Holding On: Ruthless Sinners MC

by L. Wilder

  I lifted up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his, wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to my fervent kisses. He returned my kiss with a ferocity that made my blood boil. My need was palpable. His strong hands slid up my back, releasing the clasp of my bra. I could feel the smooth fabric of the lace slipping over my skin as my bra slid down my arms, exposing my taut nipples to his hungry gaze. His soft lips dropped to my breasts, raking his tongue along each tight peak before he swirled one of my nipples with his tongue and sucked on it hard. My hands wound in his hair as I pressed him closer to my body, savoring the pleasured sensations flooding through me.

  My uneven breaths echoed throughout the room as his fingertips hooked in my panties and began to skillfully slide them down my thighs. The anticipation building within me was almost more than I could bear. Every touch of his hands set my core on fire, threatening to burn me alive if I didn’t have him soon. I stepped out of my panties as he guided me over to the bed, holding his tall, solid frame against me. When my calves hit the edge of the mattress, he slowly lowered me down, gazing appreciatively at my naked body as a sly grin played on his lips.

  He reached for the hem of his t-shirt, watching me intently as he pulled it over his head, revealing his chiseled abs. My eyes wandered to the perfect V peeking out from the waistband of his jeans, and I instinctively bit my bottom lip. He tossed his t-shirt to the floor, his eyes never leaving mine as he lowered his hands and unbuttoned his jeans. I felt my breath quicken in anticipation as he paused at his zipper. He looked at me seductively as he watched my breasts rise and fall with each heaving breath. His blue eyes darkened with need as he watched my reactions to him.

  The heat and desire building within me was obvious as he freed himself from his jeans and boxers, letting them fall to his ankles before kicking them to the side. I nearly groaned out loud at the image he painted; he was beautiful. He was built the way a man ought to be built … tall, muscular, broad shoulders … my god. Just looking at him made me feel alive.

  Completely captivated, I watched as he took his thick length in his hand and started to slowly stroke himself from root to tip—teasing me with every flick of his wrist. His perfectly defined physique laced with intricate ink tempted me in way I couldn’t begin to describe. I was just about to lean forward and run my hands all over those tattoos when he suddenly knelt before me. My mouth fell open at the realization of his intentions, and I could feel the wet heat of desire emanating from my center.

  I gasped as his fingertips gripped my thighs, parting my legs to sink between them. He ran his thumb leisurely along the folds of my sensitized skin, touching just around where I wanted him most. He took his time stroking me while his other hand cupped my breast, the rough, calloused pad of his finger stroking me. My head fell back as I reveled in the lavish attention of his touch.

  “Lie back,” he gently ordered, watching me with a reverence that stilled my breath.

  Without hesitation, I did as he commanded, my body begging impatiently for his next caress. He leaned forward, and I could feel his warm breath as he began to shower my abdomen and thighs with tantalizing kisses. My body began to quiver with anticipation as the bristles of his beard brushed against my center. My hands gripped the comforter as I felt his tongue sweep against me. Two deft fingertips spread me apart as his tongue swirled around, and he began to suck gently on my most sensitive spot. My back arched in pleasure as one long finger slid slowly inside me, testing me. He pulsed his finger, in and out, and I began to writhe beneath him.

  My hands drifted to his head, my fingers tangling in his hair as I panted, “Oh God,” over and over again.

  I was right at the edge, and with one last brush of his tongue, I came undone like never before. He reached over and took a condom from the pocket of his jeans. I lay there watching him, trying to catch my breath as he rolled it down his long, thick shaft. I’d wanted him since the moment I’d laid eyes on him, but I’d had no idea just how glorious the sight before me would be. He was breathtakingly sexy. Rugged, the embodiment of manliness, and harboring a desire for me in his eyes that lit a fire inside me that I feared would never fade.

  I was still in a haze of passion when he moved back on top of me and centered himself between my legs. I gasped eagerly as the tip of his cock brushed against me, setting every nerve in my body on fire. Our naked bodies pressed against each other, his hot skin against mine. I was in heaven. I opened my legs invitingly as he slowly slid his thick length inside me. My breath caught in my chest as my body adjusted to the welcome intrusion. He moved gently as he pulled back and entered me again, filling me completely. Instinctively, I rocked my hips against him, hungry for more, urging him to give me everything he had to give. His slow thrusts quickly became voracious and demanding, and my body responded immediately, giving him everything he wanted.

  I could feel him finally give in to his carnal nature and lose himself in the moment, his hands on my body, roaming, squeezing, and pulling me against his muscular frame. His hips slammed into mine over and over again, hard and steady, building a punishing rhythm. I arched into him as he drove deeper, gasping as his cock rubbed against my g-spot. I cried out in pleasure, digging my nails into his shoulders as my body moved in time with his, the delicious friction sending waves of ecstasy through me.

  Noah was everything I’d fantasized about and more. His mouth crashed down on mine as he thrust harder and faster, claiming what was his. His impassioned growls spurred me on as surges of pleasure wracked my body and the dam finally broke.

  “Oh God! Noah!” My cries echoed around us as the all-consuming rush of my climax took hold.

  He continued to drive into me as my core pulsed around him and he found his own release. His fingers dug into my hips as he held me tightly in place with a sated groan. Moments later, he lowered himself down on the bed next to me, and whispered, “Damn. I was right. You are going to ruin me.”

  Shotgun

  After losing Lindsey, I’d come to accept the fact that whenever I cared about someone—when I loved someone with my heart and soul, I lost them. It wasn’t like it was difficult to come to this revelation. I’d lost my folks, and I loved them both; then I lost Ada soon after. When I joined the military, I was looking for an escape from my world as it was. I thought it would help put some distance between me and those feelings of loss and guilt I was consumed with, but it only made it that much worse. During my training, I’d forged strong ties with the men in my platoon. Some of those guys had come to feel like family to me, and watching them die nearly did me in. I hated myself for surviving. Hell, the guilt of it all had me praying that I’d die right along with them, but alas, fate had other plans for me.

  I survived, but I wasn’t the same man I had been—far from it. I’d grown hard, bitter, and cold. I didn’t want to love or be loved. I didn’t feel like I deserved either, and a big part of me still felt that way. But there was a small part, a part I no longer controlled, that was wondering if I was still capable of such feelings. I glanced down at Remington curled up in the crook of my arm, looking so beautiful and peaceful, and I knew I had my answer. I had feelings for her, feelings I didn’t ask for nor want, but they were there, nonetheless. That realization sent a wave of panic washing over me. I’d made a promise to myself and to Lindsey that I’d never let myself fall for anyone, and I’d always done everything in my power to keep that promise—until now.

  My chest tightened at the thought, and I was suddenly overcome with the need to get the hell out of there. I knew it wasn’t right. I knew Remington deserved better, but I felt like the walls were closing in on me, and I had to clear my head. Being careful not to wake Remington, I eased out of bed and quickly got dressed. I sent Country a text, then quietly slipped out of the room. I thought I was in the clear until I reached the kitchen and found Ada there waiting for me.

  She was standing at the kitchen sink with her arms crossed as she said, “Where ya running off to so early?”

  “Gotta ge
t over to the clubhouse.”

  “Um-hmm.” I could tell by her expression that Ada didn’t believe me. “Shore ya do.”

  “Wouldn’t say so if I didn’t.” She never took her eyes off me as I grabbed my keys from the counter, leaving no doubt that she had something to say, but there was no way in hell I was going to give her time to say it. I reached for the doorknob, and on my way out, I told her, “Country will be here in a few minutes to keep an eye on things until I can get back.”

  After I closed the door, I wasted no time getting on my bike and cranking the engine. In a matter of seconds, I was out the gate and on my way. I’d only made it a few blocks when I spotted Country heading over to Ada’s. Relieved that they both would be looked after, I continued towards the clubhouse. When I pulled up, it was just after seven in the morning. Knowing most of the guys wouldn’t have made it in yet, I headed into the kitchen to see who was around, and as luck would have it, Hawk and Menace were sitting at the table talking to Axel and Widow.

  They were all eating breakfast and hadn’t realized that I’d even walked into the room until I sat down next to Hawk and said, “Morning.”

  “Hey, brother,” Hawk replied with surprise. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here. Thought you were staying over at Ada’s with Remington.”

  “I am. Just wanted to come by and see what was going on.” I got up and poured myself a cup a coffee. “Figured you were busy working on a plan for Sunday night.”

  “We’ve already got it sorted,” Hawk announced. “I was going to call you this morning to go over it all.”

  “Well, I just saved you some trouble.” I took a drink of my coffee. “Don’t gotta call when I’m standing right here.”

  “True, but now, I can’t just hang up on you when you start mouthing off,” Hawk teased, but when he saw my expression, he quickly changed his tune. “Oh, come on, brother. You know I’m just messin’ with ya.”

  “Just tell me you guys have something figured out.”

  “You know we do,” Menace answered for him. “I’ve gotten the blueprints of the Tyson factory. We’ll have every entrance and exit covered, and when they start their meet, we’ll take out their guards and move in.”

  “And when it’s done?”

  “Viper’s already got Billy on standby. Billy knows it’s a big job, and he’ll be ready.”

  Billy the Butcher was the club’s cleaner. He had the ability to wipe a scene like no other. When he was done, there wouldn’t be a single trace of evidence that could be linked back to the club. With twenty or more potential victims, we’d need him now more than ever. I gave Hawk a nod as I said, “Good. We’ll definitely need him ready.”

  “Rafe and Widow will be heading over to the locker tonight to pick up our weapons and ammo. They’ll go through them all and make sure we have everything we need for the take down.”

  “Sounds like you have it all sorted.”

  I won’t pretend that it didn’t suck that my brothers had forged an attack without my input, because it did. It sucked on all levels, but there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. I’d fulfill my part during the attack and prayed that it would be a start in putting an end to all this bullshit. Hawk got up and walked over to me as he said, “Couldn’t have done it without ya, brother. You getting the information from McKinney saved our asses.”

  “He’s right,” Menace interjected. “You did good, brother.”

  “Just doing what I can.” I ran my hand through my hair. “Just wish I could help find out more about Mathews.”

  “I’ve been looking into him, but so far, there’s not much I can find on the guy.” Menace leaned back with his hands behind his head, revealing the sleeve tattoos that covered both his arms. “The guy’s not married, but he has a girlfriend. He has a nice place. A two-story house with a basement and a big shed, but he’s usually at his girlfriend’s place.”

  “What about Thomas Long? You find anything about him.”

  “Not much. Just the fact that he’s missing,” Menace scoffed.

  “But there has to be a reason why Mathews wanted him gone,” I pushed. “Maybe he found something on Mathews and was going to use it to take him down?”

  “Maybe.”

  “You think you can hack into his records and find out?”

  “Yeah, but it’ll take some time.” Menace sat up in his seat. “IA’s are pretty tight on their security.”

  “I’m sure they are, but I really think it would be worth our time for you to check it out.”

  “Check what out?” Viper asked as he stepped into the room, and we all immediately fell silent. It wasn’t unusual for us to have such a reaction to him. Our president had a presence about him, one that demanded attention, and it seemed to come naturally. He didn’t threaten or use his large stature to intimidate, but through his actions and calm demeanor, he commanded respect.

  As he continued into the room, I answered, “Thomas Long. Thought he might have something in his files about Detective Mathews.”

  “Good thinking.” Viper came up behind me and started pouring himself some coffee. “Just got a call from Ada.”

  “About?”

  “Seems she’s wanting to go stay with her granddaughter for a couple of days.”

  Surprised, I asked, “Since when?”

  “Since about fifteen minutes ago. She’s planning to leave in the next hour or so. Asked if I’d send a prospect to take her over.”

  “You gotta be fucking kidding me.”

  “Guessing you didn’t know anything about it.” Viper smirked as he said, “You and Remington run her out of her own house?”

  “Fuck no,” I grumbled. “No clue what’s going on in that woman’s head.”

  “Best be finding out before she leaves.”

  I nodded, then started for the door. Before I walked out of the kitchen, I glanced over at Menace and said, “Let me know if you find out anything from Long’s files.”

  “You know I will.”

  I went out to the parking lot, and as I got on my bike, I looked back at the clubhouse with a sense of nostalgia. I missed being there. I missed being with my brothers, my family, but I found comfort in the fact it wouldn’t be long before I could return. I started the engine and pulled through the gate, speeding over to Ada’s in hopes of catching her before she left. I was eager to know why she’d decided to up and leave without talking to me about it, but then again, it wasn’t like I’d given her a chance. Concerned she was going to give me a fucking lecture about the night I’d spent with Remington, I bolted, giving her no time to talk to me about anything. When I pulled up at her place, I found her sitting on the front porch with a duffle bag resting in the chair next to her. I parked, and as I started up the stairs, I asked, “You going somewhere?”

  “Shore am.” She was wearing her favorite straw hat and bright yellow dress with little white flowers, and I could tell by her expression that she’d already made up her mind about leaving. “Gonna go see Kara.”

  “Since when?”

  “Since she called me and asked me to.” Ada cocked her eyebrow in that way she did whenever she wasn’t happy with me. “Som’ting wrong wit’ dat?”

  Kara was Ada’s granddaughter, and from the day she was born, it seemed like she was always into some kind of trouble—and it only got worse as she got older. To make matters worse, she was one of those chicks who thought the world owed her something, especially her grandmother. She was always taking advantage of her kindness, and I feared this time would be no different. “No, just surprised you’re gonna go back after what happened last time you were there.”

  “’Cause I don’t give up on da peoples I cares about just like I never gaves up on you.” Her expression softened as she said, “Dat’s what you do when you loves somebody.”

  “Even when they don’t do anything but hurt ya, time after time?”

  “Dat’s right, ’cause I don’t do it for her. I do it for me.” She reached over and moved her bag to the groun
d, then motioned for me to sit. “I thinks it’s time for you and me to have ourselves a talk.”

  “I’m not in the mood for a lecture, Ada.”

  “Didn’t ask ya if you were in da mood, son.” She arched that eyebrow again. “Now sit.”

  While I wasn’t happy about it, I did as she said and sat down next to her. “All right. Say what you gotta say.”

  “I know it ain’t gonna be easy. Lord, I knows better dan anyone what hell yous been through, but da time’s come for you to stop holdin’ on to da past.”

  “What makes you think I’m holding on to the past?”

  “’Cause I ain’t no fool. I can sees how it weighs on ya, especially when yous wit’ Remington. All dose memories. Dat pain are likes chains pulling ya down, and nobody can lives like dat.” She shook her head as she went on, “I knows you think you gots your part you played in losing yo folks and dat young girl you loved, but da good Lord had plans for dem ‘dat didn’t have nothin’ to do with you.”

  “If I’d been there, then maybe I could’ve done—”

  “No!” she interrupted. “You can’t do’s dat to yourself. It ain’t right, boy. You couldn’t have done a damn thing, and it’s time for you to accept dat!”

  “Not sure I can do that, Ada.”

  “Well, you best be figurin’ it out, or yous gonna lose dat girl in dare.” Ada motioned her hand behind her. “Gots no idea why, but she loves you. Down deep in her soul. And I’m telling ya now, dat kind of love don’t come aroun’ er’aday. So, if you wanna hold on to somethin’, hold on to dat.

  My chest tightened as I thought back to the months that followed my parents’ death. All the heartache, pain, and abandonment I felt was almost too much to bear. Lindsey was the only reason why I was able to learn to live again, to open my heart again, and it nearly destroyed me when I lost her. I didn’t know if I had it in me to take a chance on going through all that again. “I can’t...”