How to Bake the Perfect Wedding Cake

by Gina Henning

  “Hmm…not anything a man wants to hear his fiancée say when he asks what she was thinking about during one of the best kisses of her life.”

  I laugh. “Yes, yes, the best kiss… Anyways…I was just wondering if they ever kissed passionately? What would become of our kisses if we have kids?” I swallow. We haven’t really tackled this topic properly yet. It seems the focus of our relationship has been about the physical distance of our locations and trying to close that, not our life plans. Well, Jack has moved his entire life to be with me here. But what does our future to hold? Kids? What would that mean for us and for me? For my career? I hadn’t really thought about these issues. I do want a family, but right now? I don’t think so. I can’t imagine staying at home with kids and I wouldn’t want someone else staying at home with them either. Which means one thing, no kids for now.

  Jack smiles at me. He cups my face with his hand. “Lauren, I will always kiss you. Every single day of your life, you will be kissed if I am in a five hundred mile radius. I will make sure you are kissed, by me.” His lips meet mine and he kisses me. His lips are pressing into mine with a surge of unspoken words that form into a promise. And I know it’s true. Jack will kiss me every day of my life and knowing that is one of the most delicious thoughts I’ve ever had. I’m not going to share this with Jack, not today. He is already a little on the boisterous side in regards to his kisses. I might let him simmer down a bit before I mention it.

  Our lips break apart. “And in regards to kids, I think we should let nature take its course.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me.

  I laugh. “This is very odd coming from such a good planner.”

  “Oh, I have a plan.” Jack growls and pulls me in closer to his body.

  I squeal as his teeth sink into my neck. The ultimate pleasure point has been reached and I’m squirming to break free. I can’t take this intensity. “Jack, I’m serious, we should talk about this.”

  He releases my body. “I thought you said you weren’t ready to talk about it yet? I reserved the right to open the conversation at another stage, remember?”

  “I know, and I’m not ready to have a kid yet, but I’d like to at least know your thoughts on the situation.”

  “Okay, me personally, I’d like to forget about all options of birth control from the moment of our wedding and see what happens. I’ve seen friends who have dealt with infertility and I don’t want to be in that stressed-out moment when planning a family.”

  I can’t swallow the lump in the back of my throat. It is too large. It’s almost like the size of a baby about to be delivered. I had no idea that Jack wanted all this so soon. We get married in less than three months and then what—I’m just supposed to get pregnant? I can’t even fathom this notion. This idea of no birth control, no plan, just letting nature take its course? How does this make sense? I can’t even comprehend this idea. I can’t go from this major career promotion and everything that I’ve built up to in order to get to a point of nothing. No career. Just a baby. A baby. That would change everything. Everything for me. Not Jack. He wouldn’t have to change anything. I know there are men who stay home with their children, but I can’t picture Jack as this type of guy. So that means it would be me. Me. I’m supposed to say au revoir to my career?

  I shake my head and take a step back. “I don’t want to do that.”

  “What?” Jack’s eyebrows furrow.

  “I can’t have a baby right now. I just got to a point in my career that is huge. If I take a step back from that…everything. I just can’t.” I swallow. The bulge is still there. I can’t breathe. This huge lump in the back of my throat is blocking my air passage. I’m feeling myself get weak. The room is closing in on me. Everything goes dark.

  Chapter Six

  Everything is dark. I’ve been in this place before. I’ve tried to hide these moments. I’ve fainted before. This is not my first panic attack. Granted it’s been awhile. But still, this place is so dark and I’m so disoriented. Everything is so odd here. It’s a weird spot for me. Normally, my panic attack or the fainting has happened alone. Which means no explanations. No reasons to give for this moment. Nothing to say. I can just figure out how to move forward. Yet, here I am in Jack’s arms. I know they’re Jack’s arms as I can smell his apple-and-wood-scented cologne. I know his body with my eyes closed. I’m lying in his arms. He’s watching me. I can feel it.

  But what do I do? Do I tell him I’m fine? No reason to be concerned? I can’t lie in silence much longer. I’m sure he’ll call an ambulance if he hasn’t already. My eyes pop open at this idea.

  Jack is staring down at me. I smile up at him, hoping this will clear all thoughts of worry from his mind.

  “Hey.” He runs his fingers along my hairline.

  “Hey.” I straighten myself up into a sitting position.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yes, sorry about that…I…guess I just…um…I’m fine.” I shake my head as if I can shake off this moment and move forward.

  “I think we should get you checked out just to be sure.” Jack squeezes my hand.

  “What? No, I’m fine.” I try to stand up but Jack holds me back and pulls me into his body.

  “Lauren, you fainted… That’s not normal.”

  “I know…it actually is though, for me.” I take in a deep breath.

  “What do you mean?” Jack’s eyes are a dark shade of blue. I want to forget about this situation and fall into the ocean of his love without any questions.

  “It’s nothing…really…it’s no big deal… What were we talking about before?”

  “Lauren, I’m concerned. Can we talk about that? You fainted. I want to take you to the hospital and make sure everything is okay.” He runs his fingers through my hair.

  “Jack, seriously it’s fine… Listen, it was probably just a like a mini-panic attack or something. And honestly I don’t want to talk about it.” I press my lips together. I’ve never said those words out loud before. Except to my doctor. Other than that…no one really knows about my panic attacks…except for Brianna…and I definitely wouldn’t want to talk to her about it right now. Given that she helped my soon-to-be-husband purchase a house behind my back. I’m not going to let that go anytime soon.

  “Why are you panicking?” Jack pulls me in closer. His mouth is on my neck. “Is it the wedding planning?”

  “No, not the wedding.” I say too fast.

  “Well, then what is it?” Jack releases his hold on me.

  “I’m not ready to have a baby and ‘let nature take its course’ and all of those things. I have a career.” I’m seeing stars again. I take in a deep breath and let it out. I’m not going to faint again. I can handle this. Deep soothing breaths, I can get through this conversation.

  “Okay, Lauren, if you aren’t ready, we’ll wait. I just don’t want to end up like one of those couples who waits for the perfect moment only to realize that it has already passed.” He leans in and kisses my head.

  With that I should feel at ease. I should feel comforted and be able to move on. Yet, I’m not. Why? Am I ready to be a mom? No. I can’t—too much is at stake with my career. And what would happen to our relationship? It’s not like we have years of memories as a couple to build upon. We have less than a year together and just three months before we are scheduled to say I do and then what? Become a family? What would happen to us? What would become of our relationship? Would Jack be gone all the time trying to make the difference in my paycheck? Would I resent him for giving up my career? I sit in silence trying not to show my emotions and take deep breaths and move forward. I will rise above this situation and my feelings. I can do this. Jack says he will wait and that’s what I want, right?

  “Speaking of perfect moments, let’s finalize where we are going to get married. We need to choose a venue.”

  Jack laughs. “Yes, the perfect wedding spot. It could be in the back of an alley and it would still be amazing for me.”

  I squint.

&n
bsp; “I know you don’t like cats and all…but just imagine them purring against our legs right before we say I do? And for favors we could hand out catnip?”

  I roll my eyes and burst into laughter. Jack is so silly. “No. No cats. No catnip.”

  “Are you sure? I bet my Aunt Minnie could reach out to the local shelters and we could really make this happen. Instead of flowers we could have cats and then instead of favors guests could take home a cat. It’s a win-win. We would be finding homes for all these cats and making our guests happy.”

  “You are beyond crazy.” I smile at him.

  “Crazy about you. If you mean crazy in love with you, then yes I agree.” His mouth is at my neck again, his breath is hot and heavy and I want to forget about any idea of planning weddings and let him take me under again. But we are only three months out. If we want to find the perfect spot for our wedding we need to make a reservation and fast.

  “As you said, I think it should be in Texas. That way only a few of our loved ones will have to travel.”

  Jack nods. “Smart thinking, Mrs. Soon-to-be-Walker.”

  “Right, but where?”

  Jack laughs. “How about Tibor’s Pecan Farm?”

  My chest tightens. “The place we met?”

  “Yes, let’s make it the place we meet at the altar. I’m sure they can accommodate us.” Jack tugs on my hair. “After all, it would benefit them given they would have true pie contest winners at the ceremony.”

  I roll my eyes. I’m not even going to discuss the Fourth of July pie contest. Not again. “You might be right. I’ll call them on Monday.”

  “Perfect, now that we’ve got that settled, it’s time to move on to the next room.” Jack growls into my ear. Fireworks are popping along my veins. This man sends me into a pyro nighttime experience that I don’t ever want to lose.

  But even with the intense passion he’s giving me…I’m worried about the idea of a baby. The what-ifs and what will happen? Will we change? Will a baby change us? Will a baby change me?

  ***

  After recovering from yet another room filled with our love, I’m famished. My stomach gurgles and my face is hot.

  “Well, that’s certainly one way to tell me that you’ve worked up an appetite.” Jack wiggles his eyebrows.

  “Ha, yes…I am hungry…for—”

  “Wedding cake?” Jack gives me my top and I throw it over my head.

  “I wasn’t thinking wedding cake…but the mention of it does ignite my cravings.”

  “Cravings, I think the only thing I’m craving is Lauren—”

  “Moo-gai-Lauren?” I roll my eyes and laugh.

  Jack laughs. “I’m always in the mood for anything that includes the name Lauren.”

  My cheeks warm. “Likewise.”

  “Lauren, be a bit more humble…” Jack shakes his head as he buttons his pants.

  “Ha, anyways…about the cake. Shall we go get some inspiration for making our own?”

  Jack rushes over to me and cups my face. “There isn’t anything that I want to do more—other than actually marrying you at this wedding—than for the two of us to make the cake.” His lips graze across mine.

  “Me either.” I stand on my toes and seal the promise with a kiss. Even though baking is not my thing, baking with Jack is definitely my thing. It’s how we met and every baking moment between us has brought us closer together. I can only imagine the two of us baking our wedding cake together will be the ultimate perfect recipe.

  “So, what flavors are you thinking? Strawberries, chocolate, buttercream frosting?”

  “I think we should go to a bakery right now and be gluttonous about our tasting options. I really am hungry.”

  Jack’s eyes sparkle back at me and we lace our fingers together as he leads me down the stairs of our house. Our home. This is where we will live together as a couple and possibly have a family…someday.

  “I know just the place.” Jack pulls out a key from his pocket and hands it to me. “This one is yours.”

  My chest constricts. My first house with someone else. Well not someone else…with my husband-to-be. Can I even deal with this level of life-changing moments? When I bought my house, it was just me. And I was okay with that. I was more than okay with that. It was a proud moment. A moment where I felt like I had achieved something. Yet here in this moment…I’m not sure what it is that is rushing around in my mind. I didn’t buy this house. I don’t know anything about a mortgage or even the cost of it. I’m all alone in this. Brianna knows more about this house than I do…which doesn’t make feel good on any level. I’m going to move on from this for Jack and my sakes, but Brianna…that’s something I’ll have to deal with later.

  I take the key from Jack and let out a deep breath. I glance up at him. He’s watching me with his blue eyes that are warming me over and I’ve already fallen into the abyss of his love. His ocean surrounds me and his love is like a boat that floats above it all and I’m mesmerized. I stick the key into the lock and turn the key. There. That settles it. This house is mine too. A click of the lock and we are moving into home ownership together. One further step in our relationship.

  ***

  With our relationship powered up to the next level Jack parks in front of Frenchie’s Bakery. I’ve heard of this place, but never really had much of a sweet tooth so never tried it out. We get out of the car and Jack holds the door open for me. The aroma of butter, sugar, vanilla—and what is that, nutmeg?—fill my nose. I take in deep breath. Wow, is this what heaven smells like? If so…I’ve arrived at the pearly gates.

  Jack squeezes my hand. Almost as if he is trying to bring me back to reality. What he doesn’t realize is that I left reality a long time ago when he walked into my life. Everything seems so perfect…especially when I’m with him.

  The shop girl glances at us and then her eyes land on Jack. Of course.

  “Hey there, how can I help you?”

  Jack leads me to the display case. “We’re on a hunt for the perfect wedding cake flavor… I think we need to sample your cakes…a slice of each, please.”

  I can’t help but notice her enthusiasm drizzle from ecstatic to semi-pleasant at Jack’s request for wedding cake. And he does have an amazing voice. It’s so deep and confident. And even though this woman is obviously swooning over him, he seems completely oblivious to it.

  “Sure thing.” The woman begins to plate the various cakes onto separate dishes.

  Jack leads me to a spot near the window and I sit down and thankfully so—I’m feeling woozy. Am I really that famished? It doesn’t make sense. I did eat earlier. I take in a deep breath and let it out as Jack gathers the various plates from the woman and brings them to our table. Five at a time. Did he work at a restaurant before?

  Jack settles the tab and sits down in front of me. We have at least ten different slices of cake. Cake. Yum. I’m ready to dive in…but I want to show some sort of decorum and ladylike modesty for Jack. It’s not like I’m using the ladies’ with the door open but I’m not going to act like a pig that has been released from solitary confinement either.

  “So…which one is most appealing to you?” Jack wiggles his eyebrows at me. He is so confident in everything. Why can’t I be more like Jack? I internally eye roll at myself. No…Lauren, be yourself. I can’t help it. Why am I feeling so insecure? I’m sure I’m not usually like this. I’m usually pretty self-assured and in control of my emotions. What’s sending me into a spiral of insecurity?

  “This one.” I stab at a yellow piece of cake with my fork. The frosting is strawberries and it is making my mouth water before the fork even reaches my lips. Touchdown heaven. This is amazing. The cake is lemon-flavored and mixed with the strawberries it’s so scrumptious. I give it five stars without even a second bite.

  I savor the last morsel in my mouth. “Which one are you going to try?”

  Jack grins at me like he is watching a show at the zoo or something. “Should I try yours, or something different?
”

  “Something different—this one is not that great.” I scrunch up my nose and try to hold back a laugh. It’s ridiculous but I want to eat this entire slice myself. Even if I don’t finish it here. I’d love to take it with me and finish it later on my own. I don’t want to share this piece. I’m being selfish with this cake. Am I selfish in general? Am I being selfish about our lives? Is it selfish to want to have a choice in the house we live in? Or to wait to have children?

  Jack squints, causing his eyebrows to forge together, and I can’t help but laugh. He has me figured out.

  “I see.” Jack picks up his fork and hovers over the various pieces of cake before taking a fast dive for my scrumptious lemon and strawberry slice. His eyes twinkle back at me as he takes in a huge bit of my piece of cake. The one I wanted for myself.

  Jack’s eyebrows rise as he savors the sumptuous piece of cake. The sides of his mouth rise with each round of his jaw as he thoroughly chews the bite and swallows. I coincide and swallow with him. Imagining all that delicious lemon and strawberry goodness. Then…oh dear!

  I’m sick. I swallow hard but it’s too late. I glance around and eye the ladies’ room. I bolt from my chair and charge towards the door. Thankfully, it’s not one of those doors that requires a key for entry. I blast through the room and lean my head over the toilet before I can make a huge mess. But it is indeed a disgusting mess. A disaster of nastiness is displayed in the bowl.

  What the hell? I’ve never had a queasy stomach. Fainting, yes. But actual vomiting? No. I wipe my mouth and turn on the faucet to rinse my mouth. I have the worst taste at the back of my throat. Eating no longer sounds appetizing to me, but falling asleep on my bed seems very appealing. Our bed. It is our bed. Even though it’s at my house. What are we going to do with my house? Rather, what am I going to do? Or maybe Jack should be involved in the planning? I’m so confused. I just need to go to bed regardless of the title of the bed. I’m exhausted.

  Obviously, I’ve got food poisoning or some sort of flu. I shake my head. I cannot be sick for work. I’ve got to call it a day and get my rest. The issues at work are too pressing to put on the backburner. Am I putting the right things on the backburner? Am I making choices that will change the course of my life without even realizing it? I can’t think…I’ve got to get to home…my old home—is it my old home? I don’t even know. I just need to rest.