Wasted Words: Inspired by Jane Austen's Emma (The Austens Book 1)

by Staci Hart

When the band hit the breakdown and the drumline went crazy, they literally all started dancing — all three hundred of them broke it down just when Young MC told them to, and so did Cam.

  I’d never seen anything so amazing in my life as Cam Emerson dancing on those bleachers.

  When the song was over, the band cheered, whooping and hollering as Cam hopped down, bounding over to me. The drum majors blew their whistles again, and they gathered together, flipping their sheet music before starting the Billie Holiday song we’d danced to at the party.

  She looked up at me, her small face open to me, cheeks flushed, dark eyes wide and full of fear and regret and hope. When she slipped her hands in mine, I knew exactly what she would say and exactly what I would say, and I only wanted to fast forward to the moment when I could kiss her. Because this was it. She was it.

  Her fingers twisted in mine, her eyes searching my face. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, did you know that?”

  I cupped her cheek, emotion burning in my throat.

  “But I set the whole thing on fire, and all because I was afraid. If I’d stopped worrying long enough to look, I would have realized how wrong I was. In your arms, I’ve never felt so safe. If this is to end in fire, then we should all burn together. I understand now. You were with me, always, and I’m with you to the end, if you’ll have me. I want to burn together. I want to burn with you.” She took a breath, brown eyes begging, sparkling. “I’m sorry I didn’t see it before. I’m sorry I let you down. Will you forgive me?”

  I bent down and picked her up by her waist, breathing her in, feeling whole again. “I’ll always forgive you. Always,” I said, my voice tight, my heart thumping. “I love you.”

  Her lip quivered as she smiled up at me, a tear falling when she closed her eyes, and then she kissed me, and I knew she loved me too.

  28

  WHITE KNIGHT

  Cam

  I SWORE TO MYSELF THAT I wouldn’t cry, but there I was, in Tyler’s arms as the band played “Crazy He Calls Me,” tears rolling down my cheeks. He pulled me in circles, dancing with everyone watching, like no one was watching. And I didn’t care. It was one of the most perfect moments of my life.

  When the song ended, the crowd cheered, and he kissed me, closing the circle, opening the door, and I stepped through it. Like we’d walked through each other, exchanging hearts in the process. I hoped it would last. But if it didn’t, I would love him for every minute that I could and be happy for what I had.

  Tyler smiled down at me, and I wrapped my arms around his waist. “I can’t believe you did this.”

  I smiled back. “Really?”

  He chuckled. “Okay, I can, but how did you pull it off?”

  “I had help. A lot of help, really.” My smile pulled up on one side. “I called your dad.”

  He looked surprised, his brows pinching together. “How did you even get his number?”

  “The emergency folder.”

  A laugh belted out of him. “I forgot about that. The one you had us make because you worried I’d die and you wouldn’t have a way to tell my parents?”

  “The very one,” I said. “I told him my idea, and he said he’d make it happen, so really we should be thanking him.”

  Tyler looked over at his dad, who shrugged. “Your mom helped too.”

  He glanced at his mom. “Your thing?”

  She leaned into his dad, looking pleased with herself. “Picking Cam up from the airport.”

  “And the band?” he asked.

  His dad smirked, wrapping an arm around his mom. “I’ve been friends with Randall for the better part of twenty years. He didn’t hesitate to gather up the band and pass out sheet music this morning. Except ‘Bust A Move’ — that one they already knew.”

  Tyler laughed. “What are the odds?”

  “Apparently pretty good in the marching band world. Crowd favorite, and all. But it was Cam’s idea, all of it. I just made some phone calls. After talking to you, Tyler, there was no way I couldn’t help. I knew she’d come around, and you needed to know how she felt. I’m just glad I could help.”

  “Me too.” Tyler shook his head and looked down at me in disbelief. “I can’t believe you’re actually here.”

  “I’m here,” I said, leaning into him, relieved and elated. “You deserved something big after what I put you through.”

  “Well, you provided.” He tightened his arms, bringing me closer. “I missed you. When you didn’t answer my text, I thought …”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I really was busy. Packing.”

  He chuckled.

  “I thought about messaging you this morning, but my flight left at like six in the morning and I wanted to die. Plus, you were sleeping.”

  “I don’t even care now. Not when you’re here.”

  I smiled up at him. “What do you want to do now?”

  “Nothing I can do in a football stadium or with my dad present, that’s for sure.”

  I laughed.

  He turned to his dad. “We working out?”

  “Not unless you really want to.”

  Darryl walked up.

  “What about spending the day hanging, Darryl?”

  Darry laughed and waved a hand. “Man, don’t be crazy. I’m signing with you — I’m not even entertaining any other offers. You’re the most honest agent I’ve talked to, and Coach is the best man I’ve ever played under. It’s a done deal. You go get your girl.”

  Tyler smiled. “Seems she came to get me. Who would have thought? She was running from me the whole time.”

  “Not anymore. I’m sorry I’m crazy.”

  “I told you. I like your crazy.” He bent down and picked me up, and I wound my arms around his neck, burying my face in his solid shoulder. “I want to get you alone, Cam.”

  “Take me anywhere, Tyler,” I whispered. “I’ll follow you.”

  And his arms flexed, bringing our hearts closer together than I ever knew they could be.

  We left the stadium after thanking the band and chatting with everyone, heading back to his parents’ house with his dad. He sat in the back seat with me, holding my hand, his arm around me like I might disappear if he let me go. But I wasn’t going anywhere. Not this time.

  When we pulled up to his house, I almost shit myself — it was a legit mansion, a sprawling, beautiful house with a circular driveway. Not like I didn’t figure they’d be rich, but somehow I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.

  His sisters and mom were all sitting around in the kitchen, waiting for us. They smiled and hopped up, rushing us for hugs and congratulations in the foyer.

  I felt like I was caught in a tornado of rainbows.

  “Come on in, Cam,” his mom said. “You hungry? I just made chicken salad for sandwiches.”

  “Starving.”

  Tyler trailed a hand down my arm. “Let me go change, then maybe we can take a walk?”

  I nodded, smiling, sensing he wanted to kiss me, but he didn’t. I didn’t take it personally in the slightest — I knew I’d have all the kisses I wanted soon enough.

  He made for the stairs in the gigantic foyer, and I followed everyone into the kitchen to sit at the bar. Meg saddled up next to me, smiling.

  “Do you have any idea how hard it was to keep all that a secret from Tyler?”

  I laughed. “How did you guys find out?”

  Meg chuckled. “There’s no such thing as a covert op in this house. Jamie is the eavesdropper of the family. She heard Mom and Dad plotting last night and told Grace, and the two of them bombarded me at seven this morning. They’re lucky I had the good sense not to get tanked last night.” She scowled dramatically and held up a fist to her sisters, who giggled.

  I looked around at the happy family, all turned to look at me with smiles on their faces, and was overcome with emotion. “Thank you so much, Mr. and Mrs. Knight. I probably could have just waited until he came home, but I hurt him, and I just … I wanted to make it up to him, and I c
ouldn’t have done it without your help.”

  Mr. Knight laughed. “You don’t have to thank us. We’re happy to help, and anyway, that was more fun than I’ve had in a long time.”

  Meg sighed. “I wish I could have seen it.”

  “Don’t worry,” I said. “Darryl recorded it with my phone. Here.” I handed it over, and the girls all huddled around to watch. Funny that it was only a couple of minutes long. That a couple of minutes could take me from despair to elation.

  They laughed when the band broke it down, and I rolled and thrust my hips in time with my arms and shoulders. I might have watched a lot of rap videos from the 90s to prepare. There also may have been some practice living room pajama dancing to Kid ’n Play.

  No one could say I wasn’t prepared.

  I thought over the moment. Wondered what would have happened if he’d said no, if he’d been too hurt to forgive me. A shock of fear burst through me, wondering if he’d only said he forgave me because I’d put him on the spot.

  Have faith. Burn together.

  My fears disappeared with my breath the moment he entered the room, T-shirt stretched across his chest, hands in his jeans pockets, smiling at me like I was the only person in the room, in the world.

  He walked over and stopped behind me. The girls were watching the video again, and he leaned in to look too, his face soft. When it ended, Meg groaned and handed me my phone.

  “God, you guys are the cutest thing in the whole world.”

  Tyler’s mom set plates in front of all of us with chicken salad sandwiches, complete with chips and a pickle.

  He was close enough that I leaned against his torso like he was a chair.

  “Hey,” he said, bending down a little. “Wanna have a picnic?”

  I craned my neck to look up at him, smiling. “Sure.”

  He kissed the top of my head and disappeared for a second, appearing again with a hoodie on and a Mexican blanket folded under his arms. We picked up our plates and headed out the back door to the smiles and approval of his family.

  The back yard wasn’t even a yard — it was acreage with no visible fences, bearing a huge garden in the middle of it and a deck in the center. A pagoda stood there with hanging swings and chairs. I thought we’d head that way, but I followed him off the path and toward one of the big trees, an oak, I thought. When we reached it, he handed me his plate and spread out the blanket on the orange and gold leaves, and we sat, alone for the first time since we’d seen each other.

  I didn’t even want to eat anymore. I just wanted to curl up in him and lie there forever.

  He seemed to feel the same way, taking our plates, setting them out of the way so he could scoot close to me. And we lay down, our eyes peering up into the branches of the tree, deep reds and oranges, dotted by blue sky.

  His arm was around me, holding me into his side, his bicep under my head like a pillow. “I think they like you.”

  I chuckled. “I hope they do. They went so far out of their way to help me.”

  “I’m not surprised. They know how I feel about you.” He was quiet for a moment. “What happened when I left?” he asked softly.

  I pulled in a breath and let it out. “I cried. A lot.”

  His arm tightened, and he kissed my hair.

  “I ate cupcakes. That helped a little. Then I slept. Yesterday, I woke up and turned on the game. I saw you on the sidelines and …” I swallowed. “I dunno. I just kind of lost it again. And when I talked to Rose, I realized it was because I was being stupid.”

  “Not stupid. Scared, but not stupid.”

  “An asshole.”

  “No. Stop it, Cam.”

  I sighed, my eyes on the leaves as the wind blew the branches. A few leaves let go and fluttered down to us.

  “Did you know Kyle was at the game?” he asked.

  I blinked, stunned. “No.”

  “He was being recognized for a donation he made. He came to talk to me on the sidelines.” Tyler paused. “He told me about the party. About what he said.”

  Cold worry ran in my veins.

  “Why didn’t you tell me, Cam?”

  “Because I believed him.”

  He sighed. “You believed him over me.”

  I took a breath. “It wasn’t just because of Kyle.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I waited through a heartbeat, then another. “It was what I wanted to talk to you about before you left. I don’t know why I didn’t talk to you about it before. I guess because I don’t really talk about it to anyone.”

  “Talk about what?” he asked gently.

  I felt him watching me, but I kept my eyes above us, tracing the line of the branches that split off like veins, like capillaries in lungs. “A long time ago, I thought I loved a boy. I was in high school, and he was a beautiful, popular boy. And I was nobody, just a bookworm in glasses. But he saw me when I thought I was invisible.”

  He didn’t say anything, just held me, waiting for me to continue.

  “I trusted him, even though we kept it a secret. I … I gave myself to him. He was my first, and I thought …”

  Tyler squeezed me, and I knew he already understood. The knowledge gave me courage.

  “The next day at school, he barely acknowledged me. He was back with his ex, and he told me he was sorry.” I sighed at the emptiness of it. “The saddest thing was that I think he really did care about me. But we were too different, he said. From different worlds. He was on the homecoming court, and I was the president of the Mathletes. So I decided I’d never date anyone who I didn’t feel like was my equal ever again.”

  “Cam…” The word was full of pain, and I looked up at him. He watched me, his eyes sad, brow furrowed with worry. But I reached up and touched his face.

  “So that’s why. It’s dumb, a million years ago. And the most important thing is that you’re not him. You would never treat me like he did, and I know that. I’ve known that, but after it happened, I just wanted to fix it. Fortify myself, protect myself from it ever happening again. But I was wrong, because that hurt me and you.”

  “It’s not dumb. I wish you had told me.”

  “I’m sorry, Tyler.”

  “Don’t apologize. I know why. But I want you to know that if you give me your heart, I’ll take care of it. I’ll protect it with my last breath.”

  I turned in his arms and looked up at him, my eyes welling with tears. “My heart was yours from the beginning whether I gave it or not, but I’m giving it to you of my own free will.”

  He touched my face.

  I smiled. “And I won’t question you ever again.” I took a breath. “You said something to me earlier, and I didn’t respond. I should have, but I didn’t have words, I couldn’t speak. But I want you to know that I’ve loved you as my friend for so long, but now … I just want you to know that I feel the same. I love you, Tyler.” The words felt strange, words I’d barely uttered in my life but never rang so true as they did in that moment. He kissed me, telling me with his body what he’d said with his words, tangible and undeniable.

  I broke away after a moment and folded my arms on his chest, resting my chin on the back of my hands. He propped himself up to look at me.

  “So what exactly did Kyle say about me?”

  “Oh, no,” he said with a snicker.” You’ll never know. But I’ll tell you this — I decked him for it.”

  A laugh burst out of me. “You did?”

  “I did, which is a big deal. I’ve punched exactly three people in my life, and two of them were before I was thirteen.”

  “I wish I could have seen it.”

  He chuckled. “I’m sure there’s a tape of it somewhere. God, I was so pissed, I could have killed him. He turned on me too, said I was nobody because I didn’t go pro.”

  My heart sank with my smile. “Tyler, he didn’t.”

  His smile was subdued too. “He did, but I don’t take stock in anything he says. He was just trying to rile me up, and it worked.”
He held up his right hand, swollen knuckles facing me. “But he got punched in the face, so as far as I’m concerned, we’re even.”

  I chuckled and took his hand, kissing the knuckles he’d used to defend my honor. “My Knight in shining armor, come to save me.”

  “No, it’s you who saved me. You know, you said you didn’t fit in, and I get that. As ‘in’ as I’ve been, I’ve never felt like I belonged, not outside my family and you. It’s why I didn’t want to lose you, why I’ve tried so hard to convince you. You saved me, Cam. Not the other way around.”

  “We saved each other from loneliness and ourselves.”

  “Maybe someday you’ll be a Knight too,” he said quietly, wrapping his fingers in mine.

  My heart stopped for fear it was all a dream. “If you deem me worthy, I couldn’t say no.”

  His face bent with emotion. “You are worthy. You’re everything.” And with that, he pulled me up to him, slipped his hand in my hair and kissed me as the autumn leaves fell around us like rain.

  Tyler

  The day went by in a strange time warp, fast and slow, a dream. We ate our sandwiches and walked through the garden. I showed her the old swing in the back of the yard, and she sat so I could push her. I watched her arch, Chucks in the air and hair flying, the smile on her face one I hope I never went a day without seeing.

  A vision passed through my mind of her in a wedding dress just like this, Chucks in the air, the skirt of her dress flying, and I wondered over it. It didn’t even surprise me, the thought. I only longed for it, hoped it would come true.

  We walked back up to the house, hand in hand, spending the rest of the day with my family. Dinner was a loud affair, full of laughing and stories of our childhood — the more embarrassing the better, as far as my sisters were concerned. And that night, we all sat in the family room and talked until Cam was tucked into my side half asleep and yawns stretched the faces of most of the Knights.

  Mom had set Cam up in the guest bedroom down the hall, though once we were dressed for bed and the house was settling down, I met Cam in the bathroom where we brushed our teeth together like we always did.