked at Cat.

  Cat placed her head on Billie's chest, just above her heart. "It'll be okay, Billie."

  Billie wrapped her arms around Cat and placed her cheek on top of Cat's head. "I love you, kitten," she whispered.

  "Love you too."

  Cat stepped out of Billie's embrace and followed the technician out of the room.

  Billie turned to Jen just in time to see her wipe the moisture from the corners of her own eyes.

  "Jen patted the chair beside her. "Come, sit."

  Billie sat and reached for Jen's hand.

  "I can't lose her, Jen," Billie said softly. "I've tried to be strong, but if truth be told, I'm scared to death."

  "Me too," Jen confessed. "I've tossed and turned many a night thinking about how unfair it would be if she were taken from us prematurely. But I've decided that isn't going to happen," she declared.

  "How can you be so sure?" Billie asked. She desperately wanted some sort of guarantee.

  Jen looked Billie straight in the eye. "Because my child made the ultimate sacrifice so she could live—that's why," Jen reasoned. "There's a balance to life, Billie. Something dies so something else can live. My child is living through Cat. I have to believe that. Do you understand?"

  Billie felt a chill run through her body as Jen's meaning sunk in. "Yes, I do," she replied.

  ***

  "Hi, Caitlin, I'm Dr. David Bradbury. How are you feeling?" the surgeon asked.

  "I'm feeling wonderful, Doc. Cut away!" she replied. Euphoria settled in from the Valium that Cat had taken several minutes earlier. Cat distractedly thought about how her own patients felt while under the general anesthesia she usually administered during surgery. She suddenly appreciated, more than ever, what her work meant to her patients.

  "Okay. The first thing we need to do is to locate the tumor again using ultrasound so we can familiarize ourselves with its appearance and the structure of the tissue surrounding it. Then we're going to administer a local anesthetic by injecting a medicine that will cause a lack of sensation into a wide area around where we'll make the incision. This will allow us to perform the surgery without you feeling any pain. If at any time during the surgery, you feel any discomfort at all, let us know and we'll inject more local anesthetic into the area, okay?" he instructed.

  "So, you're not going to administer a sedative intravenous medication," Cat observed, "…which is good, because I'd like to stay awake for the procedure, if you'd please," she concluded.

  Dr. Bradbury raised his eyebrows. "You are correct. You will be awake during the procedure. So, are we ready?" he asked.

  "Go for it!" Cat giggled.

  Dr. Bradbury applied the ultrasound jelly to Cat's breast and passed the wand over it several times to locate the lump. "There it is," he said. He studied the images on the screen for the next several minutes. "Okay, I think we can begin." He wiped the jelly from her breast and sanitizing it thoroughly.

  "Caitlin, we're going to..." he began.

  "Cat," she stated.

  "What was that?" the surgeon asked.

  "Cat. My name is Cat," she replied, giggling again.

  He nodded his head and smiled broadly. "Okay, Cat. We are going to start by making an incision in the skin above the lump and then we'll actually cut away the tissue with a cauterizer to reduce the risk of bleeding. Don't be alarmed to see a little smoke rise from the incision," he warned.

  Cat laughed out loud. "Ha! Billie always said my breasts were smoking hot! Hee-hee! Wait 'till she hears this!"

  "Billie?" Dr. Bradbury remarked as he made his incision.

  "That's my wife," Cat replied. "Been together for nine... or maybe it's ten years now. She's a lawyer, you know. A real smart one too."

  Dr. Bradbury grinned. "Okay, Cat, the incision is made, now I'm going to switch from the scalpel to the cauterizer," he informed her.

  "So Doc, how much margin of normal tissue are you going to take around the tumor? You want to make sure to use a non-transected tumor margin as clear margin. I'd hate for you to have to re-excise the site at a later time. Oh, and if you don't mind, please use a periareolar incision," she commented. "For cosmetic reasons, of course," she added.

  "Okay, identify yourself," Dr. Bradbury teased. "You are obviously in the medical field."

  "Yep! Dr. Caitlain Charland, anesthesiologist extraordinaire!" she bragged.

  David Bradbury smiled. "Glad to meet you, Dr. Charland," he said as the first puff of smoke rose from Cat's breast.

  "I'm driving in my car...I turn on the radio," Cat began to sing. "You move a little closer. I just say no. You say you don't like it. I know you're a liar. When we kiss...Ooooo, FIRE!" Cat giggled as another puff of smoke rose.

  Now it was Dr. Bradbury's turn to laugh. "Do you serenade all your patients like that, Cat?" he asked.

  "Are you kidding? I can't carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it. Now Billie...she can sing!" Cat exclaimed.

  "All right, like you so eloquently reminded me, I am using a non-transected tumor margin. There it is," he said as he lifted a mass from Cat's breast that was about the size of a small brussel sprout.

  Cat looked at the slightly yellow, lumpy mass. "Hey, it looks like chicken fat!"

  "I never thought of it that way, but you're right!" David replied as he once again grabbed the ultrasound wand. "Now, let's make sure we
've caught the lump inside this thing before we close the incision." Dr. Bradbury ran the wand over the mass. "Ah, there it is. Good work!" he said to his team. "All right, Miss Cat, time to close." He placed several sutures inside the wound. "In addition to the 3.0 Vicryl sutures inside the incision, we'll close the skin with subcuticular 4.0 PDS sutures and reinforce it with steristrips. Sound okay to you?" he asked.

  "Poifect" Cat replied in her best 'Three Stooges' voice. "Couldn't have done better myself," she added.

  "There. We're finished. As you know, the internal sutures will dissolve with time. You'll need to see your regular doctor to have the external sutures removed in about ten days," Dr. Bradbury instructed. "Right now, we'll send this mass of 'chicken fat' to the lab for a frozen section analysis. Hopefully, we'll have results in a day or two," he explained. "Any questions?"

  Cat suddenly grew serious. "Yeah, can you tell me I'll be around to see my nine-year-old give me grandchildren?" she asked.

  David walked over to Cat and brushed back her bangs. "I wish I could, Cat, but we both know better. All we can do is hope for the best. My thoughts will be with you."

  Cat forced a grin to her face while fighting back the moisture that was filling her eyes. "Thanks, Doc," she replied and she watched him leave the room.

  ***

  "Here, let me fluff the pillow for you," Billie said. She rearranged the pillow beneath Cat's head for the hundredth time that afternoon.

  "Sweetie, I'm fine, really I am," Cat complained. "Look, you've been pampering me to death since we walked in the door this afternoon."

  "Cat, you just had surgery," Billie reasoned.

  "I had a minor procedure, Billie," Cat replied.

  Just then, the phone rang.

  Billie answered the phone, then handed it to Cat. "It's your dad."

  "Hi, Daddy," Cat said into the phone.

  "Hey, there kitten. How are you feeling?"

  "A little sore, but okay, except Billie is driving me crazy with her fidgeting," Cat replied.