Unprepared Daddy

by Bella Winters

  An electricity sizzles through the air which I use to spurn me on. I play louder, better, I sing harder and the crowd goes absolutely wild. They’re loving every single second. I can even see Tia dancing away out there which is saying something. I’ve never seen anyone so anxious as her as we made our way over to America. She barley spoke on the flight, she didn’t say much as we went to see the burned out remains of the building where my brother lost his life, and she’s been ashen all day long. Because of all of that it’s nice to see her let her hair down. I want her to enjoy herself and I’m glad that it’s because of me.

  I become overwhelmed with an excitement about what our life will be when we get back to New Zealand. Images fill my head of us fully immersing ourselves in one another’s lives, of us meeting friends and family, living together, getting married, maybe even starting a family… my eyes well up, I like the idea so damn much that I feel about ready to weep with joy. I might not have ever been the playboy that Stephen was but I haven’t really thought about settling down either, but I suppose that’s just because the right girl hasn’t come along. Now she has, now she’s here and I’m ready to give her all of me…

  Bang!

  The noise is so loud I don’t know what it is at first. It rings through my eardrums at an alarming rate, freezing me to the spot. I try to move my head from side to side so I can work out just what’s going on, but it’s almost as if I can only move in slow motion. For a weird moment it’s as if time has stopped completely and there’s nothing I can do to restart it.

  Then my guitar crashes to the ground with a thud, creating a massive racket and allowing the noise to whoosh back into my ears once more, almost knocking me to the ground.

  Is that screaming? I think desperately as I try to search the crowd. What’s going on? Everyone is rushing off in every direction as if they know something I don’t. My brain hasn’t quite processed what’s going on so nothing is making any sense right now, all I know is that something has happened. As the man up on the stage, I feel like it’s my obligation to put it right and to do that I need my guitar.

  I lean forward to pick it up which I instantly realize is a mistake. A searing pain tears through the left side of my body and when I glance down to see what’s wrong I see a redness that I know shouldn’t be there. A sticky, warm redness that’s oozing from my body at an alarming rate. I clutch the area where the blood seems to coming from which only makes it gush out more ferociously as if I’ve aggravated it or something.

  Have I been shot? I think desperately as I stagger back and forth. Now that I’ve seen the wound I can feel it harder and it’s making my brain dizzy. My stomach feels sick, I want to vomit everywhere but I’m in too much shock to do so. Where are the cops? Aren’t they supposed to stop this?

  Much as it might have seemed that way on the surface, I didn’t ever come to America with a death wish in mind. I didn’t step up onto this stage tonight thinking I was going to get shot. A part of me thinks that maybe Tia thought that, but it was never on the agenda. I didn’t expect this to happen. I didn’t actually want to die as I pretended to be my brother. I just wanted closure, it’s all I’ve ever wanted, and justice too. My brother doesn’t deserve to be an unsolved mystery, a murder that doesn’t put anyone behind bars, he was too good a person for that. That’s why I fought so hard to make all of this happen.

  Save me, Stephen, I think frantically in my pain addled mind. I don’t want to die. Our parents don’t deserve to lose two sons, Tia doesn’t deserve to lose two men, you know this as well as I do. Please save me.

  But nothing happens. Nothing good anyway. I blink my eyes frantically a few times trying to regain my vision but it just keeps getting worse. In fact now it’s blackening. The red hot pain is filling up my veins, consuming all of me, threatening to eat me alive and I can feel myself succumbing to it because I don’t know what else to do. My vision is pin holing, I can see less and less with every passing second and I’m also filled with the sickening sense that I’m falling. I’m tumbling, cascading backwards, I don’t know where I’m going to land but I know I can’t remain upwards anymore. The sheer agony is too much. I’m a strong person but I can’t keep fighting it, I just can’t.

  Tia, I’m so sorry, Tia, I think desperately as I fall backwards. I’m so sorry. I just wanted to make this right. I never wanted to die, I didn’t want to make you suffer this again. Maybe if I’d spent more time looking for a gun and less time focusing on putting on such an amazing show…

  ‘Maybe if’, ‘what if’, is that what my whole life comes down to? A whole load of unanswered questions? I should have lived better, I should have been fiercer, I should have done everything very different. But then again, I suppose I never thought that I’d be dying so young with all these regrets. The Jones twins, taken much too soon. That’s probably what they’ll say about us when, if, anyone speaks about us in the future.

  Then my head hits something hard, my back slams into the ground, and everything finally goes black.

  ***

  “Kian.” I hear something bursting through the crowd surrounding me, one person trying to infiltrate my brain. I want to answer it, I want to feel it, but I don’t know how to find it. Everything around me is too black. “Kian, it’s me, it’s Tia.”

  Tia. That is a name I want to hear. I try even harder to force my eyes open but they just won’t do it. It’s as if they’ve been stuck together with super glue, leaving me in a state. Keep talking to me, Tia. I want to hear from you.

  “Kian, I don’t know if you can hear me but I’m here. I’m holding your hand.” I wish I could feel that but I can’t. “Erm, I don’t know if you know but you’ve been shot. The cops have the guy so that’s good, but I’m not concerned about that right now. I guess I’ll sort that out later.” At least the cops have the guy. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with me but at least I know that the guy has been caught. I can almost feel a massive weight being pulled off my chest. “The ambulance is on the way, so someone will be here soon enough to take care of you. I just need you to hang on until then.”

  Of course I will, I think as if it’s absolutely obvious. For you, Tia, I will do anything.

  She continues to talk as if she thinks her voice is the only thing pinning me to the Earth. Maybe she is, maybe if it weren’t for her I’d fall the hell apart so I focus on her words and I drink them in as if they’re my nectar.

  “You did a really good show, you know before the whole shooting thing. I think your brother would have been proud of you. The erm, the crowd really loved you. I think you could be really successful if that’s what you want.” I hear an emotional crack in her voice. I wish it wasn’t there, I hate that she’s sad. “You just… you need to stay alive, alright? That’s all I can ask of you… oh thank God, the ambulance is here, Kian. The paramedics are here to help you. You’ll be okay soon enough. I promise, okay?”

  Her voice fades along with my consciousness, without Tia by my side it’s hard to keep going but I know I have to do it for her. She needs me, that’s all that matters to me.

  Chapter Twenty - Tia

  I want to go straight to the hospital, I want to be with Kian. I want to sit by his bedside and not move until I know that he’s okay but I can’t. The cops need me to make a statement and I really have to do it. Plus the paramedics have just told me that Kian needs emergency surgery as soon as he gets to hospital anyway so all I would be doing is pacing up and down the waiting room. I suppose it’s better that I spend that time doing something productive.

  A tear rolls down my cheek as I watch the ambulance pull away. When I heard that gun shot ringing out over the concert I felt sick to my stomach. I fell to the ground and screamed a bellowing sound that seemed to come right from the bottom of my stomach. All I could think about was losing Kian, and it killed me. It still kills me now that I could lose him. A stray bullet seemed to come from nowhere, no one saw it coming, and now it’s changed everything. Everything has fallen apart at the seams and
I don’t know how to stich myself back up.

  I can’t lose Kian. I can’t lose someone else, I don’t think I’ll survive it again.

  I reach a hand out forward, wishing I could hold onto him once more. I hated letting him go, if it had been to anyone other than a medical professional then I don’t think I could have done it. If those people weren’t saving his life then I don’t know what I would have done.

  Please take care of him, I think desperately with a thick ball of emotion lodged in my throat. Please keep him alive. I need him, I need that man. He is my everything. I honestly don’t know what I would do without him.

  “Miss?” A police office grabs onto my shoulder and spins me around. He looks at me apologetically but I can hear a firmness. “We really need to take you down to the station now. We’ve waited for the ambulance like you requested but I can’t put it off any longer.”

  “Okay,” I say while whipping the wetness from my cheeks with my arm. He hands me a tissue and I take it willingly. I need this small bit of comfort right now. “Thank you.”

  He leads me through the crowd and takes me to his car, pulling me away from the scene of the crowd. Despite the fact that I know we have the guy and the plan has worked, I still feel helpless as I move. I haven’t had control over my life for a very long time, and now I really don’t have it. It’s gone, possibly forever more. Everything is a mess.

  My mother will probably hear about this, I think sadly with a shake of my head. And my father too. They will come looking for me now and my New Zealand dream will be over forever more. I’ll be forced back into the shitty life I desperately tried to escape.

  I slide into the back of the police car, feeling a little like a criminal, and I stare out the window to watch the city going by. I can’t really think about any of it, I’m not looking at all. I’m lost in my mind’s eye thinking only about Kian and all the blood all over his body. I don’t know how much blood loss kills people but I hope it’s much more than that.

  “I’m sorry I don’t have more to give you now,” the officer comments as if he thinks I need some idly chat right now. Can he not see the inner turmoil I’m suffering? “But they’ll be able to answer any questions you have once we’re down at the station.”

  “Right,” I whisper back, nodding as if I’m actually paying attention. “Thank you.”

  I twist my head back towards the window, tuning out his words. He’s still talking to me, I can hear him but I don’t know what he’s saying anymore. Maybe I’m being rude but I really don’t care. If any situation cries out for social niceties to be ignored then this is it. My boyfriend got shot up on stage while imitating his twin brother is already dead. If that isn’t the craziness, most ridiculous story that I’ve ever heard then I don’t know what is. It’s crazy, and it’s my life.

  What a fucking mess.

  The tears start rolling again and this time I don’t bother to brush them away. I want to feel all of this emotion because it might be my one and only chance to do so. Once this car ride is over it’s time for me to be stronger than I’ve ever been before.

  ***

  The polystyrene cup of lukewarm coffee feels alien in my hands, as do the surroundings that I’m sitting in. Despite my family history I’ve never actually been on the inside of a police station before and it’s weird. The white walls, the mahogany desk, the big window that’s obviously a two way mirror… it’s set up to intimidate me and I really feel that way.

  Maybe I shouldn’t have come here, maybe I should have refused and gone to the hospital instead. Who knows what’s going on with Kian now…

  I push my chair back ready to stand and get the hell out but before I manage to get my butt off the course plastic underneath me the door swings open and a very fierce, official looking man enters the room. He has the sort of commanding presence that makes me zip my lips shut before I can even open them.

  “Now, Tia, I have come to speak with you,” he says in a grave tone as he takes the chair opposite me. He places his elbows on the desk and twists his hands together, making me even more anxious. He wrinkles up his forehead which unnerves me and makes me squirm where I sit. “I know you have already given your statement and I’m sure that you’re keen to go, but before you do I just want to tell you what we have discovered. This is an… unusual situation, unprecedented, so I’m just going to go with it.”

  “R… right,” I stammer. “Okay sure.”

  My heart thumps in my mouth, I can feel it pounding underneath my tongue. Ice cold nerves swerve in and out of my veins, leaving me all messy inside. I don’t know what the man’s going to say next but I have a feeling that it isn’t going to be good.

  Of course it isn’t, it’s about the man who shot Kian, the man who killed Stephen.

  “We have the name of the shooter, which I’m sure you’re very interested in.” I nod slowly. “And also I just wanted to let you know that you and Kian were both right about one thing. All of this is connected to something much bigger. There’s a crime organization involved and now thanks to what you’ve given us, we can shut it down.”

  “Okay.” I can barely speak now, this is all too much. Is this really happening? Did me and Kian reveal a mafia like criminal organization? How the hell am I supposed to feel about that? Good? Nervous? Happy? I don’t know, I don’t really feel anything. Nothing but an endless numbness that seems to go on forever. “Tell me.”

  “The name of the shooter is Adrian Walker.”

  His words send a tsunami flowing through my brain. I actually feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach, that someone has winded me. I part my lips a couple of times trying to speak but no words come out. I think I’m afraid to actually speak in case I’m sick.

  Adrian Walker shot Kian… he probably killed Stephen too. My father’s business partner, the man I heard him talking about murder with.

  Were they plotting to kill Stephen then? Is that what I heard? It was after the cruise, when I just got home and they were discussing someone who had seen something. A witness that needed to be taken care of. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to turn back time so I could do something about it sooner.

  Maybe I could have somehow saved Stephen’s life. Maybe this is all my fault.

  “I can tell by your reaction that this is a name you know.”

  “It is,” I rasp. There’s no point in denying that much. “He works with my father.”

  “Yes,” he drawls slowly. “I thought as much. So I guess it isn’t much of a surprise if I tell you that your father, Billy Daniels, is the man in charge of the operation that we now need to bring down. Does this sound like something you might know about?”

  “Yes,” I rasp. “I mean no.” I shake my head violently. “I don’t know anything about it. I mean, I guess I always suspected but I didn’t know for sure.”

  Maybe I could mention the conversation now, but I won’t. Telling the cops won’t bring Stephen back and they also don’t need it as evidence since they seem to have absolutely everything that they need already. Telling them would only implicate me and that’s the last thing I need.

  “Okay, well unfortunately Adrian Walker has told us everything and he’s given us evidence so we have officers out now arresting you father.” I nod acceptingly, knowing that it’s absolutely necessary. “So I suppose we don’t need anything else from you. I just wanted you to know.”

  “Does that mean I can go to the hospital now?” I ask while pushing myself into a standing position. “I need to check on Kian, to see how he is.”

  “You can,” he says while standing too. “But only if you think you’re up for it. If there’s someone that you need to talk to…”

  “No, there isn’t anyone.”

  I need to get out of here, that’s all I care about right now. I need to speak to Kian… and I also maybe need to speak to my mom too. I might be okay with all of this but she won’t be. It’ll kill her to know that Dad’s going to jail. She’ll be falling apart. She needs to know that I
did it, not that I knew it was going to be him, and she needs to hear it from me. It will be the hardest phone conversation of my entire life, but I have to do it. I don’t owe the woman much but I do owe her that.

  “Okay well I guess…”

  I don’t wait for him to finish his sentence, I just go. I push out the door and stalk towards the front door with my feet on the ground. I don’t want anyone to make conversation with me, not now when I’m so near to my escape. The end goal is in mind, Kian is at the forefront of my brain, and that’s really all I need.

  Once the cool air brushes my cheeks I pull my cell phone out my pocket and I hail down a cab with my spare hand. I don’t really want to give Mom this information over the phone, it definitely feels like more of a face to face conversation, but I don’t have time. The day she basically told me that she didn’t care what Dad did as long as he brought in money she lost the right to be my priority. Right now and forever more Kian will be my priority.