18% Gray

by Anne Tenino

  Matt’s muscles relaxed all at once, like he was coming down from a seizure. “Jesus Henry Christ,” he whispered to himself. James slipped an arm around Matt’s waist and kissed the back of his neck.

  “I think they’re just searching all the drainages near the old highway. Johnson said it was one of the routes they were focusing on. Coincidence.” They were close enough to 71 from here they could practically see it.

  Matt was suddenly so relaxed—so drained—he thought he might be able to fall asleep right here, even with the sharp rock digging into his thigh. He could feel James relaxing behind him. Miz was snorting a little, kicking out her legs and hauling herself up, pulling the digi-camo along with her until Matt reached out a hand and grabbed it. James didn’t have a free hand; he was too busy stroking a thumb between Matt’s pecs.

  Miz stood, finally free of the digi-camo, snorted once indignantly, and wandered off. Matt could feel James’s lips on the back of his neck, curving into a smile. “Now she’s mad at us for making her lie under the digi-camo.”

  Matt laughed silently, but didn’t say anything. He snuggled further into James. James tightened his grip.

  Would it be so bad if no one but Miz was on watch? They could lie here under the digi-camo and drowse. They’d be safe with all the sensors they had. And Matt’s leg. He wondered what James was thinking.

  Judging by James’s even breathing, he wasn’t thinking much. If he wasn’t asleep, he was nearly there. Matt took a second to dig the rock out from under him, let his eyelids drop, and settled in a little.

  That’s when Beni woke up, of course.

  “Oh! What are we under this blanket for?” Matt gave an exasperated sigh. James woke up, lying still but alert. Neither one of them said anything, waiting to see what Beni would do.

  She snuggled back into Matt.

  He leapt up, the digi-camo slithering off him. “Don’t you put your ass in my groin ever again, you nymphomaniacal little nun!”

  Beni pushed herself up on her hands and looked back over her shoulder at him. She studied his face. Then the lip started pouting. “Dammit! You aren’t any fun.” She flopped back down, then rolled over on her back and looked at James inquiringly.

  “Don’t look at me,” he said. “I’m no fun, either.” He rolled over and wrapped himself in the digi-camo.

  Matt guessed it was his watch.

  IT WAS dawn after their second night, and they were looking down at the Brownlee Ranger Station. It was crawling with militia. Matt scratched his head, where some of the brush James had decorated—his word had been “camouflaged”—it with was poking at him.

  “This shit itches.” Was he whining? It didn’t sound that whiny to him. But judging by the look James shot him, he was whining.

  “That shit is keeping your head from looking like a head.”

  Matt just sighed. “Fuck, I hope we can trust Beni by herself back at the camp.”

  James snorted in agreement. They’d installed Beni under an overhang beside a mostly dry creek bed and climbed up the bank. Then James had decorated him, and they’d half crouched, half belly-crawled their way to this overlook.

  “Miz is watching her,” James pointed out.

  It was Matt’s turn to snort. Jesus, the only one of their party who didn’t snort was Beni. Matt was giving her another twenty-four hours before she started. She certainly had glaring and pouting down pat. At least Beni wouldn’t spray out horse boogers when she snorted.

  Hopefully, in twenty-four hours, Beni would be someone else’s problem. Like some poor, straight SOUF trooper.

  “Yeah, Miz looked thrilled about that. She must have learned about pouting from watching Beni.” James had to stifle a laugh. Their conversation was subvocal, but the laugh would have stood out like an undecorated head.

  In order to speak so softly, they had to be really, really close, of course. Matt hooked his ankle over James’s leg. James shot him an unreadable look. What was that?

  James had been acting a little weird. After waking up yesterday, he’d been a little bit distant. It might just be the stress of the trip. It was probably hard on James to be in charge of the little group. He was responsible for the welfare of his lover, a nun, and a talking horse. That couldn’t be easy.

  Matt was willing to admit James was the better soldier of the two of them, and far better trained in wilderness survival skills. He was content to let him run the show. It made Matt feel secure. (And he really, really wasn’t thinking about all the implications of that.)

  His neurotic self was telling him James was losing interest in him, because he was too clingy. Matt ignored that voice. But he unhooked his ankle from James’s leg.

  “We can probably head back. It looks like pretty normal activity down there. I think it hasn’t occurred to anyone that we might go overland. They seem to be focusing teams on the highways and trails.”

  James didn’t sound completely confident in that, and Matt was dubious too. But they slid backward off the rise they’d been on and crawled until they could walk back to camp.

  When they got there Beni was half-naked, brushing her long (and very attractive, even Matt could see that) hair and humming some song. Matt cocked his head, looking at her, opening his mind to James. He caught James’s surprised jerk out of the corner of his eye.

  If Matt were straight, would this picture of innocent seduction work, or would he have seen through it then, too? And if he’d seen through it, would he still take advantage of it? Probably. Guys were guys were guys.

  He tried to picture James setting up some similar seduction, but it was just too ridiculous. He started laughing out loud. James did too.

  “You were broadcasting that picture,” James said through his laughter. Matt was looking at him, so he didn’t actually see the brush coming toward them, but he watched it bounce off James’s head.

  James stopped laughing abruptly, and turned to Beni. He had the stony look, but Matt could see the fire in his eyes.

  “This is gonna be fugly,” he whispered to himself.

  It wasn’t, really. James just calmly picked up the brush and walked toward Beni. She looked terrified, biting her fingernails and watching James advance on her. He stopped, looked down at her a moment, then held out the brush. Hesitantly, Beni reached for it.

  But when she tried to take it, he didn’t let go. “What is your problem?” James asked.

  Her eyes began to fill, and her lips trembled. Then she scrunched up her face in possibly one of the most unattractive looks on any woman, ever, and she wailed, “Neither of you wants to f-f-fuck me!” For a nun, she’d taken to the F word like a fish to water.

  James let go of the brush and planted his hands on his hips, staring down at Beni while she sobbed. Matt thought they had to be real tears. She had snot streaming down her red face, with an awful scrunchy look on it. Definitely not the demure crying she’d probably practiced in front of the mirror. He was pretty familiar with that.

  When she’d calmed down a little, James said in his I’m-trying-to-be-patient-with-you voice, “We’re gay, Beni. We like to fuck men. Men with penises and body hair.”

  “I have body hair,” she sobbed.

  “Well, your lack of a penis is a deal-breaker, honey.” James was starting to sound amused.

  Beni sobbed more, but once she’d finally calmed down a little, she tried again. “Wouldn’t you like to know what it’s like to sleep with a woman? Just once?” She included Matt in her question.

  “I’ve been with women, Beni. I prefer men.”

  Matt decided not to mention his own complete lack of experience with women. It would just muddy the issue. He moved forward to stand beside James and looked down at Beni.

  “Listen, Beni, you’re a virgin, right?” James asked her in a kindly, brotherly tone.

  “Y-yes.” She nodded.

  “Wouldn’t you like your first time to be special? With someone you love, who loves you?”

  She looked at him blankly. “No.” She was w
ell and truly bewildered.

  They were at an impasse. Matt could feel James drawing a deep breath, like he was about to start on a new tack. This could go on all day.

  “Beni,” Matt spoke up, “tomorrow night we’re going to swim across the river, and then we’ll be in Oregon. There’ll be at least six Special Forces troops on the other side, waiting for us. I’m willing to bet at least three of them are men, and statistically they can’t all be gay.” As long as they aren’t related to me. “One of them will probably be happy to relieve you of your virginity. Or whatever.”

  She looked at him suspiciously. She had tears and other gunk dripping off her chin, but she’d stopped crying. “Are you sure there will be men there? Straight men.” She swiped her face with her forearm.

  “I swear.”

  She gave a harrumphing sigh and crossed her arms. Apparently more diplomatic action was necessary. “It’s not that James and I don’t appreciate your offers, of course. We’re just, you know, we’re gay.” She eyed him a bit.

  “And you’re together, right? Like, exclusively?”

  “Ummm, yeah.” It was the best answer for the situation. He hoped like hell James was all right with that. But he would be, right? After all the things he’d said the other night? He’d said he needed him. He’d said Matt owned him. He’d be all right with that.

  “Well, I guess…,” Beni finally conceded, a little reluctantly. She took the brush and started looking for the shirt she’d removed before they got back. Hopefully to put it back on.

  Matt turned to look at James.

  James didn’t look okay with what he’d said. His face had that stony, unreadable mask on it. But his dark golden eyes looked really, really sad. He walked off before Matt could say anything.

  Shit.

  Chapter 21

  THE ranger station had been crawling with militia who’d been so focused on the highway that it was easy to slip around the back of the station with no one noticing. They’d had to put Beni on Miz (neither one of them liked that) and send her on a bigger loop out of sight of the station, while James and Matt stayed close enough to keep an eye on activities there. They rendezvoused within a couple klicks of what was left of Brownlee Reservoir.

  They were well-hidden, just above the road overlooking the reservoir. Maybe 150 meters from the old dam. James was lookout, while Matt dealt with Beni. Strangely, since the scene this morning, Matt had seemed more patient with her, and James was less.

  Matt left Beni in camp, with strict orders to lay low and keep quiet. Miz stood guard over her without his having to say a thing. “You starting to enjoy your power, girl?” He patted the mare affectionately on the nose. She nickered and bobbed her head. Or maybe that was a snicker.

  Beni managed not to sulk. Her attitude had hugely improved with the promise of straight, horny men on the horizon.

  Matt crept up behind James, keeping his mind sealed tight. He got within five meters before James turned to him and grinned.

  “Did you feel me coming?”

  A momentary cloud passed over James’s face. “No, you pretty much shut yourself off to me. I could hear you. That fake leg just doesn’t sound quite right. I could hear it slither a little.”

  “Shit, there goes my career in covert ops.” He didn’t even want a career as a SOUF trooper anymore, but it was still a bummer. James gave him a little squeeze on the back of his neck then dropped his hand.

  “You’re still in covert ops, babe. What else do you call your job?”

  Amazing how that could make it all better. Matt stared at James’s profile a minute. He could afford to; James was lookout. Matt could just be on the lookout for James.

  James’s whole life was so fucked up. He had a mutant alien brain, he was being forced out of SOUF, he was going to be forced into QESA, and military scientists were going to poke at him like he was a lab rat as often as they could manage. More than anything, Matt wanted to stay with James and work with him at QESA. He wanted to live with him. He wanted James to love him, not be forced to stay with Matt through circumstance and gratitude.

  Matt sighed.

  “’S’up, babe?” James asked a little absently.

  “Nothing. Just, you know… thinking.” James gave him a piercing glance. Then he let his eyes rove the area again. Matt checked his mental walls. Tight. They had to stay that way until James gave him a clear sign that this was what he wanted. Matt didn’t want to add his own emotions to James’s situation. The guy needed space to think.

  Matt heard a noise. “’S’that a burrowing owl? They have those here?”

  “Pretty much everywhere in the US, still. Got too hot in Mexico for them. Been hearing it for a while now.” James’s eyes were trained on a small boat with three fishermen near the Oregon side of the reservoir.

  Matt wrinkled his brow. “You heard it a bunch of times? That same call?’

  James turned to look at him. “Yeah. That mean something?”

  “Maybe.” Matt cupped his hands around his mouth and responded with a different burrowing owl call. Within seconds he got an answering call. He sat forward excitedly.

  The guys fishing were suddenly packing it in. It was just barely starting to get dark, so it seemed a little early to be quitting, but…. James was sitting attentively, waiting for Matt to tell him what was going on. “That’s my family call. We each have one, a bird or something. The grampas made us learn ours practically right after birth. You got a scope on you?” Stupid question. Of course James was prepared.

  Matt took the scope James handed over. “Push the button on top for remote viewing.”

  Matt gave him a dry look. “I’m not completely unfamiliar with tech, you know.”

  “Sorry.” James gave a sheepish grin.

  When Matt had the scope trained on the boat, he could see the three fishermen reeling in lines, packing up bait. Old-fashioned fishing, the kind the grampas used to make them do. One of the guys on the boat turned just right. “’S Jude,” Matt complained.

  At James’s blank look, he explained, “My cousin, Jude. Oh, that’s cool, though, I see Sabine. Can’t tell who the third one is. Hope he’s straight,” Matt added in a mutter.

  “So they’re waiting for us,” James murmured thoughtfully. “Wanted you to know they were there, even see them.”

  Suddenly, one of the people on the boat fell into the water. Matt snorted, the scope still to his eye. “Jude fell in, the clumsy bastard. Not really like him, though.” He put the scope down and looked at James. “Diversion, you think?”

  “To keep anyone from noticing that guy crawling out of the water, you mean?” James nodded his head toward the shore, about thirty meters downslope.

  Matt swung his head around. Someone was crawling out of the water. There wasn’t that much cover by the reservoir. It was mostly dirt, rocks, and a few formerly submerged tree stumps. The guy coming out was wearing night-camo, but it was barely dusk. Now that Matt knew he was there, it was easy to pick him out.

  “It’s Dyson,” he told James happily. It was nice to see the cavalry, but it was extra nice that it was Dyson and not Jude. “Another cousin.” He turned, a big grin on his face. James had a strange expression on his. Like he was annoyed.

  Matt was still trying to puzzle that out when James turned back to the water. Matt mentally shrugged—for now—and gave the call for Dyson. A chipmunk—he was one of the younger grandkids, and they were running short on animal calls when he was born. Matt could almost see the disgruntled look on Dyson’s face when he heard the call. But he answered it.

  Matt snuck a look at James again. He had his expressionless mask on. Probably for Dyson’s benefit. But his lips were quirking up on one side. “Chipmunk, huh?”

  Matt smirked. “He’s lucky they didn’t stick him with feral cat or something.”

  Dyson was headed straight for them, now that he had a direction. Within a minute he’d crawled into their brush screen with them.

  Matt introduced James and immediately rea
lized it was a mistake. He could practically see the attraction between them. Fuck.

  Dyson was very different from Matt. Broad and muscular—built a lot like James, actually—and a little taller. He had dark brown hair in not quite a military cut, and hazel eyes. Dyson was hot, especially because he had almost no clue how sexy he was. And he definitely thought James was hot. Matt knew all his little tells.

  Matt swallowed down the jealousy. It wouldn’t help any of them right now. Or later, either, actually.

  James turned to look at Matt suddenly. He looked a little sheepish. And didn’t that just twist Matt’s heart in his chest. Matt gave him a little smile. James reached out to Matt, sliding a hand up his back to his neck, giving him a little squeeze.

  Matt sighed. Th’fuck was he doing, being jealous? One look told Matt that Dyson was feeling guilty and embarrassed because he’d been attracted to a guy who had something going on with his cousin.

  Matt gave a gentle shoulder shrug, dislodging James’s hand. Probably shouldn’t rub it in.

  “What are you doing here? Did the grampas send you?” He tried to refocus everyone.

  “Yeah. Going into basic training next month, but I’m not official yet, so Laslo sent me across the river to find you.” Oh, yeah. He’d just turned eighteen.

  “Laslo’s here? And Jude and Sabine on the boat? Who else?”

  “That’s it. We brought a skimmer, so Holland from Laslo’s Delta 6 team is here. Laslo’s team medic Wade Bollinger, Van Vanos—new QESA agent—and a SEAL, Analia Leondri. This was a last-minute thing and we took who we could get.”

  “Christ. Did you bring any straight guys?”

  “Holland’s straight. Kinda. The other guys are straight. Wade Bollinger and the new QESA agent, Vanos.”

  “Holland just lost his wife. Don’t want to subject him to this mission.”

  Dyson gave him a confused look, but just said, “Sabine’s straight.”

  “I need a guy.”