Keep it Secret

by Olivia Snow

  “Yeah, to party with me not some other douchbag.”

  “Excuse me?” Gabriel moved to the front of me. “What’s your problem, man?”

  Christian chuckled stepping closer to Gabriel. “Yo, bro, there’s no problem. There’s enough of Ava to go around, isn’t that right, baby?”

  “Fuck you, Christian.” I said, pushing past Gabriel to get in front of Christian.

  “What the hell is wrong with you? You have no reason to be pissed at me. Yes, I fucked Reggie and I’m here with Gabriel. You're not my boyfriend, never have been. This isn't news to you.” Christian’s eyes glisten with hurt. Like an idiot, he allowed himself to fall for me, for me, out of all the girls around his heart chooses the one who doesn't want it in return.

  “Don’t do this Chris.” I go to grab his hand but he pulls away.

  “Do what, baby?” His stare was stoic just as he lowered his mouth to my ear.

  “Call me when you get bored with Polo shirt.” He said walking away. I’ve broken some hearts along the way, nothing to be proud of, I know, but this one—Christians—I felt…bad.

  “Want to dance?” Gabriel asked turning me to face him.

  Yes, anything to distract me.

  “I’d love to.”

  Hand in hand we maneuvered ourselves to the middle of the floor as we prepared to dance the song changed to The Weeknd's Wicked Games.

  Me thinks the universe hates me.

  Gabriel’s lips tugged into a small smile as he licked his lips. Slowly, I stepped closer to him placing my hands on his sides I rotated my hips to the beat of the song slithering up and down still facing him. Gabriel’s eyes hooded turning me around, so my ass was on his crouch. I continued to grind against him taking my time his hands gripped my hips just as his lips lowered to my neck. Feeling the warmth of his breath against my skin, I tilted my head sideways giving him better access. Instantly making me wet. My nipples tense as a hand moved to my exposed stomach dipping a fingertip inside the elastic band of my skirt. A small whimper escaped me suddenly I had to concentrate on breathing.

  “You feel so good against me.” His voice was low, forcing me to bite down on my bottom lip. The hand that was on my stomach was no longer there, but on my thigh inching up little by little. Presently, I couldn't care less who was watching. The Pope could be in front of us and I would give a flying fuck. All I cared was where his fingers were going. My legs began to shake, as his touch got closer to my ache. Then my ass vibrated—which felt nice but odd that his thigh was vibrating. Abruptly he pulled away from me, stepping back. I look to face him he was glaring down at the vibrating culprit. He shook his head before closing his eyes and taking in a heavy breath. Before I could ask him whether he wanted to leave, he walked away, heading towards the front door.

  I’m not an idiot I knew who texted him and why he was suddenly so cold. I let it go too far. This was all on me, not him. I was torn whether or not to go after him, then I realized he wasn’t in the best of neighborhoods and I was his ride. I had no other option, but to go after him. I took off my heels in an attempt to run faster than I would with them on, by the time I reached him he was already at the corner of the street.

  “Gabriel! Stop!” He didn’t “Damn it. Gabriel, stop! Are you going to make me chase you?”

  He stopped. Thank you baby Jesus.

  “If you wanted to leave you could have just said so. No use in being a fucking drama queen.” I walked past him towards the car. Gabriel yanked my wrist pulling me into his chest.

  “Have I ever told you how exasperating you are?”

  “I think you might have mentioned it. Come on, let me take you home before you get kidnapped for ransom.” He laughed letting go of me. We drove in silence once again this night was a bust I should have known better than to invite Gabriel to come with me. It was still pretty early maybe I could drop him off and find someone else to fill my night with. Or better yet go home alone and drink myself to sleep. Along the way, Gabriel directed me to an upscale luxury condo building I assumed was his home.

  “Would you like to come in? There’s no one home and I know there’s no one home at your house. Plus it’s still pretty early and I sort of ruined your night.” It was like he read my mind.

  I hesitated. “Okay, just for a little while.” I could do this as long as he didn’t try anything, I could keep myself in check. Gabriel gave me a quick tour of his condo it was unusually large for a three-bedroom two-bath apartment. The condo was very modern with an open floor plan. The kitchen, dining room and living room was visible as soon as you stepped inside, the back of the condo had floor to ceiling windows that looked out into the city. It was beautiful especially at this time of night. Gabriel ushered me past the living room into a small hallway that only contained one door, his bedroom. My throat went dry as I tried to swallow. You can do this, Ava. Stepping into his room, I wasn't surprised to see how clean and organized it was or how it smelled like him. The California king size bed laid in the middle of the room. A dark cherry wood desk stood on the opposite wall from the door it was a twenty-seven inch iMac. On the wall, across from the desk was a massive bookshelf filled with books and CD cases.

  “You like to read?” I said pointing at the bookshelf, setting my heels on the floor.

  “I like to learn.” He replied. “Are you thirsty? Water? Juice?”

  “Water is fine, thanks.” I said, while he walked to his desk bending down to open a mini fridge I hadn’t seen until now. Gabriel handed me a bottle of water.

  “Take a seat.” He pointed to the bed as he stepped back to the desk, sitting on the office chair. I sat on his bed propping some pillows against my back, making myself at home I extend my legs. Gabriel’s eyes took their time soaking in my legs, as he realized what he was doing Gabriel quickly looked down clearing his throat.

  “You make it so obvious.” I chuckled. Gabriel smiled resting his chin on his chest.

  “I’m sorry, it’s really not to watch you. Especially, since you’re on my bed.” He trailed off. Oh, good God. I was trying to smile and act like his words or presence didn’t affect me.

  “Well, that was blunt and honest. I appreciate honesty.” I replied. Mmmaybe being honest with each other wasn’t the best idea.

  “Oh, are we not being completely honest with each other? I thought we were friends isn’t that what friends do?” He said taking a sip of his water. Sweet Baby Jesus, those lips were tattooed on my body and that tongue marked places that felt cold without his touch—I have to change the subject. Jumping off the bed I walked to his bookshelf. There was an assortment of books on everything from The Adventures of Tom Sawyer to the Twilight Saga…yeah, you heard right. Twilight!

  “Twilight? Seriously?” I asked taking the book out of its place.

  “What? I was curious.” He said watching my every move; placing the book back I wandered towards his music compilation it was as eclectic as his book collection.

  “You seem to have a lot of rap music. I didn’t peg you for a Hip Hop fan.” I said.

  “What can, I say I like good music.” He set his bottle on the floor and walked over to me.

  “You call this good music?” I looked at him in disbelief.

  “Yeah, what’s wrong with rap music?”

  “Nothing’s wrong with rap music, but you think Two Chains makes good music? I mean if you want to talk about good music, let’s really talk about good music, for instance Tupac made good music, no I’m sorry, great music so did B.I.G, Jay-Z, Eminem, Common, Dr. Dre, Nas.” I continued my rant picking up the latest Drake album. “But Drake and Two Chains? Come on Gabriel, you lost some major points.”

  Gabriel smiled. “So what sort of music should I be listening to oh wise one?” He rubbed his chin awaiting my answer.

  “Start with listening to rocks greatest.”

  “Like?”

  “Like, Nirvana, Metallica, The Beatles, Rolling Stone, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and the greatest of them all Queen.”

  �
�Queen? As in, ‘we are the champions’ Queen?” He looked at me like I had just lost my mind.

  “If that’s the only song you know of them then, you’re really missing out. You my friend have no taste in real music.” I said twirling around and strutting back to his bed. He laughed, but then his face grew serious.

  “Ava?” He asked.

  “Hmm?” I looked up at his face as he sat down next to me. His expression frightened me a little.

  “What happened out on the track?” He said studying my eyes. I swear I could see my pain reflecting his gorgeous baby blue pools. In a matter of a week, this guy had unraveled all my defense mechanisms without even trying. I could let him in to my dark world but then how fair would that be? Giving away my baggage was something I was never going to do especially for someone so pure and divine like Gabriel. I turned away, touching the cross around my neck counting silently to five. Before looking back at him, I cracked my neck putting my emotions into check.

  “It’s called having a bad day, Blue.” I said detached.

  “Don't do that. Don’t get all icy with me.” He pleaded, his eyebrows pinched together.

  Icy? I’ll show him icy. I climbed on top of him straddling his legs. My skirt rose barely covering my crotch but my ass was in clear view. Gabriel took a sharp breath.

  “Oh, Blue, I’m far from icy when it comes to you. Actually, I’m pretty damn warm right now, you want to feel?” I whispered against his lips. His breath started to labor I could see in his eyes as the self-control began to fade away. No man in his right mind would reject me. And this wasn't me being conceded it was just a matter of fact. Gabriel licked his lips as I slowly slid my nose against his.

  “Gabriel?” I moaned.

  “Yeah?” He responded weakly.

  “Fuck me.”

  “Oh, God.” He groaned with pleasure, his mouth crashed into mind. We kissed with passion and anger. It was delicious. His hands explored my body, cupping, sucking, squeezing and biting. At this point, Vanessa was far, far from my thoughts all I could think about was his touch and mouth on mine. I mean they weren't even boyfriend and girlfriend so it wasn’t considered cheating, right?

  The night was full of endless pleasure and sinful torture. My body trembled with painful bliss as it endured emotions I never thought were feasible to feel. There was no way I wanted to let him go. At that point, my lowest point the intent was to ensure that he forget about my cousin. I wanted him to think of me any time he kissed her or any girl for that matter.

  Don’t say I didn't warn you. I’m a bad person this is who I am. Why was I trying to change that?

  Chapter Fourteen

  Vanessa

  The pink cotton comforter felt one hundred pounds heavier than it normally did. It stuck to my sweaty limbs, which made me even hotter. I hated nights like these where I couldn't sleep no matter what I did. The full moon shone through my window creating a silver blanket of light, I stared at it hoping to get exhaustingly bored and fall asleep, but that didn’t work either. The past four hours I spent tossing and turning and for the life of me I couldn't turn off my brain. After too many attempts to sleep I kicked off the comforter until it hit the floor, jumping off my bed I headed towards the kitchen for some warm milk praying that would do the trick. Entering the kitchen I noticed a silhouette sitting on the edge of the island hunched over in the darkness. I cleared my throat hoping whoever it was would turn their head. I wasn't sure who it was from here, but I knew for sure it wasn't Mother she always took a sleeping aid that knocked her out cold. The shadow jumped to attention cocking her head before speaking. By now, I knew who it was the smell of wild flowers gave her away.

  “Hey.” Ava said softly. “Why are you up so late?”

  “I couldn't fall asleep it’s so hot in my room, what about you?” Just as my eyes adapted to the darkness I noticed a carton of ice cream in front of Ava.

  “Ice cream.” She replied. I smiled sitting across from her I crossed my legs she took a scoop from the container and handed it to me. I happily accepted.

  “Mmm Rocky Road.” I said as the cold sweetness hit my taste buds. I finished what was on the spoon then handed it back to her. “So, what’s up?” I asked.

  “Hmm? Nothing, why do you ask?”

  “Ava, you're eating ice cream. In this family, we only eat ice cream when we need to be cheered up.” Ava looked down at the carton, swirled the spoon around cautious not to collect too much ice cream. I was burning a hole in her head. That’s how hard I was staring at her. Having Ava talk about her feelings was like pulling teeth.

  “Ava.” I pushed.

  “Are you happy, Van?” All right, wasn't expecting that.

  “I guess, I say that I’m pretty lucky to have parents that have money. I never have to worry about that, I’m healthy, and I do well in school…”

  “Yeah. I guess that was a stupid question. Of course, you're happy who wouldn't want to live a day in the perfect life of Vanessa Saint John?” The sarcasm dripped heavily from her mouth she didn’t even make efforts to disguise it.

  “Screw you, Ava. You think because my problems aren't as deep as yours that constitutes as having a perfect life? Try having an overbearing controlling mother who never let’s you do anything you want. Try growing up without a mind of your own or having a father that is emotionally absent only focusing on his work, or having a brother who would rather hang out with his friends than spend some time with his family. My life looks perfect and pristine on paper because that’s how my parents made it out to be. In reality it’s far from it.” I snatched the spoon from her eating what she had collected.

  “All that and you're still a good girl. So, your parents haven't fucked you up so severely.”

  I laughed because she had no idea what she was just talking about.

  “You think doing the right thing all the time is easy? It’s harder than you think. I don't have the liberty to get up and say screw the world because I have sucky parents. That’s just an excuse for bad behavior.”

  “Are you suggesting that I’m using my father’s death as an excuse for my behavior?”

  Yes. “No, I thought we were talking about me here. I’m not attempting to imply anything.” My bravery only took me so far when it came to Ava. There’s a line I would never cross her and that was it.

  “Listen, all I’m saying is my life isn't perfect. No one’s is. We all have to fight our own demons some are smaller than others, but they’re still demons just the same.” I handed the spoon back. Ava grabbed it but instead of taking more ice cream out she set it down on the marble counter top.

  “So, your demons are caring too much about what people say and think.”

  “No, that’s not my demon. What’s so wrong with caring what people think about you anyway?”

  “Because, Van, like you said you have no mind of your own, do you know who you are? You just go with what you’re told to do, what you're told to be, to say and act. But with me you're a completely different person. I mean you just told me to ‘go screw myself,’ you would never speak to anyone else like that. Why?”

  “What would you like me to do Ava? Hit and cuss at anyone who said something I didn't like? The world doesn't work that way.”

  “You didn't answer my question.”

  “Ugh, I don’t know, I guess you just bring that out of me.” Ava nodded looking down at the spoon again seeming disappointed by my answer.

  “Well…I’m going to bed.” She jumped off the counter wiping her hands on the side of her thighs. “Night.” She didn't even wait for a response as she began to walk away.

  “Wait, Ava, did I say something wrong?” I asked swirling around on the counter to watch her through the darkness.

  “No, Vanessa, you answered exactly how I expected you to. Cynthia would be so proud.” Ava pivoted walking away.

  Saturday morning I awoke with the monstrous butterflies in my stomach. Tonight I’d go on my first date ever with my first crush. I couldn’t believe how m
uch my life had changed in the past week. I went for being practically ignored by my entire class to the most talked about girl in Eagle Academy. Gabriel, whom I’ve been pining over since my junior year is now spending every free moment he has at school with me. Seriously, these were pinch me moments, pinch me moments that were now giving me nausea. Ugh, why did I have to be such a girl? Why couldn't I have the confidence that oozed out of Ava? She would never have an issue around a boy. Ever.

  I envied that about her. Speaking of Ava, the conversation from last night left me asking myself what she meant. Did she genuinely mean what she said or was it all some sort of sarcastic code I had yet to understand how to crack? I should probably ask her and get this growing awkwardness between us out of the way. Going through the bathroom, I softly knocked on her door not knowing if she was still asleep. After a few moments of waiting and no answer I opened the door to an Ava-less room, she was probably already downstairs having breakfast. Going down the stairs I could hear yelling coming from Daddy’s office. Quietly, I hurried down the staircase stepping closer to the office door trying to listen to what the arguing was about. Mother was still in Florida so I knew it couldn’t be her.

  “I trusted you. I let you take the car because you told me you were going to a friend’s house.” Daddy said bitterly. Uh-oh, he was talking to Ava but why was he so mad?

  “Yeah, I went to go see a friend just like I told you I was.” Ava snapped back.

  “Seriously, Ava? You're sticking to that story?”

  “It’s not a story. It’s the truth.” Ava said through her teeth.

  He chuckled, but it wasn’t because he thought what Ava said was funny.

  “I found a used condom on the back seat of the car!” Daddy yelled. Oh my God, what was Ava getting herself into?

  “Look, I apologize for doing that in Aunt Cynthia’s car. That was totally uncalled for but what I do with a condom is my business not yours.” I could hear the embarrassment in her voice. However, she was sticking to her guns.