by Denetria
“Okay mommy you can look now, Ja’Cori said pulling the bandanna from over my eyes. There sitting on the table was a chocolate cookie with a candle in the center. This is for all of the birthdays of yours that we missed with you mommy, Ja’Cori said. He looked at me and asked, “Mommy why are you crying.” There were no words, for if they only knew, as we sat down and ate our cookie.
CHAPTER 18
Jaheem crept the door open and watched me as I tucked the kids in bed, promising them that I would be there when they opened their eyes the following morning. “I didn’t know how much of an impact I was having on them by keeping you out of their lives. I never thought I was hurting them; I mean I didn’t want to hurt you either, but I thought they were so young that they would forget. I thought bringing her in would be okay; that she would come in and fulfill the gap of not having their mother in their lives’, but after a while I noticed things weren’t working.”
“Well, I guess it’s time for me to turn in. I’m tired and I have to get up early in the morning. I hope you have a good night,” I said.
“Wait a minute, I mean I thought..,”
“Oh you thought you were going to do all of this, get the boys’ on my good side, make me shed a couple of tears and we would eventually fall in the bed together and fuck the night away? Well guess what, grab your jar of Vaseline, go to that empty room, where there’s an empty bed and use your hand because you are not getting anything here.”
“No it’s nothing like that. I mean yes, I was thinking we would stay in the same room together, but nothing would have happened unless you wanted it to. I just wanted to have a chance to know what it feels like to hold you in my arms once more.”
“I’m going to say this, I said closing the room to the boy’s room just in case they were still awake. You had the chance to see how it felt for me to lay in your arms, remember I did it every night; even on nights when you were still fucking her. I took you back and you choose what you wanted, right now I’m here to bond with my babies. I can’t say what is going to happen or where we will find ourselves down the road, but right now just give me my time to get know my sons; something that you took from me, give me my time to get myself situated in a house that “she” came in and tainted, give me time to get over the love that you showed and had for her but you didn’t have for the mother of your children. You hurt me to the core, and I’m trying because of my children; you may say I’m using you, but isn’t that what you did to me? See the thing is Jaheem, I have grown up from the little girl way back then. You taught me how to grow up fast, so now I will say this; you’ll never know just when you think you’re playing me, I might just be playing you.” As I left him standing at the bottom of the stairwell, closing and locking the bedroom door behind me.
When I closed that door I smiled feeling the best I had felt in I don’t know how many months. It felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I fell across the bed, and opened my journal. So I did the one thing that I said I wouldn’t do…I came back to Jaheem. He knew what to say to get me back. He wants our family back, just come home and we can be together…I’ll be here with the kids and he’s going to drop all charges. But that means I’ll lose DeShaun and maybe any hope of us being together. I am taking the biggest risk on trusting this man again. Although I love my children and would do anything to have them in my life, it’s not the same between Jaheem and I anymore.
I closed the journal, locked it, putting the key around my neck and placed it under the mattress. I looked at the clock it wasn’t too late.
“Hey how are you doing? I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time. I just wanted to talk to you for a minute to see how you were doing?”
“Hey Egypt, DeShaun said. No I’m up watching TV, can’t really sleep. I guess I’ve got a lot of things on my mind. Anyway, how are you doing? Have you gotten settled in yet?”
He spoke those words with a shimmer of hope in his voice that I would say no. “Slowly but surely, my boys are happy to see me here; Jaheem and I are sharing space and that is it, there’s nothing more. I don’t have that spark for him that I have for….”
“That you have for me. Thanks but that isn’t making me feel better right now, but I really am happy for you. You’ve waited on this moment for the longest; now look at you, you’ve finally got it.”
Epilogue
Jaheem had kept his word and dropped his charges saying, “We would be working on co-parenting.” I had been so busy making a new start in my life and the life of my boys’ that I didn’t see how far things were going back to the way they were with Jaheem. The girls’ and I rarely talked anymore; he basically felt it wasn’t good for someone else to be chiming in on our relationship if we were working on it, but I knew something was going on with him. He showed all the signs that he had once before, but this time it wasn’t Candice, it was someone I knew, I was sure of it. For months he had been trying to have sex with me and out of the blue it stopped, he started back coming home late and the scent of perfume on his clothes was one that I had smelled before.
One day I decided to just get up and do something; just go somewhere. I didn’t know why or what was going on; I just had to get out. My drive took me past her house where I saw his car parked in the driveway. “Why was he over here; he doesn’t have anything to do with them.” I knocked on the door and waited for her to answer. I could hear her say, ”Get the door.” When he opened the door the expression on his face told it all. “It’s not what you think. I know it’s crazy, but I swear to you; it’s not what you think.” Maybe, I would have believed it until she came around the corner with nothing on but a robe, “Jah, what’s taking you so long? What’s so important?”
“Hello Constance,” I said.
IMPORTANT QUESTIONS & INCONSISTENCIES SO FAR
Page 6, line 11, Egypt has a doctor’s appointment on “Friday”, but on page 11, line 17, she wakes up “the next morning” to go to the doctor’s again. Was her appointment the previous day on a Thursday?
Page 17, line 5: She had told that bitch that he was going to see her, and that was a promise she was going to keep. (This sentence is confusing. Who is she talking about?)
On page 20 it states that Egypt's sessions are "ordered". If so, by whom because the story gives the impression that her sessions are "voluntary".
On page 25, lines 3-5 Jaheem is pursuing a law degree, yet on page 35, line 11, he became an OB/GYN!! (Also, it takes 4 years of college, 4 years of medical school and another 4 years of internship to become a doctor. Lawyers take 4 years of law school, then study for the Bar and have to pass an exam before they can practice law.)
Page 78, lines 17 & 18 refer to Egypt and Jaheem still being married, but earlier in the story they are divorced.