by Lisa Cassidy
“It’s not that easy.” Alyx dug at the snow with her boot. “You wouldn’t understand.”
She was so lost in memories of that night that it took her a moment to realise that Dashan had gone silent. She looked up to find him staring down at the ground, the hard look on his face again.
“Dash?”
He looked up at her voice, and for a moment she saw so much pain reflected in his expressive brown eyes that she almost gasped. It was gone in a second, and a bland expression settled over his face.
“Come on, let’s go again.”
“No,” she said firmly.
“Alyx…”
“Tell me.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Anger flared. “So you get to stand there and tell me all about what’s wrong with me, but when I ask what’s wrong with you, you tell me to go away? That’s not fair.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me.”
“Now you’re lying,” she said evenly.
“I killed people too.” The words burst out of him, raw and bitter. “I killed people too, Alyx.”
She stared at him, surprised that he’d given in. “When you were posted to the disputed area?”
He gave a sharp nod, his jaw still tightly clenched. “I can’t tell you, even if I wanted to. I don’t have the words. I just don’t.”
“If you…” Alyx took a breath, injecting as much sincerity as she could into her voice. He had to know she meant this. “If you want to talk, I’m here.”
He barked out a laugh. “The last thing I want is your pity.”
That sparked her temper. “I told you before that I don’t pity you, Dash, at least not for the reasons you think,” she snapped. “I offered to talk because I know what it’s like, and I had nobody there who really understood when it happened to me. I wasn’t pitying you, I was trying to help.”
Wondering why she’d even bothered, Alyx picked up her staff from where it had fallen and stalked off.
“Why do you pity me then?” His voice followed her across the snow.
“What?” She turned back.
“You said you don’t pity me for the reasons I think. Why then?”
Her anger made her more honest than she otherwise might have been.
“I pity the drinking, and the women, and the gambling. You think you’re not worth anything so you don’t even try. It’s such a waste, because you’re far from worthless.”
He had nothing to say in response, and she thought he might be genuinely taken-aback by her words. Had no one ever said anything like that to him before? Of course not came the instant answer—who else in his life would care enough to? Only Cayr, but he loved Dashan blindly, seeing past his faults rather than understanding them. Abruptly she felt emotionally and physically drained, missing the simplicity and depth of Cayr’s love badly. “I have to get back.”
She wasn’t sure he even heard her—his gaze was far off in the distance, jaw clenched tightly.
Alyx had her foot in the stirrup when a shadowy movement in the trees lining the field caught her eye. At the same time, she felt a whisper of thought in her mind. She tried to catch it, to follow it, but as usual her powers weren’t working on command.
“What is it?” Dashan asked.
“It’s probably nothing. Can you stay here a moment, watch my back?”
Sensing no danger, Alyx walked across the snow towards the trees. A frozen stream lay beyond the edge of the field, and she jumped it lightly, holding her staff loose in her hand. Her breath frosted in the icy air, and although instinct told her everything was fine, all her senses were alert. The flicker of movement came again, but she was ready for it this time. Brushing past tree branches into a tiny clearing, she stopped dead at the sight of a cloaked figure a few paces away.
Almost in slow motion, he pushed back the hood of his black mages’ cloak. Her breath sucked in with a hiss, eyes widening at the familiar face revealed beneath the hood. She swayed slightly, fingers clenching around her staff, shock, disbelief and astonishment warring within her.
“Alyx.” He smiled; that cheerful, sparkling smile she remembered so well. Her heart leapt into her throat, the disbelief vanishing.
“Brynn?”
Chapter 17
It couldn’t be! She’d missed him and hoped for so long... could he really be standing there across the clearing from her? His name sounded wonderful on her lips, and she knew she was gaping, but couldn’t help it.
“It’s really me.”
Alyx crossed the clearing at a run. He moved to meet her, and they hugged fiercely in the middle. She wrapped her arms around him as tightly as she could, needing to feel how real and warm he was.
“What happened?” She stepped back eventually, words rushing from her. “They took you… Romas said… he said you were dead… Oh, Brynn, I missed you so much.”
“Me too.” He was still smiling.
Behind them, the bushes rustled. Brynn’s eyes shifted to the space behind Alyx. She looked back to see Dashan had moved to stand behind her. His hand rested on the hilt of his sword, dark eyes watchful. “Everything okay?”
“It’s fine. I...” Her surprise was so powerful it was hard to find words. “Dash, this is Brynn.”
His eyes widened. “Your friend you told me about? The one that died?”
“I’m the one.” Brynn’s smile widened into a grin. “I’m not quite dead yet, though. And who might you be?”
“This is Dashan Caverlock,” Alyx explained. “He commands my Bluecoat detail.”
“I see. She told me about you too,” Brynn said, his eyes taking in Dashan’s protective stance with slight amusement.
“It’s good to meet you, Brynn.” Dashan offered his hand.
Brynn returned the handshake. “I’m sorry Alyx, but I don’t have much time and I need to speak with you before I leave.”
“I’ll leave you to it.” Dashan stepped back. “I’ll see you for our next lesson, Alyx?”
“Sure.” She nodded absently, eyes still fixed on Brynn, drinking in the sight of him. Tears welled in her eyes as the reality of it crashed down around her.
“You’re really here,” she whispered.
“I am.”
“What happened? We truly thought you were dead. Where have you been all this time?” Her shoulders straightened, the words flowing on without giving him a chance to respond. “The others are up at the watchtower. They’ll be thrilled to see you—come with me and you can answer all our questions at once.”
“I can’t.” Some of the light faded from his eyes. “In fact, they can’t even know I’m alive. It’s too much of a risk.”
A beat of silence passed. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
Brynn stepped closer, speaking quickly and intently. “During the attack on the watchtower, I went with Galien willingly. He and Fengel took me away from DarkSkull to a council safe house. I was acting on orders from Master Romas and the council. The orders came only days before the attack, and I was instructed to tell nobody—they threatened me with expulsion from the order if I did.”
“Wait, they knew the attack was coming?”
“They’d been tracking the Shiven for a week and planned to use the attack as a diversion for faking my death. Their information was bad, and they didn’t know about the second unit of Shiven who attacked the tower we were at.”
I don’t believe this. The words were on the tip of her tongue, but never came out. She did believe it. The council weren’t above manipulating circumstances to their advantage, even if that meant risking lives.
“They thought they knew the full extent of the attack and could drive the Shiven away without any real risk to DarkSkull or its students,” Brynn added, as if that made it better.
And afterwards Romas and Rothai had stood before her and told her bare-faced that Brynn was presumed dead. Even seeing how much Brynn’s loss had affected Alyx. Her underlying anger at both men twisted in that moment, turning into something bitt
er and dark.
“What did they want from you?” she asked Brynn.
“They wanted me to become a spy.”
She frowned, anger momentarily driven away by confusion. Brynn had only been an initiate at the time, nowhere near a fully trained mage. “What? Why?”
“You know about my mage talent, my voice?” he said, continuing when Alyx nodded. “What you don’t know is the full scope of it. When I want to, I can make people listen, I can influence them with my voice.”
“You never told us that.” All she remembered was his unique ability to imitate any sound after only hearing it once.
“I never realised I could use my power that way until Romas told me.”
“You agreed to be a spy?” Alyx couldn’t understand it, not from Brynn with his cheerful nature and warm personality.
“They told me I was needed, that I could do good work.”
“And have you?”
“I’ve undertaken many tasks successfully for the council.”
Alyx’s temper flared, though it wasn’t all directed at Brynn. “We thought you were dead! We mourned you... you have no idea how much your loss affected us. I have nightmares!”
His green eyes darkened as her words hit him, but he remained resolute. “I told you, I had no choice. Either I followed orders or was expelled.”
“Why are you here now?”
“I’m taking a calculated risk. You’re my friend, and I needed you to know. I needed someone apart from my family to know that I still exist.”
The pain in his voice tugged at her. “So the council doesn’t know you’re here?”
“No.”
“Why tell me and not the others?”
“We both know thoughts can be read. The more people that know, the greater risk the council learns I’ve breached their trust.”
“Telepaths can read my mind too, Brynn.”
“You’re strong enough to keep them out.”
“No, I’m not,” she said helplessly.
“Of course you are.” He smiled suddenly. “It’s really good to see you.”
“I still don’t understand,” she said, sensing he wasn’t telling her the full truth. She’d uncovered so many lies in the past year it was becoming easier and easier to pick them out. “Will I see you again?”
He nodded. “I’ll be back and forth from DarkSkull over the next few months. My work is so lonely, I’d really like to maintain some connection to all of you. The Mage Council…”
“What?”
“Nothing.” A shadow flickered over his face and was gone as quickly as it had come. “But I have to ask… I was astonished to learn you’d returned to DarkSkull. What happened? How are you?”
“Miserable.” She huffed a breath. “Not much has changed there.”
“Did your father go back on his promise?”
“No,” she said simply. “I chose to return.”
He smiled in sympathy. “I get the sense there’s a long story behind that decision.”
“Long and complicated,” she said dryly.
Brynn gestured in the direction Dashan had gone. “The Bluecoat is very protective of you.”
“He has to be; he’s in charge of my guard detail.”
“I like him.”
Bemused, Alyx shrugged. “Good.”
Brynn shook himself, as if realising he was lingering too long. “Next time I’m here, we’ll talk more, I promise,” he said.
She sighed, torn between being overjoyed and worried. “Stay safe, Brynn. I don’t want to lose you again.”
He gave her his old smile, the sight of it bringing tears to her eyes, then turned and was gone. She waited in the clearing for several moments after he’d vanished from sight, trying to convince herself he’d actually been there.
What he’d had to tell her was troubling in a way that made her uneasy right to her core, even though she couldn’t have said why. And her anger at what Romas had done to her... still, seeing Brynn again, knowing he was alive, it was as if one of the small tears in her spirit had been mended. When she finally turned to walk back to Tingo, it was with a wide smile spread across her face.
Tarrick and the others looked surprised by the cheerful energy bubbling in Alyx when she returned to the watchtower, and they teased her about her uncharacteristically good mood.
“It’s nothing.” She tried to shrug it off.
“I’ve never known icy cold and heavy snow to put anyone in such a good mood,” Finn muttered.
Dawn gave her a few strange looks, as if her magic picked up that something had happened from Alyx’s mind, but she was too good a friend to pry.
“I’m fine, Dawn,” she told her friend later. “Truly. I promise.”
And oddly enough, her words were true. Something inside her had shifted and settled at seeing Brynn alive, leaving her feeling more grounded than before. Not that it was easy to have to lie to her friends—Dawn in particular still suffered Brynn’s loss, and now Alyx was forced to keep the truth from her for his sake. Once again, the council’s manoeuvring was forcing her into actions she detested.
And in the dark hours of the night, Brynn’s words played through her waking thoughts and dreams. The council had allowed the attack on DarkSkull to go ahead. Romas had allowed it. That knowledge only reinforced her determination to never trust them.
Not with anything.
Winter arrived with gusto, bringing with it bitterly cold temperatures and heavy snows. One morning classes had to be cancelled after a blizzard the night before left snowbanks reaching almost to the first-floor windows around the dormitory buildings. Instead, the students spent most of the day digging entrances and pathways between buildings.
Two weeks after their first watchtower duty, Alyx and Finn walked together towards the library, having left breakfast early to get some studying in. The previous night had seen more heavy snowfall, and thick grey clouds still hung low over the valley, shrouding everything in thick fog.
“She’ll definitely put sentence structure in the test,” Finn said. “And there’s always a spelling component.”
“Right. What about tense? I still struggle with that—it makes no sense the way the Zandian language uses it.”
“That’s still pretty advanced, I don’t think...” Finn stopped walking and chuckled as one of the outbuildings loomed out of the fog ahead of them. “We got off the path somehow.”
“I should concentrate more on where I’m walking.” Alyx smiled at their silliness and turned around. The smile dropped from her face when she saw Galien standing there, a smirk on his face.
“You never seem to learn, do you, Egalion?” he said. “Me, on the other hand? Well, I quite enjoy foggy mornings like this. They offer quite the… well, opportunity.”
“Go for Tarrick,” Alyx muttered.
“I’m not leaving you.” Finn shook his head minutely. “He’d stop me, anyway.”
“Imagine my astonishment to see you both leave the dining hall so early,” Galien continued, amusement threading his voice now.
Alyx cursed herself for her stupidity; she’d been so focused on the upcoming test, feeling like she was finally catching up on her classes, that she hadn’t considered the risks in venturing out alone into the fog with Finn. They’d grown complacent.
Galien looked between them, seemingly enjoying the looks of fear on their faces, before he gave a casual shrug. “No need for more chatter.”
Finn gave a stifled cry, his hands grabbing at his throat as he began to choke. Alyx reached instinctively for her staff, but Galien wrenched it from her hands with his power and sent it flying into the fog. It landed with a thud some distance away. Finn stumbled to his knees, his face turning an alarming shade of red. Panic threatened to overwhelm her, and with it came a searing warmth in her forearms.
Galien didn’t miss the emergence of Alyx’s magic and his eyes dragged insultingly over her, literally daring her to do something. Unable to remain strong in the face of his utter contempt an
d overwhelming strength, the light in her arms faded. Her knees started to buckle but Galien leapt forward, grabbing her shoulders and pushing her hard up against the stone wall. She winced as ice-cold stone dug into her shoulder blades.
“You are pathetic,” he hissed in her ear.
Trapped against the wall, suffocated by his sheer physical presence and magic, Alyx didn’t even try to struggle. His dark eyes gleamed with triumph and hatred as they burned into hers. Finn remained curled on the ground, clutching weakly at his throat. The terror in her mixed sickeningly with self-hatred at her helplessness.
“Useless,” Galien murmured.
The sound of voices through the fog saved them. Galien leaned closer, his breath warm on her frozen skin, his fingers trailing down her cheek before closing painfully around her throat.
“I’m going to kill you one day. We both know it. Why don’t you just leave? Go home to your pretty dresses and rich father. Marry your prince. There’s no need for any of this.”
He was gone before she could summon a reply, striding gracefully away and disappearing into the fog. Gasping for air, Alyx sagged against the wall, trying to blink through the blurriness in her vision. As soon as she’d managed some sort of clarity she stumbled over to Finn, relief swamping her to see him sitting up, winded but alive.
“You okay?” she rasped.
He nodded, still trying to suck in air. She took his hand and helped him stagger to his feet.
“We should go before he comes back,” Finn mumbled.
Ignoring him, she spun and kicked the wall hard, once, twice, three times, ignoring the pain stabbing through her foot. “Damn it!”
“Alyx, calm down.” Finn grabbed her shoulder but she yanked away from him.
“I hate what he does, and I hate that I can’t do anything about it,” she cried out, kicking the wall once more for good measure. “I should be better than this, and I’m not. I’m weak.”
“You’re not weak,” Finn said firmly. “Come on, we’re in no shape to study. Let’s go back to the others.”
Her shoulders slumped, but she nodded agreement and followed him in silence back to the dining hall. Tarrick was going to be furious.