They had stopped for the night just a few hours before sunset and had a meal of dried berries and rabbit, caught by Odran and Maura. The fire crackled in front of her, night slowly descending over the forest, while she stitched a tear in one of Odran’s shirts. He had gotten into a scuffle with a patch of briars while out hunting and had come away with a few scrapes.
It felt good to contribute to their small group with one of her more useful skills. She continued pulling the needle through the fabric, listening to Odran and Niall talk among themselves on the other side of the fire, the two men huddled around a map. Rhew was sprawled out next to her, the wolf entertaining herself with a deer antler that Niall had found for her on the forest floor a few days ago.
It was a peaceful way to spend an evening, and part of her almost didn’t want their trip to end. She’d become comfortable with their small group and after weeks of isolation at Ciall, being around others had been its own sort of healing. When Maura eventually returned from checking the horses one last time for the night, Ciara was so focused on her work that she barely noticed the other woman sit down next to her.
“You’re rather good at that,” Maura said, motioning to the half-finished shirt.
“My mother is a seamstress,” Ciara replied with a slight smile. “I’m afraid I’ve had a lot of practice over the years.”
“I think my mother was always a bit beside herself that I was always better at putting holes in clothes than mending them.”
Ciara let out a quiet chuckle. “I’m decent enough with needlework, but I’m nowhere near as skilled as my mother. I complained about all the hours she made me spend sewing when I was younger, but I can’t deny that it comes in handy now and again.”
“Is your mother still living in Arth?”
Ciara bit her lip, her movements slowing. She’d tried not to think of Aideen since leaving home, though she knew that soon enough, she would have to face her mother again. She wasn’t sure what Aideen’s reaction would be when she heard that she’d broken things off with Bleddyn, but Ciara didn’t imagine it was going to be a pleasant one. In her mother’s eyes, agreeing to marry him was the one thing that she had done right with her life. The thought of confronting her mother with the truth made her stomach clench.
“She is,” she finally answered.
“I’m sure she’ll be happy to have you home again.”
Ciara couldn’t hold back her bitter laugh. “I’m not so sure of that. We’ve never really gotten along. I’m far too much like my father and my aunt for her liking.”
“From what I’ve heard of your aunt, that doesn’t seem like such a bad thing.”
Ciara gave the other woman a tentative smile. She had enjoyed the opportunity to get to know Maura and form a friendship with her. The other woman was not only strong, but kind and understanding, along with undoubtedly loyal to both her people and her Ri.
“I don’t mean to pry,” Maura said after a few moments of silence passed between them. “But is there some sort of… history between you and Niall?”
Ciara set the finished shirt aside, stretching out the stiff muscles in her back and letting out a soft sigh. “We grew up together. As far as a history… things change.”
Maura nodded, though it was hard to see her expression now that the sun had fully set and darkness covered the forest.
“Do you have feelings for him?” Ciara asked, licking her lips as her stomach tightened.
Maura was silent for a long moment and Ciara’s mouth went dry. She hoped that she hadn’t overstepped the bounds of their newfound friendship. Maura had been spending more time with Odran than Niall lately, but Ciara was well aware that matters of the heart weren’t always that simple.
“I did,” Maura finally answered, letting out a long sigh. “But Niall is never going to look at me the way that he looks at you.”
Ciara blushed, her heart twisting. “There’s nothing between Niall and me. He doesn’t want there to be.”
Maura gave her a knowing look. “Niall isn’t always the best at knowing what he needs. In a way, I suppose I should thank you. If I hadn’t realized it, I probably would have missed out on the chance to get to know Odran better.”
“Odran is a good man.”
“They both are.” Maura paused, casting Ciara a sidelong glance. “A lot of things changed at Castle Clogwyn when Ri Rhiannon passed. I won’t pretend to know all that transpired between Niall and his father, but something changed. I’ve been watching him around you and he’s different… more like he was before she died.”
Ciara’s throat tightened, her gaze drifting to Niall. She’d tried to respect the distance that he claimed to want between them, but if she were truly honest with herself, her heart still longed for him. More than once, she had found her thoughts wandering back to the night in the cave when he had held her in his arms, the morning that she had seen him shirtless by the river, and the moment that had followed that encounter, where for one foolish moment, she had thought he was going to kiss her. After her disastrous affair with Bleddyn, she knew that she was most likely a fool for dwelling on such things, but her feelings for Niall stubbornly remained.
“Do you ever feel like you’ve made so many poor choices that you can’t possibly start over?” Ciara asked quietly, chewing the inside of her cheek as she stared intently at the fire.
“After my mother left my father, things weren’t exactly easy the first few years,” Maura said, resting her elbows on her knees. “I was still a child, but I watched her go through it all. She always said that leaving him was the hardest and strongest thing she ever did. Then she would always remind me of something: You’re always one choice away from a different life, even if that choice hurts sometimes.”
Ciara swallowed hard, tears stinging her eyes. “I think your mother sounds like a woman I would love to meet someday.”
“I think she’d like to meet you too,” Maura said, looking over at her with a soft smile. “I’m not sure how long you plan to stay at the castle, but I’d be happy to introduce the two of you.”
“I’d like that,” Ciara replied, her voice coming out hoarse. “Thank you.”
Silence fell between them again and Rhew flopped over next to Ciara, the wolf resting her head in her lap. She stroked Rhew behind the ears, the wolf’s company easing some of the ache in her chest. One choice away from a different life. She looked up at the stars, visible through a few breaks in the trees, the million shining lights in the sky almost as comforting as Rhew.
She had grown up letting her mother dictate so much of her life and for years, she had sacrificed her chance at independence to care for her father. She didn’t regret what she had done for him, but it didn’t change the fact that it had led to more of her life being spent under her mother’s thumb. For a few freeing months at Castle Cryf, she had broken away from that pattern, only to have her fledgling confidence crushed by Nuala’s rejection. And then I ran straight into Bleddyn’s controlling arms. The thought still left a painful lump in the back of her throat. But that can change now, she told herself. She would live by her own choices, not the demands of others.
Chapter 24
A Ri’s Vow
Bleddyn resisted the urge to yawn as he strode down the empty hallway of Castle Clogwyn, two of his warriors at his side. It was just before dawn and under normal circumstances, he would have been still asleep, but Cigfran had come to him in a dream, promising him that the power he had long yearned for was within his grasp if he so chose it. When Fiadh had used their bond to call him to her side after he woke, he had been more than ready to answer.
Niall and Ciara still eluded him, and his patience with Regulus was growing thin. Word was spreading across the clan that with Niall and Conor still alive, Bleddyn’s claim as Ri was a premature one. Never mind all that he had done to frame his brother as the aggressor and his father as derelict in his duties; there were still those in Blaidd who refused to be swayed by his falsified tales and threats.
And
it doesn’t help that Niall still has the blasted clan ring in his possession, he thought, barely suppressing a growl of frustration. The piece of jewelry was a simple thing, but like the feather pendant that hung from his neck, passed down to him from his mother, the ring of Blaidd carried much weight with the clans people. Pulling it off his brother’s cold, dead hand and putting it on his own would add another mark of legitimacy to his rule.
The time for action was now. Fiadh had been right in her advice that conquering was easy work. Maintaining control was proving far more difficult than he had first imagined. The advisory councils in Blaidd and Seabhac were easy to bring under his control, as each member was appointed by the standing Ri. The village elders were another matter entirely. They were appointed by the villagers and most of the troublesome rabble appeared to be starting with them, especially among the older elders who had been loyal to his father. He needed more power, power that only Cigfran could give.
When he reached Fiadh’s chambers in the opposite wing of the castle, he told his warriors to wait for him outside. He went to knock, but before he could even rap his knuckles on the door, Fiadh opened it. She ushered him into the main room, where a roaring fire chased off the chill of the night. Her ravens were scattered about the space and as he stared at the birds, he couldn’t help but marvel at how the creatures that had gone from raising the hair on the back of his neck now filled him with confidence.
“The time for your decision has come,” Fiadh said, turning to face him as soon as she closed the door. “The Sons of Blaidd grow stronger with the aid of the Wolf Spirit.”
“And if I choose poorly?” he asked.
She smirked, one of her ravens flying to her shoulder as the first hints of light began to show outside the frosted glass windows. “Then you will watch everything that you have worked so hard to build crumble around you.”
He swallowed hard, averting his gaze. The yearn for absolute power was strong, but he was not so naïve that he had forgotten his father’s warnings regarding the Dark Spirits. But in all of Conor’s fanciful tales, he had never once spoken of the allure, the intoxication, of a Spirit like Cigfran. He had worked too hard, sacrificed too much, to lose it all at the hands of his worthless brother and cousin. Too many times had the world viewed him as a failure. He could be more than the wayward son that everyone had seen him as. He would be.
“I am ready,” he said, squaring his shoulders.
A slow smile spread across Fiadh’s face and she stroked the raven resting on her shoulder. “So be it. Hold out your hand, Ri Bleddyn of Blaidd and Seabhac.”
He took a deep breath, extending his right hand, the one that bore the thin black mark from his blood bond. The raven left Fiadh’s shoulder, coming to rest on Bleddyn’s wrist. The bird focused on him with an otherworldly gaze, its black eyes glowing red.
Your clans and your soul, Cigfran said, the Spirit’s voice drifting into Bleddyn’s thoughts. You must pledge them to me in order to gain what you seek.
He held the raven’s gaze. They are yours.
The bird lashed out, striking his ring finger with its beak. He couldn’t help but flinch at the sharp pain that followed. Blood oozed from the wound and dripped from the creature’s beak when it drew its head back.
Fiadh fixed him with a wicked smile, the bird flying back to her shoulder. “The right choice.”
Bleddyn stared at his finger, watching the bleeding slowly cease, only to be replaced by what looked like a black scab. He could feel it now, Cigfran’s darkness, more strongly than he had ever been able to before. Another one of the ravens flew from the windowsill, making him start when it landed on his shoulder.
“Touch it,” Fiadh said, motioning first to his injured hand and then the bird. “Let Cigfran speak and know that in time, you won’t even need such an intermediary to communicate with it.”
He took a deep breath before raising his hand and touching the bird’s back. The rush of power was tangible and he heard Cigfran once more. You are not to forget who owns you, the Raven Spirit said, but I will bring you a world greater than you can even imagine. Bleddyn smiled. It was precisely what he desired; precisely what he deserved. His father would rue the day he had decided to see his eldest son as incapable and weak.
∞∞∞
The wolf howls woke Ciara in the middle of the night. She’d lain awake for some time, listening to the melodic noise of the nearby pack. Periodically, she could hear Rhew join in on the haunting song. They were only a few miles from the border of Blaidd and according to Niall and Maura, they would reach Castle Clogwyn in four days. The knowledge that she would soon be leaving Niall weighed heavily on her, keeping her awake while the others blissfully slept under the star-filled sky.
She was sorely tempted to linger at the castle for at least a few days. She’d grown attached to the others and though their connections were ones borne out of desperation, she valued them all the same. And, if she were truly honest with herself, the thought of returning to a life without Niall left her with a physical ache. She’d tried to ignore her feelings for him, to shove them aside, but they were as strong as they had ever been.
He was good and he was kind. He knew how to make her laugh and smile in a way that she hadn’t experienced since her father was alive. Though Niall had made a valiant effort to keep the distance between them over the past few weeks, he had proven no better at it than she was in the end. The little interactions, the stolen glances, and the desire to look out for one another still remained. Losing him, losing that, would hurt.
With a sigh, she sat up, pulling her messy braid over her shoulder and twisting the end of it. The fire was burning low, though the night wasn’t as cold as it had been the last few days. Odran and Maura were asleep, but Niall’s makeshift bed was empty. At the edge of the camp, Ciara spied Rhew in the moonlight. The shadowy figure seated next to the wolf could only be Niall.
She should stay where she was, lie back down and try to go back to sleep, but the thought of a few stolen moonlit hours with him before it all came to an end was too enticing. Against her better judgement, she got to her feet. Walking over to the fire, she tossed a few more logs onto the flames to help it keep burning, then strode over to the nearby rocks. Niall started when she approached, whirling around to face her with one hand on the hilt of his dagger.
“Just me,” she quietly called, holding up a hand.
“Sorry.” He sighed, releasing his hold on his blade.
“Understandable, considering the current circumstances,” she replied, climbing up to join him on the flat rock he was seated on. “Couldn’t sleep?”
“Something like that,” he answered, dropping his gaze.
She pulled her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them as the wolf pack continued to howl in the distance, though the noise was growing fainter.
“You must be eager to get home,” she said after a few moments of comfortable silence.
“In some ways, yes,” he replied, stroking Rhew’s back. “In other ways… I don’t relish returning to my people with yet another failure. Many of them needed that trade agreement.”
“Bleddyn would have never treated you or the people of Blaidd fairly. You did the best that you could.”
He let out a bitter laugh. “I’m afraid that there are a great many who will not see it that way. I was never meant to be their Ri.”
“That may be, but you are a far better leader than Bleddyn is. More than that, you’re a far better man than him.”
His jaw was tight and he stared down at his clan ring, twisting it on his finger. “Except I haven’t led. I’ve hidden away and hoped that others would do it for me.”
“Then maybe it’s time to change that,” she said, gently laying a hand on his arm.
He looked at her and their gazes locked. Her mouth went dry and her pulse began to race. She should remove her hand, but she was selfish. She wanted this connection between them, to feel the sparks for just a moment longer before she lost it all. He an
gled himself toward her, moving closer, and a shiver passed down her spine.
Hesitantly, he brushed back a few stray strands of her hair, his hand resting along the side of her face. “You have no idea how much I wish that I could change things.”
“I think I might,” she whispered.
His gaze dropped to her lips, causing her heart to race even faster. When he lowered his head, she held her breath, memories of their first and only kiss flooding her, a kiss that seemed like it was a lifetime ago. She wanted to experience it again, to feel his lips on hers. She held perfectly still as he closed the distance between them, her breath catching. When his lips pressed against hers, his touch was soft, exquisite, and tender, stirring a fire within her that she had never felt before. She pressed herself closer to him as he worked a hand into her hair. She wanted more of him. More of the precious connection between them that made her blood heat even as it filled her with an indescribable rightness. But almost as soon as their exploration of one another had begun, he pulled away, his breathing ragged and his expression pained.
“I can’t,” he softly said, his voice coming out strangled. “I’m sorry, I just… I can’t do this.”
She bit her lip, trying to hide the disappointment that flooded her. It always came back to that. He felt the same passion and draw that she did, that was obvious, yet there was something invisible, something she wasn’t even sure she understood, that always came between them.
“Can we at least have tonight?” she asked, a dull ache in her chest. “A few hours to pretend like things don’t have to be this way?”
He studied her for a long moment before giving a slow nod. Some of the tension in her chest eased and she let out a long breath. After a moment, he slipped an arm around her, pulling her closer, and she happily gave in to the desire to nestle up next to him. In a few days, she would force herself to begin her journey home, to whatever future awaited her there, but tonight she would allow herself to be reckless.
The Betrayer: Tales of Pern Coen (Legacy Book 1) Page 19