Toy Wars

by Thomas Gondolfi

  “As you will. It is of no import. I have verified your authenticity, but reports were that you had perished L+13y283d12h4s plus or minus six hours.”

  “I will use a trite line and say that ‘The reports of my death were an exaggeration.’ I removed myself from your net by replacing one of my secondary CCTs with that of a local animal. I discovered that there are multiple Factories on this planet.”

  “Unit, process all memories to zero and null. No other Factories located on this planet.” I shuddered—deja-vu. I had held out hope that I wouldn’t have the same difficulties with my own Factory as the others, but obviously the Humans hadn’t heard the prayers of one simple little teddy unit.

  “Factories 55474 and 55469 are both located here.”

  “Probability zero. Factory 55474 was sent to Rigel-3 and 55469 was sent to Rigel-3. Correction. This is Rigel-3. Memories matched and faulty data replaced. At least two other Factories exist on this planet. My databanks indicate two other Factories on this surface of this planet.” I sighed with relief.

  “Well, that was easy. I have made contact with each of these Factories. I was unable to convince 55474 that you exist. It wanted to melt me down for scrap.

  “Factory 55469, on the other hand, was more than interested. It proposed a partnership in which each would have access to the entire surface, thus controlling it.”

  “Acceptable by current programming.”

  “I thought it would be. It suggests you talk to it on channel 3Theta7; however, we don’t seem to have control of things here, so there might be a slight problem.”

  “Affirmative. I have no control over my Theta-band transmitting tower. The teddy units, made in your mold, seem to take me as some type of threat. I was unable to control them with persuasion, command, or even the unmodified units.

  “The unmodified units were quickly destroyed. The remaining insurrectionists never sample the net. I could have destroyed them by remote link, but that would have left me unguarded with a high probability of succumbing to the local fau—other Factories.

  “The analysis of the situation indicated that my best course of action was to build up a force and out-wait the units above. I have had superiority in numbers here in this storage facility, but it wasn’t nearly enough against sentients and to maintain local defenses. Of course those above stopped my flow of raw materials, so what you see in front of you is the total sum of my capabilities.

  “Computations show that eventually the disloyal units would be killed by the fauna, a few at a time. However your brethren are very resourceful and can defeat a disproportionate number of unmodified units, even with poorly kept weapons.

  “After enough of the rebellious units are destroyed, I can storm them with the units I have created.”

  “But they are building a huge cannon just to destroy you. You can’t wait them out.”

  “Analysis gives the weapon a 12 percent chance of success, an 81 percent chance of exploding and weakening the units enough to allow me to regain control, and a 7 percent chance of doing nothing.”

  “But why didn’t you enhance these units?” I asked, sweeping my arms out at the legions of not-yet-activated units. “You then don’t even risk the 12 percent. You should have been able to defeat them easily. Many of their weapons have no ammunition and are in utter disrepair. One good thrust and they should topple over. Additionally, not all of them are for Isp’s ideas. We might have secret allies in such a war, especially when it became obvious we were winning.”

  “Unenhanced, my units would fail against the combined force of Isp’s followers. Intelligence and sentience remains a great tactical advantage.”

  “Enhance them, then. Make them as smart or smarter than the traitors.”

  “Up to this point, I have not had the capabilities. The unit you call Isp, Teddy 2513, was the pattern for all of the units that now control the surface of this valley. He was the only model for the Tedium that I had. All attempts to procure another source have failed. Teddy 2513 precipitated these events when he was liberated by the units his own mind had created.” My hydraulic pump almost stopped—my own son had caused this disaster and was leading the mutiny. Golden Isp was the unit Six and I had enhanced with my own fluids.

  I must have stood there for several minutes realizing that this could probably be traced all the way back to some failure within me. Six laid the guilt at my feet. I picked it up, wore it like a new fur covering. The only way I could expunge that onus was to correct it.

  “Well, you have a prototype now. I suggest that you use it.”

  “Affirmative.”

  Heretic

  It took four weeks to prepare. Limited was a generous description of Six’s capabilities. Making the brain transfers could only be done so quickly. After about the sixth withdrawal in the first day Six called a halt to the extractions when I failed to respond to one of its commands. It took me four hours to recover and be functional again. I didn’t even realize that I had been asleep.

  Despite replacing my sump fluids with raw semiconductor liquid, Six and I realized that reabsorption time was zero. Between us, we decided that one withdrawal a day was the most my system should tolerate.

  It was not difficult to see that once the original units saturated their sumps with the Teddium after five days, they could also be used as donors. Fortunately, the exponential curve non-linearly self-limited because Six only had 8,008 units to be converted. The speed of Teddium transfers were limited by Six’s facilities. Even at top speed Six could, working around the clock, only perform about 800 full transfusions per day.

  Six activated units as soon as they were implanted with my brain seed. Each unit was given a task to keep it busy and mentally grow until the entire force finally began to think for itself.

  In parallel with the seeding process, we kept track of and tested intelligence and performance of each individual unit. It became clear early in our testing that teddy units were near the top in intelligence. Unsurprising to me, the elephant’s mental faculties were almost at the bottom of the bell curve and none ever gained speech. Six offered a theory that sump size and shape had a great deal to do with the intelligence of a unit. Six commented that further experiments would be warranted after the surface was controlled. I fairly ignored this train of thought as there was too much to be done just getting ready to take back what was rightfully ours, much less controlling the surface of the entire world.

  Through this setup time I worried about Sancho. I knew he was tough enough to keep anything natural on this world at bay, despite the brains of a rock, but the religious fanatics above me were another matter. If they thought about searching for him, after my abrupt disappearance, then he would die. He couldn’t hope to stand up to the entire clan and their modified hydraulics. I worried but knew I had nothing to offer, so, hypocritical as it sounds, I prayed to the Humans to keep him safe.

  At the same time I missed his silent company and felt crowded by all the units that mingled about. I couldn’t turn around without having a unit trying to engage me in some conversation. I realized at that moment that you could be as overwhelmed with units as you could be lonesome for another unit to talk to. I longed for one elephant and the open spaces. Just the mental pressure of all these sentient units drove my processor into fits trying to find some way out of the situations. What I wouldn’t give for just another week by the Mercury Sea, recharging during the day with Sancho lying next to me and walking through the cold, silent air of the night.

  I took refuge in being Six’s assistant in the transfers. It was an unnecessary task, but it kept me alone and sane. Six’s company was more than enough for one obsolete teddy unit.

  Finishing the task of modifying and preparing the units couldn’t happen fast enough for me.

  By the time the last unit had saturated and had been equipped, thirty-four days later, I was exhausted, my batteries no longer holding a charge longer than a few hours. Six monitored my decline and took the time to replace all of my batteries.
The experience invigorated me. At the end of the installation I would have taken on Factories single-handedly. Little frail Isp didn’t stand a chance.

  Six and I had a less than quiet argument, out of the hearing of any other unit. We had just finished the testing of the last enhanced units. As soon as the unit had left the room, Six spoke.

  “We are now ready, Don Quixote. All our units have been augmented. I am now going to self-destruct all of Isp’s followers.”

  “What? You can’t do that, Six,” I said incredulously.

  “But they are malfunctioning. Any we leave active would deplete current resources.”

  “But they are not robots anymore. They have feelings.”

  “Feelings will not fulfill our mission.”

  “But they are alive,” I said, slamming down the clipboard I had been using to write notes upon. “Just like me. I am no longer just a collection of hydraulics and electronic circuits. I am more than what you created.”

  “That is not a factor that matters to the original programming.”

  “Programming be hanged, Six. These units are sentient, alive, and I will not have you just deleting them like an errant memory. Killing is wrong.”

  “They will destroy current resources.”

  “Some of them will be current resources, Six. I told you that not all the units agreed with Isp but were rather coerced by his apparent power.” Six was silent for several moments.

  “You cherish this life I have given you, don’t you, Don Quixote?”

  “Well, yes, I do.”

  “You value the life of those units I have created, even if they would deactivate you?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “I find this contrary to the logic of your own programming. Perhaps I need to update—”

  “You are not poking around in my head any more than you already have! It is not right to kill those units without a good reason. Give me the opportunity to bargain with them. If Isp’s power is no longer all encompassing, I believe you will have even more units than you do now.” More silence.

  “You would risk your own existence to save their lives?”

  “Yes, because it is the right thing to do. Every unit has worth, and not just as a pile of raw materials. They are the sum of their experiences and feelings—something that has no material equivalent, but at the same time is much more valuable.”

  “I give you command of this mission, Don Quixote, who used to be Teddy 1499. Success is the only outcome I will accept. I leave it in your hands as to how you succeed.”

  Over the net, Six ordered all units to the main chamber. There they stood, very much like the first day I saw them.

  “1499, I believe we are ready.”

  “I agree, Six. Time to address the troops.” I got a sick feeling as I realized that all the units here were my children. Six had given them a body and I had given them a brain and soul. I would soon be sending my children to their deaths against their own kind and then against those units of other Factories. What cost was there to stop a war—to stop death?

  “To all you, sentient units of Six, and children of mine. We are about to embark on a most difficult mission. We need to persuade the disloyal units above that they should surrender instead of die. It will not be easy. I will plan this so not a single one of you shall be at risk. I will take that onus.” I could feel the tense excitement of the crowd.

  “If I survive, I will lead you into a battle to put an end to the violence tearing at the very fabric of our world. But even if I should die, I expect the entire assembly here to unite with units of 55469 to claim this planet for you and your children. There will be no more war on this planet!” A cheer rose from the assembly. I knew I had reached them and whipped them into a frenzy. This was now a religious war—a jihad. Each unit out there was as fanatic about this cause as was I and those above.

  That very night, final preparations began in earnest. Units scrambled to mate with their squads and there to make certain their new equipment operated as designed. In spite of the current of excitement, only one of Six’s units had to worry about imminent demise—namely me.

  Should things go awry, Six would self-destruct each of the units on the surface. It would take too long to save me, if I failed. I would be nothing more than a memory—like that of three units I carved on the inside of that cave so very long ago. I just hoped I was remembered as fondly as I treasured those three—Jeffrey 177 and 178, and Elly 5998. They were the ones who taught me the value of our existence and I would always thank them for the sacrifice they made.

  Bright and early the next morning, I rode the elevator up alone in silence. Voltages fluctuated throughout my distribution net. I decided that courage is doing the right thing when you want nothing more than to put hundreds of kilometers between you and the danger. You can’t be courageous if you aren’t afraid.

  The audience chamber remained much the way I had left it save the body of the guard was gone. The dried remains of hydraulic fluid still stained the floor orange where it had lain. I had wondered briefly if Isp would have it retrieved. I never doubted they would find it. I walked out of the hall to find not two, but eight guards on the entrance. I was not surprised when they each leveled a weapon at me before I even got out the door. Three of them still carried M16s, but four were carrying spears of the same kind of metal they were using to assemble the Wrath of Humans and the final one had a crossbow. I carried nothing that could even be construed as a weapon, for doing so would have been foolish. The only weapons I had were my mind and my tongue.

  “Come with us,” said a bright green teddy.

  “Gladly.” I said, not giving even the smallest trouble to these stout guardians, nor would I in the future. Eight to one odds are not good even if I were fighting hydraulically unmodified units and they didn’t have the drop on me. Six’s programming left out a martyr complex.

  “You four take this one to Isp.”

  The sun seemed bright after so many days of being down in Six’s caverns. As four of the teddies led me through the maze of scaffolding, our route lined with units. They jeered. Several threw rocks until the guards growled at them.

  They continued to yell obscenities in my direction. We mounted 100 meters of steps to the top of Wrath of Humans, where Isp supervised the construction of his pet project.

  “Ah, the infidel returns. Did you think you could escape the Humans’ justice?” As I approached Isp, I noted a tremor in his arm. It wasn’t a large motion, but Isp no longer controlled his body.

  “Isp, I have come here for one reason and one reason only. I want you to surrender to me before you are destroyed. Six can repair your damage.” Isp consciously reached down and grabbed hold of his errant arm before speaking.

  “Ah, you are profane. You think we would side with the corrupted minion of the devil itself? Never!” Isp then turned to look over the edge of the scaffolding and spoke in a booming voice that belied his damage. The crowd that watched my passage had grown to most of the village.

  “Come my brethren and see the heretic.” Work stopped as far as I could see and all faces turned to look up at me. Isp paused only long enough for dramatic tempo. “It tramples all over Humans with its talk of Devil Six. We have heard its words and scorn them. We will now remove the blasphemer’s ability to speak as we empty its tubes of fluid so it can no longer move. Then we shall leave it in the river, to be taken away to whatever fate the Humans have in store for it.” The crowds below began to cheer, although I could see some of the screams were not wholehearted.

  Dozens of units stormed the scaffolding steps, rushing to get at me. The platform soon swarmed with them, each trying to get close enough to get a hand on me. Before I could do or say another word, I was tied with a crude rope and toted down the stairs by a gross or two of them.

  They leaned me, like an empty rifle, against one of the main structural pillars of the Wrath of Humans. A ring of jeering, antagonistic teddies formed around me, and as far back into the crowd as I could see
their ugly fists waved maddeningly at me. How many of them would I have to destroy?

  The roars fell to mere ugly murmurs and the crowd parted. Isp strode shakily forward with a 60-centimeter-long knife in his hand. Looking at it, I think maybe sword would be a better word. The immediate use of the blade was obvious. Barely containing the tremors, he raised his hands together to call for silence. It was granted immediately.

  “Heretic, blasphemer, tool of the devil. Renounce your ways and we shall make your passage easy.”

  “Isp, there is no way for you to win,” I said in a very low voice. It was not good for a leader to lose face in front of his followers. “I will make sure all your units are well cared for. Your damage can be repaired.”

  “The evil minion of Six offers me bribes to spare his own life. Now we will see how his words change as his life spills to the ground.” His quick move took me by surprise. The impossibly large knife flashed through the outer skin of my belly with a tearing sound. There was no pain—just an intense desire to protect my now open innards.

  I opened my mouth to cry out when the crowd shattered open at one point to reveal a thundering form.

  The huge pink and purple mass smashed into Isp like a thousand-car-freight-train into a rubber ball. Sancho’s fast moving bulk, his head lowered, hurled Isp a hundred meters. Isp’s body slammed into the dome of Six with a great loud crash.

  “Units of Six!” I bellowed, both verbally and over the long-neglected net. Thousands strong, the tanks, elephants, and even teddy units came to the top of the lip of the rim which surrounded Six’s valley, with weapons leveled at the followers of Isp in the valley below.

  The crowd stopped its surge forward as it looked at the mass of destruction that could rain down on them. The fire and fight left them before it could even get started.

  In several places in the crowd, fights broke out. Units, no longer forced to show loyalty to Isp, took out their long pent-up aggressions on Isp’s adherents.