Waiting on my Reason

by Devon Ashley

  That was so not okay.

  “Chelsie!” I yelled out across the bar. Slightly stunned, she turned to look at me. My face must’ve been something awful, because she excused herself and came towards me, intensely analyzing me all the way. “Can you handle the bar for a few minutes? I need to make a phone call.”

  “Yeah, sure. Is something wrong because you look–”

  “I’m fine,” I interrupted, holding up my hand in a back-off fashion as I aimed for the kitchen door. “Thanks!”

  I swept past Marcus in the kitchen and closed the office door behind me. First thing I did was call Susie, even though it was after ten already. Her phone rang six times before she picked it up. Before she could even say hello, I blurted, “Hey Susie, is everything going okay there?”

  “Melanie?” she asked in a sleepy haze. “Yes, of course. Jake’s fine. Fell asleep around nine. Why?”

  I let out a sigh of relief, beginning to shake my head for feeling so paranoid. Brad didn’t know where I lived. Neither did Shane. And they certainly didn’t know where Jake would be while I worked. “I’m sorry. I just had this horrible feeling all of a sudden, but I shouldn’t have woken you up. I realize now how silly it was to worry.”

  “It’s alright. No harm done. Will you still be here after midnight?”

  “Yes. Try to go back to sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “All right. Goodnight.”

  I said goodnight and hung up. I didn’t feel as relieved as I thought I would, my chest still filled with an annoying burst of anxiety. I dialed Karen next and waited for her to answer.

  “Hey, girlie,” she said chipperly. “Wuz up?”

  “I think Brad’s in town,” I burst.

  “What?” she snapped, the fun gone from her voice. “How? Why?”

  “Amber,” I groaned. “She came in tonight bragging about fucking Shane and then mentioned Brad was with him.”

  “Brad was there while Shane fucked her? Disgusting!”

  “What? No! Independent remarks there.”

  “Uh, okay, we’ll get back to that Shane bit in a minute, but Brad’s in town?! Do you really believe her? I mean, the girl’s a bitch. I’m sure she’d say anything to get a rise out of you.”

  “Yeah, she would. Which is why she mentioned the Shane part. The Brad part… How would she know to say that? She has no idea what’s been going on here. If Shane had told her about it she would’ve said something more heinous. I think she was just rubbing in the fact that my ex is no longer fuck material. She has no idea what his being in town would mean to me.”

  “Okay, okay,” she tried to soothe. “We’ll figure this out. I can be there first thing in the morning.”

  “What? No! I wasn’t calling to rally the troops, I’m just freaking out here a bit. Besides, you just got back home this morning.”

  “Yeah, and by this afternoon, Kevin’s boss asked him to be in Oklahoma City tomorrow to give a presentation. Apparently the guy who was going to go got sick. It’s all last minute. He left at dinner time and he won’t be back until late tomorrow night. I can totally come back. You’re not even a two-hour drive.”

  Gawd, that was tempting. I was seriously feeling outnumbered here. “What did I ever do to deserve a friend like you, huh?”

  “Simple. You called out that asshole Mark when he tried to tell the whole school I threw myself at him and gave him a titty dance after homecoming sophomore year. Lying bastard. It didn’t even occur to me to have him prove he’d seen me naked by announcing where and what my tattoo was.”

  I laughed. “I can’t believe he said it was a unicorn.”

  “Jesus. Seriously. What am I? Ten? I can’t believe he actually thought I’d have one. I was only sixteen! Very clever on your part.”

  “Yeah, well. I was already with Brad at that point, so he wouldn’t be able to do anything to me without risking a beat down. I was already popular.” For some reason I actually did air quotes when I groaned that word. “I had nothing to lose.”

  “But you had a friend to gain. Aww,” she cooed teasingly. “Like I said bi-atch. I’m there for you. I’ll see you in the morning and we’ll figure out what the hell is going on, even if we have to set the town on fire to flush their asses out.”

  Getting Brad up was no easy feat. The guy was the heaviest damn sleeper I’d ever met. Sadly, he was always that way, so I couldn’t even blame it on the booze or drugs. Although I sure as hell could blame the shaking on that. His body twitched even in his sleep, so I knew it wouldn’t be pretty when he awoke. Eyeing the bag on the floor beside him, I was tempted to rummage through it and flush whatever stash he had on him, but I knew it was pointless. Not only would he just go out and find some more, but he’d be jonesing until he found it. No way I’d be able to get him to the clinic in an hour to give his DNA sample.

  Instead, I rudely woke him up by blasting that Informer song into his ear. Best ninety-nine cents I ever wasted, getting to watch his face pucker as he began swatting my phone away. “Fuckin’ dick,” he muttered, dragging his hand through his oily roots. Maybe it would’ve been more beneficial to dump soapy water on him.

  “Get up,” I ordered. “Matt’s out of coffee so we’ve got to make a stop before your appointment.”

  “Fuckin’ cunt.”

  “I don’t have one, moron,” I replied with annoyance, heading back to my bedroom to grab my phone and wallet.

  “No, but that bitch whose fault it is I’m here does.”

  Just a few more hours and I could put him on the bus home. I kept saying that to myself over and over again, trying to drown the urge to throttle him. I loved him like a brother, but I didn’t particularly like him at the moment.

  Forty minutes later I was finally able to pull up to the only shop this town had that specialized in coffee. Damn I was tired. Somehow Amber got a hold of my number last night and called me at two in the morning, trying to seduce me over the phone into coming over. Then she started in with the sexting, going as far to send me naked pictures I didn’t want. I silenced my phone at that point, but it took hours to fall back asleep. And I was pretty sure Brad was the reason she had my number. Jerk probably gave it to her after she rejected him, just to fuck with me, because he knew I wanted nothing to do with her. Which sure as hell made it harder to want to help him.

  And just when I thought my morning couldn’t feel any worse, Karen came out of the coffee shop just as we were climbing out of the truck. She spotted me immediately, then her eyes found their way to Brad. Her mouth agape, her skin went so ashen you’d think she’d just seen a ghost. Brad apparently didn’t fare any better when it came to recognizing her because he passed right on by, oblivious that her dumbfounded expression was for his benefit. I followed right past, ignoring her wide-eyed stare as well. Once inside and waiting in line, I braved a look out the corner of my eye. She burst into movement, stepping into an older black Jeep Cherokee, pulling out in just seconds. I didn’t need to be a psychic to figure out where she was headed right now.

  “What do you want man?” I asked, figuring I’d probably have to pay for this, too.

  “Coffee. Black.”

  He disappeared into the bathroom while I ordered our drinks. When he came back out, he seemed calmer and the shakes were completely gone, but he kept rubbing at his reddened nose.

  Great.

  He dumped two creams in and followed me back to the truck. As I started the engine, he pulled a flask from his backpack. “Are you for real?” I asked, watching him make his coffee a little more Irish. “Do you ever drink anything that isn’t spiked?”

  “Don’t start with me. You have no idea how stressed I am right now.”

  I huffed and rolled my eyes as I pulled into traffic. Him? He wasn’t even the one on the frontline of this mess. And this damn dilemma sure as hell wasn’t the reason he couldn’t put the alcohol away.

  “Whatever,” I muttered. I could feel the death glare coming my way, but I never bothered to acknowledge it. I needed
him to get inside that clinic and do what he came to do so I could get him on the damn bus back out of town. I felt for the guy, I really did, but he was the only person who could turn his life around. I was happy to support him and give him a boost, but I couldn’t force him to grow up. Blaming his grandmother or Mel for his life could only be done for so long. Eventually, he had to start taking responsibility for his day-to-day actions.

  I parked in front of the clinic, an old brick and mortar one-story, and turned the engine off. Pointing casually outside, I said, “This is it.”

  As I released my seat belt, he muttered, “Thanks man, but I don’t need an escort for this.”

  He climbed out, coffee in hand, and disappeared into the building. I sighed and leaned the seat back, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I was so damn paranoid I’d moan Mel’s name that I hardly slept at all last night. I hated that I thought it, but I was ready for him to go back home. He just wasn’t the same guy I grew up with anymore. Not even a shadow of the Brad I knew in high school. I get that he fell on hard times, but at some point, everything began to change about him. And I mean everything. It wasn’t just physical. It was his demeanor, his attitude, and this new expectation that others should automatically take care of him because his life had taken a downward spiral. Shit, plenty of people got the shit end of the stick in life, many of who rose above it and made something out of their life. But Brad…he just didn’t seem interested in anything but drinking the day away.

  I was a horrible friend for thinking that about him. But I was beginning to wonder how much help a person could shell out before they realized their subject had no desire to change. And I feared I was dangerously close to finding that out.

  BAM-BAM-BAM!!!

  I jumped to life, my eyes taking a moment to focus on my surroundings. Suddenly, I heard, “You jerk! You brought that asshole to Berryville?”

  Mel. Outside my window. And damn, she was fuming. Fucking Karen. I knew she was on her way to rat me out. I just didn’t expect Mel to show up here knowing Brad was with me.

  “Would it kill you to just butt out already?” she continued shouting. I popped the door open and stepped out. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” She slammed her hands into my chest with such force I actually stumbled backwards and hit the truck.

  I couldn’t believe she actually did that, and that she was capable of that much force. Still, I was too tired to actually yell my response. “Do you?” I said, reaffirming my ground, doing a better job at keeping my hands to myself. “I get that your relationship with Brad went to shit, but how could you trick that old woman by giving Jake the Montgomery name?!”

  She looked ready to really smack me this time, so I mentally prepared myself to stop her if she did.

  “I didn’t trick her!” Her arms were flailing about, but she didn’t come my way. “She asked me to!”

  My mouth fell open, anxious to fire back, but it took a few seconds for my brain to process what she said, so all that hung in the air between us was silence. “What?” I finally asked, the intensity of my voice weakening.

  “She asked me to,” she repeated. Her hands cut the air. “You and Brad never listen. You know nothing about what’s happened since you left. I didn’t trick anyone. Joyce knew the truth about everything.”

  “If she knew the truth then why would she ask you to give Jake her last name?”

  She huffed and shook her head at me, her hands clasping her head, ready to tear her hair out.

  Aghast, she blurted, “Why do you think, dipshit?”

  She stormed off before I could reply. Well, I could’ve, but as incredibly pissed off as she was right now, she would’ve ignored me and kept going anyways. Right before she climbed into the car parked behind me and peeled off, she cried, “Gawd! You’re so fucking clueless sometimes!”

  I sighed loudly and thumped my head back against the driver’s side window. Well, at least she was actually telling me something useful for once.

  But what the hell was that all about? Maybe Joyce knew Brad couldn’t have kids. He was the last in their family line. Maybe Joyce didn’t care that Mel’s baby was someone else’s. But what really irked me was that Joyce couldn’t be bothered to shower Matt with some love and affection but she could easily do it for the girl who cheated on her grandson? What the hell? This was like a bad fucking soap opera.

  Suddenly, a car screeched to a halt behind mine. Mel jumped from the running car, her path dead-set on me again. Pointing her finger, she angrily said, “You know, all you give a shit about is the money. Have you stopped for one second and asked why Joyce passed away in the first place?”

  “I assumed she…um…” Fuck. No, I hadn’t. But it wasn’t my grandmother so it didn’t really occur to me to think about it. I guess I assumed natural causes due to old age.

  “It was cancer dipshit. The big fucking C.” My chest suddenly felt heavy, hearing how hard it was for her to say those words. Her face twitched, like she was trying to fight back the tears that were glistening in her eyes. “But did Brad know that? Did he ever call to ask how she was doing? He was the one that did a disappearing act. Not her. Not me. She had no one left to care for her. Her condition maxed out her health benefits and she had to sell everything she owned just to pay for the chemo. I was the one who waited tables twelve hours a day, seven days a week to pay a caregiver to take care of her. So don’t you dare tell me that I had no right to accept that life insurance policy on Jake’s behalf. She left it to him because she wanted to be the one to pay for–”

  She paused, her chest heaving, lungs trying desperately to catch up with her.

  “What? To pay for what?”

  “Forget it. It’s none of your damn business. Or Brad’s. You can tell him the money’s all gone now. You can tell him to go fuck himself.”

  “Am I missing something here?”

  “Seems you’re missing a shitload of things. Here, I’ll get you started. Your poor, oh-woe-is-me BFF knew I was pregnant when he left. He abandoned me to deal with it myself. Told me to go fuck myself and get an abortion. Then my parents died. I had no one! Joyce had no one. You want to know why she asked me to give Jake her last name? Because we were all we had. We were family.”

  If she was looking to stun me, she did a good job. I had hoped Matt was wrong about her parents, I just didn’t have the time to check his story out for myself yet. “I’m sorry about your parents,” I replied softly. It seemed to calm her down a bit, but a tear finally managed to break through her defenses. “When did it happen?”

  She took a moment to compose herself, spinning in a circle with her hands on her hips. “When I was just three months pregnant. I hadn’t even worked up the courage to tell them they were going to be grandparents.”

  “Mel, I’m so sorry.”

  “You’re sorry,” she parroted, tears falling freely now. With an annoyed shake, she scoffed, “If you’re so fucking sorry, then stop your damn witch hunt and leave us the hell alone already.” Motioning to the gawkers who turned away when she waved her arm about, she added, “Thanks to you I’m going to be the talk of the town again, and once again I’ll be forced to pay for the sins of others. Just. Leave.”

  It crushed me to hear those words. Just. Leave. My heart felt ripped as she made her way back to her car.

  My chest thumped wildly, but it wasn’t because of all the agony spreading through my insides.

  “Wait a minute! What do you mean Brad knew?”

  The car door was already opened. “Seriously?” She shook her head and hid herself away in the car, quickly driving away to put as much distance between us as possible. This time she didn’t come back.

  My mind was still reeling but the damn hamster fell off the wheel. My head was filled with so much crap from both points of view that I didn’t have a freaking clue how it all fit together. It was the worst he-said she-said fiasco I’d ever encountered. Brad and I had been best friends since the third grade and never once did I catch him in a lie. I only kne
w Mel for three years before I moved, but I never caught her in a lie either. So either one of them was a damn fine liar, or some major miscommunication happened along the way.

  Fifteen minutes later, Brad emerged from the clinic and climbed into the truck. I somehow managed to smoothly force out, “So how’d it go?”

  “It went,” was all he said.

  I had taken the time since Mel left to shuffle around all the crap the two of them had been spitting at me these past few years. I was curious as hell to find out if Brad knew all this time that Mel got pregnant, but I decided not to ask and just wait for the paternity test to come back first. As much as I hated being the mediator between these two, I feared what could possibly happen if Brad found out it was Mel that got his grandmother’s money. Because in all honesty, I didn’t know this new Brad very well. What if he did something stupid to hurt her? I’d never forgive myself, even if she was guilty to some degree.

  “Alright. Well, let’s go get your ticket home. I checked the schedule already. There’s a bus leaving at eleven that will get you to Houston.”

  “I can’t. I need to stay one more day.”

  My insides were already churning at the thought of dragging him around another day. “Why?”

  “The guy that’s picking me up can’t do it until tomorrow.”

  “Can’t someone else?”

  “No.”

  I released a long, heavy sigh, not bothering to hide my growing annoyance with him.

  “What?” he asked. “You want me to leave already?”

  He actually sounded a little hurt, which of course made the guilt settle in. “Well, it’s just I only asked Matt to put you up for one night.”

  “I already asked him. He said it was alright.”

  Biting my tongue, I tried to divert my annoyance to somewhere other than my face, so my right hand gripped the steering wheel harder, twisting back and forth. No way in hell he asked Matt. Brad just knew Matt wasn’t the type of guy to turn him down for one more night, and his inconsiderateness was pissing me off.

  “So are you ever going to ask me how your grandmother died?”