Blue

by ML Nystrom

  “Michelle, sweetheart? Are you okay?” I asked gently.

  She sniffed and I saw a big tear roll down her cheek as she struggled not to cry out loud. She looked up at me with eyes so sad and hurt, I felt the need to cry with her.

  “Come here, baby,” I whispered and held out my arms. She crawled into my lap willingly and I held her close as she pressed her face against my shoulder and quietly sobbed. I could feel the tears gathering in my own eyes. I had no idea what was bothering the girl, but whatever it was, it was big.

  I crooned and rocked her small body.

  “I’ll text Betsey to get Blue,” Eva said, pulling out her phone.

  “Don’t bother, I’m here.” I looked up into the Blue’s tight face but didn’t relinquish my hold on the crying little girl. In the background, I could see Sam playing a gentle tug-of-war with Cody. Blue was in full uniform and my girl parts appreciated his striking figure. I had to shake it off and remind myself that the child in my lap came first.

  He squatted down and placed a hand over his little girl’s head. “Babydoll, where’s your mama?”

  “Sh-she tol’ me to st-stay at the rides ‘n’ watch Cody, but he ran off to come see S-Sam,” she stuttered, trying not to lose it completely. “She g-gave me some money and tol’ me t-to get corndogs and to stay a-away from Gramma’s tent. She s-s-said she was g-going off wif Billy for a bit and would be back, but I-I ain’t seen her in a long t-t-ime.”

  Blue was silent. I could see his jaw clenching, wishing he could explode but holding back for his kid’s sake. Cody was still oblivious, but Sam was alert, standing a few feet away, holding the decimated toy in his jaws.

  “I’m sorry, Daddy,” the little girl whispered in a watery voice. “Please don’t be mad.”

  That deflated Blue. “I’m not mad at you, baby girl. You did nothing wrong at all. Come here and give me one of your big daddy hugs.”

  Michelle crawled across my lap to get to him. She wound her arms tightly and fully around his neck and he held her small body as close as possible. Fresh sobs erupted from the child as she was held in a protective circle of her father’s arms.

  I couldn’t help it. Seeing the pure love Blue had for his little girl, the total devotion he had to his children and his willingness to give everything he had was more than I could stand. I felt my own tears roll down my cheeks. I was falling for this man and these kids. He would never know it, but I would give everything for this beautiful family.

  Blue took a few long minutes and let the girl cry on him, wetting his shoulder as she had mine. He finally looked up and spoke to me, his deep blue eyes abnormally bright.

  “I’m still on duty till eleven. Mom’s over at the pavilion dealing with the crowds and the Tail run. I don’t know where Jonelle is and even if I did, I don’t trust her condition. Would you help me?”

  His voice was rough and broken. This was taking a bigger toll on him than I had imagined. What else could I do? I sniffled a bit and nodded. “Absolutely. They can stay with me at my place until you’re off.”

  “Your daddy’s almost done packing up. I’ll get his keys an’ take ’em over there now while you and your daddy pack up your stuff and get it loaded. Mos’ folks done already gone over to the Tail party or home. No sense in staying any longer.” My mom suddenly appeared, her familiar take-charge tone ringing overhead.

  I got up from the ground. Mom always had a clear head in a crisis and I tried to do the same. “There’s food in the fridge at the house. I expect the kids are hungry.”

  “S’long as you got meat, I got vegetables. I’ll whip up somethin’ for everyone. I’ll keep back a plate for you, Deputy. Man’s gotta have something warm at home after a day like today. Come on, little bit. Let’s see what we can find over t’ the house.” She extended a hand toward Michelle, who took it willingly.

  Cody had finally tired out from playing with Sam and wandered back to the four adults. Eva drove off to the Lair to find Stud and let him know what was happening. Her eyes were snapping fire and I knew she would have exploded by now in a fit of Irish temper had the kids not been around. The only hitch in the plan came when Sam insisted on staying with Cody. He jumped in the truck with the kids and wouldn’t budge. Mom rolled her eyes at the stubborn animal but gave in and lifted Michelle into the cab. The truck was crowded, but no one minded.

  Blue, my dad, and I finished loading the last of the soap bins into the bed of my truck. There weren’t that many of them as I had sold out of much of the stock I had brought. It had been a good day for business, but not much else.

  Blue loaded the last of the display tables and turned to shake my father’s hand. “Thank you for everything, sir,” he said firmly. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your help tonight. I won’t forget it. You ever need anything, count on me.”

  My dad took Blue’s hand and pumped it twice. “Don’t take bein’ blood family to do the right thing, son. Everyone ’round here knows you’re a good man and wouldn’t blink twice to stand up for ya. Jus’ keep takin’ care o’ them young’uns. The good Lord will see t’ everythin’ else.”

  He slammed the tailgate and turned to say one more sentence. “You wanna pay anyone back, then run for sheriff the next round. This town needs it.”

  Blue turned to me, his mouth silent but his eyes full of words. I hesitated but then reached out my hands out to him and he took both of them in his. I thought he really needed a hug but I wasn’t sure how he would take it, so I settled for a good hand squeeze. Ever since Toto’s passing, he had put more distance between us. Coffee and unloading my soap shipments in the morning was our only contact. He’d been polite but cold and less personal. I guessed he was regretting our kiss and backpedaling hard from it, maybe trying not to hurt me. Friends only, I had to remind myself. Friends and nothing more, my head said over and over again. Too bad my heart wasn’t listening. I’d replayed the kiss over and over again in my head, the texture of his lips, the taste of his mouth, the thrill of his tongue playing with mine, and my heart wanted to burst. Yes, I was falling for this man so fast I was sure I was setting myself up for heartache, but the more I saw him, the more I thought he needed me. I just had to keep my feelings hidden, as he didn’t seem to want or reciprocate those feelings. The few kisses we shared didn’t really mean he cared about me. I may end up bleeding, but wasn’t that what we did for people we loved?

  “It’s okay, Deputy. Do what you have to do. We’ve got your back. The kids will be fine until you get there,” I stated firmly, hopefully hiding my real thoughts.

  He looked at our joined fingers and frowned. “I’ll see if Betsey can come get them, but she may not be able to for a while. If Jonelle shows up, call me immediately. Don’t let her take the kids.”

  “I won’t. I expect my mom is going to hang around for a bit. Please don’t worry, Blue. I got this.” I squeezed harder to make my point.

  His tortured eyes lifted and met mine. He was breathing hard and I got the sense he was barely in control. I met his gaze with my own, steady and unyielding. He finally nodded and let go of me. I climbed into the cab of my truck and watched him stride off down the dark street to his squad car, his phone out and plastered to his ear. My dad had already fastened his seat belt and was waiting for me.

  “That boy has a heap a demons t’ fight. T’ain’t right.” He was full of country wisdom.

  I agreed, but at the moment there were two small children that took precedent over anything else. We drove home talking about the day’s sales, the upcoming cold snap, Thanksgiving plans at their church, anything but what was facing us at the house.

  Fourteen

  The kitchen was warm and filled with the smell of some sort of stew and baking biscuits. My mom was a miracle worker in the kitchen and had run her church’s Wednesday night suppers for years. Give her a half hour and she could put out a feast for thirty or more people. I still didn’t know how she managed that feat, but I was grateful for it.

  “I like to use more b
uttermilk in my biscuits, but she don’t have none right now,” my mom was saying. “This here will work till we get some.”

  Michelle was kneading more biscuit dough in a big ceramic mixing bowl, and Cody was carefully cutting out round biscuits with a floured drinking glass.

  “Now careful not to work it too much. It won’t rise up good. That’s it! Good job, little bit,” my mom coached while she kept her own hands busy. The simple praise had the little girl beaming as she flattened the dough so her brother could punch out more biscuits. My mom shifted over to take a cookie sheet out of the oven and the fragrance of fresh buttery bread filled the room. I inhaled the aroma in appreciation.

  “What’s fer supper, old woman?” my father bellowed as he entered the kitchen.

  “A knuckle sammich iffen you call me old woman again!” she bellowed back.

  Michelle giggled. I was filled with joy hearing it and laughed out loud myself.

  “I put on cheeseburger stew. It’s fast and fillin’. Psalm, stir in some flour to thicken it a bit. Cody, finish up them biscuits and go wash your hands. You too, sweetpea. Got more flour on you than in the bread pan. Papa, you get bowls and plates out th’ pantry.”

  My mom was in military mode and I saluted her smartly, earning more giggles from the kids. They rushed to the kitchen sink and my dad stopped his task to lift them both in turn to reach the running water. I stirred the concoction in the big stew pot simmering on the stove, dipping out a bowlful of broth and mixing in a handful of flour before pouring it back into the stew. I turned up the gas to let the mixture boil and thicken. Small pieces of potatoes, carrots, celery, ground beef, and lots of cheddar cheese made up the stew.

  In no time at all we were seated around the round table I had in the corner of my kitchen, my mom ladling out big bowls of the delicious stew and my dad handing out golden biscuits. He said grace and the kids dug in like they were starving. Michelle peppered the table with questions while we ignored Cody feeding little bits of bread to the dogs.

  “Why did you cut the potatoes and carrot so little?”

  “Makes ’em cook faster.”

  “Why’s buttermilk better for biscuits?”

  “Gives ’em more flavor.”

  “What makes them rise?”

  “Bakin’ powder ‘n’ eggs.”

  The questions continued as well as the patient answers. I wasn’t sure who enjoyed it more, my mom or Michelle.

  After everyone ate their fill, the kids cleared the table and my father started washing up. Neither one of my parents used the dishwasher, preferring to do everything by hand. The kids were fascinated and entertained by their bickering.

  “You missed a spot, old woman.”

  “I ain’t missed nothing.”

  “‘S right here.”

  “That ain’t no spot, that’s a little chip out the side.”

  “You need new spectacles, old woman. That ain’t no chip, it’s a spot!”

  “I’m fixin’ to spot somethin’ else, old man!”

  The whole time they grumbled at each other, my dad was making faces behind my mom’s back, and the kids were loving it with suppressed giggles and outright laughter. I started thinking this may be the first time, outside of Betsey and Brick, that they saw two married people tease and play with each other in fun, not in anger. The devotion my parents had to each other was obvious in their motions, if not their words. There was no doubt they were deeply in lasting love and would go to the mat if necessary to protect each other. I hoped with all my heart this was a teaching moment for the kids and they would carry this memory of tonight rather than what happened earlier today.

  “I need to feed the dogs, although they’re probably so full of bread by now they don’t need dog food,” I said, giving Cody a side glance, telling him I saw him biscuit sneaking. He grinned and shrugged his tiny shoulders.

  Both kids scrambled to help me fill and put out bowls.

  “How come you got so many dogs?” Michelle started in on me as we placed the bowls in front of the snuffling, wagging animals.

  “Well, I started with just Toto. She was part of a stray litter of puppies that were found on the street. Their mama wasn’t around so when the rescue agency had them ready to go, I took her in and had her until she passed. After that, I found another dog who needed a good home. And then another and another and before you know it, I had a houseful of dogs. I don’t keep them all, but I take care of them until a forever home is found.”

  “What’s a forever home?”

  I smiled. “I’m what’s called a foster mom for dogs. That means I give them a home until a family or someone else wants to give them a home forever. Sometimes I get dogs who’ve been hurt or not taken care of very well. My job is to love them, take care of them, and help them heal so they can go to forever homes and be happy.”

  Michelle’s face turned shuttered and thoughtful.

  “Does that happen with kids when their mama’s not around?” she asked in a voice far too old for her.

  I hesitated for a moment. This was getting into some heavy stuff for a six-year-old mind and I needed to think about my answers and choose my words carefully. “Sometimes it happens with kids when the parents can’t take care of them the way they should. It’s never ever the kids’ fault and sometimes it’s not really the parents’ fault either. Sometimes the parents don’t have enough money or can’t get a good job, or maybe have too much to do. When that happens, the kids can go to foster parents who do have money or good jobs and have lots of time for them. There are lots of reasons kids go live with foster parents for a bit, but let me tell you again, it’s never in a million years the kids’ fault.”

  “Mama was sick for a while and went away to a special hospital. That’s what Daddy said. Me and Cody stayed with Gramma a lot when Daddy was working so Mama could get better. Mama’s been mad since she got home and I think it’s ’cause Daddy made her go away. Then Mama made Daddy go away and live somewhere else so we don’t see him like we did. Mama said she’d dump us in foster care before she’d let Daddy have us again. What if she gets sick and has to go back to the special hospital?”

  My heart jumped as a combination of anger and sympathy passed through me. This was worse than I’d thought. I could have gladly slapped Jonelle at that moment for ever saying that around these children. They were kids and supposed to be laughing and playing on the playground with dogs, not thinking about and dealing with life like miniature adults. I took the girl’s hands in mine much as I had her father’s a few hours ago and looked at her steady in the eye.

  “Listen to me good, sweetheart. Are you paying attention?”

  “Yes.” Her answer was short and her voice uncertain.

  “If your mother gets sick again, there is no way on this earth that you and Cody would go into a foster home. Your daddy would never ever in a million years let that happen. You have too many people in your family who love you and Cody to pieces to ever let you live with strangers. Your grandparents, my parents, me, and especially your daddy.”

  “Does Mama love us too?” she whispered.

  My own throat clenched at the tiny break in her tone. “I’m sure your mother loves you. She wants you to stay with her more than you stay with your daddy and that’s why they fight so much.”

  “I don’t think that’s why they fight. She’s not around that much and we stay at Billy’s watching TV most of the time while they’re out.”

  I was seriously in over my head. How could I answer positively when all I felt was negative toward Jonelle?

  “I’m still sure your mama loves you, sweetheart. She just shows it different.”

  Michelle’s eyes still held doubts, but a familiar bellow came from the back porch.

  “Supper’s over and the cow’s done been put up. Time for bed,” my mother yelled, bringing up old memories of my own childhood. “I reckon them kids need some shut-eye after all the ruckus. Papa’s done skedaddled back up the road t’ the house. Imma stayin’ the night
. Y’all get in here and get washed up.”

  I leaned down to Michelle and whispered loudly so my mother could hear, “I think my mom was in the army when she was younger. She sounds like General George, doesn’t she?”

  “I heard that!” was the muted response.

  Michelle grinned and nodded. I wasn’t sure if she got the cartoon reference, but for now at least she was out of that heavy place in her head.

  I texted Blue to tell him I was putting the kids to bed and to text me when he could.

  Twenty minutes later, the kids were snuggled in my big bed, wearing my T-shirts to sleep in and delighted to be surrounded by canine bodies. They giggled at the dogs’ antics of circling and pushing at each other to find the right spot, but didn’t take long for them to conk out for the night. My mom was curled up in one of the guest bedrooms I had set up and was nose deep in an e-reader, the only modern piece of technology she was willing to touch because she could make the font big enough to see.

  I settled on the couch in the sitting room next to my bedroom. Sam left the sleeping Cody and came over to join me for bit. “Good boy,” I crooned softly as he pushed into my side. I scratched his ears and neck and he groaned, pushing my hand to the spots where he wanted the attention. “Rough night, eh? You were a big help to those kids, big guy.”

  I kept crooning and talking to him for a bit, just enjoying the private time, when my phone beeped a message.

  Blue: On the way. Kids still up?

  Me: No, they are out like lights, sleeping with the dogs. All of them are fit tight like puzzle pieces in my bed but it works.

  There was a long pause and I thought for a minute he was done for the night.

  Blue: I’m outside. Can I come in?

  Sam grunted when I stood up and went back to climb on the bed with the kids and other dogs. Cody mumbled in his sleep and turned over, flopping one arm over Sam’s big back. He didn’t move. I crept down the steps, noticing my mother’s light was off. She typically was in bed for the night long before this hour and was known to sleep like a rock. Blue was standing outside the back door. I could see his broad silhouette through the filmy white curtains. His handsome face was as long and tired as I’d ever seen it. Bags hung under his fatigue-glazed eyes and I was sure he was ready to drop.