by Lisa Cassidy
“Charming. What do you want?”
She took a deep breath. “Right now I’m weak. I need to be strong again.”
The scowl turned to surprise. “You want to spar with me?”
“That, and I want you to teach me to be a better fighter.” Alyx raised a hand as Jenna opened her mouth. “Just think of it as an opportunity to hit me as often as you like. It’s going to take a while for me to rebuild my strength.”
Jenna gave her a considering look. “It’s not going to help me any, spending time trying to teach you. You look like you’ll barely last a minute before collapsing.”
“I’ll last longer than that,” Alyx promised. She would make sure of it. She couldn’t be weak anymore. Strength would allow her to do something about the anger burning inside. Shakar and the council had taken what she loved most and destroyed her friendships in the process. “And consider this—the sooner I’m fit again, the less time you’ll have to spend guarding me.”
She appeared to consider that for a moment, then shrugged. “I’m not going to take the blame if you keel over.”
Alyx reached back to unhook her mage staff. Her arm trembled with the weight of it, but she ignored the weakness. Going after Shakar wouldn’t allow weakness. “I’m not going to keel over, you can be sure of that.”
Chapter 12
Water tinkled in the background as Alyx and Cayr sat peaceably on a bench by a small fountain. He’d had something on his mind all morning, but she was content to let him come to it in his own time. Besides, she was slightly distracted. Her ribs were aflame after her second session with Jenna, and her leg was now too sore to put her full weight on it. It hadn’t been a great hour—her stamina had been worse than appalling, but she was resigned to the fact that recovering her strength would take time.
Eventually Cayr cleared his throat, running a hand through his curls. “You should know…Dawn told me what she saw in your thoughts. When you first came here.”
Ah. So this was why nobody had pressured her to tell them what had happened. They already knew. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that, although relief was definitely part of it. It meant she wasn’t going to have to say it all aloud.
“What exactly did she see?” she asked. “Does she know about Dash and me?” The thought didn’t bring with it the twinge of fear it always had. Whether her friends knew or not no longer mattered, not against the drowning tide of grief that still tugged at her every waking moment. As if sensing that—or feeling the same himself—Cayr absently reached out to take her hand.
“Yes. She also told me that you tried to help Dashan, and that Tarrick and Finn stopped you. That Galien killed Dashan after he’d held off all the Hunters.” He paused. “Dawn is struggling. She’s hurt that you don’t want to see her, and none of us know what to think about what happened, not without the full story. You’re not the only one who’s been in a dark place.”
“She’s a good person,” Alyx murmured. “To be so worried and yet not look for the answers with her magic. I know I’ve treated you all poorly, but I just couldn’t…”
“Will you tell me now?” His gentle voice broke her from her thoughts.
Alyx took a deep breath. They all deserved better. She was working on getting her strength back, and this was part of it. She would start with her oldest and dearest friend.
She squeezed his hand, giving him a little nod. “The attack was well planned. There were too many of them to stand and fight, so we ran, but we didn’t realise they were herding us. They trapped us in an old audience chamber. We found a way out, but by then they’d caught up to us. Dashan…he went to hold them off so that the rest of us had time to escape.”
When tears began welling in her eyes, Cayr moved closer. She forced back the tears and scrubbed at her face. “When I realised what Dashan was doing, I tried to go back and help him, but Tarrick and Rothai grabbed hold of me and dragged me away. I couldn’t use my magic because of the Hunters being so close, and they were simply too strong for me. As soon as I got free, I went back. But I got hurt and then knocked out.” She swallowed. “I found out later that he’d survived the Hunters, but he must have been weak and hurt, and that’s when the council showed up. Galien killed him.”
Cayr stood suddenly, letting go her hand. Tension vibrated from him as he began to pace.
“Cayr…” She hesitated, screwing up her courage. “Do you agree with what they did? Tarrick and Rothai, I mean. Tell me the truth. Please.”
“No!” He said it so decisively it could only be the truth, and the relief was so great she sagged against the bench seat. “You could have saved him. I have faith in your magic, in you. And even if you couldn’t…” He shook his head.
“Then what?”
“You loved him,” Cayr said simply. “It was your choice to make.”
Alyx stood and threw her arms around him, heedless of her sore body. “Thank you,” she said. “For always being someone I can trust. I’m not sure I deserve it, after what I did to you.”
Cayr smiled. “It was painful at the time, but neither you nor Dash could help how you felt. And Dashan deserved something good to happen in his life, after everything he’d been through.”
Tears sheened her eyes. “You truly think that?”
“We were the best of friends as children, and that became confusing for both of us as we grew up. I had no right to expect you to fall in love with me.”
“I could have been more honest with you,” she said softly. “I will always be sorry for that.”
“Forgiven long ago.” He dismissed her apology with a smile.
“It’s not just that. Your father died, and I left you. You’ve been alone here trying to establish your rule while grieving your father. And then I show up here badly hurt and once again you’ve had to look after me.”
“Oh, I won’t deny I’ve wished for you to be here constantly.” He smiled sadly. “But if you think for a second I blame you for walking away…I know the danger you’re in, and the last thing I want would be to have you in more danger just to be here.” He paused, taking her hands. “The three of us made each other strong. We gave each other a home and a place to belong. But I am king, and I must learn to be strong standing alone. My country needs that from me.”
His words resonated with her, and she filed them away for later consideration, along with the surging pride she felt for him. “You’re a better leader than I am.” She cleared her throat, straightening her shoulders. “And I’m recovering quickly. I’ll be strong again. And whatever I can give you, you have to know I will.”
“I know.” His mouth quirked in a smile, a genuine one, and it warmed her from head to toe. It didn’t last, his face turning serious. “Now explain to me why the council showed up, and why Galien killed Dashan.”
This was harder to tell, and she sat back down as she spoke, not confident her weary legs would hold her. When she finally came to a halt, he must have seen something of the simmering anger on her face, because he came to kneel before her, taking her hands in his. “Alyx, you can’t go after Shakar and the Mage Council.”
She huffed out a breath, head dropping to rest on his shoulder. “Oh, Cayr. I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do next.”
A week later, she returned to her room to find Cario seated in the chair by the crackling fire. She paused mid-stride, completely taken aback. Her father had implied Cario was on his way back to Alistriem, but she’d had no indication of his arrival.
He seemed relaxed, but Alyx had become familiar enough with him over the years to know that the slight tensing of his jaw signalled carefully concealed distress. And unlike Dawn, he’d seemingly decided not to give Alyx a choice about whether to see him. What if he agrees with them?
“Astor’s message said you were close to death.” He spoke before she could.
“I was.” A cold breeze was flowing through the partially opened door to the garden, and she walked over to shut it. Another indicator that something was off with Car
io; he abhorred discomfort of any kind.
“I spoke to Dawn. She told me what happened.”
Alyx froze, hand on the door latch. “Tell me you wouldn’t have made the same decision as Tarrick and Finn that night,” she said quietly.
“I wouldn’t,” he said without hesitation. “Just as I know that you wouldn’t do it to me. The level of trust we’ve built between us is something I’ve come to rely on, and something I will never break.”
“Thank you.” Exhaling in relief, she turned to face him. He was watching her, his blue eyes dark against the flickering flame that cast half of his face into shadow. Then, abruptly, he rose to his feet, as if unable to sit still any longer. She took a step back, surprised at such a sudden movement from a man who was deliberately languid in everything he did. “What’s wrong?”
“I wouldn’t have done what Tarrick and Finn did, but you should never have put them in that position.”
Shock flared through her. “What?”
“You should have fled when Dashan gave you the opportunity. You should have run for your life, and you should have prioritised your survival over every single other person that was there.”
“What are you talking about?” Anger rose unbidden. “I couldn’t willingly leave Dashan behind to die. I could have—”
“You are the Magor-lier.” He didn’t raise his voice, but the words were more cutting for the sheer ice in them. “You don’t get to make selfish decisions about your life.”
Shocked, confused, she took a step back. She didn’t know what to say.
He stepped closer. “You are a figurehead. I thought you understood that, but clearly you don’t. Alyx, who is going to defeat Shakar if you die?”
“There are other mages of the higher order.”
“Galien? Are you serious?” His eyebrows shot skywards. “Can you be so deluded you think that psychopath is any better than Shakar? Being loyal to the Mage Council doesn’t make Galien a good guy. Even if by some crazy chance he could defeat Shakar, then what?”
Alyx had no counter to that and took another step back as Cario continued in his cold, rational voice.
“If you die, Shakar wins. Have you thought about that? How many people will die, do you think? What would life be like for those who survive? Dashan knew the answers to those questions, it’s why he sacrificed himself to save your life.”
“Shakar wins anyway!” she shouted, desperately trying to raise a shield against the words he was flinging at her. “I’ve been running and hiding and learning nothing for the past year. Shakar is years ahead of me in power, learning and experience. I’m not going to catch up by running away. I can’t face him unless I get stronger.”
Cario’s face tightened. “You are the most powerful mage the world has seen since Shakar, and you have a very capable team of mages around you. You’re the one who proved at DarkSkull that battles can be won with teamwork, no matter the individual power of your opponent. But you have to be alive to do it.”
“That’s all gone now,” she said bitterly. “I can’t work with them anymore.”
Cario continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “If you want to take that small chance to win, then you need to start thinking about who you are. You need to be a real leader. That means ignoring yourself and what you want, it means putting aside the person you are in order to become what we need to win this war. You need to stop being Alyx Egalion and start being the Magor-lier of the mage order.”
“I’ve been trying to—”
“No, you haven’t,” he cut her off. “You’ve been angry and trapped and blaming everyone else for it. You hid a relationship with a Taliath from those who trust you, and all you’ve been thinking about is how hard things are for you.”
“You’ve never said this to me before,” she whispered, utterly stunned by how he’d just ripped into her.
“I should have. When I heard you were near death…I’ve never been more scared. Not just for me, because you’re my closest friend in the world, but for everyone else. The council couldn’t defeat him last time, Alyx, but they didn’t have you back then.”
She could do nothing but stare as he let out a heavy sigh, then walked to the door, pausing on the threshold. “I’m not here to be an ornamental assistant to the Magor-lier. There were truths you needed to hear, and it’s my job to tell them to you.”
He was gone before she could think of anything to say, shutting the door softly behind him and leaving her alone in the room, the only sound coming from the crackling flames in the fireplace.
Chapter 13
Cayr came to see her one afternoon as she returned from a session with Jenna. Despite sweating profusely and aching all over, she’d managed to hold her own for the first time. Even the aching in her ribs had mostly subsided, although she remained unhealthily thin. There was no more reason to be hiding out in this room anymore, but she still had no clue what to do next. Some days it was hard even getting out of bed. Thinking of Cario’s words didn’t help, especially because a tiny part of her had a sneaking suspicion he’d been right.
“You look troubled,” Alyx said as he closed the door. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ve had word from a Blue Guard patrol that just returned to the city. Tarrick, Finn, Rothai and a group of mages are on their way here, travelling from the direction of Widow Falls. They asked the Bluecoats to let me know of their approach. They’ll be here sometime today.”
She froze. She should have expected this—of course they would guess where she’d gone and come for her—but she hadn’t. And now they were here.
“What do you want me to do?” he asked.
The trembling in her tired muscles suddenly intensified, and she had to sit down. Breathing was difficult too, her heart racing in her chest. She’d been desperately trying to rebuild her strength, but she couldn’t do this. Not yet.
“I can’t, Cayr. I can’t see them.” She swallowed. “Keep them away from me.”
“All right.” He sounded like he wanted to say more, but she refused to look at him. Eventually he gave a little sigh and left, closing the door behind him.
Tears rushed to her eyes then, and through sheer effort of will she pushed them back. It took some time—sitting there and taking deep breaths—before she was in control of herself again.
A flash of joy from Dawn echoed unexpectedly through her telepathic magic—she and Cario were greeting Tarrick and Finn. The twins had missed each other terribly. Alyx tightened her shield, drowning out everything but her own thoughts.
Then she sat back in her chair, staring idly at her right forearm, allowing a touch of magic to light the skin with a green pearlescent glow. She felt more whole with her magic fully revived, as if her body was healthy again.
Her spirit was another matter, but only time would heal that. Until then, she would have to keep fighting to get through each moment.
Outside, dusk had fallen, shrouding the garden outside in shadows broken only by the tiny pinpricks of the lanterns scattered throughout the palace grounds. She sighed. It was good to be home in Alistriem, but it hurt too. She felt Dashan’s presence here, as if he were still with her. At the same time, she was constantly reminded of his loss, of the fact she was never going to see him again. She didn’t know what she wanted; should she stay, or leave? What was she going to do now?
She was saved from immediately having to answer that question by the arrival of Ladan, grim-faced and still dressed from the road. His hard look softened at the sight of her on her feet and he drew her into a warm hug.
“I’m getting better,” she promised, surprise filling her voice. “When did you get in?”
“Just now.” He hesitated, the grim look returning. “I ran into your friends. Aly-girl, I know you don’t want to see them, but they have news you need to hear.”
“Ladan, I don’t think I can—”
“I’ll be with you,” he said steadily. “And unless you plan on spending the rest of your life in this room hiding, then you need to
hear this.”
Tarrick and Finn were there, with Rothai, Dawn, and Cario. Every single one of them turned to look at her when Ladan ushered her in. Emotionally, it was like being plunged back into that terrible night, and she couldn’t look any of them in the eyes.
The tension rising in the room was palpable. Neither Tarrick nor Finn could conceal the shock that crossed their faces at Alyx’s gaunt appearance, but Rothai remained expressionless. Dawn was pale and drawn.
“I’m glad to see you are well.” Tarrick spoke first, his words stiffly formal. “Dawn has been telling us how ill you were.”
“I was ill,” Alyx said. “But I don’t want to talk about that. I’m only here because Ladan said you have news I need to hear. What is it?”
Another silence fell. Alyx sensed Ladan’s rigid stance beside her, and read the stern, hard faces of Tarrick and Rothai. Dawn and Finn were glancing between each other and their shoes. Cario moved away to go and sit in one of the chairs, hands crossed loosely in his lap, long legs spread before him. Whatever this news was, nobody wanted to speak it aloud.
“Well?” she pressed, impatience edging her voice.
Tarrick’s jaw clenched. “We passed through Carhall on our way here—King Mastaran had grave news. The Tregayan port city of Tennan was attacked by Shakar just over a week ago.”
“Tennan?” Alyx asked carefully. “The busiest hub of merchant shipping in Tregaya, and the port where all militia troop transports pass through?”
“The very same.” Cario nodded.
She swore under her breath. “How bad?”
“A large part of the city was destroyed. The docks were razed, and hundreds of its inhabitants are reported killed,” Finn said. His green eyes glittered, she wasn’t sure whether it was anger or fear.
Alyx frowned. “Tregaya hasn’t been invaded—yet that would have taken an entire army to accomplish.”
“Or a supremely powerful mage,” Rothai countered. “An army could never have approached Tennan without notice, and the city has defences. A full division of militia is based at the barracks just outside of the city. Shakar did this.”