Warrior, Magician, Lover, King

by Rod Boothroyd

  In this way, the King is supported in making clear decisions for the benefit of the kingdom. Sure, the King sometimes needs to make hard decisions that serve the greater good or remove disruptive elements in his kingdom. Even so, all his actions are intended to ensure that the kingdom itself flourishes and continues to grow and develop, and to provide well for the majority of its citizens.

  Holding His Wounds & The Wounds Of The Kingdom

  Kings have always had to hold their kingdoms together in the face of famine, war, illness, invasion, and other natural and man-made disasters. I call this “holding the wounds of the kingdom”. (Naturally, a King can also celebrate with his subjects when things are going well!)

  On a personal level, the wounds of your kingdom might be illness within the family, financial misfortune, employment difficulties, or any of the other myriad of unexpected twists of fate and fortune which invariably assail us all in life. As King, you can hold these wounds until prosperity and good fortune return. You can also hold the wounds which afflict you personally, even as you continue ruling your kingdom with strength and wisdom.

  If you are to hold, let’s say, the wounds in your own Lover archetype you must have considerable strength in your Sovereign. Yet this is what a King is required to do: he must hold his own emotional wounds while tending to the “wounds” of the people around him too.

  In the context of wounding, it’s interesting to reflect on mediaeval Kings in Europe. Where a Prince, destined to rule from the moment he was born, was given every advantage, treated royally, mollycoddled even, and protected from the woundings which we all have to experience in life before we can grow, the result was almost always a weakling King who lasted but a short time on his throne.

  This suggests that strength can come through adversity. I mean this in the sense that life will inevitably test us, wound us, and sometimes even overwhelm us with adversity. Yet our strength and our sovereignty can be forged in that crucible of adversity. It is where we learn the limits and possibilities of what we can do and the extent of the power we can exert.

  Leaving A Legacy

  A wise King doesn’t rule simply for the present moment. A generative King, a King whose concern is for the wealth, well-being and productivity of his kingdom, plans ahead. To rule not just for the benefit of the current generation but also with forethought for future generations is a very sovereign act.

  And in among that forward thinking and planning so characteristic of a Sovereign in his maturity and fullness comes another aspect of kingship or sovereignty: leaving a legacy.

  Perhaps for women this is different, since their legacy is often their children. Men, however, seem to embody a desire to leave something tangible behind them, something beyond their children, when they die. Indeed, this often looks like their memorial on the Earth. Some men even seem to think that without leaving such a legacy their lives will have been pointless.

  In its most grandiose form this desire to leave a legacy manifests as grand projects deliberately planned by a man as his own memorial. These may take the form of physical constructions of one kind or another, some of which scar the face of mother Earth. They may take the form of all-powerful business empires which for a time intrude on everybody’s life and make themselves felt in every corner of our existence.

  However, there are more useful legacies for men to leave behind: think of men like Martin Luther King, whose contribution to civil rights changed the course of history, or John F. Kennedy, who almost certainly prevented nuclear war between America and Russia in the 1960s.

  Think of Nelson Mandela who led his people to freedom. Think of Shakespeare, who left a body of literature which is central to our understanding of the English language today, hundreds of years later. Think of Beethoven and Mozart, who left us with timeless music which soothes our souls. Think of the outstanding artists and creators of today, who may in time be remembered for their legacy of creation.

  None of us need to aspire to such heights, though. For a man who dies sure in the knowledge that he fathered his children well and created a supportive family environment leaves an intangible legacy of huge importance.

  Two Sovereign questions naturally come up at this point.

  The first is simple: what will you be remembered for when you die?

  The second is more personal and complicated: when you’re on your deathbed, what will you remember as having made your life worthwhile? Will the things you achieved in your lifetime be truly significant for you?

  Embodying A Vision For The Kingdom

  I imagine we would all like to look back on our life from our deathbeds and be able to say that, yes, we lived a worthwhile life. Of course, this implies that throughout your life you had a vision of what your life, or more accurately the outcome of your life, should look like. Sadly, many men have no vision at all and run their lives from day to day, reacting to events in the moment rather than acting for the future.

  If you don’t have a vision for your life, perhaps something needs to change. If you’re too busy looking after day-to-day issues and constantly responding to the demands others make on you with no time to think where you’re going, then it’s time to take a step back and start thinking more strategically.

  I believe a vision for your life can emerge naturally from the greater maturity which comes from simply living your life. After all, life experience teaches us what we want and what is important to us. But how much better, how much more Sovereign, to spend time each year setting up and reviewing a vision for your Kingdom with goals for the short and the long term!

  How can you do this? By simply taking the time and using the support of people who know how to vision. Do some research on the internet, buy a book on the subject, or check out the resources section of this book.

  Inevitably, your vision of how your life will look will be shaped by what you believe about your life’s purpose.

  Life Purpose and Mission

  When I speak of life purpose, which some people call “soul purpose”, I’m talking about the reason you are right here, right now, on Planet Earth. Another way of looking at this is to see your life purpose as the way of spending your life which will give you a felt sense of living your “right life” and produce the greatest emotional and spiritual satisfaction.

  As Sovereign, you also need a mission – this is the way you express your life purpose on a day to day basis. And by “mission” we don’t mean something summed up in the kind of banal “mission statements” which so many companies have adopted in recent times.

  As an example, one man on a recent workshop said his life purpose was “to create a world of love and connection by working with a strong open heart”. His mission statement, the way in which he would fulfil his life purpose, was “I offer workshops in the countryside for children and adults in which I promote greater connection between men, women and children and the planet, and create greater awareness of how we are totally dependent on the well-being of Mother Earth for our survival.”

  You don’t need to struggle with these ideas or try to fit them into someone else’s format. Your vision for your life, your sense of purpose, and your mission are all entirely personal. The only thing which really matters is knowing what they are and how to achieve them.

  So how do you find out? A man’s early life (and sometimes his mid-life, too, perhaps up the age of fifty) is often a time of experimentation, of finding out what the deeper purpose behind his existence might be. Sure, there’s a presumption here, and not a small one, either: that there is indeed a higher purpose behind our existence, our very presence on the planet. You can take that idea or not as you choose. What’s certain is that not all men have a sense of their life purpose or their mission. But all true Kings do. To know these things about yourself is a very sovereign quality.

  And I believe there’s a link to a Higher Power at work here too. I believe it’s the connection between your Sovereign and your higher power, the force you recognize as greater than yourself, whi
ch provides the energy to propel your mission and sense of purpose in the world.

  When you have a sense of your mission and purpose you’re much more likely to embody sovereign energy. Apart from anything else, there’s a quality about you that people recognize. It’s a quality of presence and personal power which is implicit in the old saying “The world makes way for a man who knows where he is going.”

  What might your mission look like? Missions are very different from man to man and you can only know yours by seeking it out. When you do find it, you’ll experience a settling in your body, a sense of the absolute rightness of what you’re doing.

  A friend of mine tells me his mission statement is “I bring people together with compassion and love in a spirit of unification and joy so that we can establish close connection and heal our wounds together.” This is the mission by which he expresses his life purpose, which is “To create a family environment where everyone is welcome”.

  My own mission statement sounds like this: “I promote reconciliation between men, women and children, and between men and the planet, by facilitating healing circles in which people can bring their shadow into the light and so grow into emotional maturity.” I see my soul purpose as empowering people to rediscover the truth of who they were always meant to be.

  I don’t know how many men in the world know their life purpose, or have a mission statement which supports it, but I do know that every Sovereign I respect is pretty sure of both of these things. Behind this, for me, lies a deeper question: are good Sovereigns made or are they born?

  I think it’s probably a combination of both, but what I know for sure is that each and every one of us has the potential to demonstrate sovereign energy in all or part of our lives and to step into it more consistently and more frequently than we presently do. And it can be a lot easier than you think.

  Joy and Blessing

  All true sovereignty involves leadership, and leadership can bring great joy. This idea is most clearly expressed in the concept of servant leadership coined by Robert K. Greenleaf in 1970. He said that a “servant leader” would start with a natural feeling of wanting to serve, and then he would make a conscious choice to do just that.

  This is very different to most leadership in our society, which is driven by a desire for power or the acquisition of material goods or money. The essence of servant leadership is that the servant leader is primarily concerned with the well-being of other people.

  The servant leader will always be a just and fair King (or Queen) whose highest priority is to make sure that those whom he is serving become healthier, better off, wiser and more evolved human beings because of his actions and leadership. What a joyous process, to see the fruits of your actions manifest in this way!

  In short, a servant leader traditionally focuses on the growth and well-being of people and communities. His objective is personal growth and development for all. That is indeed true sovereignty at work, and joy is one of the rewards. (You can read more about this at Greenleaf.org)

  Another important quality of the Sovereign, a quality which is shared with the true Elder, is that of blessing. Like sovereignty itself, we don’t see much blessing in our society, but it’s vitally important, especially for boys and young men, who crave the blessing and wisdom of their Elders. Yes, all children, both boys and girls, need affirmation and blessing from the energies of the masculine and feminine alike. But there is something truly exciting about the way a boy comes alive when he is blessed by his father or another older man. I believe boys have a need to be gifted a sense of their own Sovereign by being blessed by older men.

  This raises, of course, the question of what blessing really means. Is it approval? Is it affirmation? Is it validation? I think it’s simply an acceptance of the boy’s right to exist just as he is without any conditions or expectations.

  A friend of mine told me how one of his two boys was into sport, just like Dad. Father and son connected through soccer, going to watch professional team games together, and Dad coming along to watch his son playing in junior soccer games.

  My friend’s younger son was altogether different: more sensitive, less physical, much more studious, with a preference for connecting with his friends by quietly playing games at home with them. His father found this boring.

  As time passed, the separation between them increased, until my friend took a step back and realized the damage he was doing to his younger son. He woke one morning, as he told me, with the clear sense that all he needed to do to put things right was to give his younger son his blessing. So, without forethought, he spontaneously stood in front of his son that afternoon, put his hand on the boy’s shoulder, looked into his eyes, and said “Son, you’re absolutely fine just the way you are.” The boy melted into tears, hugged his father, and their relationship was restored from that day forward.

  Which of us has not craved the blessing of our father?

  And knowing how important that blessing would have been for you as a boy, take a moment to think how important your blessing may be, right now, to the citizens of your kingdom.

  The blessing you offer your Queen may be a gesture of respect for her. Or some kind of honouring, perhaps simply time spent together.

  The blessing you offer your children may be your time and presence, sharing some activities you enjoy (as well as the ones they enjoy but you do not), a loving gesture, a few words of approval or praise, a glance of understanding, or a way of showing your appreciation. Maybe it is a simple as saying “Good job, son.” Only you can know what your blessing looks like.

  For your employees or business associates, there will be another blessing, different again. So it goes, for as Sovereign one of your responsibilities is to see who needs blessing and to bless them freely, without expecting anything in return.

  In emotional process work and shadow healing workshops, we do an exercise where the men gather into groups of three, one playing the King and the other two acting as his subjects.

  First the subjects invite the King to kneel before them so they can bless him, for a King can only rule with his subjects’ agreement. They bless him without words by using their touch and their gaze, and by opening their hearts and sending him their own energy of blessing. After a couple of minutes they invite the King to rise, and they in turn kneel before him so he can give them his own blessing as King.

  After everybody’s had a turn in each role the energy in the room is extraordinary! It’s shifted from separation and a lack of connection and trust, maybe even fear, to a palpable sense of connection, mutual appreciation, and shared equality and humanity. It’s a most amazing exercise, and every time I watch it I see the extraordinary power of blessing once again.

  Who will you bless in your life today?

  Wisdom

  The effort involved in holding your kingdom together when it’s under pressure from all sides can be considerable. And so can the effort of holding your own emotional wounds at the same time as attending to the needs of family, business or friends. But that is the nature of Kingship – it’s a 24/7 job, and you are never off duty.

  How are you to survive, let alone thrive, in the face of such demands? By ensuring you have support, that’s how.

  Kings who prosper always draw on the wisdom of their counselors. These are advisers who support the King in the execution of his sovereignty and who make up for any deficit in the King’s own experience or knowledge by finding and providing him with the advice and information he needs to rule wisely.

  So it is with you, as King of your realm. You have the skill, knowledge and wisdom of your own internal Magician archetype available to you.

  This is the part of you designed to provide answers to questions. In fact, it’s the part of you which has been providing answers to questions since the day you were born. Your Magician’s resources can lessen the burden for you as King and make it easier for you to rule with strength and certainty.

  On another front, just as a King has support from h
is Warriors in holding the kingdom together, so you have your Warrior archetype ready to get things done in the world, ready to act as needed to hold the boundaries of your kingdom intact.

  Your Warrior is the part of you responsible for going out into the world and getting things done, for finding ways to take action in the world which will support your mission and purpose as Sovereign.

  As you see, the wisdom of your King includes knowing that you are not alone as you rule your kingdom. Another part of your wisdom lies in knowing how to use the resources of your Magician and Warrior. Let us also note that a good King fears not to draw on the wisdom and softness of his Lover archetype when he needs succour and support.

  This might be as simple as enjoying the renewing touch of a massage or bodywork therapist, or it might be a deeper emotional process such as checking in with another circle of Sovereigns. But any King who tries to rule on his own, using nothing but his own power and wisdom, is ultimately destined to fail through lack of support.

  So, to be a good King, to be a Sovereign who commands respect and continues to rule for his appointed time, you need to ensure that you have many mechanisms of support in place and that you are communicating freely with your own Warrior, Magician and Lover.

  In our workshops we offer men the opportunity to step right into their Sovereign energy and experience the power they have inside themselves for real. When men do this, the way they see themselves starts to transform – and then they can begin to open up to the possibility of accepting a lot more leadership in their lives.

  When you accept more leadership, you may find that you also take massive strides forward in forming a vision, knowing your purpose and having a sense of mission in the world.

  And that can make your life feel worthwhile.