“Have you thought about what you’ll do when you return home to Arth?” he asked, rubbing circles on her arm with his thumb and sending tingles of heat through her body with his tender touch.
“Somewhat,” she answered. “I know my mother will most likely want me to come work with her at the shop, though I can’t say that I have any desire to do so. I had hoped by now that…”
“You had hoped what?” he said after a few moments of silence.
She let out a quiet sigh, slumping against him as the shame of her failure washed over her. “I had hoped that by now, I would be part of the war band. I completed the training, but Nuala felt that I wasn’t a good fit.”
His hold on her tightened ever so slightly. “Not a good fit? Why in the blazes not?”
“She said that I was a liability with my lung condition. A risk that she didn’t want to take.”
He looked down at her, holding her gaze, and the desire she saw reflected in his blue eyes made her chest hitch. “You are not a liability. You’re skilled, loyal, and brave. I would be honored to have someone like you in my war band.”
She looked away, blinking rapidly as tears stung her eyes.
“Thank you,” she murmured.
He stroked her hair and she let him tuck her under his chin, resting her head against his firm chest. The thought of parting with him in a few days was almost unbearable, leaving her throat tight and her chest aching, but she would at least have the memories of this night and their stolen kiss. It would have to be enough.
Chapter 25
The Worst Sort of Fool
He had been the worst sort of fool. Niall had thought that one night with Ciara, a few stolen moments to pretend like nothing had ever changed, would cure him of the persistent draw that he felt toward her, but nothing could have been further from the truth. The memories of that night and their kiss still haunted him days later, along with the desires that he fought.
He could so easily remember how it had felt, having her body pressed up against his. Just like he remembered the disappointment in her eyes when he had pulled back from their kiss, but if he had let it continue, he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from telling her that he loved her and that he always had. And yet as he had held her and they had talked into the early hours of the morning, he had felt whole again, not like the shadow of a man that he had been reduced to.
It had come to an end when she had started to fall asleep on him and they had returned to their beds, but as they had traveled over the border into Blaidd, he had caught her stealing glances at him as much as he had been stealing them at her. Even she, it seemed, was plagued by memories of that night.
The previous days’ travel had brought their party roughly a day and a half away from the village of Sionnach, where they would stop to rest and replenish their supplies before the last leg of their journey to Clogwyn. Niall intended to send out a message to the castle as well, to let them know of his impending arrival, but for now, he had at least one more night of sleeping outside. The weather had been cool but fair for the past few days and Niall hoped it would hold until they reached the village. His clan ring was back on his hand and being back in his homeland eased some of the tension that he’d carried for weeks now.
As always, they began their day at sunrise, the four of them having fallen into a familiar rhythm: wake at dawn, ride until midday, pause for a brief break, and then continue on until almost nightfall. Maura and Odran had gone out to hunt for game, leaving Ciara and Niall alone back at the camp. They had eaten the last of their meat the night before, and Maura and Odran had risen early to see what the two of them could find before they began their day’s ride.
The sky was a mixture of orange and pink, visible between the half-empty branches of the trees surrounding them, as Ciara and Niall readied the horses for the day. Rhew lay a few feet away on a pile of dead leaves, occupying herself with her thoroughly gnawed antler. Ciara had been quiet while they had worked, but then again, so had he.
They both busied themselves grooming the horses, cleaning out their feet and tacking them so that they would be ready to leave when the others returned. The inability to tell her how much he cared for her, to even be able to look her in the eye when she was mere feet from him, ate at Niall the longer that they were together. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, that he had never stopped loving her, and that every day, he regretted hiding away from her and the rest of the world, but he couldn’t be that selfish. He didn’t want to be the one to keep her from a normal life. Even if she were to be able to accept him, as Maura had done with Odran, the people of Blaidd would not. And I can’t drag her through that, he thought. I won’t.
With a sigh, he finished tightening the girth on Odran’s saddle, stroking Degwch’s neck when he was done. He had only made it three steps toward Gealach when his body froze. He panicked, his heart racing and his muscles tensing. He could hear Ciara calling his name, but he could barely make out her figure rushing over to him as his vision blurred—
It was no longer day; night had settled over the mountains. The thick trees made the forest surrounding him even darker, and the cold air chilled him to the very bone. In a way, it looked the same as the forest in the Mortal Realm, but the vibrancy of the trees, rocks, and dirt, even in the darkness, made it clear that he was once again in the Spirit Realm.
He heard a low whimper behind him, the noise causing him to turn. A figure limped out of the trees, stumbling toward him. As it drew closer, he could see that the creature was a wolf, its body covered in long gashes while blood oozed from its sides and back. One paw was mangled and its sides rapidly rose and fell.
He immediately started toward the wounded creature but someone grabbed him by the arm and stopped him. He looked over his shoulder to see Ciara standing behind him. He tried again to make his way to the wolf, but she stopped him, stepping in front of him and pressing a hand to his chest.
“Wait,” she said.
She walked over and knelt in front of the wolf, running her hands over its wounds, including its mangled paw. He watched in amazement as the injuries healed. The wolf licked her face and she smiled kindly at it before it ran off back into the forest.
“How?” he asked, staring at her incredulously as she got to her feet and walked back over to him.
She took his hands in hers, a brisk breeze blowing at his back and ruffling the ends of his hair.
“She is a part of this, Son of Blaidd. Your denial does not change the fate that her soul is woven into.”
He tensed, immediately recognizing the Wolf Spirit’s voice, even though he couldn’t see it. Vehemently, he shook his head, dropping Ciara’s hands and backing away from her.
“No,” he said. “I don’t accept that.”
She vanished before him, only a thin white mist left behind in her wake. A strong wind began to blow through the trees, the branches bending and snapping. The caw of a raven pierced the air and he watched in horror as Cigfran’s twisted form flew out of the sky and descended down on him—
“Niall!”
Ciara was frantic; he could hear it in her voice. As his vision cleared, he became aware of her gripping his upper arm, her other hand pressed against his chest as she stared at him, wide-eyed. Shakes and tremors were starting to work their way through his body; it had been a long vision, longer than most. He wrenched away from her, stumbling over to a nearby tree and slumping against it. He sank down to the ground, the rough bark scraping against his back as he squeezed his eyes shut.
“What happened?” Ciara asked, racing over to him and crouching down in front of him. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” he said, trying to focus on catching his breath.
“You weren’t breathing.”
His chest hitched and he opened his eyes, though he refused to meet her gaze. “Of course I was breathing.”
Her jaw tightened. “You weren’t breathing. You weren’t responding… Spirits, Niall, you weren’t even blinking.”
“I am fine,” he repeated, his tone coming across harsher than he would have liked. He winced when he saw her flinch, running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. I just… I’m fine. There’s nothing to worry over.”
Her eyes hardened and she swallowed hard. She opened her mouth, he was sure to argue with him further, but Maura’s voice broke the still air. Niall pushed himself to his feet, his knees still weak, but he wasn’t going to pass up the ideal interruption. He walked over to Gealach, Ciara remaining where she was, her arms crossed as she stared at him in disbelief.
“Is everything alright?” Maura asked when she and Odran joined them.
“Niall—” Ciara began, but he cut her off.
“We can’t linger here,” he said, his stomach quivering as he untied Gealach and threw the reins over the stallion’s neck. “It’s not safe.”
Odran frowned while Ciara narrowed her eyes at him.
“Not safe?” she echoed. “What exactly is that supposed to mean?”
Odran’s gaze locked with Niall’s, the other man’s brow furrowing. “You have a bad feeling about staying here?”
“Something like that,” Niall replied, silently pleading with Odran to understand what he couldn’t say. Seeing Cigfran in his visions never boded well for them and he couldn’t shake the image of the wounded wolf or Ciara’s abrupt disappearance.
Odran gave him a curt nod. “No sense in delaying. If we push the horses a bit more today, we might even be able to make it to Sionnach before nightfall tomorrow.”
“That would be for the best,” Niall said, swinging up onto Gealach.
Maura let out a frustrated sigh, pursing her lips. “Is there some sort of hidden danger the two of you would like to tell the rest of us about? I don’t understand this sudden rush to get to Sionnach when we’re safely in Blaidd. We haven’t seen any signs of pursuit for days.”
“This isn’t me asking,” Niall said, his jaw tight. “This is me telling you as your Ri that we are leaving here. Now.”
Maura’s expression soured, matching Ciara’s own furious gaze, and their looks left Niall’s stomach churning. In a matter of seconds, he had managed to alienate both of them and he could only hope that at some point, they would forgive him. He silently cursed while the others mounted, hating being so unable to tell them the truth and knowing that their disdain for him would probably only grow deeper if he did so. In their eyes, he was sure that he looked no better than Bleddyn in this moment. As soon as the others were mounted, he took the lead of their small party, pushing Gealach into a brisk trot. The power that had been given to him was no gift. It was a curse.
Chapter 26
In the Dark
Ciara hadn’t spoken to Niall since they had started the day’s ride, and the mood between the four companions was tense. Niall was holding something back, something that Ciara suspected Odran was more aware of than either she or Maura, and that knowledge left her stomach in knots. Had Bleddyn been right all along? Had Niall changed into a man she no longer knew? The questions plagued her over the course of the day and by the time they stopped for the night, she was both drained and on edge.
She and Odran saw to the horses while Maura fixed their meal and Niall tended to the fire. In the morning, they would continue the last few miles to Sionnach, but Ciara was torn over whether or not she wished to continue in the company of those around her all the way to Castle Clogwyn. She had thought that she could trust Niall, but now she wasn’t so sure. Odran was silent as they rubbed down the horses, working on Degwch while she tended to Maura’s mare. Her doubts had been eating her up inside all day and she couldn’t stand not knowing the truth. Being lied to reminded her too much of her life with Bleddyn.
“You know something,” she said, her stomach in knots as she peered at Odran over Flodyn’s back. “Something that Maura and I are in the dark about.”
He didn’t answer right away, staring hard at Degwch while he continued to run a brush over the mare’s sweaty coat.
“I’m not interested in staying with yet more men who lie to me,” she told him, her voice growing hard.
He sighed, meeting her gaze. “Niall’s secret isn’t mine to tell, but I suppose the least I can do is tell you mine.”
She froze, blinking rapidly. “Yours?”
“Yes.” He rubbed the back of his neck, clearing his throat. “Mine.”
Her heart pounded as she waited for him to continue, her mouth dry. She fought not to imagine the worst possible things that he could have been holding back from her all this time, but her thoughts seemed destined to go to such dark places regardless.
“When I was fourteen,” he said. “I was out with my father. We were gathering herbs for my mother when a blizzard came up. We got separated and I got disoriented trying to find my way back home. I was tired and freezing to death and I remember that I grew so desperate that I began to think that if only I was a wolf or some other creature, I would be able to keep warm and find my father again. The next thing I knew, I was one.”
Ciara took a step back, shaking her head. “You were what? A wolf? Odran, that’s impossible. It’s not like you’re a….”
She trailed off, swallowing hard as she took in his solemn expression.
“You can’t be,” she whispered. “That’s impossible. The Spirits don’t grant giftings. Not anymore.”
“I can’t be what? A shapeshifter?” He gave her a tight smile. “I’m afraid it’s not as impossible as you might think.”
She covered her mouth, reeling from his words. Of all the possible scenarios she had thought of, Odran being a shapeshifter was not one of them. Shifters were things of legend, long gone from the island, along with mind-speakers and seers. Even Briallen of Ceffyl was the last of the healers. There had been none since her, not in decades. The giftings were supposed to be gone, vanished like the Spirits that gave them, and yet…
She looked up at Odran, her mouth slack. “Do the others know?”
“They do.” He sighed, dipping his chin. “But don’t be angry with them. They both discovered the truth by accident and I swore them not to speak a word of it to anyone.”
“Why?” she asked, her stomach hardening. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“I don’t tell anyone,” he answered. His tone was even, but she noticed his posture grew more rigid as he spoke. “The one time that the people around me, outside of my family, knew the truth, I found myself run out of town like I was some sort of monster.”
She shook her head, rubbing her brow. A sense of dread came over her, a heavy feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. “Is it a gifting that allows Niall not to breathe and still live?”
“You’ll have to speak to him yourself,” Odran answered.
A chill passed down her spine and her thoughts went back to when she had seen him shirtless in the river, but this time it wasn’t to reminisce over his enticing physique. She honed in on the memory of his strange tattoo, the one that he said he’d gotten after his mother died. Her breath caught as more memories assailed her, one in particular sticking with her more strongly than the rest: her father telling her when she was a girl about how those who were gifted were marked by the Spirits.
As she began to think on all the things she had noticed over the last few weeks, her chest tightened. Niall’s hesitance around crowds, the way he held them all at arm’s length, and his tendency to lock himself away from everyone else. He was hiding something. She turned on her heel, determined to know the truth, but she only made it a few steps before Odran called to her. She paused, looking back at him.
“Go easy on him,” Odran said. “It’s not easy having something like this thrust upon you.”
She nodded, her stomach quivering as she crossed their small camp. Niall was in front of the fire with Rhew, staring hard at the flames, his jaw tight. He didn’t look up when she walked over and she had the niggling thought that he might have overheard at least part of her conversation with Odran. At the very least, h
e had seen the exchange.
“We need to talk,” she told him.
He let out a long breath, focusing on his clasped hands for a few moments before he got to his feet. His shoulders were tense as they walked over to a thick grove of trees a few feet away from the others. Ciara noticed Maura looked their way and began to call for them, but Odran intercepted her.
Folding her arms, Ciara turned her attention back to Niall. “You lied to me. To all of us.”
He was silent, looking beyond her while working his jaw. She waited him out, hating that her pulse quickened and her palms grew sweaty the longer the silence stretched between them.
“Odran told you, did he?” he finally asked.
When he looked back at her, his shoulders were slumped and the fight had gone from his eyes, replaced with something she didn’t expect to see: pain.
“What are you, exactly?”
“A seer,” he answered, pressing his lips together into a slight grimace.
Her eyes widened at his blatant honesty. A seer? First Odran is a shifter and now this? If she hadn’t seen his… episode earlier that morning and spoken with Odran, she might not have even believed it, but she had already seen too much to doubt him.
“How long?” She held her arms more tightly around herself, forcing herself to meet his gaze.
“Right after my mother died.” He dropped his head when he said it, but she still caught a glimpse of him pinching his lips together.
“Is that why you stopped writing?”
“I couldn’t…” He paused, running a jerky hand through his hair before looking back up at her. “My life will never be normal. Not unless the Spirits take pity on me and decide to take this away.”
The Betrayer: Tales of Pern Coen (Legacy Book 1) Page 20