by Lisa Cassidy
“I know.” He pulled her closer with a soft smile. “And I still love you.”
“Good.” She kissed him. “You’d better.”
Cayr’s words troubled Alyx as she tried to sleep that night. He had been right. She’d never been bored in the company of her friends before, had always delighted in spending hours gossiping. Alyx didn’t want to be bored, she wanted to forget everything that had happened and go back to who she had been, when there was no pain and no fear. Maybe she just needed to try harder. Give it more time.
It seemed like only moments after she fell asleep the nightmare reclaimed her. She knew what was happening as soon as it started, felt herself being sucked out of her mind and down into the dark, narrow tunnel. The presence at the end of the tunnel loomed closer, darkness seeping out from it with a touch of sublime power.
Alyx fought bitterly, but it did no good. Her struggles made no impression on the terrifying power holding her. And again, just as she was about to reach the end of the tunnel and be faced with whatever it was that was tormenting her, she woke. Alyx shot up in her bed, gasping for air and soaked in sweat. She sobbed aloud, instinctively looking across the room for Dawn in the bed next to her.
When she saw only empty space, and the curtains of her window blowing gently in the night breeze from the window she’d left open, she hunched over and began to cry.
She just wanted it all to stop.
Chapter 32
Alyx sat at the breakfast table the next morning, exhausted and wrung out for the first time since arriving home. She toyed with the porridge in front of her, not particularly hungry.
“Aly-girl?”
Alyx looked up to meet her father’s concerned gaze. “Yes?”
“You’re up early this morning. I haven’t seen you before mid-morning since you got home.”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“Are you feeling okay? You look pale.”
“I’m fine.” Alyx turned back to the porridge, dazedly pushing it backwards and forwards with her spoon. Her stomach roiled at the thought of eating any of it.
“You’re not eating.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Aly-girl.” Her father put aside the papers he’d been reading and shifted closer to her. “What’s wrong? You’ve been so happy since you got back. Has something happened?”
“I’m fine. I didn’t sleep well, that’s all.”
Alyx didn’t have the energy to tell him, even if she had wanted to. On the mornings after this had happened to her at DarkSkull, Dawn had deliberately focused the conversation on herself at breakfast so that Alyx would be spared talking. Finn would quickly realise what she was doing and play along. Tarrick, never effusive, had generally also left her alone. Brynn would have given her one of his warm smiles, and then just sit there with her.
The thought of Tarrick and the twins caused a guilty ache in her chest. It had been days and she hadn’t even gone to visit them. And Brynn... she had to fight not to start crying at the breakfast table as his face floated into her mind.
“Lord Egalion?” One of the servants appeared at the dining room door.
“What is it?”
“Prince Cayr is here, my lord.”
“Send him through.” Garan turned back to her. “If you want to talk, Alyx, I’m here.”
“Good morning,” Cayr smiled as he came through the door. He was dressed for riding, and Alyx remembered that they were supposed to be riding along the beach with Jaran, Torn and Lissa that morning. The sight of him didn’t improve her mood like she’d expected it to, and despair surged. What was wrong with her?
“Hi.” She tried to smile and mostly succeeded. “I don’t think I can make it riding today. Why don’t you go on ahead?”
“Is something wrong?” Cayr frowned.
“No, I just remembered that I haven’t gone to visit Dawn and Finn yet,” Alyx said. “I promised I would go and see them before they left again.”
“I thought there were still several weeks before they had to go back?”
“Actually, it’s not that long because they’ll have to travel by ship. That takes almost a month, so they’ll have to leave early to make it back to DarkSkull before the start of the learning year.”
“All right.” He looked at her oddly. “Can I come along? I’d like to meet them.”
“Wouldn’t you prefer to go riding with the others?”
“I’m very interested to meet these young mages,” Cayr said. “After all, I’ll be working with them in the future. I can go riding with Jaran any day.”
Alyx swallowed a spoonful of her porridge, then pushed it aside and stood. Her father gaped at her in astonishment.
“Is that all you’re eating? You’ve been finishing off an entire plate for breakfast since you came home.”
“I told you I’m not hungry. Besides, I became accustomed to eating less at DarkSkull, Papa,” she said wryly on her way to the door. “I’ll be fine.”
“Have dinner with me tonight, Aly-girl?”
“Sure.” Alyx returned to kiss him on the cheek before leaving the room.
Cayr followed her outdoors, and their riding boots crunched on the pebbled drive as they headed for the stables. The residue of the nightmare still weighed her down, although the bright sunlight helped dispel some of the darkness.
“No breakfast at DarkSkull, hey? The place sounds wonderful,” Cayr said dryly. “I’ve been wondering why you never talk about it. That was the first time you’ve even mentioned the place since you got back.”
“There are some parts of the past year I never want to think about ever again,” she told him honestly. “But I do want to share with you. I just need to do it in my own time.”
“Just little pieces, then.” He smiled. “I want to be here for you.”
She paused, and decided to take the first step in sharing with the man she loved. She related the dawn breakfast rule, and by the time she’d finished he was staring at her in genuine shock.
“Alyx, you can’t…”
What he was going to say was drowned out by the screams of an angry horse. Alyx, recognizing the sound instantly, broke into a run for the stables. In the circular field outside the Egalion stables, two grooms were attempting to finish saddling Tingo. The big stallion was having none of it, rearing and bucking furiously to make them back off.
“What’s going on?” she asked Henri.
“He won’t allow any of us to exercise him, Lady Egalion. He’s getting too restive, so we’re trying again this morning.”
“Tingo!” she called out, ducking under the railings and moving up to the plunging horse.
“Alyx, be careful!” Cayr shouted, ducking under the railing behind her.
“Stop there.” She turned and halted him with a gesture. “Tingo knows me, but I can’t trust him not to kick out at you.”
“Don’t go near him, he’s dangerous.” Cayr looked horrified at how close she was to the stallion.
Alyx ignored him and kept walking. Tingo settled as soon as he saw her approach, calming completely before happily butting his head into her chest.
“What are you doing, boy?” she murmured, stroking his neck. “They were just trying to give you some exercise.”
He snorted and tossed his head, clearly unhappy with that arrangement.
“I know, I’ve been neglecting you,” she said softly. “I’m sorry, Tingo.”
He snorted again.
She chuckled and quickly finished buckling up the girth and adjusting the stirrups.
“I can do that for you, Lady Egalion.” Henri ducked under the railing.
“No, I’d prefer to.” She waved him off.
Once she’d finished, she grabbed the reins to lead Tingo out of the yard. As she turned him towards the field gate, she saw that her father had joined Cayr. Both men looked horrified.
“It’s all right,” she reassured them.
“It’s far too dangerous for you to be riding such a highly-strung st
allion; he’s too strong for you,” Garan protested.
Alyx laughed in genuine amusement. “He was too strong for me, initially. I fell off quite a few times, let me tell you.”
“You fell off?” Her father was getting that look on his face she knew from experience meant he was seriously upset.
Alyx paused. It seemed this was her day for talking about DarkSkull. She didn’t feel quite ready yet, but still, she needed to explain this to her father or he’d be worried out of his mind.
“Yes, it was one of our duties at DarkSkull to groom and exercise the horses. I was assigned to Tingo. I had to learn how to groom and saddle him, and I had to ride him regularly for exercise.”
“Alyx, move away from the horse. I mean it,” Garan demanded.
“Papa, it’s really okay. I can ride him.”
To demonstrate her point, Alyx swung into the saddle easily and without the assistance of a mounting block. Tingo danced around a little, but Alyx skilfully bought him back under control. She grinned down at Cayr and her father.
“I think we need to have a talk.” Her father returned her smile with a frown. “And in the meantime I’d prefer if you didn’t ride that horse.”
“Papa, I’ve told you I can ride him,” she snapped, annoyed. “I’ve been riding him for months. Anyway, he needs exercising and he won’t let any of the grooms near him.”
“Someone else can exercise him.”
“You’re being ridiculous.” Alyx’s frustration was building towards fury. It was obvious she could handle the horse, why couldn’t her father see that? “Tingo is my horse, and I learned how to ride him at DarkSkull. You sent me there. Be glad I came back.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
She abruptly felt guilty, but the words had burst out of her without thought. “I’m sorry, I know I haven’t explained myself well, but I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“Lord Egalion, Alyx does look like she’s got the horse under control,” Cayr intervened. “If she’s learnt how to manage him at DarkSkull, then I think we should take her at her word.”
Garan’s shoulders went rigid, but after a moment he let out a breath. “We will talk tonight, Alyx. I mean it.”
“Later,” she agreed.
Alyx and Cayr rode out of the front gates of the Egalion estate at a canter, and down the winding road to the base of the hill. Cayr’s Bluecoat escort fell in behind them as they entered the city and made their way towards the A’ndreas home.
“Thanks, Cayr.”
He shrugged. “I admit it was a shock to see you so casually mounting that massive war stallion, but I have faith in you, Alyx. If you say you can manage him, I believe you.”
Warmth filled her. “I’ll admit it wasn’t easy. There were a lot of bumps and bruises along the way.”
“I’ll bet.” He flashed her an engaging grin. “It doesn’t sound like you’re going to have an easy time with your father tonight, though.”
“No.” Alyx fell silent as the dread came back, ruining some of the warmth of the day.
“I don’t think I’ve been to this part of the city before,” Cayr commented as they left the city centre and moved through the merchant’s quarter.
“Cayr, I…”
“I should do it more often,” he said before she could continue. “I’m not just going to be king of the rich quarter.”
Alyx wasn’t sure if she remembered the way, but after stopping and asking directions to the blacksmith’s, she and Cayr made their way into a street she recognised. A group of young children playing nearby stopped their game to watch the two young nobles in awe, and Alyx smiled when Cayr gave them a wave and a wink.
The twins’ mother opened the door at the A’ndreas home, looking visibly nervous at being confronted by two clearly wealthy young adults on her doorstep.
“Hello. I’m Lady Alyx Egalion,” she said politely. “I’m here to visit Dawn and Finn.”
“Lady Egalion, of course.” The woman’s anxiousness faded into a smile. “The twins told me you might visit. Please come in.”
Alyx and Cayr were shown to a small living room which fronted onto the street. It was a cheery room, not unlike Brynn’s home, although this one was larger.
“I’ll call them in, they’ve been upstairs all morning.” The twins’ mother smiled again. “Can I get you anything?”
“No, thank you, we’re fine.”
Once the woman had gone, Cayr touched Alyx’s shoulder. “I’ll wait out in the hallway and give you a chance to catch up without the prince in the room.”
Footsteps clattered on stairs minutes later and the twins entered, followed closely by Tarrick. Alyx was surprised by the rush of pleasure she felt at seeing them, and stepped forward instinctively, ready to hug Dawn as if it were any normal afternoon at DarkSkull. Their obvious awkwardness halted her, and so she remained rooted to the spot, feeling suddenly uncomfortable.
“Lady Egalion,” Dawn said politely.
A small silence fell between them. Alyx remembered waking up from her dream the previous night, and how she’d felt at the breakfast table.
Then she smiled. “My name is Alyx. You’ve forgotten that already?”
Bright smiles crossed both A’ndreas faces, and Finn stepped forward. “I’m glad you’re here, Alyx. You can tell Dawn she’s wrong about the Tregayan border reaching as far as the Harkness River.”
“Well…”
“Come on, I know you paid some attention in mapping class.”
Alyx’s smile widened. “I have to go with Dawn on this one, I’m pretty sure part of the border runs along the Harkness River.”
“They’ve been fighting about this all morning.” Tarrick rolled his eyes.
“Surely the one who knows all has the answer?” She raised an eyebrow at him.
“I do not know all.” He scowled. “Just more than the rest of you.”
They laughed.
“Alyx, you look so different,” Dawn said shyly. “Your clothes are beautiful.”
“Thank you.” Alyx glanced around. “Your home is lovely.”
“Pfft on that,” Finn interrupted. “I cannot believe you agree with Dawn. I’m never wrong on stuff like this.”
Alyx chuckled. “I’m just telling you what I remember.”
“I always hate to disagree with Alyx, but the Tregayan border doesn’t reach as far as the Harkness.”
Tarrick and the A’ndreas twins froze abruptly at the sight of Cayr entering the room. A second later the twins dropped into a bow and a curtsey respectively. Tarrick quickly caught on to who Cayr must be, and bowed far more elegantly.
“Cayr, this is Finn and Dawn A’ndreas, and Tarrick Tylender,” Alyx introduced them as they straightened nervously.
“Prince Cayr, you are welcome in our home,” Dawn tried for formal politeness and managed it well.
“Don’t be silly.” Cayr smiled warmly. “You are Alyx’s friends, so that makes you mine. You can call me Cayr, and you certainly don’t have to bow like that.”
“Uh… well.” Finn glanced at his sister for direction.
“I told you what he was like.” Alyx grinned, proud of the good person that Cayr was. “And I did promise you would get the chance to meet him.”
Cayr stepped forward and offered his hand. “I hate using my title, it makes me sound silly. Alyx and Dash have never called me anything but Cayr, and I prefer it that way.”
Alyx shot an affectionate glance at Cayr, then nodded to her friends that it was all right. Finn shrugged and shook Cayr’s hand, then Tarrick did the same.
“I’m very pleased to meet you, Cayr.” Dawn smiled. “Alyx talked about you a lot at DarkSkull.”
“She never stopped talking about you,” Tarrick added. “It was painful.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” Cayr gave Alyx an amused smile, and she blushed.
“Dash is on duty today, but he wouldn’t mind us using his boat,” Cayr said after they’d chatted for a few moments.
“It’s warm outside, maybe we could sail to Roban Island?”
“I’d love to go sailing,” Tarrick said.
“All right then.”
Cayr went ahead to speak to his Bluecoat detail, while Alyx waited with Tarrick and the twins.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to visit,” she spoke into the silence.
“It’s fine,” Dawn assured her. “We didn’t expect you would ever come, actually.”
“You didn’t?” she asked in surprise.
Finn shook his head. “We shared a lot together at DarkSkull, but we come from different worlds. I bet you’ve never even been in this part of town before and we’ve never been anywhere near the palace.”
“That will change, once you’re fully trained mages,” Tarrick predicted.
“It doesn’t matter. You had the right to expect better from me,” Alyx said, surprising herself. “And I should have come earlier.”
“We missed you,” Dawn said, linking her arm through Alyx’s as they headed for the door.
“I promise to keep visiting, if you promise me one thing in return.”
“What’s that?”
“You never talk to me about Lord Ragarn and his mistress.”
“Who’s Lord Ragarn?” Tarrick asked.
Alyx laughed, and felt lighter than she had in days. “Finn, talk to me about the Tregayan-Rionnan trade policy.”
“Really?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Please.”
“Do not get him started,” Dawn complained. “Did you learn nothing at DarkSkull?”
They had a wonderful day. Tarrick and the twins quickly lost their awkwardness with Cayr at his warm, open personality, and soon they were all laughing and messing about like old friends. The seas were calm as they sailed the short distance out to Roban Island, and they spent their time swimming and lazing in the sun.
Dawn flopped down beside Alyx on the sand at one point, tired out from a water fight with her brother.
“How have you been, Alyx?”
“I’ve been good. It’s lovely to be back home.” Alyx turned on her side to face Dawn. “What about you and Finn?”