Kissing Katie: A Kissing Novel

by L. T. Kelly

  Heading downstairs, she heard Jess giggling uncontrollably and forced a smile over her lips. Whatever had happened, whatever struggle she faced, she’d get through this…all because she had Evan and Jess.

  “Are you feeling any better? You look better,” he said with a sad smile that mirrored her own.

  “Thank you, but I know I look a mess.” She held her hands out.

  He got up off the floor where he and Jess had been playing snakes and ladders.

  “You’ll always look beautiful to me,” He brushed his lips gently over her cheek as he pulled her into his arms. “I love you, angel, and no matter what’s happened, we’ll get though it.”

  She squeezed him tightly and realized Jess stared at them both, still seated beside her game, surrounded by fast-food wrappers. He let Katie go and grinned guiltily.

  “I should have asked, but since I’d promised, we took a trip to the store.” He shrugged. “You needed dinner, didn’t you, Jess?” He eyed her as if they had a secret deal.

  Katie laughed. “There was plenty of food in the kitchen.”

  The smile remained on her face as he shifted uncomfortably. “Okay, confession.” He held up his palms. “The best I can achieve is mac and cheese.”

  She tipped her head to one side, her brows drawing in. “What the bloody hell is mac and cheese?”

  “Never mind.” He laughed. “Let’s get movie night on the road, huh, Jess? Go get changed, and I’ll clean this mess up.”

  Jess came down in her pajamas to find Evan and Katie waiting for her. She fell asleep thirty minutes into the film. Evan effortlessly lifted the little girl and carried her to bed. Katie followed to tuck her in and kiss her goodnight. Her eyes were still stinging and swollen, and she tried to bat away the exhaustion she suffered, having spent most of the day crying.

  “I really don’t want to leave you tonight,” he said

  “I’ll be fine. I’m so tired.”

  “Are you ready to tell me what happened?” His lips pressed into a thin line.

  His question immediately summoned the devastating image, but the more she recalled the less it affected her.

  She walked from the hallway, back into the living room and took a seat. He sat beside her, a solemn expression on his face. “Was it Rupy?”

  She nodded. He captured her in his arms, and a kissed the top of her head. “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you.”

  “It’s awful,” she choked on her words. “I found him. He hung himself.”

  She felt glad her face was buried in his chest. She couldn’t bear to see pity on his face.

  “Something looked so strange about watching Rupy suspended from the light fitting in his room. I don’t know if it’s because feet should be on the floor and not dangling midair?” She furrowed her brow. “I knew he’d already gone. That stillness can only come from death.”

  She nuzzled Evan’s chest as he pulled her closer, bringing feeling back to her body. She talked through what had happened as she relived it in her head. She’d dialed 999 as soon as she’d seen Rupy, and moments later, the staff from the center had come running, following the sound of her screams. Her phone pressed to her ear, she’d blindly followed the instructions to cut him down.

  “I had nothing to cut him down with though. So, I pulled until the light fitting couldn’t take it and came crashing down along with his body.” She swallowed hard, remembering the dull thud of his body hitting the ground. A wave of nausea swept through her as she recalled the ambulance women giving her pointless CPR instructions, which Katie had carried out in vain hope. When her mouth had clamped over his blue lips, she hadn’t been able to tear her eyes from his…fixed, bloodshot and bulging. He hadn’t even looked like Rupy anymore. He’d gone, that she’d known for sure, but she couldn’t stop herself from pumping his chest, living in a sliver of hope that he’d suddenly cough, that she’d somehow save him.

  “Then the place swarmed with police and paramedics telling me to stop. Telling me what I already knew, that he’d gone.”

  By the time she’d finished reliving the events of the day, Evan held her so tightly it became painful.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

  “It’s not yours either. You know that, don’t you?”

  She shook her head, glad to feel the warmth from his chest, from his heart that brimmed with love for her. “I should have known it was coming, should have told someone.”

  Tears built in her throat.

  She couldn’t have saved Lee. She’d told him over and over that she still loved him, that she’d take care of him, but he didn’t listen. He’d stockpiled enough liquid morphine, Tramadol, codeine and sleeping pills to kill an elephant and swallowed them all at once. She knew it wasn’t his intention for her to find him. It couldn’t have been. That day, she’d caught the train to Birmingham, with Jess in tow to spend the weekend with him at the hospital. Her screams that day when she hadn’t been able to wake him had been as harrowing as they had been this morning when she’d found Rupy.

  She clenched her jaw, but the sob escaped her. Evan pulled her from his chest, squeezing the tops of her arms.

  “Anyone could have known? I won’t have this. It’s. Not. Your. Fault.”

  She nodded, grateful for his words. She couldn’t go through another five years of hating herself, especially when things had just started to look up for her.

  “You’re one hell of a woman. What you do for those guys goes above and beyond.”

  The grit in his voice warmed her. She could see he believed his words.

  “I love you so much.” He pulled her back to him, her tears wetting his shirt. She closed her eyes. She couldn’t cry anymore. Her tears soon dried as sleep took her from the destructive mixture of hurt, pain, love and hope. The emotions simply didn’t belong together. She silently willed herself only feeling the latter when she woke.

  * * * *

  The shrill ringing of the phone, the smell of something burning and Jessica’s giggling roused Katie from sleep. She’d remained on the sofa all night, but Evan had somehow left her asleep. It appeared he’d been up and about.

  The phone went unanswered as she clambered around looking for a handset. Evan rushed through the door, eyes wide, searching for the same thing, a spatula in his hand.

  “It’s okay. I’ve got it.” She waved the phone, her eyes running up and down him with a smirk on her face.

  “Sorry,” he said, at the same time as she answered the call. She quickly waved a hand in a it’s okay gesture.

  The sound of Helen’s voice didn’t come as a shock. After what had happened the day before, Katie had expected her to call last night. It didn’t stop her from cringing though, the reaction closely followed by a wave of guilt.

  “Look, Helen…” She filled the fuzz of silence down the line. “I was out of order. I shouldn’t have taken what happened out on you.”

  “No, no, Katie. I understand your anger. I wish to apologize for my own actions.”

  Katie paused and waited what seemed like forever to find out exactly what Helen was sorry for. Yesterday had been such a haze. Katie knew she’d yelled at her mother-in-law and said some terrible things, but exactly what had been said and done she didn’t recall.

  “I judged you when I saw that young man. I felt incredibly jealous on my son’s behalf, and I had no right to. You’re a young woman, and I always knew you would move on someday. I wasn’t prepared for it yesterday. I wish you’d told me.”

  “I’d planned on doing that this weekend. Look, Jess loves him. I love him. You have nothing to worry about.”

  “Okay, that’s nice of you to say so. Are you okay, though?” Her voice sounded frail.

  “I’m fine. I witnessed something I wish I hadn’t.”

  “Was it like Lee?”

  She nodded, not wanting to say her reply out loud then realized Helen couldn’t see her. She shook the terrible image from
her mind, feeling the burn behind her eyes.

  “Katie?”

  She sighed before answering. “Yes, like Lee.”

  “I’m sorry you had to deal with that. You’re a strong young lady though. You’ll get through it. I know you will.”

  Katie’s breath caught in her throat. It was the kindest and least fraught conversation they’d ever shared. She couldn’t help but feel a little glad she’d lost her shit with Helen the day before, since it had inspired such kindness from the woman she’d always considered to be the ice queen. “I still want to have a little get together tomorrow, if you’d like to come? That way, you can meet Evan under better circumstances?”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Okay, that’s sorted then.”

  “Yes, that’s great.”

  “Bye for now.”

  Katie stared at the phone after Helen had cleared the line, unable to help wondering if she should have lost her temper a long time ago. Would things have been different? She’d never know.

  She jumped when Evan and Jessica appeared by her side, each carrying heavily laden plates.

  A hand slapped over her mouth, but she was unable to prevent laughter escaping from between her fingers. The plate of bacon Jessica held had passed crispy and had moved on to cremated status.

  “What the bloody hell is that?” She nodded to the unidentifiable mess that lay on Evans plate.

  He cocked his head glanced down at it, forcing a lopsided smile. “It’s meant to be pancakes. My flipping skills have let me down.” He placed a palm to his chest, as though his heart had broken.

  “I think it’s rather your cooking skills that have done that.”

  The three of them broke into fits of giggles before trying their hardest to eat the worst breakfast ever prepared.

  Jessica carried the plates away when they were done. Evan immediately grabbed Katie’s hand and raised it to his lips, brushing them over her knuckles and gently squeezing it.

  “How’re you feeling, angel?”

  “As well as can be expected. Better than I would have felt had you not been here,” she admitted, an uncharacteristic blush covering her cheeks. She tried never to be mushy, it wasn’t in her nature, but she had to give credit where it was due.

  “Was that Helen on the phone?”

  “How did you guess?” She cocked her head, still wearing a smile.

  “I figured you’d be calmer this morning, so I told her to call first thing.”

  “Oh, you did, huh?” She lifted a cushion from the sofa and swatted him playfully with it.

  “Hey! Is that any way to repay me for making you a delicious breakfast?”

  Beside herself with amusement, tears sprang from her eyes as she laughed, her belly aching with exertion. She managed to calm herself as Jess reappeared and made for the TV remote.

  “So did you guys make up?” Evan asked with a raised brow.

  “She’s being weird, but yeah, we made up.”

  Evan looked far away as he stared out across the room. She placed a hand on his shoulder, her stomach lurching at the feel of his flexed bicep. He seemed tense. “Hey, are you okay?” Her brows drew in with sudden concern at his change of mood.

  “I’m cool, I have a few bridges of my own to rebuild. That’s all…”

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Hey.”

  Alex walked away wordlessly after he opened his hotel room door to Evan.

  “It was serious, man. Don’t be in a funk with me.”

  “You’re always running off to her. I see you at practice, and that’s it. Now, the album is done, and we need to go home. Don’t you get it? You’re breaking up the band,” he spat, his eyes wide.

  Evan slouched under the weight of Alex’s words. He had been spending a lot of time with Katie. He had his reasons, but he knew he’d have to go home at some point. He wanted to be with her, to prove to her that a long-distance relationship would be worth it until he could convince her to join him.

  “Look, I get what you’re saying, but I didn’t realize that being in the band gave you complete exclusivity to my time. I’m in love with her, okay? I can’t help it, but when we get the deal, I’ll do the right thing by the band and come home.”

  “You swear to me, boy wonder?”

  “I swear on her life that I will. I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize the band. We’ve all worked too hard for this. I won’t be the one to fuck it up.”

  “You’re damn right you won’t.” Alex wiped a forearm over his mouth and put his hand on his hip. Evan couldn’t help but notice the shake in his friend’s hands as he moved. He was angry…fucking livid. But Evan had spoken the truth.

  Now, the pain in his chest spread to his shoulders as he thought about getting on that plane and leaving her. He’d put his life into the band, his money, and his emotions, all that he had to give. Katie knew that, too. She’d always insisted she’d never hold him back. In reality, there were times he wanted to throw it all away to be with her.

  “I won’t. If you guys want to head home, I get it. There’s nothing for you to stay for.”

  Alex shook his head. “I can’t expect you to stick to your word if we don’t, either. We’ll leave after the party tomorrow.”

  A smile slipped across Evan’s mouth, and he patted Alex on the shoulder. “Thanks, man.”

  Katie had insisted Evan go back to the hotel and sort things out with Alex and the others while she spent the day with Mel. The two women hadn’t spent any time with each other outside of work for ages. That was what happens when you started a relationship, wasn’t it? You don’t mean to do it, but your friends reach second-place status.

  “Shall I go get Tom and Jamie?” Evan waggled his eyebrows at Alex.

  “What the fuck for? You mean to say you’re not running back to her?”

  “I figured we could write. We need to start penning up the next album because when we’re number one all over the world, we ain’t gonna have time for that shit.” His voice raised an octave with excitement, and he completely ignored Alex’s dig.

  Alex glanced around and nodded. “Yeah, go get them, boy wonder.”

  Evan headed for the door with a spring in his step. Alex had been his friend for too many years for there to be bad blood for too long.

  “Hey,” Alex called after Evan as he made to leave.

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m not budging on the name of this album, though. No matter how much you try to sweeten me up.”

  Evan smiled. “Neither am I, dude. Neither am I.”

  He cackled at the sound of something slamming into the door as it closed behind him, the object most likely intended for his head.

  Despite Alex’s anger, they managed to get a song down and came up with ideas for a few more.

  Returning to his room later, Evan flicked on the TV to fill the silence. Most people spent their lives looking forward to the weekends. Evan dreaded it. He respected that Katie needed time with Jessica, but he loved the time he spent with both of them. The previous night had been the first time he’d stayed over with Jessica in the house. Thankfully, she hadn’t noticed. He didn’t think Katie had been in the right frame of mind to explain their relationship that morning.

  Fishing out his phone, he flopped down on the bed, set to spend a lonely night in it. He smiled when he received a message from her.

  You may as well check out tomorrow.

  Are you asking me to move in with you? He smiled as he hit the send button.

  You already did, didn’t you? I have a favor to ask you.

  He drew in his brows. She’d never asked for anything. Shoot. You know I’d do anything for you.

  Rupy’s funeral is planned for Friday. Will you come with me, please? I don’t think I could do it alone.

  He blew out a sigh of relief as he tapped out a reply. Of course. That’s not a favor. That’s what people do when they love each other.

  Thanks, honey. Is everyone coming to the party tomorrow?

&nbs
p; They wouldn’t miss it for the world.

  He was amazed she’d returned to her usual self so quickly after witnessing something that would be so traumatic for anyone, let alone someone who had suffered for years after experiencing a similar devastation.

  She’d been so honest with him about what she thought and felt, what had happened in the past and how ill she’d been after Lee’s death. On Evan’s nights alone, he often wondered if the fact he hadn’t been so forthcoming about his past had been lost on her.

  * * * *

  “What the fuck?” Evan mumbled to himself, disorientated by the high-pitched noise coming from somewhere in the darkness. It had been early evening when he’d allowed sleep to take him, fully clothed and lying on top of the bedding. The night on Katie’s couch, holding her close, had obviously taken its toll on him.

  He turned over, immediately locating the culprit. Emitting its usual sound, it seemed more offensive than usual given that it had woken him up.

  “Yeah?” he answered with a slur.

  “Hey, you gotta come by my room now.”

  “What the fuck? I don’t gotta do anything. What time is it?”

  “It’s two AM, but this is important.”

  “If this is your bright idea of getting back at me for waking you up, I’m going to—”

  “I swear it isn’t. Get your ass in here.” The line clicked as soon as Alex had finished speaking.

  Evan seriously considered rolling over and going back to the dream he was having about Katie, hovering above him, grinding against him, her warm, sweet-smelling, dark curls falling over his face.

  His rock-solid cock pressed painfully against his zipper. He pinched the base of it, willing it to go down as a text from Alex rang through, telling him that Al and the rest of the band were waiting for him. That made Evan sit up and take notice. What the fuck is Al doing here at two in the morning?

  Evan dragged himself out of bed and padded next door to Alex’s room, where the door was ajar.